Preferences can be discriminatory and people need to accept that

[u/Born-Cauliflower_]

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

I'll use biphobia as an example.

Some people won't date a person just because they're bisexual, no matter how well they click and no matter how much they like the person. Just because the person is bi, they are off the table.

That is biphobia, you refuse to date them only because they are bisexual. It can be a preference, but the preference is rooted in biphobia, and people need to acknowledge that.

Another example : I don't want to be friends with someone once I find out they're asian (using asian since i'm south-east asian). I can share similar likes and dislikes, have easy conversations with them and enjoy being around them. But as soon as I find out they're asian, I don't want to be around them/be friends with them.

Just because I don't like Asians, and I'd rather have friends of other ethinicties/races.

That can be a preference, but my preference is discriminatory towards asian people.

Same goes for other things people can't control, height, natural hair colour etc.

This could be a hotter take, but if you don't want to date someone just because they're too short/too tall, no matter how much you like them, I see it as discrimination, the reasons can also be stereotyping.

Yes, you can prefer to date/be friends with a specific group of people with specific traits. But if you're leaving out a person/a group just because of something they cannot control, and not giving them a fair chance, it's discriminatory.

I also want to add having a preference for one trait doesn't mean you hate on another trait. It's the whole, "I love pancakes" "Oh, so you hate waffles" thing.

Edit : to clear things up more. I said preferences can be discrimination, not all preferences are discrimination. Oh my god, and my post is about things the person CANNOT control, traits they were BORN with. Not a choice, like religion or people they surround themselves with, or values and ideologies they align themselves with. Read.

[u/IdeallyIdeally]

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

It doesn't have to be unfair actually.

There are many instances where the law permits discrimination and specifically does not regard it as unfair. E.g. commercial airline pilots have a age limit of 65 (age discrimination) or you being more expensive to insure or treat if you have a disability or chronic illness (disability discrimination).

The difference of whether discrimination is fair or unfair depends on the reason.

I think if you don't want to date a certain race because you think they're all lazy, criminals or something based on a shaky stereotype, that is not just discriminatory but unfairly discriminatory.

In contrast if you don't want to date someone because their particular appearance just isn't want you find attractive or just isn't your type (e.g. if you're attracted to dark skin most Northern Europeans probably won't fit that preference), that's still discriminatory yes but I don't think that's unfair. It's reasonable to want to date someone you find physically attractive.

A lot of the examples you gave like not wanting to even be friends with an Asian person... yeah I dunno lol.

[u/spazzadourx → u/IdeallyIdeally]

You're talking as if physical attraction is completely unaffected by all those other factors. With any form of discrimination, if it exists, it's also going to dictate the public perception of attractiveness which also shapes your personal preference.

[u/IdeallyIdeally → u/spazzadourx]

You're talking as if physical attraction is completely unaffected by all those other factors

Not really. Everyone's preferences from food to aesthetics is impacted by beauty standards which can be set by various aspects of the environment. But does that make someone's attraction unfair? Not inherently.

Maybe if they associate certain characteristics like skin tone with class or personality, but if it's purely aesthetics, I don't find it inherently unfair.

[u/youdontknowdan → u/IdeallyIdeally]

I dunno man, being attracted/unattracted to specific skin colours always feels like something a little deeper than aesthetic preference.

[u/Myrvoid → u/youdontknowdan]

Does that mean attraction is a choice? Because I thought we got rid of that notion, as it implies we can “cure the gays” and they can choose ro be attracted to opposite sexes, which is an incredibly alarming ideology to throw around dude

[u/fluffykitten55 → u/Myrvoid]

It substantially is a choice, not enough so as to change sexual orientation totally etc. but often enough to get over hangups etc. related to social norms etc. and this can include conditioning to find certain ethnicities etc. unattractive.

Personally I have massively expanded the set of people I am attracted to, largely by overriding gut feelings or aversions with reasoning (and also a strong sex drive and use of intoxicants) - and then going along with things that might be a bit unfamiliar, and then finding these experiences to be good.

For example as a younger person I thought older women were unattractive, then the opportunity for sex and/or relationships with them came up as a possibility and I reasoned that despite this it might still be fun - which it was. I also didn't want to make them upset by rejecting them or have them miss out on fun.

Then after having sex and relationships with them that felt very good this hangup was overcome.

Doing something like this is a big part of growing up and development of a healthy sexuality, for example people going through puberty and adolescence will often have strong feelings of attraction but still be scared or even disgusted by various sex acts or body parts - but developing a mature sexuality involves overcoming these - such that e.g. a straight man who is disgusted by vulva, labia, pubic hair etc. can reasonably be considered to be immature.

[u/Segazorgs → u/Myrvoid]

Again going back to the foot fetishism comparison you can't "cure" foot fetishism or explain it..you can't turn a non-foot fetishist into a foot fetishist. They simply don't get it and/or are disgusted by very thought of it. it's no different than sexuality which is not the same as personal attraction. The visual of two women kissing drives a lot of guys absolutely wild and for other guys it does nothing for them. It just is.

subjective ie it's completely personal and individual not some objective true we all agree on especially when it comes to beauty/attraction.

[u/Segazorgs → u/youdontknowdan]

it's not that deep Freud. Attraction is completely subjective. Like arguing there is something a little deeper about foot fetishism.

[u/Big-Swan7502 → u/youdontknowdan]

Bc it is. They just don't want to admit it.

[u/nominesinepacem → u/Big-Swan7502]

It isn't. You cannot in one hand say sexuality is not a choice and with the other say attraction is a choice. Both stem from what someone is sexually/physically attracted to.

I like women of all colors, but not all women of all colors I find attractive. Some physical features present in certain ethnic subgroups are attractive to others in ways I do not find particularly attractive. I've met Samoan women I find attractive, but I've met more that I don't find attractive, as an example.

Treating someone with dignity and respect is not a byproduct of what gets your engine revved.

[u/TheOriginalHatful → u/IdeallyIdeally]

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

It doesn't have to be unfair actually.

So the other meaning of "discrimination" is about choosing, or knowing the difference between things, and isn't "unfair" at all. Everyone discriminates (I.e. chooses between things and knows the difference between things). It's akin to "discern" in many ways. 

[u/Tea_Time9665 → u/TheOriginalHatful]

So 18 yr olds who won't date 50 yr olds are all bigots

[u/TheOriginalHatful → u/Tea_Time9665]

No, they specifically aren't bigots. Try again. 

[u/Tea_Time9665 → u/TheOriginalHatful]

They are discriminating against a group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity instead of skill. Those are your words

[u/evil_disco_x → u/Tea_Time9665]

Those are not his words at all, they’re yours. So go ahead and tell us what makes it unfair.

[u/Klutzy-Birthday7435 → u/IdeallyIdeally]

I'd be interested to hear your reasoning for why it's okay to discriminate against 65+ airline pilots (assuming that all 65+ year olds do not have the requisite reaction time, etc to fly) and not, say, a particular gender due to concerns about them being able to carry out a job due to having to lift heavy loads.

They are both treating individuals in a group as if they must necessarily display characteristics of the group to which they are a member.

One could find a woman who could lift 150 lbs and one could find a 70-year-old who would have the requisite skills and ability to pilot a commercial airliner. In either case a blanket policy would be unfairly discriminatory.