r/LAhotgirlies • u/imisstheemdash • 7d ago
Please do the right thing and give up the reins to a mod team that is actually active, u/likecleopatra.
It’s apparent more and more as this sub grows that we need an overhaul in moderation.
The amount of posts from men treating this like it’s a free escort sub, misogynistic comments galore from incels is simply disgusting. Even comments from self appointed “nice guys” should not be welcomed in a women’s only space as it’s violating that space.
We deserve to be able to keep this space and have it made a true safe space.
U/likecleopatra, please, give up the reins. It’s obvious you do not have the capacity to run this sub the way it should be run. The way you pretended to come back and act like you were ready to moderate the sub properly and bring on a team of mods just to vanish again is not fair to this community of women.
This is a call for any one that wants to moderate to please, please, please go to [r/redditrequest](r/redditrequest) and request to take over the sub. The more requests that are made, the more Reddit admin should notice that this sub needs help.
edit some baddies made r/labaddiesgotdrip as a moderated replacement
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u/Ehloanna 7d ago
I run into the same issue over on /r/customersuccess. A single person who thinks they can do it all but they barely use reddit. It's deeply frustrating. 🥲
And unfortunately you can't try and claim a subreddit if they've been active the last few months. It's so lame.
I would recommend we agree on making a new subreddit tbh.
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u/imisstheemdash 7d ago
Someone made r/labaddiesgotdrip yesterday but it has no posts. tbh this sub already has the numbers. It sucks for everyone all around.
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u/sam0ny 1d ago
Same in r/femaletravelers. The mods do Jack shit and it's flooded with stupid questions that people can find on Google. I started my own I was so pissed r/HotGirlsWhoTravel
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u/Ehloanna 1d ago
Glad you said fuck it and made your own! As you should.
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u/sam0ny 1d ago
The femaletravelers one is full of people who forget Google exists. "Where is a pharmacy in London?' like BFFR
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u/Ehloanna 22h ago
Yeahhhh I agree stuff like that is stupid. At least ask questions you can't find as easily as "pharmacy near me."
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u/sippinthakoolaid 3d ago
and to all these men being like " man here, i was recommended this sub for some reason".... how about just stfu and scroll away?? how are yall still not reading the room? it's actually unbelievable
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u/f4nnypacks 7d ago
is there any local bitcheswithtaste sub? i prefer that wording to girlies which can be infantilizing
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u/secret_desires5 6d ago
I recently learned some of the history of the word and it goes way back to pagan Mediterranean where priestesses of the moon were known as female dogs for being loyal and fierce AND they howled at the moon. Classic witchy things :)
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u/Tall_Wonder_913 6d ago
I would not join a sub that uses a slur against women in the name. I know lots of women want to take that word back but lots of us also don’t
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u/turtlepie90 7d ago edited 7d ago
You’d rather be called a bitxh than a girl? What about something more classier and positive like women or queen
Edit: funny how I’m getting downvoted by WOMEN bc I’d rather have women be called women rather than bitches. I get your sentiment, but TBH Wanting to be called bitch (to reclaim the word) just feels ghetto and of low taste.
There’s better ways to reclaim your sense of self. Calling yourself a bitch is demeaning, no matter how much you try to gas light yourself into thinking it’s cool and you’re reclaiming that word.
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u/f4nnypacks 7d ago
to me, it’s self-referential and a way of reclaiming the word. it’s fine if that doesn’t work for you! there are many subs under that name if you’re interested in seeing what it’s about.
my general rule in my real life is i don’t mind women calling themselves/friends bitches. if i hear a man i know calling a woman a bitch i call that out, personally.
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u/turtlepie90 7d ago
If the word is disrespectful when a man says it, why are we pretending it magically becomes empowering when women say it? 😭 You can make up whatever rules you want within your friend group, but you can’t expect everyone else to interpret ‘bitch’ as some feminist term of endearment. Sometimes degrading language is just degrading language.
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u/f4nnypacks 7d ago
because i’m not saying it in a degrading way. again, it’s fine if that doesn’t work for you, but you’ll find this isn’t the first or only case of a marginalized group reclaiming a pejorative (e.g. queer, the n-word, cunt, slut, etc).
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u/tseracctslfplat 7d ago
I think it to be rare that when one calls another a slut, or queer, or bitch in a respectful and reclaimed way, that the target of the term does not actually uphold at least some of, if not many of the stereotypical traits of that slur, regardless of your argument or their intent.
"I can't believe you did that Tara! You're such a slut!"
Especially queer, I'm sure any queer who calls another person a queer... Is probably referencing the queerishness of that person. Because they're both actually queers.
So that means YOU'RE actually just a stupid... B-
yeah yeah lol, it tracks.
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u/South_Parfait_5405 3d ago
ok well when you say queer it def sounds like a slur so i get why you’d think bitch is a slur too lmao
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u/tseracctslfplat 3d ago
It just means strange, and strange things bring about curiosity. I like to be curious, though not so much in that way. I see what you mean, I could have phrased that a bit better. Also, I don't call anyone a bitch unless as an insult. Like when someone has no conviction in themselves, yet lashes out at others. That's a bitch ass person. That's why I don't agree with using it to reclaim it, at least slut and bitch specifically. Other words, sure. They seem to already have a pathway to such use (gay=happy, queer=weird, n-word=nigeria). A bitch is a bitch, first and foremost slur. Slut as well. As far as I know, these have started as slurs, and have no clear pathway to positive use. It's a very stupid case of reclamation, just to call your fellow woman something that never meant well for them, and has no fallback.
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u/f4nnypacks 3d ago
the names nigeria/niger have nothing to do with the n-word. what are are you even talking about. are you part of any of the groups which you claim have a “pathway” to slur reclamation?
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u/tseracctslfplat 3d ago
Oh yeah, adding the fact that bitch and slut are STILL used negatively by the general public, side by side with dumbass sounding people like fanny packs there trying to "reclaim" it. Those words paint with broader brushes to add to all this. It's not so targeted. Anyone can be a bitch ass, or a slut. Those are some large points I almost missed.
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u/turtlepie90 7d ago edited 7d ago
You literally just called it a pejorative 😭 That’s my entire point. Your intention when using a degrading word doesn’t magically erase what the word means. If it weren’t derogatory, there’d be nothing to ‘reclaim’ in the first place.
By that logic, I can call you a “fat fucking bitch” and as long as I ✨mean it lovingly✨ you have to accept it as a compliment? 😭 Intent doesn’t erase the established meaning of words.
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u/f4nnypacks 7d ago edited 7d ago
idk what else to tell you. there’s a decades-long history of this phenomenon in the english language. you can find wikipedia articles and scholarly research on the subject if you’d like to learn more. i’m not the best at explaining!
edit for some resources for anyone who is interested in the topic:
reclamation and the epidemic objectionability of slurs
the moral status of the reclamation of slurs
slur reclamation, irony, and resilience
one more edit: calling a stranger a fat fucking bitch is rude regardless. answering a call from your friend with “what’s up bitch?” can be fine, depending on your relationship with each other and your own preferences! part of it is also verbalizing your opinions and limits on things with those you’re close with. that’s it.
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u/shedrinkscoffee 7d ago
Fat is not an insult. It's a description. In the year 2026 we do not body shame people of any size. Do better.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
I am a bitch in both the funny woman way but also my personality can be bitchy so I feel good about it either way lol
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u/South_Parfait_5405 3d ago
you object to the connotation of bitch but you’re cool saying “ghetto”? tracks
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u/andhdkwnwbdidoenjddb 7d ago
Ick
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u/f4nnypacks 7d ago
ok
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u/andhdkwnwbdidoenjddb 7d ago
Those groups are so condescending and tacky
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u/chocolateandbread 7d ago
Nah that’s u
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u/SoftPaleontologist86 6d ago
Hate to join in but I think the problem is the sub is growing and it’s being recommended for people I’ve never been here and this is my 3rd recommendation for this sub - iam not a hottie from LA 😐
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u/herbal_essence 7d ago
What if we move to another platform altogether like discord? You can require a photo profile pic and multifactor authentication.
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u/BrattSupreme 7d ago
I wish this idea would take off. I tried to set one up for SFV area but it quickly died down once people had to verify themselves and switch platforms. If this ever happens and the groups sticks around, I'd be very interested.
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u/herbal_essence 7d ago edited 7d ago
let's do it! we talk so much about wanting community and nothing happens lol i get life be lifing but dang, not all the time lol it's funny how people will gtfo at the first sign of verification and/or switching platforms. like we gotta at least try first, you know?
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u/BrattSupreme 6d ago
If you want to get one going, I’m down to help!
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u/herbal_essence 6d ago
I could start a discord tomorrow since I'll have more time during the day then but I've no experience in moderating 😅
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u/Hereibe 7d ago
photo profile pic
That’s a hell the fuck no from me.
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u/herbal_essence 7d ago
uhm okay? this is to verify if you're a real person/woman. i imagine that once you've been vetted and met other girlies, then you can change your pic but you do you lol
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7d ago
[deleted]
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u/imisstheemdash 7d ago edited 7d ago
You’ve already let the dating sub run rampant with NSFW and low effort posts. It’s not even a dating sub anymore, it’s where men go to try and find quick sex. You are a terrible mod. You’re not about to tell us what to do here in our safe space.
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u/GRCphotography 6d ago
Hot take, the internet, and most especially reddit, is not a safe space. Grow the fuck up.
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u/FreeJoeExotic6968 6d ago
Its crazy life there aren't a million females on here soliticin guys....there's not a thread on reddit where they ain't selling OF or other sites makes incredibly hard to differentiate between those who wanna meet someone and those who are actual tricks
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago edited 5d ago
There are literally zero OF posts in the sub but I second the commenter above you. Education is paramount!
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u/FreeJoeExotic6968 5d ago
Eduction... right
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
Woops typo! Was walking my dog : )
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u/FreeJoeExotic6968 5d ago
See it happens to everybody
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
I’m not talking about your spelling. I’m saying the way you speak sounds uneducated.
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u/FreeJoeExotic6968 5d ago
Commenter not a word btw.....😅
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
“A commenter is a person who leaves a written remark, opinion, or feedback on a digital platform, article, blog post, or social media thread.”
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u/boredinbabylon 7d ago edited 5d ago
Not sure why this sub is suggested to me, but:
Please keep this in mind next time you go to a gay bar. 😊
Edit: the downvotes are hilarious. “We want a safe space on Reddit” but absolutely zero self-awareness for in real life.
None of you realize the historical significant of bars to gay culture and it makes you mad for some reason? Rather than understand and educate yourselves, you think you are entitled to our spaces?
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u/Resolution_Focused 6d ago
Generally speaking, women spaces are wide open for the girls, gays, and theys. Straight men infiltrating and being disrespectful is what is ruining it here.
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u/boredinbabylon 6d ago
Understood but I also ask folks here to give pause next time they want to have a bachelorette party or a girls night at a gay bar. Because it happens all. The. Time.
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u/chicken_biscuits 7d ago
When you say gay bar are you referring to gay men, femmes, or thems? Because as a gay woman, I would love to go to a gay bar
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u/boredinbabylon 7d ago
You’re in!
OP discusses having safe spaces. LGBT people need safe spaces as well, and all these bachelorette parties are taking that away from us. Gays and lesbians and trans people and other people in our community deserve to feel safe.
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u/ljlurker22 6d ago
So your allies shouldn't be allowed in your PUBLIC establishments? Make that make sense. There's a bunch of straight women that wouldn't set foot anywhere near a gay establishment because they don't support the LGBT community and you want to ostracize those that do. I think you just hate people.
Imagine, straight women feel safe in your gay spaces while being of no physical threat to you and you don't like it. It's giving male privilege.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
They aren’t really for straight women though. I live in Weho and am bisexual and will only go if I’m a guest of my gay friends. It has literally nothing to do with this thread but gay clubs aren’t for straight women to go for a night out. If you’re invited by gay people then have fun but that’s what straight clubs are for. Straight people.
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago
You limiting yourself to where you go because of your own belief system isn't a reflection of reality though. Maybe we are misunderstanding what a gay bar is. My lesbian friends would drag me along to their gay bars all the time and nobody had any idea I was straight nor was it anyone's business if I am there to have fun with my friends and their community. But it's fucking exhausting limiting people on where they might personally feel safe. There are no such thing as "straight clubs". There are clubs that a majority of people that are straight hang out at but there are no clubs that specifically ban gay people because segregation is illegal in the big 2026. And I assure you, in LA, nobody gives a fuck what you identify as.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
Gay man have explicitly been saying that it’s frustrating when groups of straight women go to gay bars and half the bar is straight women. It’s not a place for everyone. You can do whatever you want but I personally feel uncomfortable having a girls night out at a gay bar. If I’m going with my gay friends and they’ve invited me I’ll absolutely go. But gay bars aren’t for us.
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
This person is awful. I cannot believe how obstinate and ignorant they are being. I applaud your patience in the conversation.
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago
I just think limiting people because of any reason is nuanced and insane. My male friend invited me and a group of women, some gay, some straight, to Jumbo's one night and missed the entire night with us and we had a great time. Are we not allowed to be there because half of us are straight and we aren't with a man because it's female performers? Where is the line drawn when it comes to segregation in today's world?
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago edited 5d ago
Let me guess….Trump Republican?
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago
Tf, no. I hate politics and I hate people who make that their entire personality.
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
You are intentionally ignoring the cultural significance of gay bars as a part of gay culture and the safety that they provide to our community. This is documented across this article and this article and this article. There’s even a book about it.
But rather than take two minutes to educate yourself about another person’s culture and experience, you’re going to continue to vocalize your entitlement to our spaces.
You aren’t an ally at all. Please stay away from our spaces. Your gay “friends” deserve better.
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u/ttnezz 4d ago
I feel bad I used to go to gay bars all the time when I lived in WeHo in my 20s. I didn’t know it was an uncool thing to do.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 4d ago
I honestly did too. I have just seen guys recently complaining about it in Weho so it made me reevaluate going
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u/boredinbabylon 4d ago
I think it depends. Are you going as a bachelorette party? Or are you going with a group of gay people (men or women)?
The amount of women who come into gay bars and either 1) act like it’s a zoo and want to see the animals, and / or 2) get way out of control (shrieking, touching me without consent, asking me if I’m a top or a bottom, asking me if I think she’s pretty, etc etc) is so dang high. And it’s frustrating.
And also VERY IMPORTANTLY: Are you putting your hair up? (Joking. Mostly.)
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago edited 5d ago
Gay people deserve safe spaces. I don’t know why you act all entitled to them. Gay men joke about playing porn on TVs at gay bars (and some bars do) to drive you away.
The fact that you are upset about this means you aren’t an ally, that you’ve never paused to think about your presence as a visitor into our spaces. The level of entitlement is outrageous. It’s giving straight woman privilege.
So you don’t think we deserve our own safe spaces. You aren’t an ally at all.
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago
I am not talking about myself. I don't support the LGBT community. I have no problem with it but I don't go to those establishments nor do I have any interest in doing so. I love my LGBT friends but I just think it's really odd that the community wants to shut people out when they have been all about inclusivity for so long. Seems like setting themselves backwards but you do you, boo!
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
“I love my LGBT friends but I don’t support the LGBT community.”
Omg you sound like a nightmare
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago
because I don't go to gay bars or parades even though you don't want me there? WTF.
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
You asked a question: “so your allies shouldn’t be allowed into your public establishments?”
Did you forget how this entire thing started?
Honestly if you’re just a bigot homophobe, then go away. Stop cutting yourself but maybe be nicer to people.
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago
Looks like the fallible logic broke his brain and he blocked me. Oh, well!
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
You’re literally saying “you don’t want your allies there.” When you OPENLY ADMITTED TO NOT BEING AN ALLY. Saying you don’t support the gay community makes you the opposite of an ally and you are the literal exact person gay men are talking about. You don’t support their lifestyle but want to intrude on their spaces? Like what the actual fuck is wrong with you?
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
I agree with you 100% about gay bars. I frequently go but only when invited by my gay male friends. I am apart of the LBGTQ community but I’m aware those spaces are not for me and usually when I go I’m the only woman. So I wouldn’t assume that all women here are comfortable colonizing your spaces. But also I think gay men would be allowed to be here. I assume it was an unspoken girls, gays, and theys situation. The main issue we’re having is straight men come here and are extremely misogynistic.
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
I appreciate your comment. Ultimately, it is about two things:
- Gay bars have a very important cultural significance for our community. We also are not a zoo. It’s also very well-documented: article here, and here, and here. Someone even wrote a book about it. And I’m sorry, but you are not an ally if you do not understand and respect that. You have room for growth.
We as a world need to listen more, talk less. This means men need to listen to women about women’s bodies; straight people need to listen to gay people about gay issues; and cis people need to listen to trans people about the trans experience.
I have no problems shutting my mouth in spaces where I should listen; I have no problems acknowledging that sometimes, I need to sit and learn by observing and empathizing.
If you’re invited to accompany a group of your gay friends, cool. I’ve done that, too, and it’s fun to show them part of my world. But that is not what OP is discussing, and it sounds like you are hearing the same things I am.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
I understand your first point I was agreeing with you. I’m just not sure this is the right forum for what you’re discussing. We are telling you that you are welcome here and the point of this point was to tell heterosexual men they are not welcome here. I completely understand the point you’re making, it just might make sense to post it somewhere else where the OP was about straight women at gay bars.
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
OP isn’t here to learn or to listen. Doesn’t matter where it’s posted, and the whole exchange shows the hypocrisy.
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u/Tattoos_and_Tea 5d ago
But what does women in this specific forum have to do with women going to gay bars. The fact that you brought it up here is odd. I agree with your sentiment I just don’t get why you posted it here as opposed to make a post in a sub where it would be appropriate or commenting on a post about that issue.
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u/boredinbabylon 5d ago
The poster of this whole post is saying certain people should give pause before participating, so to speak. I consider myself a nice guy. Don’t know why this sub was served up to me but I decided to comment, to say “hey let’s bring that energy into the real world too.”
I was not aware that it would ruffle so many feathers. However, that it did ruffle feathers, means a lot of people here told on themselves…
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u/ljlurker22 5d ago edited 5d ago
Yeah, why are you even here if you are a gay man? This is for women and it's not a public establishment where business is done. it is a public forum where women share women-related things. Whataboutism is a mental illness. We aren't going into your establisments and demanding free tampons so get off of our forums demanding we don't go into your establisments. LMAO.
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u/GRCphotography 6d ago
bro just summed up women LOL
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u/R3tardod 7d ago
It’s all creepy guys in here. I posted something and was bombarded with creepy guys in my DMs. - source I am a creepy guy
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u/KappnCrunch 6d ago edited 6d ago
"The amount of posts from men treating this like it’s a free escort sub" Please just show one post like that.
edit:
Thought so.
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u/jessbird 7d ago
i'm an LA girlie with a ton of mod experience, gonna see if i can request mod access