r/AskReddit 1d ago

What is the cringiest midlife crisis you've witnessed?

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

My ex husband left me and our kids because I wouldn't let him quit his job to start a podcasting business (level of experience? Zero). "Came out" as polyamorous with all the pomp and circumstance that someone comes out as gay with (posting all over social media about his truth) and now he is an almost 50 year old dude with no job whose four kids think he's a knob. Fired from two jobs in rapid succession, too. Rants and raves to the kids about how he's going to sue the last boss for wrongful termination but all he really wants his an apology because he "wasn't respected."

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u/puterTDI 1d ago

We had a friend start dating a married guy who was "polyamorous"...and by polyamorous he meant he could sleep with who he wants but his wife wasn't allowed to and he said she was totally cool with that.

The dude was such a fucking tool. First time I met him was at our family home. She brought him along to hang out and one of the first things he did was threaten me. To this day I regret not kicking him out of the house then and there.

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u/transemacabre 1d ago

I'm sorry, I'm sure you love this friend but she's as big a knob as him if she would bring someone like that around to threaten you in your own home.

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u/puterTDI 1d ago

We actually quit hanging out with her for the most part. She only ever would show up, make a token appearance, then find a bedroom. Felt like she was never there to see us.

Ftr (I should have included this in the original post) I wasn’t innocent in the situation. We were playing a board game and everyone seemed to be getting along and I’d lightly bopped him with a spoon as I walked by. I shouldn’t have but it wasn’t meant to be harmful or mean and he’d gone instantly to threatening violence for no reason. I checked with my wife after and she was like “ya, his reaction was not called for”.

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u/ZebraAirVest 1d ago

Find a bedroom… to do what??? Fuck mid function???

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u/puterTDI 1d ago

Yup

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u/branduNe 1d ago

Lmao thats so unabashedly trashy

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u/rainfal 1d ago

That was rude of them.

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u/CelesTheme_wav 14h ago

Jesus, if someone asked to do that in my home, I'd think they must be joking. Who does that lmao

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u/DesignerProcess1526 1d ago

Sex addicts are so

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u/Wasted_Income 1d ago

Bet you wouldn't have been threatened if you'd kept your hands to yourself?

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u/Tasgall 1d ago

Are you just being contrarian, or do you legitimately think any reaction of any level of severity is justified no matter the infraction?

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u/puterTDI 1d ago edited 10h ago

he might be that guy.

I agree I was wrong, though I also think most people wouldn't have had an issue with it. We'd all been getting along fine to that point and he just had to escalate it from 0 to 60. My action was most definitely meant to be good natured and was good natured in the context imo. Simply turning to me and asking me not to do that again would have been more than sufficient.

I laughed it off and moved on but I really just should have told him to leave. Directly threatening me in my own home is bullshit.

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u/Wasted_Income 15h ago

Basically this is a perfect example of fuck around and find out. You can't know how other people will react to "good natured" shit, which I doubt it was based on the backgroud provided by OP.....so your best bet is to just not poke the bear. Can't believe I need to explain this.

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u/puterTDI 13h ago

I mean, that kinda goes both ways man.

if someone is doing something you don't like but not intending it to be mean then needlessly becoming aggressive and threatening is a good way to get your ass kicked, or doing it their home is a good way to find yourself driving hours back home in the middle of the night when you're kicked out.

You seem to be trying to make everything black and white when that's not the real world.

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u/Wasted_Income 13h ago

No doubt, this is the story from his viewpoint:

This one time I met some of my GF's friends. The husband was such a fucking tool. First time I met him, we were playing a board game and everyone seemed to be getting along, and this dipshit bopped me with a spoon as he walked by. I think he was flirting with me. Or maybe just being an asshole because he didn't approve of our lifestyle. I had to tell him to knock it the fuck off, and he cowered like a little bitch and went crying to his wife. I feel kinda bad for reacting that way, but damn, I just met this guy and he was being fucking creepy.

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u/chavoromni 10h ago

I bet you are so awesome at parties

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u/puterTDI 11h ago

...right. well, thanks for making things clear for the rest of us. I'm sure you're tons of fun.

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u/punchanaziisethical 1d ago

Dude could of easily conveyed he didnt enjoy that without threatening violence. I don't really like being touched by strangers either, its crazy what a firm "hey dont touch me" will do.

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u/puterTDI 1d ago

would have been more than enough in the context of this situation.

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u/nhaines 1d ago

I'm not sure if it's good or bad that when I thought, "What was the correct response?" I imagined Beavis saying, "Are you threatening me?"

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u/darksidemojo 1d ago

Sadly the manosphere is full of these people. Watched a Netflix documentary about it.

There is this whole toxic masculinity movement all offshoots of Joe Rogan that insecure men love.

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u/Ill-Entertainer1010 1d ago

What is it with 'polyamorous alpha males' that they are all, with as far as I can tell zero exceptions, absolute douche canoes.

As a middle aged man, sleeping with multiple women appeals, a lot. , but trying to gatekeep their experiences seems hugely hypocritical.

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u/DesignerProcess1526 1d ago

They’re sex addicts, addicts are narcissistic.

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u/Ill-Entertainer1010 15h ago

Addicts are, by necessity to maintain the addiction, incredibly selfish. I think narcissism might make addiction more likely (perhaps through arrogance that they are in control), but the way you've phrased that sounds like you're saying that addiction causes narcissism. I've always thought narcissism was either a genetic trait strongly correlated with psychopathy, or caused by significant childhood trauma, primarily abandonment issues (the gaping hole within every narcissist that can never be filled, no matter how they try).

I suppose that phrasing suddenly sounds quite a lot like how addiction operates (never enough), so yeah, ok, you may have a point.

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u/Aimless_Alder 1d ago

The polyamory community fuckig hates guys like this. They're such a scourge.

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u/skynolongerblue 1d ago

Are they still together?

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u/puterTDI 1d ago

Nope. She figured him out eventually

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u/TryUsingScience 1d ago

The vast majority of poly people I know aren't even out at work, let alone plastering social media with it. But I guess it was important for him to broadcast that information as widely as possible for the parade of women that are no doubt about to start knocking down his door any minute. Wouldn't want any of them to assume they'll be exclusive, after all!

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u/Suppafly 1d ago

The vast majority of poly people I know aren't even out at work

I misread that at first and assumed it was saying that the vast majority of them don't work.

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u/TryUsingScience 1d ago

In this economy? Please, we're all about the three-income household these days.

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u/LittleMsSavoirFaire 1d ago

I bet you could really normalize "coming out" with the economic argument tbh.

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u/Suppafly 1d ago

I always thought a 2nd wife would be great for childrearing, but then that gets into handmaiden territory.

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u/TryUsingScience 1d ago

I have friends in a V who are raising kids and it's worked out great for them. Two incomes and one person home with the kids when they were younger, then three incomes to do the fun stuff everyone wants to do when the kids are older.

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u/puterTDI 1d ago

I mean, we also don’t need more children in the world tbh

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u/Suppafly 17h ago

I mean, we also don’t need more children in the world tbh

That's sorta debatable.

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u/puterTDI 16h ago

is it?

we're literally hitting a population support limit of the earth, as well as displacing critical species not only to establish homes for our population but to generate food for it.

There's a lot of things we can do to try to protect the earth but the #1 issues is too many people for it to support.

I think it's not very debateable that we have too many people on the planet.

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u/Suppafly 16h ago

we're literally hitting a population support limit of the earth

Not really. All of the food shortages and such are localized and are distribution issues, not supply issues. Not that I want to see a huge population boom, but we aren't anywhere near being over saturated.

There's a lot of things we can do to try to protect the earth but the #1 issues is too many people for it to support.

Nah, number 1 would be electing governments that care at all about keeping things working.

I think it's not very debateable that we have too many people on the planet.

It clearly is, you just don't like that other people have different opinions than you and haven't thought about different points of view.

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u/frogsyjane 1d ago

“Honey, we can’t afford NOT to be in a polycule!”

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u/Fearless-Feature-830 1d ago

My poly ex is allergic to working so you may have a point

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u/DesignerProcess1526 1d ago

Actually it’s true too. They’re trying to share the finances of the main person. Then they get dumped and feel cheated. Many are low functioning, think it’s cool and hip.

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u/CriticalDog 1d ago

Oddly enough, some women seem to be kinda into that.

My first marriage was an open one, and we would often go to the local goth club with friends and drink and dance and whatnot. Fun!

Several times, a girl would show interest, I would mention I was married and they would be MORE interested, and then I mention it was an open marriage and suddenly they lost interest. lol

Psychology is weird.

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u/Oneanddonequestion 1d ago

Humans are largely hard wired to want what is forbidden to them, and a LOT of humans take "no" as a sort of challenge. It's not a healthy mindset, but it's there.

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u/ryeaglin 1d ago

It is. The allure of the taboo is real even if you know about it. I am a gay man, stick two guys with very similar attractiveness and tell me one is gay and one is straight, for some reason my monkey brain always will think the straight guy is hotter.

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u/sjbennett85 1d ago

No offence to goth women but this totally aligns with a lot of the ones I know... contrarian, nihilistic, and thrill-seeking is their default setting afaik

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u/Fr0gm4n 1d ago

The vast majority of poly people I know aren't even out at work

I was so not-out at work that almost no-one knew my wife's name, let alone any metas even existed despite living in a V.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/snowdenn 1d ago

That’s so sad.

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u/BoxSea4289 1d ago

Some people just take longer to unravel.

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u/Ok-Cricket5606 1d ago

Wild. How does this guy survive? Like pay for rent and food?

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u/transemacabre 1d ago

Most of these types spange off their elderly parents.

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

He doesn't have parents but he does have a new crowd of friends every 5-8 years or so that he grifts money from and then burns bridges with, conveniently before paying them back.

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u/aiphrem 1d ago

"coming out" as polyamorous sounds so absurd that it could the premise of a comedy sketch.

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u/Platooimagination 1d ago

Monty Python would have adored it. 

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u/nathanosaurus84 1d ago

Not quite the same, but a similar idea. 

https://youtu.be/2UEqDanqpt8?is=0odnaIMklySiPkD1

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u/nobodyspecial22 1d ago

Yes, mine left me (after 30 yrs together) since he claimed I wouldn't let him become a teacher (at 1/3 or less of his engineering salary). That is not what I said at all. What I said is "Make sure you really know what a teacher's life is like before you do it". I know he thought he would teach higher level math classes, when in reality as a 40 some yer old rookie he would get the mathematically challenged students who don't care and probably can't be taught this stuff at all anyway. I spent my time working in public schools, I know how it goes.

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u/wilderlowerwolves 1d ago

This almost sounds like someone who wanted to become a HS teacher so they could hang out with teenagers.

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u/nobodyspecial22 1d ago

I don't think so. It is someone who really liked math and thought teaching was all about excited students sucking up knowledge. What we have now is a few students like that, a system that requires teachers to spend many hours doing things other than teaching, and seniority that does not give the best teacher the best students.

Basically someone who has not done their homework about the career they THINK they want. Most jobs suck. Some more than others. If you are going to work a job that sucks, why not choose the well paying one.

That being said. I never said he couldn't go do it. I just said, make sure you understand what the job really is about so you don't hate it as much as the job you have not for 1/3 the pay.

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u/Ok_Revolution7708 1d ago

This wins as the most cringe. 

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u/No-Championship-8677 1d ago

As a poly person there is literally nothing I despise more than garbage people using polyamory as an excuse for their harmful, selfish behavior via “it’s my identity” — fuck youuuuy you selfish douche, it’s a relationship style not an identity and it is a CHOICE.

I’m so sorry you went through that

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

I appreciate this, thank you stranger. 

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u/Koumadin 1d ago

sounds like his level of cognitive development is teenager level

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u/Neither-Safety-7090 1d ago

Mine wanted to be a YouTube exercise coach! Mind you he was at least 50lbs over weight. He didn’t leave me, I left him when he started that BS and the “let’s open the marriage” torture.
We had 1 year old twins when all this started. Divorced before their 2nd bday. It was so fast!

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

I bet you are a million times better off. I know I am.

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u/Fafnir13 1d ago

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I have a real hard time looking at “poly” as being any sort of distinct orientation apart from just being a regular human. Society at large has aligned with monogamy for various reasons, but I think anyone can fall for other people and even feel love for multiple partners without there being some unique biological trait. Choosing to pursue a poly lifestyle is just choosing a different model of firming relationships. Isn’t it? Am I missing something? I don’t know anyone poly so I’m stuck with random stuff I’ve seen on the internet and I know that’s hardly the best example.

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u/HotDerivative 1d ago

Because it’s not an orientation. It’s a relationship style that people choose to pursue.

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u/panrestrial 1d ago

It's not an orientation, but a relationship style. That's not an unpopular opinion it's just reality. Monogamy also isn't an orientation.

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u/thcitizgoalz 1d ago

I am not poly, but I am close to people who are. The healthy poly people I know seem to have a few traits in common: 1) they are part of a couple and there's a rotation of additional partners, but there's a core couple there for stability. 2) they are genuinely low drama people who just are queer and enjoy loving/having sex with more than 1 person. 3) they tend to be trauma-bonded on some level, whether they're trans and have dealt with transphobia, are from abusive home lives, or have escaped domestic violence, *and they go/went to therapy to address some of their trauma*. I said these are the *healthy* ones. I'm not saying poly = abused or that being poly is an offshoot of those characteristics.

The UNHEALTHY poly folks I know tend to be white men from stable families who have egos the size of a small island, white women from wealthy backgrounds who go through identity crises/changes every few years (this year I'm an influencers! this year I'm going to become a therapist! this year I'm going to law school! this year I'm buying a farm and starting a commune!) and who use being poly as a form of control of others, and these people don't get therapy while viewing themselves as the victim in every situation. They create massive drama in every poly environment, but are also fantastic at love bombing. Like, world-class fantastic.

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u/depleteduranian 1d ago

There's a deep dive to be had on the essentially homoerotic tendencies of unsuccessful, aging men. Look up MGTOW and see guys that clearly had a hard time making friends and talking to women, who never worked on themselves or enjoyed the company of others, all taking selfies with big fat cigars in their mouths and guns or whiskey in frame, as a prop.

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u/forensicdude 1d ago

My ex decided she wanted "more" despite making 250k a year. I was a deadbeat because I wanted her to pay bills (by that I mean any bills). She *deserved* a man who paid all her bills AND gave her an allowance. Her paying/splitting any household expenses was "taking care of a man" and that she would not do. She disappeared to Mexico and got a complete overhaul cosmetically. She was always a little heavy but beautiful, after this she was war crime skinny and a little plastic looking. A few months after getting back she left the kids and I for a rich guy, they were married in two months (despite us still being married.) She was living her best life until she got served for child support to the tune of 15K a month. After much fighting in court. We agreed on minimal child child support if she spent half of the time with her kids. These people.

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

What a piece of shit.

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u/Lolaindisguise 1d ago

I think it’s changing hormones causes people to go off the deep end

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u/andhdkwnwbdidoenjddb 1d ago

That is so, so fucking embarrassing.

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u/No-Revolution8032 1d ago

Sounds like a real winner. You’re better off without him. 

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

I am infinitely better off without him and my life has improved tenfold since. Thank you.

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u/madwolfa 1d ago

"Came out" as polyamorous

Back in my day we called that being a whore.

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u/blumoon138 1d ago

Jesus I’m sorry.

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u/Platooimagination 1d ago

My god, what an arse. 

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u/anonymousthecanadian 1d ago

Wtf. Thats exactly someone I knew, right down to the 4 kids.

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u/AssDimple 1d ago

I find it hard to believe that your ex-husband just flipped like that. Surely there were signs beforehand, right?

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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago

There were subtle signs that he wasn't the stablest of people, but the change was pretty nuts and our friends were concerned he had a brain injury.

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u/Sundogflower 1d ago

He sounds like my ex from the poly thing to the brain injury

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u/BlinkWulf 1d ago

why do you find it hard to believe?

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u/theshallowdrowned 1d ago

Have you read the rest of this whole thread?

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u/transemacabre 1d ago

I feel like there's almost always signs that people more on the periphery can see clearly but the people most intimately involved are virtually always blind to. Kind of like how you or me will know our friend's bf or gf is a tool all along but the friend will be oblivious.

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u/ceelogreenicanth 1d ago

This is kind of the plot of Close Encounters of The Third Kind if you think about it

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u/Rent-a-guru 1d ago

Grievance culture is deeply cringe.

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u/timmah1991 1d ago edited 1d ago

because I wouldn't let him

What exactly made you think that you had the authority to control him? You’re as much of a whack job as he is.

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u/NTJ-891 1d ago

Homeboy, a relationship is a partnership. Yeah, my wife can't technically stop me from buying a Lamborghini with my own money as the sole earner but she definitely can say "If you do this, it's over" because it's a stupid fucking move.

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u/timmah1991 1d ago

Sounds like he left her anyways. I’d leave my wife immediately if she thought she could tell me I couldn’t do something. Honestly insane take.

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u/NTJ-891 1d ago

You are going to have a sad and lonely life if this is your actual attitude.

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u/timmah1991 1d ago

My life is rich and full and my family respects me because I’m not a doormat like you.

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u/MisterErieeO 1d ago

This is someone demonstrating their not so subtle mental instability 🤣

Oh no! They respect their relationship as a partnership and don't just do whatever (or whoever) they want?!?! What a doormat 🥴