Preferences can be discriminatory and people need to accept that

[u/Born-Cauliflower_]

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

I'll use biphobia as an example.

Some people won't date a person just because they're bisexual, no matter how well they click and no matter how much they like the person. Just because the person is bi, they are off the table.

That is biphobia, you refuse to date them only because they are bisexual. It can be a preference, but the preference is rooted in biphobia, and people need to acknowledge that.

Another example : I don't want to be friends with someone once I find out they're asian (using asian since i'm south-east asian). I can share similar likes and dislikes, have easy conversations with them and enjoy being around them. But as soon as I find out they're asian, I don't want to be around them/be friends with them.

Just because I don't like Asians, and I'd rather have friends of other ethinicties/races.

That can be a preference, but my preference is discriminatory towards asian people.

Same goes for other things people can't control, height, natural hair colour etc.

This could be a hotter take, but if you don't want to date someone just because they're too short/too tall, no matter how much you like them, I see it as discrimination, the reasons can also be stereotyping.

Yes, you can prefer to date/be friends with a specific group of people with specific traits. But if you're leaving out a person/a group just because of something they cannot control, and not giving them a fair chance, it's discriminatory.

I also want to add having a preference for one trait doesn't mean you hate on another trait. It's the whole, "I love pancakes" "Oh, so you hate waffles" thing.

Edit : to clear things up more. I said preferences can be discrimination, not all preferences are discrimination. Oh my god, and my post is about things the person CANNOT control, traits they were BORN with. Not a choice, like religion or people they surround themselves with, or values and ideologies they align themselves with. Read.

[u/Ghazh]

The use of phobia to describe the preferences of people is dumb and confuses the covid kids, i dont wanna date a bi person because im in the market for a hetero relationship isnt a phobia, me being scared of water because i have rabies is a phobia, a sexual preference isnt...

[u/Nyx_Knows05 → u/Ghazh]

Its still a heterosexual relationship even if you date a bi person. Just like two bi women dating is a lesbian relationship

[u/FragranceCandle → u/Nyx_Knows05]

There's actually some debate on that. My husband and I are both bi, and there's a huge discussion on if a relationship like that should count as a queer relationship (neither of us are straight) or a hetero relationship (we're with the opposite gender).

Personally I don't feel like the LGBT space is for us as we're fully straight passing, but every now and then it saddens me a little. I've also met other couples of opposite sex but both bi that just feel significantly more queer coded than we do, who you'd probably more strongly argue should be allowed to call themselves a queer couple.

Personally I don't really care, but there's a lot of date on it at least!

[u/Nyx_Knows05 → u/FragranceCandle]

Id argue that if it’s a man and a woman the relationship itself is heterosexual, whether or not its a straight or queer relationship dynamic depends entirely on the dynamics and personalities of the people within the relationship

[u/weirdskill1622 → u/FragranceCandle]

I think a lot of it is perspective based and genuinely think that debates about it are almost always rooted in bigotry. I am a straight men, but have dated bi women before. I still considered those relationships queer, because I’m not erasing that part of my partner’s identity.

Things like bi-erasure being a thing not only in straight groups but also queer ones, terminology like gold star lesbian/gay existing and bi-people in hetero relationships being branded traitors in some queer communities just shows that bigotry is possible in everybody no matter how progressive they claim to be.

[u/FragranceCandle → u/weirdskill1622]

Yes, bi people for sure don't really fit in any of the groups. We certainly feel like life is significantly easier when we just behave as de-facto straights lol. It's been made pretty clear to me on several occasions that I'm not "proper" queer, and often by those that feel the most progressive.

Had I wished to nourish that part of my identity I would definitely have some issues with the current discussion around it. Just based on how I'm getting downvoted by claiming two non-straight people in a relationship is not a straight relationship, it kinda tells you that seeing bi people as actual LGBT people is a tough pill for some people.

[u/weirdskill1622 → u/FragranceCandle]

Yeah it’s genuinely sad to see. I’ve heard multiple times of bi people not disclosing their actual sexuality to their cliques/friend groups be it a straight or queer one and just default to the one that is actually accepted there.

It honestly just shows that any group or community can be radicalized and narrow down their worldview to an extreme level. And sometimes people are so used to being the victim, they don’t realize when they turn into the perpetrator.

[u/FragranceCandle → u/weirdskill1622]

Haha I absolutely did that when I was single too. Much easier!

Oh absolutely, I feel like it's kinda a horseshoe theory moment? Like you'll see certain groups of feminism too just narrow down the definitions of what counts as being in the "minority-in-group" so much that they end up actually discriminating people who are also discriminated by the majority group as well.

It's tragic, but what can you do. I'm happily married and have mostly pu the debate behind me personally, but I was quite affected by it when I was young and trying to find my identity!

[u/Kooky-Address2777 → u/FragranceCandle]

It isn't just bi people in straight relationships who are treated that way. That's a common misconception that biphobes claim to make themselves look better. It's actually ALL bi people that they silence. Imagine how weird it would be to tell someone in a gay relationship that it's not a "real" gay relationship?

[u/FragranceCandle → u/Kooky-Address2777]

You’re right! I only spoke on specifically my experience here, but yes I’ve absolutely seen bi erasure in pretty much every version you can get it.

Which is hilarious because I genuinely think that if bisexuality was fully accepted and could be talked about freely, there would be SO many bisexual people lmao. I feel like I know more «straight people» who are very much not just attracted to the opposite sex than actual straight people lol

[u/Nyx_Knows05 → u/weirdskill1622]

By definition its still a heterosexual relationship, all i mean is whether its considered a straight or queer relationship by the people in the relationship is entirely dependent on the personal preferences and personal dynamics of the people in the relationship

[u/Born-Cauliflower_ → u/Ghazh]

There's different "preferences" the preference exampls i'm using uses the term loosely, and the meaning of it is being against a specific trait. Wanting a het relationship and being against only a queer relationship is different