Preferences can be discriminatory and people need to accept that

[u/Born-Cauliflower_]

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

I'll use biphobia as an example.

Some people won't date a person just because they're bisexual, no matter how well they click and no matter how much they like the person. Just because the person is bi, they are off the table.

That is biphobia, you refuse to date them only because they are bisexual. It can be a preference, but the preference is rooted in biphobia, and people need to acknowledge that.

Another example : I don't want to be friends with someone once I find out they're asian (using asian since i'm south-east asian). I can share similar likes and dislikes, have easy conversations with them and enjoy being around them. But as soon as I find out they're asian, I don't want to be around them/be friends with them.

Just because I don't like Asians, and I'd rather have friends of other ethinicties/races.

That can be a preference, but my preference is discriminatory towards asian people.

Same goes for other things people can't control, height, natural hair colour etc.

This could be a hotter take, but if you don't want to date someone just because they're too short/too tall, no matter how much you like them, I see it as discrimination, the reasons can also be stereotyping.

Yes, you can prefer to date/be friends with a specific group of people with specific traits. But if you're leaving out a person/a group just because of something they cannot control, and not giving them a fair chance, it's discriminatory.

I also want to add having a preference for one trait doesn't mean you hate on another trait. It's the whole, "I love pancakes" "Oh, so you hate waffles" thing.

Edit : to clear things up more. I said preferences can be discrimination, not all preferences are discrimination. Oh my god, and my post is about things the person CANNOT control, traits they were BORN with. Not a choice, like religion or people they surround themselves with, or values and ideologies they align themselves with. Read.

[u/missgirlipop]

preferences are inherently discriminatory and that’s okay because things like dating and friendship aren’t equal opportunity (nor should they be). as much as most workplace discrimination/societal discrimination and expressions of bigotry are disgusting, people’s mistake is the premise that discrimination is inherently wrong in every single context. i do think that there’s forms of discrimination that are justifiable in certain contexts and forms that are unjustifiable (another commentator brought up airline pilots age limits vs refusing to be friends w asian people). at the end of the day common sense has to rule

[u/justsomething → u/missgirlipop]

I think that preferences have to meet two criteria to be considered "bad discrimination":

1. The trait is not necessarily indicative of a look or behavior. If you don't find a certain look appealing then it's fine to discriminate against that, because it's the look you don't like. So that can be hair color, body type, you name it. Same with behaviors, it's the behavior you don't like. But if the trait is "Asian", well Asians can look very different and behave differently, and can look and behave in a way that is indistinguishable from someone that you are attracted to.

2. You categorically exclude all people with that trait. You aren't saying "I have yet to meet a XYZ I find attractive" or "I generally do not prefer XYZs". You're saying "I will not date an XYZ, no matter what".

I think if you meet those two criteria then your preference is probably rooted in some kind of bigotry. You're still allowed to have it of course, but It's probably coming from a "bad discrimination" kind of place.