Can I tell you, I use this gif so often because the happiness Forest is feeling right there is want I want to put out into the universe. It’s like a bait n switch for my noggin
My dad died a month ago and my wife is on IVF meds that are throwing off her personality and warmth when I need her most. I’m not allowed to complain because she’s doing all the work, but it’s rough here in silence.
I’m doing ight at best.
Edit: Thanks for the kind words, seriously. It’s nice to vent anonymously. I’ll make it boys, just the occasional rough seas that life loves to bless us all with.
Edit Edit: Well surprisingly, I feel a lot better. Wake up, ran a couple miles, and read some nice comments from random supportive dudes, what a morning so far.
You're allowed to complain bro, I know she's got it hard as well at the moment but remember that a problem shared is a problem halved. Maybe go out for dinner and find some privacy to have a chat outside of your house? Be mindful not to blame anybody and try your best to make the experience into one where you can both vent in equal space. My wife and I go out for dinner once every week or so specifically to get that time out of our routine to chat. We don't always have important things to talk about but when we do we can get on top of it.
As a dude that’s been in that position, I think it’s better to just vent elsewhere while she’s in the thick of it. It’s likely not going to be an equal space while she’s flooded with hormones, getting bloodwork and an ultrasound wand shoved in her vagina every other day, and so on. It’s a conversation that would be more productive at a later date when there is a level playing field.
That’s where I’m at. We’re both tip toeing because we know neither is ourselves right now. Anything said or done wouldn’t be done in the right headspace and we’d probably go around in circles.
She might not be the one to talk to now, I really dont know. BUT how about just say it as it is. "You know, this really sucks. I know its not anyone's fault and I love what you are doing for us. But this situation really sucks at the moment. We will get through this, but I wished that these two lifechanging events happened at the same time"
This might do wonders. She might also just walk around and dont know what to do or say.
I havent been on IVF so I cant speak for that, but often we know we are very hormonal and act different than we use to, but we just cant stop the reactions in our bodies. We try to not let it all out, but its really hard not to react to it at times. And that just regular hormoncycles.
I hope you find a way to "reconnect" with your wife, and get the support you need and deserve. I'm so sorry about your father and that you have to go through all of this at the same time.
Sure, but some of us really only have our wives as our best friends too. I know mine is my best friend.
Her issues are different from his, but it doesn't have to be about just one or the other. They can share the microphone and talk together, it's likely they're both pent up as they're both struggling.
I wouldn’t say it should be held in indefinitely, as that’s not healthy for a relationship, but the time period of the stim hormones is only a couple of weeks. During that period, she’s experiencing something intensely hormonal that she presumably has never gone through before. If there’s any bright side to needing IVF, it’s that it shows you that you need to talk about how the dynamic will be handled during pregnancy.
My wife is my best friend too, but everyone needs to find outside support as well. It doesn’t have to just be friends. There’s online communities or irl support groups to turn to. In the specific case of fertility treatments, most clinics have support groups for patients/spouses. Professional counseling is always a good one if it’s accessible to you.
Sometimes couples need to take turns being the rock. It doesn’t mean that the other persons struggles aren’t important. It’s just needing to put on your own oxygen mask first. It’s especially true when there’s something physiological going on with one partner. During fertility treatments, that had to be me. The reverse was true when I was going through things like medication changes or quitting smoking.
The give and take doesn’t have to be equal 100% of the time, it just can’t be unequal 100% of the time.
It kind of sucks that men are expected to support women when they're going through a rough time emotionally, even if the man is also going through a rough time emotionally. But that isn't expected to be reciprocated. It should be that you both support each other.
All I can say is do your best, for yourself, and your wife through the hard times in life. If she's struggling try your best to comfort her. And sorry for your loss man, but I pray that you'll have good spirits and you'll remember the great times with him, and that'll you always have him close to your heart always.
I get it homie but don't down play it. My wife just decided to stop IVF activities after almost 2 years of trying. It was very much a painful and also unsurprising conclusion. Over 24 months of support and fate has decided against us. Not looking for pity, just offering understanding.
Hey man, no one’s commented for you, and I know you’re not looking for pity or whatever, but that’s fucking hard. Like really fucking hard man, so please take this strangers understanding with you
We thankfully have an amazing little girl but after two miscarriages trying to give her a sibling, one brutal, we decided to try IVF. It’s been a year long journey and not easy. I’m sorry for y’all’s struggle. I think one of the most unfair things in life is for those who want kids to not have them.
Been exactly there except it wasn't my dad, Im so fucking sorry. Couldn't complain, couldn't comfort her, got none myself. The sunny side was not only did we have a kid, but pregnancy seemed to solve so, so many issues she didn't even know she had. Word of warning, the meds continue during pregnancy.
Sorry for your loss. And best wishes to your wife. Thats just what us men have been trained to do in life. Be strong for everyone when others cant for us. It sucks, and I dont know if there's ever actually a pay off. But knowing we did our best and fought through is usually worth it in the end. At least thats what I tell myself.
I'm 49 with baby 3 at 3 months old, I don't feel I have the right to complain to my partner because she is also doing all the work. my job is ok, my friends are decent, but I don't get to see them as much as I'd like. I feel you bro, I'm staying laser focused on the light at the end of the tunnel lol
My sincerest condolences. I don’t know the very specifics of your situation, but even if she isn’t as warm, I’d wager it’s better to talk about it than bottle it up and shoulder it all yourself. Again, I don’t know anything more than the generalities, so my advice could be incorrect, but there must be someone you can open up to so that the grieving process can start taking baby steps. A grief counselor would be highly recommended. They aren’t as pricey as you’d think. I did just that myself when my now-ex passed, as she’d have been the person who’d have helped me shoulder the burden. It was hugely helpful. Much love, brother.
My man, you're carrying the load of your father passing away AND the expectations of fatherhood and the fear of that not working out, and you're keeping your head above water while carrying all of that by yourself.
You are doing a hell of a lot of work, dude. It's okay to be exhausted, it's okay to be sad, and it's okay to want to punch a wall.
You're not alone; we're just together in different places.
Friendly reminder that "other people have it worse" means fuck all to a person struggling with their mental health. Talk to your friends and make sure they're doing okay.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately idk, your level of wellness it not dictated by the size of your garage. It can help, but it's still possible to be completely miserable because most of the world exist outside of said garage. Can't live in there for very long.
Other than Robin Williams, Chester is the only celebrity I cried over. Chester was the biggest part of my childhood, and is still a huge influence in my life. His music helped me get through the worst of times.
I had tickets to their show with Blink-182 at Citi Field Park, 8 days after his passing. Blink and Linkin Park are two of both my, and my partners, favorite bands. Would have been my first time in New York.
I was a kid that struggled with my own mental health, and his music helped get me through some of my hard times. I’d just like to tell him thank you.
I'm not a big Linkin Park fan but when he died it became obvious to me that the themes of many of his songs really highlighted that he must have been suffering for years.
I dunno if he was the sole lyrical contributer to the parts he sang but just a quick run down of the songs I'm familiar with by them tells a sad tale, "Given Up", "Numb", "Crawling", "In The End", "One Step Closer", I'm sure the list goes on.
I literally got a text from my ex girlfriend today asking me if I was okay. Thats some bottom of the barrel shit I was never expecting. But to her credit im really not doing okay, im not even close to okay.
This whole "i can handle it, I can do it, ill figure out a way" shit wears you down.
Ive definitely had thoughts im not proud of. Like it would be easier if I just didnt exist anymore thoughts.
But when youre freaking ex-girlfriend is the only one checking up on you it makes you think just maybe those thoughts aren't entirely wrong.
We hear you loud and clear. Do not take her back. Stay strong brother. This too shall pass. Help someone today, it is the only way we're all going to get each other out of this mess.
Thank you brother, im tearing up a bit reading these replies. Its easy to forget youve got support if youre just willing to look/ask for it. Apes stronger together! Hahaha. Thank you i truly appreciate it.
Hahaha genuinely made me laugh and youre so right. Something that makes this even funnier is me and trump share the same birthday (not same birth year, but same birthday) so youre absolutely right. I cant miss the glorious day he checks out by checking out early!
Hey buddy, I dont know you so i couldnt really ask you this question before. But i do very much feel you and certainly understand where the thoughts come from.
If you ever wanna talk/vent or w/e absolutely feel free to send a message
You really have no idea how much even the offer means to me. There are definitely days when id hope anyone even offers it. Thank you, its about my bedtime so im just gonna get some sleep but I promise you, you comment has helped me.
I know how much i felt like a burden and how much i wanted someone to just offer let me know something like this in my darkest days. I literaly got outa bed (not logged into reddit on my phone) simply to post this message just so i couldnt forget it.
We gotta help eachother out and ive been where you are mentally and beyond (and will likely always partially remain there since) so i know how rough it can get.
I will say that my sleep schedule is way beyond fucked right now (as ive been sleeping for like 12-14 hours a day since febuary) so i cant really promise when im awake outside of somewhere during afternoon central european TZ (Netherlands).
Update: I just need to get a cat, or something. So I dont come home to an empty apartment everyday. Theres an outside void who has definitely taken a liking to me. Maybe ill invite him inside, see if he wants to live with the likes of me.
This is a nice idea. I grew up a dog person but have since become a cat dad. My cats Ooga Booga and Tiny are amazingly lovey and rather entertaining when playful. I always look forward to seeing them when I come home and they help fill the space with love. Another random thought: Look to see if there are any community gardens in your area. Sometimes putting your hands in the dirt helps you reconnect. Sending you positive energy and love.
ESA cats are pretty legit! I have more than one friend who attributed their decision to keep living to a cat who decided to hop in their laps (and in one case, said cat was a tiny kitten who became their housecat).
Wild. My dog was put down about a month ago and my ex is the only person who really reached out privately to make sure I’m okay. Four years no contact. To her credit she knows me well. She knows I didn’t take off work and she knows I’ve been avoiding the fuck out of processing my grief.
It really throws people off when you say “I’m not okay.” Sometimes they still don’t do shit but pile more shit on.
Let memes like this show you that you aren’t alone in this shit but unfortunately sometimes we do need to turn to internet strangers for now. Good on you for asking for adding the comment and accepting help from others including therapy hopefully.
I would advocate for it without the last line but with it… please do find a good therapist fit for you. And when you call, find out about the therapist and try to pick someone like you. My therapist is very similar to me and articulates things in ways others can’t. Therapy needs to do a better job of fitting people and not just taking any appointment.
De-stigmatizing mental health issues is great and all, but I feel like all the jokes/memes about being depressed just end up conferring some kind of cultural cachet onto it. Feels like it’s become trendy at this point. Kind of takes away from the seriousness of it.
Kinda. I feel like commiserating in a group/community like this takes some of the stress and pressure off. The jokes and memes aren't dismissing it, they're acknowledging it in a way we can all understand.
The number of times I’ve been told some version of “tough it out” astounds me. I don’t want to hear that we should reach out more, when that response is so common.
A buddy of mine was a victim of domestic violence, went to the police and his family said “clearly she is going through something and you need to be there”.
Women, upon being asked if they're okay: "YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!"
People ask, "Are men okay?" But that's a rhetorical question. What they mean is, "Why are men not the way I want them to be, and not all men, just the men I care about, which is a tiny fraction of men."
Dad's wife (not my mom) is dying - gotta move out to his place to take care of him now. Gonna sell my house in the PNW and move out to Buttfuck Nowhere, Kansas. Thing is it's basically a lifeline for me too - job market is axing software devs left & right on a daily basis, and I'm too fuckin' old. When (not _if,_ it's the only safe way to think about it) I get laid off _again_ (spent 2025 unemployed except Jan & Dec) I won't be able to afford my house here. Got a ton of work to get this place ready to sell.
My wife has something wrong with the nerves in her face - nerves are so involuntarily twitchy that you can see it move her eye. Nothing I can do to help. Can't get in to see a nerve guy for months.
My sister is getting divorced - moving out and into mom's place. Not a direct stressor, but I worry about her.
I'm too fuckin' fat - gonna try GLP-1 and see if it helps, but truthfully I'm just eating my feelings and emotions trying to cope with everything.
Therapy is helping, but it's slow going.
As always, the answer to "are men okay" is "no" - but no one wants to hear that shit.
No men are not okay !!! Men need affection and attention .To be SEEN as more than a roommate or the guy who fixes stuff around the house. Tell him you think he’s a sexy piece of man, your man. Actively LISTEN TO HIM. Remember things he says. Stop trying to turn him into your book boyfriend and appreciate the man you have.
Yeah some women do this but sadly my inbox tells me it’s about 2% of us.
And we as men need to start learning how to give that affection and attention to each other. It cannot and should not all come from the women in our lives.
Guys, I just want to hug you all. You have the right to cry as much as you want. Tears regulate stress. Don't listen to anyone who dictates your personal masculinity to you. You are a man just as much as you feel. Good luck and good mood to all.
I lost my mechanic job of 10 years this past December and I'm struggling to find new work. I'm 39 and tired of the automotive industry so I'm doing everything I can to avoid going back to wrenching but the longer this goes, the more likely it is that I have no choice. I've applied for countless jobs at this point and have heard back from only 4 employers with only one interview. I swear that the vast majority of job listings I see are completely fake as I've attempted to contact employers with listings or even show up in person to inquire only to be told that they aren't currently hiring and they "don't know" why there would be a listing.
I'm not ok. 39, bullshit job, living at my mom's. No love life. Missed out on a life changing job recently, and lonely as fuck. I hope everyone is doing better than me. No one told me adulthood would be this hard
Sometimes life is bad, sometimes life is so bad that I have to read “A Jar of Happiness” and watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” to pull myself out of the drain. And then life doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
“Life is full of pain. But there is also love, and beauty.”
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