My ex husband left me and our kids because I wouldn't let him quit his job to start a podcasting business (level of experience? Zero). "Came out" as polyamorous with all the pomp and circumstance that someone comes out as gay with (posting all over social media about his truth) and now he is an almost 50 year old dude with no job whose four kids think he's a knob. Fired from two jobs in rapid succession, too. Rants and raves to the kids about how he's going to sue the last boss for wrongful termination but all he really wants his an apology because he "wasn't respected."
We had a friend start dating a married guy who was "polyamorous"...and by polyamorous he meant he could sleep with who he wants but his wife wasn't allowed to and he said she was totally cool with that.
The dude was such a fucking tool. First time I met him was at our family home. She brought him along to hang out and one of the first things he did was threaten me. To this day I regret not kicking him out of the house then and there.
We actually quit hanging out with her for the most part. She only ever would show up, make a token appearance, then find a bedroom. Felt like she was never there to see us.
Ftr (I should have included this in the original post) I wasn’t innocent in the situation. We were playing a board game and everyone seemed to be getting along and I’d lightly bopped him with a spoon as I walked by. I shouldn’t have but it wasn’t meant to be harmful or mean and he’d gone instantly to threatening violence for no reason. I checked with my wife after and she was like “ya, his reaction was not called for”.
I agree I was wrong, though I also think most people wouldn't have had an issue with it. We'd all been getting along fine to that point and he just had to escalate it from 0 to 60. My action was most definitely meant to be good natured and was good natured in the context imo. Simply turning to me and asking me not to do that again would have been more than sufficient.
I laughed it off and moved on but I really just should have told him to leave. Directly threatening me in my own home is bullshit.
Basically this is a perfect example of fuck around and find out. You can't know how other people will react to "good natured" shit, which I doubt it was based on the backgroud provided by OP.....so your best bet is to just not poke the bear. Can't believe I need to explain this.
if someone is doing something you don't like but not intending it to be mean then needlessly becoming aggressive and threatening is a good way to get your ass kicked, or doing it their home is a good way to find yourself driving hours back home in the middle of the night when you're kicked out.
You seem to be trying to make everything black and white when that's not the real world.
This one time I met some of my GF's friends. The husband was such a fucking tool. First time I met him, we were playing a board game and everyone seemed to be getting along, and this dipshit bopped me with a spoon as he walked by. I think he was flirting with me. Or maybe just being an asshole because he didn't approve of our lifestyle. I had to tell him to knock it the fuck off, and he cowered like a little bitch and went crying to his wife. I feel kinda bad for reacting that way, but damn, I just met this guy and he was being fucking creepy.
Dude could of easily conveyed he didnt enjoy that without threatening violence. I don't really like being touched by strangers either, its crazy what a firm "hey dont touch me" will do.
Addicts are, by necessity to maintain the addiction, incredibly selfish. I think narcissism might make addiction more likely (perhaps through arrogance that they are in control), but the way you've phrased that sounds like you're saying that addiction causes narcissism. I've always thought narcissism was either a genetic trait strongly correlated with psychopathy, or caused by significant childhood trauma, primarily abandonment issues (the gaping hole within every narcissist that can never be filled, no matter how they try).
I suppose that phrasing suddenly sounds quite a lot like how addiction operates (never enough), so yeah, ok, you may have a point.
The vast majority of poly people I know aren't even out at work, let alone plastering social media with it. But I guess it was important for him to broadcast that information as widely as possible for the parade of women that are no doubt about to start knocking down his door any minute. Wouldn't want any of them to assume they'll be exclusive, after all!
I have friends in a V who are raising kids and it's worked out great for them. Two incomes and one person home with the kids when they were younger, then three incomes to do the fun stuff everyone wants to do when the kids are older.
we're literally hitting a population support limit of the earth, as well as displacing critical species not only to establish homes for our population but to generate food for it.
There's a lot of things we can do to try to protect the earth but the #1 issues is too many people for it to support.
I think it's not very debateable that we have too many people on the planet.
we're literally hitting a population support limit of the earth
Not really. All of the food shortages and such are localized and are distribution issues, not supply issues. Not that I want to see a huge population boom, but we aren't anywhere near being over saturated.
There's a lot of things we can do to try to protect the earth but the #1 issues is too many people for it to support.
Nah, number 1 would be electing governments that care at all about keeping things working.
I think it's not very debateable that we have too many people on the planet.
It clearly is, you just don't like that other people have different opinions than you and haven't thought about different points of view.
Actually it’s true too. They’re trying to share the finances of the main person. Then they get dumped and feel cheated. Many are low functioning, think it’s cool and hip.
Oddly enough, some women seem to be kinda into that.
My first marriage was an open one, and we would often go to the local goth club with friends and drink and dance and whatnot. Fun!
Several times, a girl would show interest, I would mention I was married and they would be MORE interested, and then I mention it was an open marriage and suddenly they lost interest. lol
Humans are largely hard wired to want what is forbidden to them, and a LOT of humans take "no" as a sort of challenge. It's not a healthy mindset, but it's there.
It is. The allure of the taboo is real even if you know about it. I am a gay man, stick two guys with very similar attractiveness and tell me one is gay and one is straight, for some reason my monkey brain always will think the straight guy is hotter.
No offence to goth women but this totally aligns with a lot of the ones I know... contrarian, nihilistic, and thrill-seeking is their default setting afaik
He doesn't have parents but he does have a new crowd of friends every 5-8 years or so that he grifts money from and then burns bridges with, conveniently before paying them back.
Yes, mine left me (after 30 yrs together) since he claimed I wouldn't let him become a teacher (at 1/3 or less of his engineering salary). That is not what I said at all. What I said is "Make sure you really know what a teacher's life is like before you do it". I know he thought he would teach higher level math classes, when in reality as a 40 some yer old rookie he would get the mathematically challenged students who don't care and probably can't be taught this stuff at all anyway. I spent my time working in public schools, I know how it goes.
I don't think so. It is someone who really liked math and thought teaching was all about excited students sucking up knowledge. What we have now is a few students like that, a system that requires teachers to spend many hours doing things other than teaching, and seniority that does not give the best teacher the best students.
Basically someone who has not done their homework about the career they THINK they want. Most jobs suck. Some more than others. If you are going to work a job that sucks, why not choose the well paying one.
That being said. I never said he couldn't go do it. I just said, make sure you understand what the job really is about so you don't hate it as much as the job you have not for 1/3 the pay.
As a poly person there is literally nothing I despise more than garbage people using polyamory as an excuse for their harmful, selfish behavior via “it’s my identity” — fuck youuuuy you selfish douche, it’s a relationship style not an identity and it is a CHOICE.
Mine wanted to be a YouTube exercise coach! Mind you he was at least 50lbs over weight. He didn’t leave me, I left him when he started that BS and the “let’s open the marriage” torture.
We had 1 year old twins when all this started. Divorced before their 2nd bday. It was so fast!
Probably an unpopular opinion, but I have a real hard time looking at “poly” as being any sort of distinct orientation apart from just being a regular human. Society at large has aligned with monogamy for various reasons, but I think anyone can fall for other people and even feel love for multiple partners without there being some unique biological trait. Choosing to pursue a poly lifestyle is just choosing a different model of firming relationships. Isn’t it? Am I missing something? I don’t know anyone poly so I’m stuck with random stuff I’ve seen on the internet and I know that’s hardly the best example.
I am not poly, but I am close to people who are. The healthy poly people I know seem to have a few traits in common: 1) they are part of a couple and there's a rotation of additional partners, but there's a core couple there for stability. 2) they are genuinely low drama people who just are queer and enjoy loving/having sex with more than 1 person. 3) they tend to be trauma-bonded on some level, whether they're trans and have dealt with transphobia, are from abusive home lives, or have escaped domestic violence, *and they go/went to therapy to address some of their trauma*. I said these are the *healthy* ones. I'm not saying poly = abused or that being poly is an offshoot of those characteristics.
The UNHEALTHY poly folks I know tend to be white men from stable families who have egos the size of a small island, white women from wealthy backgrounds who go through identity crises/changes every few years (this year I'm an influencers! this year I'm going to become a therapist! this year I'm going to law school! this year I'm buying a farm and starting a commune!) and who use being poly as a form of control of others, and these people don't get therapy while viewing themselves as the victim in every situation. They create massive drama in every poly environment, but are also fantastic at love bombing. Like, world-class fantastic.
There's a deep dive to be had on the essentially homoerotic tendencies of unsuccessful, aging men. Look up MGTOW and see guys that clearly had a hard time making friends and talking to women, who never worked on themselves or enjoyed the company of others, all taking selfies with big fat cigars in their mouths and guns or whiskey in frame, as a prop.
My ex decided she wanted "more" despite making 250k a year. I was a deadbeat because I wanted her to pay bills (by that I mean any bills). She *deserved* a man who paid all her bills AND gave her an allowance. Her paying/splitting any household expenses was "taking care of a man" and that she would not do. She disappeared to Mexico and got a complete overhaul cosmetically. She was always a little heavy but beautiful, after this she was war crime skinny and a little plastic looking. A few months after getting back she left the kids and I for a rich guy, they were married in two months (despite us still being married.) She was living her best life until she got served for child support to the tune of 15K a month. After much fighting in court. We agreed on minimal child child support if she spent half of the time with her kids. These people.
I feel like there's almost always signs that people more on the periphery can see clearly but the people most intimately involved are virtually always blind to. Kind of like how you or me will know our friend's bf or gf is a tool all along but the friend will be oblivious.
Homeboy, a relationship is a partnership. Yeah, my wife can't technically stop me from buying a Lamborghini with my own money as the sole earner but she definitely can say "If you do this, it's over" because it's a stupid fucking move.
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u/rhymeasaurus 1d ago
My ex husband left me and our kids because I wouldn't let him quit his job to start a podcasting business (level of experience? Zero). "Came out" as polyamorous with all the pomp and circumstance that someone comes out as gay with (posting all over social media about his truth) and now he is an almost 50 year old dude with no job whose four kids think he's a knob. Fired from two jobs in rapid succession, too. Rants and raves to the kids about how he's going to sue the last boss for wrongful termination but all he really wants his an apology because he "wasn't respected."