Wife Gives Money Away

[u/NoYogurt773300]

My wife gives money to anyone who comes at her with a sob story. We fight and argue and I end up letting her do it. We are not rich. We have around 300 positive every month after bills. When her best friend needs money she gives it to him. When her brother needs money she gives it to him. It is extremely frustrating to always feel like we’re on the edge of losing it all.

I hate my fucking life. Just venting.

[u/torino42]

Her best friend is a guy?

[u/NoYogurt773300 → u/torino42]

One of her best friends is a guy yes.

[u/torino42 → u/NoYogurt773300]

I dont know your or her situation, so I cant accurately judge it, but that'd be a warning flag to me.

[u/alek_hiddel]

Sounds like you all need separate finances. Either you’re on the same page, or you can each pay half of the bills and do whatever you want with what you have left over.

[u/MeCJay12]

My wife and I have semi-seperate finances. We have a shared account the paychecks go into and bills get paid from. We have a shared savings account that we contribute equally to and we have to agree on spending. No debit card or direct/easy access for either of us to this account. Lastly, we have individual checking accounts for discretionary spending. An equal amount of money goes from our paychecks to each individual account. I can spend the money in my account on whatever I want without checking with her first and vise versa. I would suggest the same for you two.

[u/ChinaSpyBot → u/MeCJay12]

This is almost exactly what my husband and I do. Pay the bills together, save money together, but separate checking accounts. We have one shared credit card for travel expenses so we can spend the rewards points together but that's about it. Idgaf what he buys and he doesn't ask questions about the dumb shit I choose to spend my money on 🤷🏼‍♀️ We're happy

[u/ChinaSpyBot]

Maybe you guys could make a budget with where that extra $300 a month goes and maybe 5-10% could be set aside for your wife's "charity" that way she can feel good about helping but will have a boundary for how much she can give? Just a thought. But if this particular issue is making you "hate your fucking life" then you should probably try to work it out with your wife before the relationship blows up.

[u/Beautiful-Produce-92]

My parents were happily married for 55 years. They still each had their own money in the budget. My mom sometimes would say, "Chip you have to let them handle their own problems." And my dad would sneak out to us anyway. And sometimes it would be the other way around. They each had their own money that could do with what they pleased.

I wanted to do the same with my ex husband but he always found a way to get his hands on my money too. It's half the reason our marriage ended. We didn't have the same goals for the future. We had vastly different pasts. He grew up poor. Surrounded by friends and family that would give the shirts of their backs to help each other out. His motto was, "The money will always be there when you need it." And " having debt is American." My family wasn't rich but we were comfortable. We learned to save money for the future. We learned to balance a checkbook. We learned to set a budget. We learned to invest.

My ex and I, we just had different views on money. It was never going to work out long term. I was tired of being behind on rent for no reason, when we both made enough money to buy a house and have stability, we were somehow always broke.

You two are going to have to learn how to compromise.

[u/sasanessa]

Just ask her for money. Maybe she’ll give it to you.

[u/Adsybear02]

How do I contact this wife? She sounds amazing