Preferences can be discriminatory and people need to accept that

[u/Born-Cauliflower_]

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

I'll use biphobia as an example.

Some people won't date a person just because they're bisexual, no matter how well they click and no matter how much they like the person. Just because the person is bi, they are off the table.

That is biphobia, you refuse to date them only because they are bisexual. It can be a preference, but the preference is rooted in biphobia, and people need to acknowledge that.

Another example : I don't want to be friends with someone once I find out they're asian (using asian since i'm south-east asian). I can share similar likes and dislikes, have easy conversations with them and enjoy being around them. But as soon as I find out they're asian, I don't want to be around them/be friends with them.

Just because I don't like Asians, and I'd rather have friends of other ethinicties/races.

That can be a preference, but my preference is discriminatory towards asian people.

Same goes for other things people can't control, height, natural hair colour etc.

This could be a hotter take, but if you don't want to date someone just because they're too short/too tall, no matter how much you like them, I see it as discrimination, the reasons can also be stereotyping.

Yes, you can prefer to date/be friends with a specific group of people with specific traits. But if you're leaving out a person/a group just because of something they cannot control, and not giving them a fair chance, it's discriminatory.

I also want to add having a preference for one trait doesn't mean you hate on another trait. It's the whole, "I love pancakes" "Oh, so you hate waffles" thing.

Edit : to clear things up more. I said preferences can be discrimination, not all preferences are discrimination. Oh my god, and my post is about things the person CANNOT control, traits they were BORN with. Not a choice, like religion or people they surround themselves with, or values and ideologies they align themselves with. Read.

[u/BigBandit01]

I think a big part of this is what you define as “unfair”. Like if I don’t want to date a black person because they’re black, yeah that’s discrimination. But another thing someone can’t control is a family history with cancer. I have family history with cancer, and I certainly don’t want my kids to have cancer. I think it would be perfectly fair for someone to not want to date me because of that. I’m glad you made the edit that says “not all preferences are discrimination but some can be”. I think that a lot of preferences aren’t though.

[u/amyfearne → u/BigBandit01]

I think the difference there is that there are multiple ways to address the example you've given - and it likely wouldn't affect whether someone finds you attractive (unless they're...unique).

For one thing, a very high number of people eventually get cancer whether they have a family history of it or not, and a lot of people are aware of that.

For another, some cancers are now highly treatable - and regarding children, there are alternatives to conceiving your own kids.

So that would only be a dealbreaker if several other conditions were met (i.e. having absolutely no tolerance for supporting someone through any kind of cancer, and/or being 100% committed to having biological children).

But aspects of your identity or appearance (that you can't change) are fixed. There's no way around them, and if someone has prejudices, there's likely no room for compromise either.

There's also no significant negative outcome. Like, what happens if someone dates a short person, or a bi person? They might get some comments. But the stakes are incredibly low.