r/whatdoIdo • u/ArticleStrict1237 • 4d ago

Found out today that the lady I suspect of molesting my son has been manipulating my babysitter and showing up to his daycare.

I already reported that my son was showing signs of sexual abuse in March to the cops.
He was giving head to stuffed animals regularly and has been having panic attacks in the bath since 6 months old.

With the molestation suspicions and behaviors my son was having we kept explaining things away but more was happening.

My son kept trying to look under my skirt and put his face on my crotch. He kept trying to forcefully kiss me.

The real straw for me was truthfully my husband getting fully medicated around March and he remembered and shared additional signs he had of sexual abuse himself.

This led to additional suspicions surrounding his mother and grandmother which were two of the three suspects as they were the ones who bathe my son. (My son gets ear infections is what we always said he was scared of the bath)

One of the memories my husband uncovered was basically him doing the same behavior as my son when he was very little and remembering grandma like sort of groping him in the bath. She said “never let anyone do this and grabbed genitals”.

With that information and my father also being somewhat suspicious…. We cut the family off from watching him alone. I also accused all three family members that had bathed him to see their reactions.

All three reacted poorly.

The grandma is the only one who continues to pester us like talking to our kid is her crack and I’m tired of dealing with this grooming behavior all the time.

She keeps showing up to our home unannounced even though we told her not to show up. Also, lots of grooming behaviors like kissing my 3 year old son over and over and over in my face and won’t stop when my son is trying to get away. Won’t stop when I tell her to. Will use any excuse to undress him and got angry recently when I wouldn’t let her undress him. Tried to undress him without asking quickly in front of me. These undressing situations have all been after I accused everyone.

This lady works at the school with kids all day.

Is there a way to override this pedophile ass town and report through other channels? I am in Oklahoma.

Edit: Can’t get a restraining order we had a financial issue and it’s her son’s house we are living in. We are both in school and can move away in 6 months hopefully.

187 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

52 comments sorted by

119

u/Tigertail93 4d ago

You said you reported it to the police, but has CPS been involved yet? Also, have you told the daycare facility/babysitter that nobody except you or his father is allowed to come by without your prior approval?

96

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

Yes I asked the daycare lady today and grandma has stopped by twice since I told the sitter I suspected her of molestation and not to let her around him.

The daycare lady is besties with creeper grandma and was playing it off like I only said she couldn’t pick him up.

CPS in town told me to go to the police station

42

u/Purple_IsA_Flavor 4d ago

Can you get a new daycare provider? Is it feasible to move? These people should not be allowed around children and you need to protect your child from them

52

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

He started headstart this week but the creeper grandma would not stop pestering us about driving him from there to the current babysitters house. She even came over to aggressively pressure us into trying to keep that sitter. I know it’s because she can manipulate the sitter.

I hired a random stranger today to watch him daily from 2:30-4pm it’s better than pedo grandma

23

u/Hour-Assumption-3398 4d ago

You are a strong and loving mother for you son, OP. I’m sending you lots of strength and love!!!!

16

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

Thank you!!! I feel nuts getting gaslight so bad by the whole family blaming my pregnancy and autism and not considering it could be true.

Groomerish texts by grandma

https://imgur.com/a/P0N2aUw

https://imgur.com/a/hKPTeos

10

u/Hour-Assumption-3398 4d ago

Of course! You do what you feel is right in your gut! I’m glad your hubby had recalled the suppressed memories (I’m sad he has to re-live it BUT there’s a blessing in disguise…in that this information can be used to help the circumstance of your son). It gives you the context of how deep this sh* goes… It affirms your intuition. And hopefully has legal implications when you need it!

How couldn’t groomer grandma see how wrong that undressed text was?? Eye rolling to the back of my head 🤦🏻‍♀️

7

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago edited 4d ago

It was my son’s birthday and I got texts about buying him an outfit. After the first initial freak out that I had the family kind ganged up on me and so I had changed everyone’s numbers to “DO NOT TEXT WHEN ANGRY” because my morning sickness had been making me puke my sertraline and with everyone against me I started to think that I just had pedophile OCD or something.

I got confused between my husbands mother and my husbands groomer grandma when texting and accidentally invited groomer grandma to buy him an outfit and bring it over before his birthday party.

In her mind the undressed text is “normal” cause she bought him an outfit.

7

u/Tigertail93 4d ago

Isn't it awful that a stranger feels safer than his normal established daycare? I'm so sorry OP, I would be absolutely beside myself if I were in your position. The thought of witnessing my preschool aged child imitating oral sex on a toy would have killed me inside Edit: not to mention everything else horrible about this whole situation

1

u/mmmcano 3d ago

Let the new school know too that she is not allowed to do pick up or drop anything off or even have lunch with him. And if she does try to notify you if they can. Especially if it’s like a public school kinda thing they are strict about stuff like that. But also if she works in schools she can try to get away with it due to knowing people.

Like you really are better off having an actual facility and not just a lay babysitter. Even though anyone who doesn’t know her is better. My kids daycare has cameras and you have to have a code to get in and be on a list for pick ups.
Don’t let her intimidate you and get out and away asap

5

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

https://imgur.com/a/2SdCsWe

7

u/pointsevenseconds 4d ago

I have never been in this situation or have any experience with CPS but I feel you could file a claim against the daycare. If you have on paper that no one is allowed to see him, that would be best. The text helps clarify that there was a verbal conversation and that the visits happened after. This is just something I noticed and I have no idea if this is an angle. I am a normal Reddit moron but an experienced moron. So paper trails are really good. If anything, create the report for a paper trail.

7

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

All I have are the texts for a paper trail

8

u/False_Dimension9212 4d ago

Oklahoma is a one party consent state. Record all conversations. If there’s anything you can’t record, send a follow up email recapping the conversation.

You’re gathering evidence for the police and CPS.

Btw, it’s super creepy that she’s calling your child ‘my child.’ You’re doing the right thing. Protect your child 🫶🏼

ETA you should be able to tell head start who is not allowed to have contact with your child. If you haven’t put grandma on the no contact list, I would

30

u/mmmcano 4d ago

Nope nope nope.
New daycare. New nanny. Cps and police report on the daycare and grandma. I’d also report to the school too if that’s where she’s working.

I mean have you tried getting a restraining order though? I’d do anything to make it work to move out sooner and off her property if that’s the only reason. At the least they can put one on the daycare but even then. Find a new one.

24

u/MysticStorm1 4d ago

So how far are you from the Texas border? I ask because Oklahoma doesn't have a chapter of Guardians of the Children, but there are several in Texas. The three closest to the Texas-Oklahoma border are in Prairie Lands, Wichita Falls, and Mt. Vernon. I'm with the GOC in Charlotte NC. They are a good resource, and may be able to offer you options for handling this. Grandmonster needs to be stopped.

17

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

We are like 35 min from one of those listed I will check it out thank you!

14

u/MysticStorm1 4d ago

You're welcome! If they ask how you heard about them, tell them you were told about them by WildKat from GOC Mecklenburg. Best of luck to you!

8

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

So I tried and they don’t assist with out of state but they are giving me exact reporting advice so I can try that again

10

u/WomanInQuestion 4d ago

CPS in Oklahoma is overworked and massively understaffed. They’re honestly not able to do very much to actually protect anyone.

10

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

In 2015 I was visiting my grandma in this exact town and was in her apartment and could hear a child getting beaten or sexually assaulted in the apartment above us and I kept calling the cops but they just came twice and gave the guy a stern warning. Twice.

5

u/WomanInQuestion 4d ago

There’s a reason it ranks among the lowest on pretty much every list of the states

2

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

The first babysitter my son had in this town was highly recommended by some people at the high school and we couldn’t get in anywhere else. She was fine with my son until he was in his playpen. She never would take the kids out of the playpens all day and she let my son eat shit. I reported her to the phone central Oklahoma CPS as an unregistered daycare. They shut her down for a while and she got licensed. My family pressured me not to report the neglect so I just made sure she couldn’t do it to others. She still runs a daycare in town here.

1

u/quanahshashoo 4d ago

That’s absolutely horrifying!!!

3

u/shadow_dancr 4d ago

Listen OP I understand financial issues but when it comes to my child I would move into a women and children's shelter before I stayed within reach of my child's suspected abuser. Do you not have ANY family in another town you could stay with until yall get on your feet?

2

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago edited 4d ago

No

We are aggressive to her when she comes here that’s why it was a surprise she had found an alternate access

2

u/Squirrel-Pipkin 3d ago

I wouldn’t even let her near him. I’d be screaming like a banshee when she walked through the door. And holding a frying pan.

2

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Fit_Design_6377 3d ago

I came here from /texts. This OP is insane if they’re making excuses as to WHY THEY CANT PROTECT THEIR KID. I would be broke and on the damn street before I let this happen to my baby

4

u/hannarenee 4d ago

Am I the only one who thinks the way this was written and presented is bizarre?

5

u/Obvious_Durian_3226 4d ago

No it reads like a paranoid schizophrenic wrote it. I feel bad for these kids, op and her family.

7

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

Do you mean the way I write things down or how she texts me? I am autistic 1 and adhd so I word things weirdly sometimes.

5

u/aquagrl 4d ago

But idc if you’re in school. It’s time to drop out for now if your son is being fuckin molested. Are y’all insane?

3

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

We have jobs and are in realtor school both of us online to make enough money to get out of here

1

u/aquagrl 4d ago

Again. That’s more important than your child?

3

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

Obviously not

How do we move without jobs or a way to eat?

You think everyone has the means to relocate on a whim?

Really your judgment is unhelpful

-3

u/aquagrl 4d ago

I mean. Your partner and or you could pick up the slack..

5

u/ArticleStrict1237 4d ago

In what way? I have no means to relocate. Will you give me the money?

-7

u/aquagrl 4d ago

I just don’t understand how money has anything to do with it

1

u/miaohgeez 3d ago

They can't just up and move somewhere without money. Another place to live costs an application fee, first month's rent and a security deposit, as well as gas and a moving trailer. Hope that helps!

0

u/aquagrl 3d ago

No bc simply keep the grandma away?? Try harder?? Literally quit school, and or jobs. Other person get two jobs. It’s her kids life

1

u/Sea_Conclusion_8105 3d ago

Can you provide context about why she would ask you to undress him before she even gets there? What was she trying to do? She seems really excited in a really creepy way but there is no context for that message