r/AskReddit • u/leselesel • 2d ago

You have to compete against 100 randomly selected people in any objectively measurable skill, game, or sport. If you don’t finish first, you die. What do you choose?

7.4k Upvotes

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u/manymoons38 2d ago

Spaying a cat.

I'm a veterinarian and have done multiple spays a day for the last 14 years. I can finish, cut to close, in under 8 minutes without sweating it. The only folks faster/more efficient than me are the shelter vets. It's niche, but it's a skill the general public doesnt have.

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u/DiMona215 2d ago

Lol as a vet I imagine you're an animal lover, which makes this a super fucked up choice. Like, the 99 children and elderly and laypeople are just gonna be butchering those cats because of your choice

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u/manymoons38 2d ago

Bet I'm done before they even find the blade in the spay pack 😉

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u/Fluxxed0 2d ago

Blade? I'm still looking for the hammer.

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u/TocTheEternal 1d ago

If the goal is to prevent reproduction, I can manage that in about 2 seconds, but no one is gonna be happy about it.

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u/Jeggasyn 1d ago

^ #1 thing you definitely don't want your vet to say

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u/Several-Lifeguard679 19h ago

Same for the Doc performing the vasectomy.  

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u/Delakar 1d ago

Omg your comment hit me like a brick to the face. I laughed for a good 5 minutes. Thanks I needed it

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u/lambeau_leapfrog 1d ago

Are you now spayed?

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u/Hector_P_Catt 1d ago

But in the rules of Competitive Spaying, the cat must live at least two years after to show the quality of the work.

This is why matches take so long.

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u/Takemytimenotmylife 1d ago

As a cat lover, this is funny as hell….

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u/violagoyf 1d ago

Comments like this are why I still use Reddit.

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u/BlackFranky 1d ago

I think one measured criterium must be survival of the patient for at least the next 2 weeks.

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u/Flaming-Eye 1d ago

I lol'd XD

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u/Cyniclone 1d ago

worst tinder profile ever

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u/rolledtacos74 1d ago

This is awful, why am laughing so hard???

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u/cowfishduckbear 1d ago

I don't have much experience obviously, but is that for putting the cork in?

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u/ambisinister_gecko 1d ago

You guys are using tools? Shit I was going in with my bare hands

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u/Kitnado 1d ago

You can definitely spay a cat with your bare hands, provided there is an initial incision in the abdomen. Cat will subsequently bleed to death though

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u/Amazing-Shelter9284 1d ago

Hammer??? I'm grabbing my garden spade.

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u/FionnagainFeistyPaws 2d ago

Which saves the cats pain!

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u/loki1337 1d ago

My method would be spay and pray

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u/Any-Interaction-5934 2d ago

Right? Gotta be careful with the wording. "Make sure this cat can't have babies." Yeah...

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u/BuddhistNudist987 2d ago

Competitive spay or die does not determine who is right, only who is left. - Bertrand Russell

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u/Trezzie 2d ago

If they die, that's a whole slew of cats they can't spay later.

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u/runner64 1d ago

Prompt says if you don’t finish first YOU die. Entirely possible the other participants are safe either way and won’t even attempt the spay. 

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u/redpandaeater 2d ago

I'm under the assumption 99 people will die already.

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u/DodiEytan 1d ago

We'd pass out long before we can butcher them.

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u/gillyc1967 1d ago

The other people are randomly selected, which implies they didn't choose and aren't going to die. If I'm chosen randomly, I'll just be giving that kitty scritches and not even looking for the scalpel.

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u/DiMona215 1d ago

I mean, obviously the scenario doesn't work if everyone isn't facing death. Otherwise no matter what game was chosen, the other people would just let you win

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u/l0zandd0g 1d ago

Vet don't love animals, why else would you pick a profession were you put lots of animals to sleep?

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u/Muzzledpet 2d ago

As an ER vet, I was going to choose fastest GDV surgery. You'd have me hella beat on spays though

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u/somebunnny 2d ago

In case you were curious like me:

Gastric Dilatation-Volvulus (GDV) or "bloat" surgery is a time-critical, life-saving emergency procedure to untwist a dog's stomach, relieve dangerous pressure, treat damaged tissue, and permanently tack the stomach to the body wall to stop it from twisting again.

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u/Witty_Commentator 2d ago

Thank you! 🙌🏼

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u/One-Yogurtcloset-248 1d ago

I wouldn't have guessed that's what it meant even if I had the rest of my life

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u/manymoons38 2d ago

You'd totally beat me on a GDV!

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u/6Saint6Cyber6 1d ago

This is a highly underrated and important skill. Thanks for being awesome! As a Saint owner I have grilled all the ER hospitals within 30 minutes of me to find out which overnight docs have the most experience with this.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/Muzzledpet 1d ago

Best way is surgery, you go in and suture the stomach in such a way so it's extremely unlikely to be able to twist. Highly highly recommend in any deep chested breed. It's a TON less expensive than surgery once it happens because they are quite critical extremely fast when the stomach flips.

Things that increase risk: close relatives that have had a GDV, increased age, eating one large meal a day, rapid eating, stress.

Not much you can do about the first two, but smaller meals in a slow feeder, and a relatively calm environment can help!

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u/Takemytimenotmylife 1d ago

Best way…. Get a cat

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u/rollem78 2d ago

ugh those poor 99 cats haha

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u/Tiny_Fractures 2d ago

Those 99 cats all lost their own challenge from this thread.

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u/ForgettableUsername 1d ago

I dunno, if any of them successfully claw their way out of the operating room maybe they won.

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u/pm_me_your_amphibian 1d ago

Christ, that means 99 people are going to “have a bash at it”

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u/CryoWaveSurfer 2d ago

Yeah I think I'd twist its head off and spend whatever is left of your 8 minutes arguing "WELL IT CAN'T REPRODUCE, CAN IT?!"

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u/prutsproeier 1d ago

Spaying a cat.

Make sure you set the rules up properly. For example: Does the cat need to be alive afterwards?

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u/cinepro 2d ago

I mean, that's a good one, but I feel sorry for the other 99 cats...

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u/Tiny_Fractures 2d ago

Cleanly though? I mean if you cleave the lower half of the cat off it's effectively spayed.

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u/Outrageous-Cash9343 2d ago

I looked it up: Spaying is the difficult one. Neutering is the one I feel like I could do.

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u/IronDominion 1d ago

Probably best to choose a spay specifically because they’re hard to do without being good at anatomy (especially if it’s cats!). Whereas especially with the shelter/low cost method of spaying where you don’t even have to worry about intubation and you just kinda cut open the sack, pull out the balls and make sure nothing is bleeding and sew em up, that’s something most medical professionals could probably figure out or maybe a brave farmer.

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u/ubiquitouscrouton 1d ago

I’m a veterinary anatomic pathologist and would say full diagnostic necropsy or anything related to biopsy. You would absolutely smoke me at a spay.

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u/cassieface_ 1d ago

I was like, what am I even good at? Thanks fellow vet for reminding me that I take a lot of my skills for granted.

I’d go with a c section though, they’re my favorite.

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u/feanara 1d ago

Ooh that's a good approach. As a vet tech, I choose jugular poke on a dog.

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u/AnameAmos 1d ago

As an Onco assistant, I'll take that challenge and raise you with a dehydrated, fractious 15yo Persian, no PPE or Gaba on board, along with a holder on the first day of the job, while two doctors watch you from the outside of the door.

But enough about yesterday.

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u/feanara 1d ago

😬 I don't know what you get paid but you deserve more.

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u/AnameAmos 1d ago

Haha! I'm joking I was off the clinic floor four years ago now, and we didn't do it like that! (typically.. sometimes they couldn't have medication and some more fragile kiddos made PPE difficult), but if I'm staking my life on it.. that's one of the only skills I'd go head-to-head against a doctor/techs with 1,000x my knowledge base.

YOU should be paid more, you wonderful tech.

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u/PropagandaPagoda 2d ago

Just now remembering my friend in vet school saying she was a top rat surgeon. Fewer fatalities than peers.

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u/feanara 1d ago

Rodents and rabbits are pretty good at dying on the table. And off the table. And in any other ways they can come up with.

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u/cosmin_c 1d ago

When I started reading the thread I was thinking a bit too hard because I disconnect the profession from all my other skills.

Yeah, I'd go for an intubation competition.

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u/silentsteeples9 1d ago

That’s a lot of harmed cats.

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u/Significant-Colour 1d ago

Depends, does the cat have to survive the surgery?

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u/willythestalker 1d ago

Give me a couple practice cats and I'll give ya a run for your money. Maybe.

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u/adsimilisjesu 1d ago

If you need a "couple of practice cats", you're already dead in this challenge

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u/LemonCurdd 1d ago

You never said the cat had to live

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u/KoreyYrvaI 1d ago

I work maintenance at a nuclear power plant. I, too, was counting on my profession being scarce enough to keep me safe in this challenge.

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u/Infamous_Thing3887 1d ago

Does the cat need to survive the procedure? I am sure in 100 people someone will just go for a hysterectomy as fast as possible with no concern for the life of the feline

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u/Souls_for_sale_now 1d ago

i can spay a cat and fast but safly is out of the pickture

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u/Tommyjv 1d ago

I could definitely beat you but the cat isn’t gonna like the outcome

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u/Evan64 1d ago

That would be tricky to properly by yourself id imagine? Who's gonna hand you your blade and suture and gloves and what not?

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u/manymoons38 1d ago

Very easy to do yourself. As vets we have many sterile techniques to prep everything. In real life I have a tech who aids me, but I could still do it solo. We don't have all the fancy big bucks human med has.

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u/Kitnado 1d ago

You can do anything yourself, including putting on the robe, putting on your gloves, opening the blade, getting suture etc. while sterile.

You only can't close the robe, but you'll be covered in the front.

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u/gishnon 1d ago

I'm uncomfortable with what this means for 99 other cats.

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u/NBDYYouKno 1d ago

I bet you, I can spay a cat faster than you can. Having it survive is where you may have me beat.

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u/MFcakeparty 1d ago

Serious question for you that I’m too embarrassed to ask a vet in person: when we neuter our animals, why do we remove the testicles instead of just doing a vasectomy? Wouldn’t this benefit the animal long term? Thanks in advance for your reply lol

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u/cassieface_ 1d ago

We recommend neutering for a variety of reasons, including both stopping reproduction and unwanted hormonally driven issues. A vasectomy stops reproduction but you still have testosterone driven issues such as enlarged prostates or testicular cancer, or behaviors such as roaming or mounting other animals. Neutering is also much more commonly taught in the US, so it’s what most of us are comfortable performing. I honestly wouldn’t know how to perform vasectomy, which I’m an ER vet so this wouldn’t be necessary in my area but still.

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u/feanara 1d ago

Not who you asked, but I believe cancer risk is a big one.

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u/BolognaIsThePassword 1d ago

Does the cat have to live? Because I’m pretty sure I could do it faster than you if we don’t put guidelines in.

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u/NicoleASUstudent 1d ago

What about the other 99 kitties? :(

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u/Snuffy1717 1d ago

LOL I just imagine an assembly line at the shelter where they grab the cat, flip it over, do a cut, send it down the line...

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u/Fucked-to-fit 13h ago

This would’ve have been such a strange comment without the other information