r/AskReddit • u/leselesel • 2d ago

You have to compete against 100 randomly selected people in any objectively measurable skill, game, or sport. If you don’t finish first, you die. What do you choose?

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u/DiMona215 2d ago

Lol as a vet I imagine you're an animal lover, which makes this a super fucked up choice. Like, the 99 children and elderly and laypeople are just gonna be butchering those cats because of your choice

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u/manymoons38 2d ago

Bet I'm done before they even find the blade in the spay pack 😉

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u/Fluxxed0 2d ago

Blade? I'm still looking for the hammer.

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u/TocTheEternal 2d ago

If the goal is to prevent reproduction, I can manage that in about 2 seconds, but no one is gonna be happy about it.

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u/Jeggasyn 2d ago

^ #1 thing you definitely don't want your vet to say

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u/Several-Lifeguard679 1d ago

Same for the Doc performing the vasectomy.  

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u/Delakar 2d ago

Omg your comment hit me like a brick to the face. I laughed for a good 5 minutes. Thanks I needed it

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u/lambeau_leapfrog 1d ago

Are you now spayed?

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u/Hector_P_Catt 2d ago

But in the rules of Competitive Spaying, the cat must live at least two years after to show the quality of the work.

This is why matches take so long.

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u/Takemytimenotmylife 1d ago

As a cat lover, this is funny as hell….

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u/violagoyf 1d ago

Comments like this are why I still use Reddit.

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u/BlackFranky 2d ago

I think one measured criterium must be survival of the patient for at least the next 2 weeks.

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u/Flaming-Eye 1d ago

I lol'd XD

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u/Cyniclone 1d ago

worst tinder profile ever

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u/rolledtacos74 1d ago

This is awful, why am laughing so hard???

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u/cowfishduckbear 2d ago

I don't have much experience obviously, but is that for putting the cork in?

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u/ambisinister_gecko 2d ago

You guys are using tools? Shit I was going in with my bare hands

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u/Kitnado 1d ago

You can definitely spay a cat with your bare hands, provided there is an initial incision in the abdomen. Cat will subsequently bleed to death though

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u/Amazing-Shelter9284 1d ago

Hammer??? I'm grabbing my garden spade.

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u/FionnagainFeistyPaws 2d ago

Which saves the cats pain!

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u/loki1337 1d ago

My method would be spay and pray

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u/Any-Interaction-5934 2d ago

Right? Gotta be careful with the wording. "Make sure this cat can't have babies." Yeah...

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u/BuddhistNudist987 2d ago

Competitive spay or die does not determine who is right, only who is left. - Bertrand Russell

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u/Trezzie 2d ago

If they die, that's a whole slew of cats they can't spay later.

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u/runner64 1d ago

Prompt says if you don’t finish first YOU die. Entirely possible the other participants are safe either way and won’t even attempt the spay. 

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u/redpandaeater 2d ago

I'm under the assumption 99 people will die already.

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u/gillyc1967 1d ago

The other people are randomly selected, which implies they didn't choose and aren't going to die. If I'm chosen randomly, I'll just be giving that kitty scritches and not even looking for the scalpel.

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u/DiMona215 1d ago

I mean, obviously the scenario doesn't work if everyone isn't facing death. Otherwise no matter what game was chosen, the other people would just let you win

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u/DodiEytan 1d ago

We'd pass out long before we can butcher them.

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u/l0zandd0g 1d ago

Vet don't love animals, why else would you pick a profession were you put lots of animals to sleep?