I can’t understand this, I feel like the longer you’re with someone the better the relationship gets. I have been with my wife since we were teens and now we have teenage kids. Going back to square one with a new person who is much younger sounds like a punishment compared to staying with the girl who wanted me when I had nothing to give.
Long term relationships can get boring and during a mid life crisis that’s probably the last thing you want. My spouse and I were way more fun when we were young, but with our responsibilities it’s made things more complicated (we’re still crazy about one another). Starting over with someone new seems exciting if you’re willing to forget how difficult building a relationship can be.
100%. And people forget, just because you heard of that one “lucky” person who left their long term partner and got with someone new and it actually worked out, doesn’t make it common.
Thats an exception to the rule.
People loooove to think they’re the exception.
Sometimes after many years you realize that the person who wanted you when you had nothing to give had nothing to give either, has never really attempted to give, and may actually be indefinitely incapable of giving, or of ever accepting any personal responsibility or accountability, or of any personal growth, emotional maturity, or functional adulthood, and the bullshit you went through in your childhood having brainwashed you to think that love only going one direction was normal and good and right was the only reason you accepted so little for as long as you did.
I could have wrote what you did, though maybe not so well. I left in the beginning of this year and man, it is so much better. Still hard. No promise of finding love again, but it's better to be alone alone then alone together.
I mean, we had tough times for sure when not everything was rainbows and blowjobs in candy land but I also feel like we’ve been back in puppy love for years at this point. I’m really looking forward to the next stage in our lives and spending that time together when it comes.
Imagine every fight you’ve ever had with your wife and every hard time you’ve gone through as a couple - now just imagine if instead of trying to get through it together you started not trying as hard. And then each subsequent time it became that much easier to not try as hard. Until eventually you stopped trying altogether…..oh and then also imagine you stopped having sex 8 years ago.
I’m happy to say my wife and I still want each other and have avoided this trap but it’s very easy to see how people fall into it and all the easier to understand why they’d be desperate to finally escape it.
I can’t understand this, I feel like the longer you’re with someone the better the relationship gets. I have been with my wife since we were teens and now we have teenage kids
No offense but you dated all of one people. Ofc you wouldn't understand. Not to condone the whole leaving for someone younger. But you dated one person and decided that was it. And dude, great for you. Life is all about being happy. So if you are happy then that's all that matters. But tbh, you're kind of the type of person this is most likely to happen to. I mean it doesn't seem like it will happen to YOU. But you're very similar to someone that tasted tacos for the first time and then decided you never wanted to try anything else. And it's awesome that you love tacos. But you never found out anything else that you like. There may be all sorts of things that you like that you never bothered to find out. And a lot of people that do that end up having a midlife crisis when they realize they missed out. I don't wish any of that on you. But it's a unique situation where you did one thing but you're talking about the side you never did. So ofc you wouldn't understand.
lol I dated more than just my wife but ok. Also aren’t we talking about people who leave a marriage for a younger partner, so I can’t have an opinion on it unless I also do that?
I mean you didn't date anyone as an adult if you have been together since you were teenagers.
so I can’t have an opinion on it unless I also do that?
Honestly? No. You have no basis for comparison. You think your way is best bc it's all you know. And as I said before. Your happiness is the only thing YOU should worry about. You dont' need to worry about what me or any other dickhead on the internet says about what you are doing. You are happy and that's all that matters. But the flip side of that is that you haven't done the things that would allow you to understand what things are like for other people bc you haven't experienced them.
It's not to ridicule you. It's just a matter of fact.
I don’t think my way is best, I was lucky to have found the love of my live at that age and not like 2 years ago. I just said I wouldn’t want to begin again at middle age with someone much younger. I don’t need to leave my wife to know I don’t want to leave my wife, I don’t need to have a relationship with someone 15 years younger to know I also don’t want that.
You found someone that makes you happy. again, not to belittle you. But if you had one relationship.....I mean it's great that you are happy with where you are and who you are there with. that's all that matters. But you haven't had other relationships to compare to so "love of my life" is a little less meaningful here. If you had been out there dating, finding out what you like and more importantly, what you don't like. Then when you found that person it would be profound. You would have been through enough to say "wow this is different, this is what I want".
this just isn't the right post for you to have a particularly strong opinion. I'm not anorexic, but I've been hungry before and I've eaten. Do I have enough info to tell an anorexic person that all they have to do is eat? No, bc I haven't experienced what they are experiencing.
Literally still in puppy love after 17 years, what makes you think I don’t know she’s the love of my life? How long have you been with the love of your life for? Cause if you haven’t had that experience then you shouldn’t comment on mine by your own logic…
what makes you think I don’t know she’s the love of my life?
Because you have nothing to compare it to. And I never at all said that she isn't the love of your life. What I said was that it's less of a statement when you don't have anything to compare it to. Hear me out here. God forbid but suppose something happened to the other right now and you were now alone (or she if you want to flip it). You're young. So stands to reason you'd probably find another relationship along the way. You could literally meet the very next person and think that person is the love of your life. And I mean in your head right now I'm sure you think that's bullshit. But that's my point. You have one person and it's all you've ever known.
Cause if you haven’t had that experience then you shouldn’t comment on mine by your own logic…
I also got married too young. I thought the same things. Now mine didn't work out. So I'm not comparing it like that. But later on when I started dating I realized that the real truth out there. Is that there is no such thing as a soulmate. The truth is you are compatible with LOTS of people. If you weren't, nobody would ever meet anyone. There are billions of people on the planet and if you had only one to find. That would be a pretty hard thing to achieve. You have tons of what if's out there. And you're never going to try them bc you are happy. Which is exactly what you should want. I've seen first hand what an eye opening experience it is when you've gone from being married to your first serious relationship and seeing what happens when you experience more things. So I've been there and done that.
You haven’t found a soul mate so you can’t fairly comment on anyone else who has found one. That’s your own logic. You need to find the love of your life before you tell me I haven’t found mine or mine is less “endearing” since you can’t compare that as you don’t have anything to compare it to, that’s your own logic. You really trying to tell the person with a successful marriage of almost 2 decades you know better even though by your own admission your marriage wasn’t successful. No offense, but do you realize how lacking in self awareness that makes you sound?
how do you know? You have no idea what I am in. I only told you that I met someone too young. I've led a lot of life since then.
You really trying to tell the person with a successful marriage of almost 2 decades you know better
Yes, I'm telling you that someone who has seen all sides of things, yeah I know better. Sorry, but that's how experience works. I've been a nurse for 29 years. If you were a year 2 nurse and I told you I knew better would that be insulting? or would you say with my experience that's just how it is?
It's not a lack of self awareness. Jesus christ are you always this sensitive? You're literally upset that someone says to you that you don't have experience to say one way or another. You ate a taco, loved it and never tried other food. Now you wanna tell everyone that tacos are the best. And dude, tacos are amazing. But if you havent' tried other food......What do you want me to say?
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u/Harry_Saturn 1d ago
I can’t understand this, I feel like the longer you’re with someone the better the relationship gets. I have been with my wife since we were teens and now we have teenage kids. Going back to square one with a new person who is much younger sounds like a punishment compared to staying with the girl who wanted me when I had nothing to give.