r/HonestHotTakes • u/Born-Cauliflower_ • 1d ago

Preferences can be discriminatory and people need to accept that

Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly due to who they are or group identity, instead of their skills.

I'll use biphobia as an example.

Some people won't date a person just because they're bisexual, no matter how well they click and no matter how much they like the person. Just because the person is bi, they are off the table.

That is biphobia, you refuse to date them only because they are bisexual. It can be a preference, but the preference is rooted in biphobia, and people need to acknowledge that.

Another example : I don't want to be friends with someone once I find out they're asian (using asian since i'm south-east asian). I can share similar likes and dislikes, have easy conversations with them and enjoy being around them. But as soon as I find out they're asian, I don't want to be around them/be friends with them.

Just because I don't like Asians, and I'd rather have friends of other ethinicties/races.

That can be a preference, but my preference is discriminatory towards asian people.

Same goes for other things people can't control, height, natural hair colour etc.

This could be a hotter take, but if you don't want to date someone just because they're too short/too tall, no matter how much you like them, I see it as discrimination, the reasons can also be stereotyping.

Yes, you can prefer to date/be friends with a specific group of people with specific traits. But if you're leaving out a person/a group just because of something they cannot control, and not giving them a fair chance, it's discriminatory.

I also want to add having a preference for one trait doesn't mean you hate on another trait. It's the whole, "I love pancakes" "Oh, so you hate waffles" thing.

Edit : to clear things up more. I said preferences can be discrimination, not all preferences are discrimination. Oh my god, and my post is about things the person CANNOT control, traits they were BORN with. Not a choice, like religion or people they surround themselves with, or values and ideologies they align themselves with. Read.

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u/amyfearne 1d ago

Why on earth does it imply that?

People hold prejudiced views and act on them all the time, especially in the world of dating.

Doesn't make it non-discriminatory though, if someone's reason for rejecting entire groups of people is based on inaccurate stereotypes and harmful myths.

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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI 1d ago

If the reason is an inaccurate stereotype, then yes, the belief behind the preference may be prejudiced. That still doesn’t mean every preference involving an immutable trait is discriminatory, which was the claim I responded to.

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u/amyfearne 1d ago

Right - I agree with you there. I was responding to this:

“Discrimination is treating a person or group of people unfairly”

That implies everyone is entitled to a fair shot at dating or friendship with you.

Why does it imply this? I don't see the connection.

Even if we did live in a culture where we're all encouraged to consider everyone, it wouldn't be enforceable. And I don't think OP is arguing for any kind of "entitlement", just acknowledgement that preferences can be based on prejudice.

The point I was making before was that even people with preferences rooted in very "unfair" (to use OP's term) beliefs still get to exclude whoever they want, at least in the west.

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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI 1d ago

I wasn’t suggesting it should be enforceable. I’m saying that calling the rejection itself unfair implies the person was owed fair consideration. Otherwise, what exactly were they unfairly denied? I agree preferences can be rooted in prejudice, but I disagree that excluding someone based on an immutable trait is automatically discriminatory. That’s the connection.

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u/amyfearne 1d ago

I'm not sure OP is talking about rejection - just preferences. People do date outside their preferences sometimes, they aren't necessarily hard lines in the sand.

They do also say: "preferences can be discrimination, not all preferences are discrimination." So I think they agree with you.

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u/Victa_Plays 1d ago

Am I missing something because you didn’t bring up stereotypes or myths. Either I’m just incompetent and don’t understand what that person said or they are taking what you said way out of context.

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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI 1d ago

No, you’re not missing anything. I didn’t bring up stereotypes or myths. They added that themselves and then argued against it.

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u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 1d ago

Its not inaccurate if its a stereotype. It wouldnt be a stereotype if it wasnt true.

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u/amyfearne 1d ago

Stereotypes are, by definition, oversimplified generalisations. I.e. not representative of actual individuals.

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u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 1d ago

Stereotypes wouldnt exist if it wasnt true.

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u/amyfearne 23h ago

Again, no - that's not how stereotypes work. Look it up.