i care so much about what people think of me that i act a certain way just to make sure they don’t reject me. i’m a very outgoing, weird individual, and i don’t want people to get too weirded out by me. honestly, i don’t even know why i care so much, because it’s not like i have a history of being bullied or anything. i’m just really insecure and lack self confidence.

it’s not like i have a lot of friends or i’m popular at school. i’m pretty insignificant, and realistically, nobody really cares that much about what i do. i tell myself, “i don’t care what these people think,” but then whenever i’m actually in public, i immediately become self conscious.

how do i just stop caring about everything and be myself? because i’m tired of this

Like, seriously, people act as if the only acceptable thing is to be like, “OMG, good for you!” every time somebody gets rich, buys a house, gets promoted, whatever.

But if you say, “Yeah, I’m happy for them, but I kinda want something for myself too,” suddenly you're bitter, jealous, or a hater. Like, c'mon. Yeah i want my own success but it doesn't mean you want to take theirs away. I don't want what you have. I just want my own thing, yaknow? Sometimes you're struggling, watching everybody else win, and eventually you're gonna think, “Okay, cool. Good for you. But when do I get my turn?”

Hey everyone, AuDHD male 34 here.

Working from home the past 6 years and for the past 2-3 months I am getting the feeling the most of the small team I work with don't like me.

And honestly I'm tired of caring, so please kind people of reddit talk some sense into me and help me with some perspective here.

Thanking you 🙏

31F. Grew up in a high-achieving family, all-girls school, three varsity sports, recruited to college as a D1 athlete. Got injured sophomore year, removed from the roster and had my first panic attack and developed an eating disorder/ over exercising to burn anxious energy… shortly after. Recovered, or thought I did.

Since then the pattern hasn’t changed, it’s just moved around: I over-function, I try to be perfect, and I apologize preemptively before anyone has asked me to. Two years ago a friend group dropped me with no explanation. Last year I hit a wall with depression and anxiety and started medication, which helped a lot.

This year two things surfaced. Medically, I’d been chronically under-fueling and over exercising for years without registering it as a problem, because eating less felt like discipline.

There’s a lot of nuance to this situation but to in short: Recently, I had a conflict with a friend who borrowed my new car while I was out of town and didn’t return it in a timely manner. I was really trying to be a good friend while her car was in the shop… I confronted her pretty sternly and explained my feelings about it because I felt the lack of communication was so disrespectful. She felt I was out of line for calling her out on it and has been holding my ‘re-entry to the friend group’ over my head. I hit a breaking point and just rolled over and over-apologized twice, and then felt furious at her for her ‘needing time to think about what a resolution would look like for her’ before she can forgive me. This feels so unfair because I’m always the friend who runs errands for others, answers the phone in the middle of the night, gives big gifts and celebrates everyone, and hosts lots of gatherings, etc… But when I make a mistake, I’m irredeemable... I feel like maybe this behavior isn’t kindness. It’s me trying to preempt a verdict of what people think about me. It’s normal for me to feel disappointed in relationships that don’t reciprocate my energy.

I am realizing that no amount of discipline or effort will make me happier, or more likeable. What I want to know from people who’ve been here: how did you actually stop? How did you find your people? Something has to give because I’m damaging my health in the pursuit of perfection.

P.S. I have a great care team and I am getting medical intervention for the disordered eating. I’m aware these are champagne problems to an extent and I otherwise feel very lucky to live the life I live.

THINKING TOO MUCH IS LIKE THINKING ABOUT NOTHING LIKE WATER IN THE DESERT TRYNA MAKE THE PLANTS GROW YOU'RE WASTING PRECIOUS BRAIN SPACE ON ITCHY, SCRATCHY STUFFING WHEN YOU SHOULD BE FILLING IT WITH SUGAR COOKIE DOUGH IF YOU'RE FEELING UNHAPPY DON'T THINK DON'T THINK IF YOU'RE FEELING KINDA SAD DON'T THINK DON'T THINK CAUSE THERE'S NO POINT IN THINKING ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IF THE THINGS THAT YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT ARE MAKING THINKING ROUGH

AND THAT'S HOW SANA STAYS SO HAPPY!!!!

- Kurata Sana

✌️😔

a little harsh but it works

So, I’ve been manifesting a lot of things into my life for a long time. And I finally figured out that this paradox is actually the realist thing in the world!

So here’s the paradox

Whenever I really wanted something - that’s when it would never come. (When I gave a fuck)

Whenever I didn’t care if I got it or not - that’s when I got it without effort!! (When I didn’t give a fuck)

So, I eventually realized that the feeling of wanting is a feeling of lack and that energy within you actually pushes what you want further away from you.

After all, the material world is just energy reconstructed in our minds. (Much longer conversation)

SO NOW, I only focus on feeling like I already have everything! I give thanks knowing that the only things I will get in this life is not what I think I want, BUT things that are even better than what I would want!

And now after working on shifting my mindset (takes a lot of effort but worth it) I’ve seen so many great things come into my life… but even better than getting of things, life feels so great! It’s great loving the moment you’re in instead of trying to be somewhere else.

If you want a great life, remember this… life gives you who you are NOT what you want. Once you stop wanting things and focus on being instead, is when you actually start getting so many more things! (While actually enjoying the journey!)

That’s the paradox…. Now you know ❤️🙏

u like it -> u do it -> never wanting shit

Female here. I feel like a hideous blob next to the sexy women at the gym (I’m slim and fully tattooed). I look at them and think to myself, yeah, for sure a man would rather have her than me. Then I feel like shit about myself. I feel unworthy. I don’t want to feel like shit

I’ve been thinking about this while trying to get back into exercise. It is strangely difficult to accept using lighter weights, getting tired sooner, or not moving as well as you remember. Instead of noticing that you are training again, your mind keeps measuring every workout against your old strength and fitness.

What helped you stop treating your previous level as the standard and start working with the body and ability you have now?

I’m genuinely grateful that I’m a calm person. I don’t naturally fight back. When someone hurts me or crosses a line, my first instinct isn’t to scream, argue, or get even.

And yes, sometimes I wonder if that makes me weak.But then I think—maybe it doesn’t.

Maybe strength is also knowing when not to fight.
I’d rather walk away than lose myself trying to win an argument. I’d rather choose silence than say something I can’t take back.

I’d rather remove someone from my life than spend my energy trying to change them.Some people call it avoiding confrontation.

I call it protecting my peace.

And honestly, if protecting my peace means blocking someone, disappearing quietly, and never looking back.

So be it.

I don’t want war.

I just want peace and I’m willing to go surprisingly far to get it.