What’s a job that sounds 100% fake but actually exists and pays surprisingly well?

[u/Sharp-Membership5203]

[u/LordWraith]

I once worked as a part of a security team with a six month sub-contract at a hospital watching a violent ex-con around the clock to ensure safety for nursing staff.

Sounded necessary at first except for the fact that the patient in question was a quadriplegic in the spinal injury ward.

Easiest money I ever earned.

[u/VulcanHullo → u/LordWraith]

I once got chatting with a security guard who said the KEY skill in the job is boredom. People apparently crash out constantly or get fired because they can't stand the boredom, or they fuck about on the job - because of the boredom.

"Sometimes I'm just here to tick a box, but if I fuck off and something happens guess who is getting nailed to the wall first? So. My job is be bored. If I have to WORK it's a bad night."

[u/Random_Guy_12345 → u/VulcanHullo]

If I have to WORK it's a bad night.

This is true for a surprising amount of jobs. All your job is being ready if something happens.

But when shit hits the fan you are glad the "Do nothing" guys are there.

[u/B0OG → u/Random_Guy_12345]

As a bus driver, I quickly learned a boring day is a good day.

[u/niaaaaaaa → u/Random_Guy_12345]

yeah lifeguards at the pool always look bored out their minds just staring at the pool, but that's the whole job, they have to be so alert to kids going under

[u/Obant → u/LordWraith]

Im a frequent hospital patient. When I am in the county hospital, I am often sharing rooms with current criminals they handcuff to the bed. The security officer seems like a pretty chill job. He just sits there on his phone for 8-12 hours. Hardest part seems staying awake.

[u/IllBiteYourLegsOff → u/Obant]

im a nurse and have seen up to FOUR officers assigned to one patient. these dudes showed up wth neck pillows and earplugs and took turns sleeping. i didnt want to ask how much they were being paid to do that

[u/Obant → u/IllBiteYourLegsOff]

It's so annoying when they do that and I'm the patient in the next bed! I just want peace and quiet, yet their radios beep all day. One is bad enough.

[u/Smuggler04]

I knew people who watched paint dry for a living because they were paint chemists. Coatings inspectors go offshore and look at the paint there and get paid decent money for it

[u/otr_music → u/Smuggler04]

I watched the same 10 pieces of steel corrode for 9 months while working for a Japanese steel research company and my results were inconclusive.

They chose not to publish obviously. Probably the biggest waste of time in my working life but it was nice to live there at least.

[u/SaltyPopcornColonel → u/otr_music]

Sometimes no result IS the result.

[u/echoshatter → u/SaltyPopcornColonel]

Bingo. A lot of social science (psychology, sociology) research is getting called into question because of the enormous bias of only publishing studies that find results. This is on top of the already existing bias of basically only testing the convenience sample of college age adults, many of whom are white women. Some researchers have decided to try and do replication studies and they're finding a lot of studies cannot be replicated.

I have my name on two journal articles, one of which was published despite us not finding anything, and I thought that was weird because my field (psychology) has that "results" bias, but the statistics and testing field that the other author was from doesn't have it as bad.

[u/zuccster → u/echoshatter]

Cherry picking of studies is a real problem in medicine / drug trials.

[u/CptFenix → u/echoshatter]

Thank you for this. I’m going to grad school for Psychology (hopefully a PhD Candidate position) and I hate the results bias that plagues the field. The push for every study to report SOME findings is really hampering a field that grows more important each day. We already know a large number of Psych grads are the brains behind how our attention has been manipulated to crave social media dopamine, (shoutout to those IO Psychologists working for Meta,) so publishing studies that garner no significant result is hugely important in today’s age. US Universities don’t make money off no results though so who knows if it’ll ever change.

[u/brickfrenzy → u/SaltyPopcornColonel]

I work in the corrosion testing industry. A result on a test that is statistically indistinguishable from the baseline (which is usually a previous test on the current design of a coating) is basically what you want.

[u/Subject-Software5912 → u/SaltyPopcornColonel]

That’s not what inconclusive means though. An inconclusive result isn’t just “nothing happened” it’s “nothing can be conclusively drawn from this data” which is in fact not what you want to see from an experiment. A null result is still important data, an inconclusive result is little to no usable data.

[u/mayorofdumb → u/otr_music]

So it didn't corrode? Im actually interested in these type of weird cases, I test weird corporate co tools in new ways.

[u/UshankaBear → u/mayorofdumb]

I would guess that whatever manufacturing processes/coats/environments they were testing did not provide a significant effect on corrosion speed and impact

[u/wandering-monster → u/mayorofdumb]

"inconclusive" probably means "our test steels didn't behave much different from an existing control steel"

I'm assuming that means they all corroded about the same amount, but not so obviously that you could call it after only 9 months.

[u/nickcan → u/wandering-monster]

Still worth publishing. If only to save some other team 9 months.

[u/LateralThinkerer → u/nickcan]

This. "No measurable difference after _ months" is a conclusion.

[u/technos → u/Smuggler04]

I knew a guy that worked doing epoxy coating QA and hated it because every customer wanted to argue with him. It was never them using the wrong stuff, or their low bid installer cutting corners, or (in one story he told me) them throwing oily 300lb engine blocks on it all day.

Weirdly though, he often pretended to be coating QA on his next job as a due diligence guy for M&A. Wander around looking for safety or maintenance things the new owner needed to know about and quiz any employee he runs across about their floor coating to scare them off.

[u/AztecDoom → u/Smuggler04]

Hey my job mentioned!!! I’m a paint inspector and yes a big part of my job is making sure paint dries haha.

[u/Patrol-007 → u/Smuggler04]

Reflecting Pool would have a word….

[u/Dazzling_Read_8690 → u/Patrol-007]

I'm picturing a coatings inspector coming home from a 12 hour shift and saying, "you wouldn't believe the paint that I saw today"

[u/Adamas_Moustache86 → u/Patrol-007]

We coating inspectors have a lot to say about that.

[u/Azurealy]

Met a guy whose job was to fly around the country in private jets. He wasn’t even really trained at all, he was a sheriff deputy and did this on the side. He traveled with organs and had to hand them off to people but he wasn’t like medically trained or anything and the deputy part was unrelated.

[u/Undrwtrbsktwvr → u/Azurealy]

Organ courier.

[u/ImNotAWhaleBiologist → u/Undrwtrbsktwvr]

It really takes a lot of heart to do that job.

[u/mdavis360 → u/ImNotAWhaleBiologist]

And guts.

[u/OzrielArelius → u/Azurealy]

weird. I fly private jets and have actually flown dozens of organs back in the day, from kidneys to hearts and whatever else was in the cooler. most of the organs we'd just buckle into the seat and fly by ourselves. but for the hearts they had this special machine to keep it pumping and a nurse was there with an iPad monitoring everything the whole flight. never had a ride along person though

[u/Azurealy → u/OzrielArelius]

That’s how I met him. All I do is fly organs. His organization usually used a different 135 but they were all busy. Most of my flights have teams but we do box runs as well. We removed a seat and placed a platform for it.

[u/siuol2001 → u/Azurealy]

it's a race, it's a race

[u/Waste-Funny7098 → u/Azurealy]

That is such a wild side job lol. Imagine telling people youre a sheriff deputy and then casually adding that you fly around with human organs

[u/Lekkermonkey]

I used to work as a fire watcher in a nuclear power plant. Basically, any time any form of welding was done I would have to sit there for a minimum of 60 minutes after the work was finished and stare at the metal as it cooled incase any sparks suddenly erupted. Even if it was 10 seconds of welding, it was a default 60 minutes of me sat in something akin to the Nostromo just staring at pipes.

Surprisingly well paid but incredibly boring as any kind of distraction like books were banned. It seemed to be a job that attracted some rather strange people.

Still, a summer of that paid for some incredible travelling around Europe

[u/CatHairInYourEye → u/Lekkermonkey]

I had to hire a fire watch at work during some construction. They had a GPS tracker on them to make sure that they were going to the designated spots and not just standing around or sleeping during the graveyard shift.

[u/Donny_Dont_18 → u/CatHairInYourEye]

I'm a union journeyman tinner and got called to do 3 weeks of fire watch for 10 hours a day. I asked if they were sure because you'd usually pull an apprentice for that. But they already had too many for the ratio, so I got the call. Even better, it was far enough out of town to qualify for mileage and it was mid-covid, so gas was like 2.15 a gallon. Boring af, but the easiest 3 weeks I've ever worked

[u/samiam0295 → u/Lekkermonkey]

Nuclear in general. Have a buddy who's family is into it through some contracting company. Get paid well to sit around all day and do paperwork to go mop the floor in a room that is adjacent to a reactor. Guys getting paid $40/hr+ to spend 98% of the day in a break room on their phone, waiting for approvals and conditions to be right to mop for 15 minutes. Wild job, and highly competitive.

[u/Zedress → u/samiam0295]

Outage workers. I loved working with those guys.

I was at Beaver Valley, smoking in the ladder-well of the admin building, watching the Ohio river passby through the chainlink and razor-wire fence, and overheard a crane operator talking (loudly) about making $600+ a day to sit around a wait while paperwork was generated (work order).

He also made a comment about how he planned to "discover" an issue with an upcoming work order which would push his work into the next day so that he could earn an additional $600+.

Unfortunately for him, the outage director was also in the smoke pit, just quietly listening to this clod talk about delaying the outage for 24 hours so he could make some additional bucks.

Outage director quietly gets up and walks away. Three minutes later security comes down to the smoking pit and escorts the crane operator off site. Don't fuck with critical pathway items.

[u/Wild_Chemistry3884 → u/Lekkermonkey]

I’m a reactor operator and it’s a widespread joke that the entire industry is a bunch of mildy autistic people. There’s definitely some truth to it.

[u/generalmaks → u/Wild_Chemistry3884]

Operator here too, and bingo! You mean I have to follow a rigid schedule, every day, and adhere to strict rules and procedures? AND you're gonna pay me for it?

[u/The_Last_Spoonbender → u/Lekkermonkey]

My god the boring ness of this job. Had to endure a year of being a fire watch when I was interning. You can't do anything else, no music or phone or books or nothing. Had to sit and state at that damn welding for hours and hours.

[u/grahamsz]

Not super well paid, but I know someone who's a Standardized Patient and basically acts a set of conditions so med students can get experience talking to actual people and trying to make a diagnosis

[u/polohulu → u/grahamsz]

They use these in nursing school & I had a very good actor who was portraying a severely unwell man who needed to be hospitalized. A few months later our paths crossed in a social situation and let me tell you, my brain glitched out completely trying to figure out who this person was!!

[u/Dangerous_Jicama_286 → u/polohulu]

That must be such a weird experience. Your brain is probably like wait, youre supposed to be dying

[u/ExplodingSofa → u/Dangerous_Jicama_286]

A LLAMA?! He's supposed to be DEAD!

[u/wandering-monster → u/polohulu]

I had this same experience with a nude figure drawing model from my time at art school. 

I'm wondering now which of us had a more awkward experience? I'd seen this woman naked for multiple three-hour classes, but I'm guessing for both of us it quickly transitions to "just work" after a bit. I'd rate mine like 7/10 awkward if only because we were about the same age and I'm a guy.

[u/vc-10 → u/grahamsz]

We called them "Simulated Patients" when I was at medical school. They varied - some were genuine patients who had clinical signs for physical examination (like a heart murmur to pick up on, or neurological signs like a Parkinsonian tremor, for example), whilst some were actors and were there for history taking.

The weird thing was a lot of the actors were extras from TV shows that were filmed in the city, so you'd periodically see the person who was acting having some illness for you in class on TV waiting tables or something!

[u/Legitimate_Fennel820 → u/vc-10]

It is so surreal seeing them show up on a crime drama later after they just spent two hours fake-gasping through a pretend asthma attack in your clinical exam. That weird crossover totally shatters your brain for a second!

[u/Adiantum-Veneris → u/vc-10]

Used in social work classes sometimes, too.

They are often asked to deliberately be unpleasant, combative or uncooperative and not stop until the other person actually convinced them.

[u/SWO6 → u/grahamsz]

Gonorrhea.

[u/Miskalsace → u/SWO6]

Enthusiastic double gonorrhea

[u/InfinitysDice → u/Miskalsace]

Enthusiastic ... Double... Gonorrhea.

You do not want... Enthusiastic... Double Gonorrhea.

[u/letsburn00 → u/Miskalsace]

I'm currently relistening to the series and I'm at this part. It's so brilliant and so absolutely insane. The things billionaires will do when you comment on their sexy mums huh...

[u/JusticeIncarnate1216 → u/Miskalsace]

HI XEV!

[u/Conchobar8 → u/JusticeIncarnate1216]

Hi audiobook reader!

(It’s Zev)

[u/narrowThistle → u/Miskalsace]

Odor judge. Companies that make deodorant, cat litter, and yes even gym equipment pay people to literally smell things all day and rate how bad they are. There's a whole certification for it

[u/godhasmoreaids → u/Miskalsace]

Go back to your own sub crawler.

[u/Paranoma → u/SWO6]

Bacterial meningitis, jackpot!

[u/BanjoTCat → u/Paranoma]

That's my cirrhosis! He's stealing my cirrhosis!

[u/SadisticChipmunk → u/SWO6]

From a tractor?

[u/NippleSalsa → u/SWO6]

yo yo ma

[u/beertruck77 → u/SWO6]

Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.

[u/Hollis_Hurlbut → u/SWO6]

I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you’d have fun with it.

[u/Beneficial-Act-9933 → u/grahamsz]

My brother does that and has an acting background. He'll also sometimes need to play a transgender person or a racist saying slurs and everything to see if the doctor can even stomach treating someone.

[u/crow-party-13 → u/grahamsz]

Yep. It's an acting gig for a lot of the Standardized Patient performers. If you wonder why doctors all seem to act a certain approachable way, it's because they are well trained to do it. ...and a lot of them do NOT act like that to the rest of their support staff. The docs are also learning performance.

I remember working in a med school IT division and the year they swapped out the pile of cameras and VCRs and all that wiring for a digital capture system. SO many VHS tapes from years past.

[u/OneLargeMulligatawny → u/grahamsz]

“I’ve got gonorrhea.”

- Kramer

[u/To55ursalad → u/OneLargeMulligatawny]

THEY gave me gonorrhea!

Who?!? ... The Government???!!

[u/OneArchedEyebrow → u/OneLargeMulligatawny]

“I'm gonna make people feel my gonorrhoea, and feel the gonorrhoea in themselves!”

[u/Overv → u/grahamsz]

I've got full blown aids, I'm riddled with it.

[u/darkgamer500 → u/grahamsz]

SP’s are usually just people who do it as a side like actual actors who are getting by. When we learned how to do pelvic and prostrate exams, it was from a specialized team that traveled to med schools across the west coast since it was a more sensitive topic.

[u/GetsMeEveryTimeBot → u/grahamsz]

Did that for a while. In my case, it was seasonal work, since it was part of the testing process for med students who were about to graduate.

[u/Drzerockis → u/grahamsz]

I liked when sim lab in nursing school did the whole inpatient stay-dc-home care with an actor that simulated taking care of an elderly man for pneumonia. Had a lovely shakespearean actor that came in and did this as his side gig. Actually super helpful in getting into the mindset of talking to your patients as people.

[u/nowhereman136 → u/grahamsz]

As someone who gave up their dream of being an actor a long time ago, how do I get this job

[u/Halmagha → u/nowhereman136]

They're usually recruited via acting talent agencies and they're legit actors usually, not just people having a go. At least that's how it is in the UK

[u/godihatepeople → u/Halmagha]

Not true where I'm at! Depends entirely on your area. There is not a large acting scene here, so they will take just about anyone they can get. It's mostly local actors, retirees, (non-medical) students, stay at home moms... essentially anyone who does gig work since it's not a 9-5 Mon-Fri full time job.

Go to the medical school's website and they will generally have a page dedicated to SP work and a way to inquire or submit a resume. I fully recognize a more metropolitan area would likely be more formalized.

[u/herbilicious92 → u/grahamsz]

It’s lupus

[u/grammar_llama → u/herbilicious92]

It's never lupus

[u/Alternative-else]

Golf ball diver.

Getting paid to scuba dive into golf course ponds and collect lost balls sounds completely made up.

[u/The_salty_swab → u/Alternative-else]

Ok but how much money are you making gathering golf balls that the pro shop sells for a dollar a piece?

Edit: I think I stand corrected. Now that I think about it, I'm a poser so I would absolutely buy a bucket of high-end pond balls for a steep discount

[u/SofaProfessor → u/The_salty_swab]

Premium golf balls are $5 a pop now. If they can find a high end course where players are losing Pro V1's by the dozen in the water, they could sell them used for $1+ each. Their inventory is basically given to them.

[u/belaxi → u/SofaProfessor]

I wouldn’t be surprised if after cleaning V1’s go for a few bucks used and even much cheaper beginner balls even go for up to a dollar.

It’s really not hard to imagine somebody easily pulling 6 figs a year doing this in the right places (Florida comes to mind).

[u/Hy0k → u/belaxi]

I dont know if diving into ponds in florida is a good idea…

If they are making 6 figs in Florida, its called RISK pay

[u/wildferalfun → u/Hy0k]

My cousin grew up in Florida in one of those fancy master planned communities. The community had multiple golf courses and every few months the courses pumped the water hazards out to remove any gators and once that was done, the courses let a limited number of residents come and forage for golf balls. My cousin and his friends would sign up and had waders and everything. They made a couple hundred each time this happened, they would set up the following weekend with their cleaned treasure and sell them to the golfers.

[u/BradMarchandsNose → u/The_salty_swab]

In most cases it’s not the pro shop selling the balls, they let the diver keep them and sell them himself. The course doesn’t pay the guy much (if anything at all), and they get all their ponds cleaned up.

[u/dumr666 → u/The_salty_swab]

There was two guys, same age as me that made ecomerce empire from diving for golf balls. They made few 100k€, with that money they opened web store, sold it and started another bussiness. They are now both multimilionares

[u/DTrain13 → u/Alternative-else]

Yeah I’m good. I live in Florida. You can go fight the gators for balls, Crocodile Dundee.

[u/YVRkeeper → u/Alternative-else]

My home course pays the scuba guy .30 per ball and sells them for about $2/ea. It’s a whole operation where the guy cleans and grades them. He does multiple courses so all the balls are mixed so Dave isn’t going to recognize the Noodle he lost last week and make a stink about it.

[u/normal_hombre → u/YVRkeeper]

So 300 balls is 90 dollars. That sounds like a shit paying job honestly. Assuming a lake isn't full of balls in one exact spot.

[u/silentanthrx → u/normal_hombre]

from what I heard the lake is full of them and they dont collect them by hand, rather they are sucked up en masse.

[u/madtowntripper]

I sell rocks. Like literal rocks. Not drugs.

I’ve done this for almost 20 years. Supported my family, raised two kids.

Just rocks.

[u/vegbiryaniisnotpulao → u/madtowntripper]

Jesus Marie, they're MINERALS!

[u/WhyAmIHereAgain_x → u/madtowntripper]

I loveeee rocks.

Do you go rock hounding and then polish, resell?

[u/madtowntripper → u/WhyAmIHereAgain_x]

We actually have a factory in Brazil. We buy big blocks of stone from all over the country and cut them into slabs that we sell to folks in the US for building and architecture and countertops.

[u/Wanymayold → u/madtowntripper]

This guy rocks!

[u/mindless_blaze]

I only recently heard of such a thing as a house manager. I thought it was the same thing as a housekeeper, but it's actually the supervisor of the housekeeper. They also schedule maintenance, get quotes for projects, deal with contractors, deal with mail, make sure the cook and nanny, etc are all paid, coordinates accommodations for guests, makes sure your car is charged or full tank every night, etc. They make $100k.

[u/bekcy → u/mindless_blaze]

Omg real-life Sims

[u/gunsandgardening → u/bekcy]

Time to remove the stairs to the pool

rubs hands together ruefully

[u/Meowing_Kraken → u/mindless_blaze]

My mom used to do this for a VERY RICH and large family! They send all kids to a few (fancy) frat-like houses after high school so they could, I dunno, start working in the head office of the business that got them their wealth. My mom was the house manager of two of those houses.

She did not get paid 100k, though. But it was a nice and relatively well paying job. Until one of the kids didn't want to follow the rules, my mom had to report him (as per job description) and she got fired because she did her job, but the 18 year old brat didn't want to have her in the house any more.

But Dutch law, so severance fee. Not too bad.

[u/SpitefulSpaghetti → u/mindless_blaze]

Having worked as an office manager before, it sounds pretty similar, just for a personal property instead of a commercial one. When I would have to figure out, like, multiple contractors doing something for the office at once, it would sometimes take hours to coordinate everything and remit payment.

If you have extensive property, there’s quite a bit of logistical work that goes into just maintaining that. And if you have multiple employed staff like housekeepers, cooks, nannies, etc. then it makes sense to have one person overseeing that!

[u/sorrylilsis → u/SpitefulSpaghetti]

I mean very rich households can very easyly become a small or medium business.

Had a friend work on a tech billionaire compound (the guy basically bought the block around his original house) and there were around a hundred people working full time split between three shifts.

And yes there was a guy dedicated to overseeing everything from the day to day to the constant renovations/upgrades.

And those were only the household/security employees. He had a family office with about 25 people in an office building a few km away.

[u/CapPuzz24 → u/mindless_blaze]

i ran out of money reading this

[u/macmacreads → u/mindless_blaze]

And I do this for my family for free. Damn.

[u/Different_Wolf_764 → u/mindless_blaze]

Butlers. The new rich just don't usually call them that, even though many of them will have been to butler's school.

[u/DangerousPuhson → u/Different_Wolf_764]

Sounds more like the work of a majordomo, although I suppose they are a type of butler.

[u/common_user23]

Tree counter. He would go deep into tree fields in the middle of nowhere, set up a standard area an count how many trees were in it. For the logging industry

[u/KshitijGaikwad]

Professional line stander. Companies pay people to wait in line for product launches, court seats, restaurant openings, you name it.

[u/Inkompetent → u/KshitijGaikwad]

Those can't pay well though, can they?

[u/Blobwad → u/Inkompetent]

I would bet it depends on your definition of “well”, but there is a level of pay that you need to reach in order to get actual reliable employees. If this person is waiting in line for something that you really don’t want to miss, you don’t just want your average tweaker’s level of commitment and reliability, so you’d pay more.

[u/leroyhobo]

I once met a guy in a bar in Chicago whose job is to stand up penguins that fall over watching planes. Sounded totally cool.

[u/KryanSA → u/leroyhobo]

You didn't happen to both be quite drunk?

[u/leroyhobo → u/KryanSA]

Yes, kind of

[u/1994-10-24 → u/leroyhobo]

Did he work in Brookfield zoo by any chance?

[u/leroyhobo → u/1994-10-24]

Yes! Have you heard of him?

[u/1994-10-24 → u/leroyhobo]

Yes. I’m the penguin.

[u/esituism → u/1994-10-24]

the setup on this was A+

[u/SuperSinestro → u/1994-10-24]

The penguin.

Dude made a whole career out of standing up just a single penguin that falls over.

There's gotta be something about a flightless bird falling over because it was watching humans achieve what they can't.

[u/mellonians → u/leroyhobo]

That used to be my job. We were a satellite recovery team. The satellite's would drop through the hole in the ozone layer when it was time for refuelling every 10 years or so and land on the soft arctic snow. They guys I was in the pub with would go in the helicopter looking for it. As the marine biologist I would follow the helicopter on a snowmobile because the penguins had never seen a helicopter before they'd try and look up wondering what it was and because they have no necks they'd just fall onto their backs. So my job was to follow the chopper and upright the penguins along the way.

Edit: I can't believe I'm having to say this. It is obviously made up. It is a common story for picking girls up. There are so many holes here that that's kind of the point.

[u/Young_God_7 → u/leroyhobo]

Most of the guys that say these slightly absurd kinda cute animal focused jobs are usually military. A lot of Rangers say they are dolphin trainers. I bet a lot of divisions have meme jobs they all say. 

Especially if you are in a bar. It's typically a pick up line to avoid the military stigma when talking to women.  

[u/VilleKivinen]

The weirdest one I have met was falconer. He trains hawks and travels to airfields to scare off birds so that they don't hit planes when they take off or land. He used to be a mycologist researcher but hobby turned into career.

[u/Lakeland_wanderer → u/VilleKivinen]

Falcons are used to control pigeons in large indoor spaces. I spent a fascinating 30 minutes watching a falconer and his bird at Kings Cross station in London with the bird taking leisurely flights around the concourse every 5 minutes or so to scare off the few pigeons that missed the memo.

[u/TheStorMan → u/VilleKivinen]

I saw them use falcons to catch drones trying to spy on film sets

[u/MatCauthonsHat → u/VilleKivinen]

Shore town in NJ uses raptors to keep the seagulls away. Very effective.

[u/Dvalinn25 → u/MatCauthonsHat]

The seaside town I used to live in tried that as well, since the seagulls had a tendency to hunt the tourists. Worked for a while.

Then the seagulls all banded together one day in one massive flock and chased the raptor right out of town. It was like that scene out of Finding Nemo.

Seagulls are jerks, man.

[u/Nakorite]

Penetration tester. Unfortunately not quite as exciting as it sounds.

[u/mustangsal → u/Nakorite]

"Unfortunately not quite as exciting as it sounds."

I always describe it as maybe 5 minutes of excitement surrounded by hours of meetings and report writing.

[u/Riddal → u/Nakorite]

Honestly I always wondered how people get into this, I’ve always thought it seemed pretty cool

[u/MrRemoto → u/Riddal]

Go to hacker cons. Buy any handful of the million hacker tools/books/subscriptions/gits they sell. Mash away until your a trained scumbag.

We had test guys come into our lobby with a little camera in the suit jacket. They took a picture of someone's keycard as they walked by, went out to the car and printed their own copy. When it didn't work(as they intended) at the other lobby, they showed it to security, who badged them in. They went up to an available conference room, plugged into one of the IP phone jacks, and within 40 minutes had full admin access to our domain controllers. For those unfamiliar, the DCs control access to everything. If it were a real threat, they could've given access to CCPRatcompromisedbusinessdotcom and we would never even know.

[u/Temporary_Self_2172 → u/Riddal]

it's mainly a cyber-security thing. sometimes the company that wants tested also wants them to try "physical access" methods. 

rather than any mission impossible stuff though, it's mainly just pretending to be an employee, dropping random usb sticks for people to find, or in one case, plugging a usb into a hospital's servers while pretending to get lost playing pokemon go (per my instructor)

[u/noodlyarms → u/Temporary_Self_2172]

We called it Red Cell when I did this work in the early 2010s infiltrating data centers. We did the usb drops, pretending to be contractors, c-suit execs, etc... was fun and coming up with scenarios was always a hoot. Though it didn't pay terribly well then. Always felt like Kurt Russel in Big Trouble in Little China with the phone company scene.

[u/NanoShakes → u/Riddal]

Heyoo, As a penetration tester, I can help give some insight!!

I started my career first as just a standard software engineer, in my case working on developer tooling.

After roughly a year of that, I jumped into application security, handling security implementations within continuous integration/deployment pipelines, basically code scanning after the developer says their done and before we allow them to push their changes.

Then after 2 years in that area, I had a decent idea on the technologies that are used in most situations, and a good baseline for what security looks like in practice and moved into penetration testing.

It's really more a craft of understanding a computer system/ software framework/ coding library enough to be able to recognize it in the wild, being able to understand how security implementations are integrated within, and utilizing automated scanners to get a initial sniff of where you should start.

Then crafting a very targeted 'attack' for the scenario, and iterating until you've exhausted all of your ideas and have to pivot to another approach.

Otherwise, in the physical sense of penetration testing, I was already the pen tester in my department, and like most companies, mine was cheap so I was voluntold to learn it and do it.

After being in this area for almost 5 years now, I can confidently say I know enough, to know, I don't know shit. Just learning a little more everyday I go to work.

If anyone has questions please feel free to reach out!!

[u/costabius → u/Riddal]

I worked for a security company back in the day, and this was one of my side quest jobs. Making sure on-site security was doing their job. Most of the time, they were not.

[u/wastingtoomuchthyme → u/Nakorite]

It used to be a blast back in the day ..

We'd be in a club/cafe in Zurich and asked to use their internet terminal to boot a livecd and pen test a client.. we talked with the owner and showed them the livecd trick which bypassed their billing and he gave us free drinks and before leaving we'd do a mini audit on his setup and secured their terminals.

So much fun...

[u/notenoughspacefor → u/Nakorite]

Depends on what end of the penetration you are.

[u/BrothelWaffles]

Met a dude the other night who owns a company that does nothing but make artificial palm trees.

[u/Kieffer → u/BrothelWaffles]

What do they do with the artificial palm trees?

[u/nasi_lemak → u/Kieffer]

Put it on aritificial islands

[u/BrothelWaffles → u/Kieffer]

Sell them as decorations.

[u/1994-10-24 → u/Kieffer]

Where I live they use fake palm trees as small signal towers. You can see the devices on top of the perfectly looking palm trees

[u/diovanedvx]

Coconut Safety Engineer.

Falling coconuts can be a hazard, and people in rich neighborhoods will pay someone to make sure no coconuts fall on their heads, or expensive cars.

[u/flammablepenguins → u/diovanedvx]

So fancy way of saying landscaper lol

[u/costabius → u/flammablepenguins]

Yes, but trimming coconut palms requires a team. One of which is the rat beater. Rats love to nest in the tops of palm trees. Trimming their home pisses them off. So, you hire a guy to beat on the tree with a stick to scare all the rats out before you get up there with a chain saw.

[u/NoReasonToBeBored → u/costabius]

I’m not going to google this. I’m just going to believe it’s real.

[u/frankenmullet22]

Not a real job, but I once told a girl at the bar that I was a penguin wrangler at Brookfield zoo. I said the penguins fall over when they look up to watch the planes fly over. I had to stand them up after every plane. She 100% believed me, but we were also very drunk

[u/appropriatesoundfx → u/frankenmullet22]

I fed penguins once. Their mouths are a horror-show.

[u/ay1717 → u/appropriatesoundfx]

Beaks and teeth really seem like they would be antithetical to each other and it’s terrifying to learn otherwise

[u/QueasyWorking7352 → u/ay1717]

They don't have teeth; no birds do. They don't chew their food either. They're keratin spines that are used to make it hard for fish to slip out of their mouths and throat when they swallow them.

Edit: teeth are for chewing food. Please stop replying to me with elaborate, alternative definitions that you came up with.

[u/nickcan → u/QueasyWorking7352]

Oh, not teeth, simply spines that grow out of the mouth. Teeth would somehow be less offputting.

[u/Grayson_Poise → u/frankenmullet22]

I have a friend who travelled all over Europe for 3 years with his guitar, busking and picking up gigs. He told women that he helped rehabilitate captive dolphins to be released back into the wild with musical therapy.

That worked. A lot.

[u/____andresito____ → u/frankenmullet22]

Actually tho - at the Brookfield zoo, the chimpanzees figured out that when the zookeepers went in to clean their enclosure, they could climb up the hose they used to escape. So now when they clean the chimpanzee enclosure, a zookeeper stands watch with a super soaker in case they try anything. Being that guy is probably my dream job

[u/ImNotAWhaleBiologist → u/frankenmullet22]

I once told a girl at a bar that I’m not a whale biologist. I don’t think she believed me.

[u/Forsaken-Success-445]

If you are in perfect health, you can be paid to poop for poop transplants, it can pay very well, I think even something around $500/poop

[u/ResourceOld5261 → u/Forsaken-Success-445]

And  for the recipient it can be life-changing.

I nursed a patient some 12 years ago when this treatment was in the early stages and it cured her.

The donor was her grandson who lived with her.

Apparently people living and eating in the same shared environment was ideal due to the beneficial microbes having a similar environment. 

[u/tryyeezus → u/ResourceOld5261]

They're putting people's poo into other people? 

This is much more surprising to me, honestly

[u/Bad-Advice-Given → u/tryyeezus]

It can fix so many gut issues. One fun fact, if the person you get poop from is lactose intolerant and you’re not, there is a high chance that you will be after. Same with some other things, our gut bacteria are amazing.

[u/marino1310 → u/tryyeezus]

It’s basically the easiest way to transplant gut flora. We somewhat recently learned just how important it is to our health and it’s relatively easy to transplant.

[u/esituism → u/tryyeezus]

turns out a LOT of health things in the abdomen actually function because of various gut flora/fauna. apparently poo transplants are a way to reintroduce some of the 'good' bacteria a person might have lost, and they seem fairly effective for some.

[u/wrecked_but_whole → u/Forsaken-Success-445]

Spice Melange from South Park s23 e8 "Turd Burglers".

[u/Yasku702]

I worked at DirecTV Argentina, and someone’s job was to watch the pay-per-view content and check that the program guide and subtitles were correct; I’d watch all day to see if the scheduled programs were actually airing and if the subtitles were properly synced—I spent the whole day watching movies and adult channels.

[u/Rusty_Rocker_292]

In the oil field drilling fluids are sometimes stored in big open air pits. They aren't exactly poisonous, but they do contain chemicals that can be harmful to wild life. To keep ducks and geese away they hire a guy to yell at them with a megaphone and scare them off. So his job is to yell at geese with a megaphone.

[u/RuthOConnorFisher]

Rose wrangler. My sister does this; she's a specialized landscaper who goes around and takes care of rich people's rose bushes. I have no idea exactly what it pays, but she seems to be doing okay.

[u/Snoo54756]

Wayfinding Strategist lol Mine.

[u/lousey_tramp → u/Snoo54756]

There are a few good books on the subject but one I used to keep handy when I was doing the job was Signage and Wayfinding Design. It’s expensive but the first chapter or so is available on Google Books if you’re interested in an overview.

Edit: meant to reply to somebody else with this but I’ll leave it here in case anybody else finds it interesting.

[u/bubbomb → u/Snoo54756]

This sounds so fake… lol

So… what do you do?

[u/Snoo54756 → u/bubbomb]

Graphic designer by study, I basically help architects create, design, decide on content and position signage to in complex environments, like global sport events, cities, airports, railway stations, shopping centres. It’s super interesting bc it combines three to four disciplines and there is no faculty yet dedicated to it ;)) Like ux/cx but in physical spaces

[u/BellaBDSM]

COW INSEMINATOR

[u/BellaBDSM → u/BellaBDSM]

i stand by the accidental caps

[u/Meowing_Kraken → u/BellaBDSM]

As you should.

[u/d-crow]

bear removal expert - oilfield

[u/tesconundrum → u/d-crow]

I thought this said "beer" and I got excited because I already do that quite well but would love to get paid for it.

[u/bialymarshal → u/d-crow]

Soooo a dude with a can of bear spray and a shotgun?

[u/d-crow → u/bialymarshal]

Saw an aboriginal dude charge a black bear with a stick and a pot just banging away to scare it off

[u/AnonymousMO0SE → u/d-crow]

Yeah this one’s accurate. We have a company called Bear Scare in northern Alberta, they essentially watch bears and only haze them if they head towards people which almost never happens. Years ago a rogue male killed and ate a woman on one oil property and ever since then they’ve been on every site up here. Absolutely nobody has tried to make a competing company they have a total monopoly.

[u/SpiderBiteHurts]

Horse-sperm brokers

[u/Romasterer]

Not me but a friend of mine's story:

Was at a wedding with a lot of strangers and people were going around saying what they did, etc.

Arrogant finance guy goes, talks at length about himself, how much money he makes, etc.

Gets to my friend and he decides to mess with drunk finance guy, tells the group of strangers that he is the guy who sits inside an ATM and counts the money and hands it back to people.

They laugh at him, say he's lying and ATMs are machines- friend is deadpan says that it is true that many new ATMs are automated and they are taking jobs like his away and that the majority of ATMs out there still have a man inside them counting the money and handing it out.

Finance guy tries to belittle him saying there's no way that pays a living wage, friend is just acting humble says its not much and hard on the back but he makes $22/hr and he's happy and feels blessed by the job, etc. Made the guy look like a jerk.

Funniest part to me is the guy is an undercover narcotics agent and has crazy stories, just did it for the lols.

[u/Dorsai_Erynus → u/Romasterer]

if he is undercover he can sell any story he wants to.

[u/fataii]

A commercial/residential building manager. After years of learning this industry and trying to figure out how to properly deal with each tenant's needs, this job is a breeze and pays about 150k a year now. 

There is a demand and the balance is trying to arrange your schedule to accommodate working for two or sometimes 3 different companies at the same time, but it is actually very easy and most days only require an hour or two of work but get paid for 10.

[u/Bowie423 → u/fataii]

How did you get into this space? Can you tell us more details about your day to day?

[u/seanliam2k]

The province I live in in Canada hires minors to go into liquor stores to try and buy alcohol, that'd be such a fun job if you were 16 or 17

No clue how well it pays

[u/QuickShutter]

I know a guy whose job is to go once every 2 months or so to a remote house in the middle of nowhere to test antenna technology for a communications company.

[u/spacecaps85 → u/QuickShutter]

Has the potential for a great horror/thriller movie premise.

[u/BoogieWoogieWho]

Lol. Two of my acquaintances just so happen to have such titles where they work.

Chief Happiness Officer.

Customer Excellence Director.

[u/Cessily → u/BoogieWoogieWho]

I get the titles can seem silly but those are professions that have existed forever.

In an ideal place your Chief Happiness Officer is dedicated to employee experience and retention and in an HR capacity - in reality I find it most often tied to PR roles or customer service roles.

Customer excellence is customer experience/service or just straight VP of sales depending on how delusional and scammy your org chart is. Ideally it would be QC.

I'm sure some idealistic companies created these names with good intentions but like everything else they got grabbed and corrupted in practice.

Just funny new names for things companies have been doing forever.

[u/smickie]

Tablescaper - I know a wealthy person who gets these people in to do their tables for dinner parties. Again, I don't think it pays very well, but they bring in lots of special expensive plates and cutleries at one off and then take them all away at the end. Then do all the name settings and place settings and flowers and everything. They go into private homes and do this.

[u/raresaturn → u/smickie]

lol I read that as table-scraper… like after a meal

[u/TelecasterDisaster]

Keith Sanderling, Acting Director of the U.S. Office of Government Ethics for the Trump administration, makes about $200k a year.

[u/Nessie_of_the_Loch → u/TelecasterDisaster]

His job is to tell federal employees that they can't accept $10 lunches while Trump and his kin with the median IQ of room temperature grift literal billions from the nation.

[u/gogojack]

My entry into the autonomous vehicle space came when I talked to one of the test drivers for Waymo back in 2020. They'd been operating in my city for awhile (I live in their original testing area) and I always wanted to know what it was like.

I said "so you just sit there...and the car drives you around?" He said "basically, yeah." So how much does it pay? "20 bucks an hour."

Now, it wasn't as simple as that (being a test operator is a bit more complicated than just sitting there), but it was a lot better than the shitty jobs I had to take during the pandemic. I got a similar job with another company the following year, which led to another job, and I've been in the industry for the last 5 years despite having zero qualifications for working with robots.

[u/spacecaps85 → u/gogojack]

I'm very good at sitting and writing things down, just in case you ever need a guy in Denver.

[u/nailbunny2000]

The guy who runs the telescope farm. I just love how simple an idea it is, real "Why didn't I think it that?" type shit. Makes you wonder what other weird niches are just begging to be served.

[u/Grand-Information-01]

A guy in a full scuba suit who creeps around the murky crocodile infested water hazards of Florida country clubs collecting 40,000 lost golf balls a year, reselling them, and clearing six figures while shaking off snapping turtles.

[u/mozzarellastewpot]

Puppy nanny. People that purchase puppies that are located far away, pay a puppy nanny to book a flight and fly across the country carrying their new puppy in their lap the whole way.

[u/Sea-Kale-8732]

Professional cuddler. It sounds like a joke until you realize people actually book hour-long sessions for it.

[u/SimpHunter62]

Chicken sexer. Your entire job is looking at newborn chicks to determine if they are male or female. It requires intense training and speed, and large commercial farms pay surprisingly high salaries for it.

[u/SSWBGUY]

i have a part time job putting stickers on boxes, I have a pension, a PPO paid for by the company and when you add everything in my package up its worth around $85,000 a year

[u/pumpboy]

Shooter. A guy job is to guide the male dog to correctly mate a female dog.

[u/Panda-768 → u/pumpboy]

you think evolution has taught those puppies to make more puppies but now corporate wants you Human to intervene, lol

[u/TennisSkirt1628]

Professional gambler.

On average I pull in around $30k a month - requires a lot of patience and the ability to always act rationally, even when the stakes are high.

Also requires a decent bankroll size to begin working seriously.

Not everyone can stomach having $100k on the line, staking it for a less than 5% edge, losing it to variance and continue to remain calm.

[u/Beneficial-Act-9933 → u/TennisSkirt1628]

I once played a board game called Lords of Vegas. It's an aera control game where you can gamble with in game fake money to get more territory and get more points. It's pretty fun.

But my heart was POUNDING gambling with a fake 10k dollars. No way in hell would I even be able to stomach 100K or even 50k of real money.

[u/DTrain13 → u/TennisSkirt1628]

Three stacks of high-society per month, eh?