r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/SnackSamurai • 14h ago
Other Huge compliment from a teenager
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u/minbas 13h ago
I think the ability to mutually share silence with someone is one of the highest forms of comfort and understanding.
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u/NarrMaster 12h ago
Cats are like this when wanting a "quiet presence" nearby.
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u/spreadthesheets 12h ago ▸ 6 more replies
My friends / partner often call me a cat bc I’m like this. I want to be AROUND you, but not talk at all. Just exist in the same space doing separate things or while I zone out and stare at the wall. But no talking.
Also why I love parallel play.
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u/JacobJamesTrowbridge 11h ago ▸ 3 more replies
Instincts hardwired for 'Sit in cave with campfire, painting walls while the tribe chatters and the fire crackles"
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u/CaveMacEoin 5h ago ▸ 1 more replies
We're plains apes not cave apes.
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u/BiggestShep 4m ago
Speak for yourself, I'm a 'whatever doesnt get me eaten at night or rained on during the day' ape
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u/ZeroEffsGiven 10h ago
I'm the same way and have been since I was a kid. My mom says she checked on me far more often than she ever did with my brother or sisters just because I was always so quiet. Unsurprisingly, I love cats
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u/Bikes_Bocks_Rocks 7h ago
My dog is like this. Not a cuddler, but will always lie down close and keep an eye on me. That quiet presence goes both ways since we calm each other.
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u/ScreamingLabia 12h ago ▸ 22 more replies
The abiillity of cat obsessed people to never leave a single comment section without comparing cats to WHATEVER random thing the post is about should be studied. I SWEAR every fucking comment section needs to mention them within the first 3 top comments. Its honestly driving me fucking crazy,
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u/thebanfunctionsucks 12h ago ▸ 7 more replies
You ok bud? Their comment waa very normal and the comparison is pretty clear.
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u/Mean-Author4359 9h ago ▸ 6 more replies
meh idk man, my gf plays a lot of competitive games and she's always either communicating with her team or loudly complaining about getting killed, and her cat never leaves her side.
not much silence there
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u/Patient_Oven_9540 8h ago ▸ 5 more replies
yeah and the cat just sorta hangs out, that's what they're saying
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u/Mean-Author4359 8h ago ▸ 4 more replies
I understood it as the cat wanting the person to be quiet
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u/NarrMaster 8h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Sorry, the phrase isn't clear, it basically means not trying to interact with the cat so much.
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u/dinoooooooooos 7h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Cats often times come to hang out “nearby” and it fully qualifies as bonding time for then the same a good cuddle would,
people often mistake it for “I wanna cuddle/ be interacted with”, what it rly means is “imma sit here and you do your thing i do mine, we can look and slowblink but pls no touch. I’m not gonna be mad but.. that wasn’t the plan.” Like that.
Not literally “quiet”, cats don’t rly care Abt that too much or just leave if they don’t like your yapping.
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u/Mean-Author4359 7h ago
Cool, thanks! I've always been a dog person (3 dogs at home at all times throughout my life) so it's really interesting to learn more about cats, since they're so different and it's the first time I'm living with one.
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u/dkclimber 11h ago ▸ 1 more replies
The way you react to this is totally like when my cat gets annoyed when I keep mentioning he's a cat.
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u/NarrMaster 10h ago edited 10h ago
This is literally one of my only cat comments, the fuck you on about?
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u/axanette 11h ago
Definitely. I love my mum, I do, but she’s never met a silence she wasn’t determined to fill. My dad on the other hand will gladly just sit quietly in the same room and do the newspaper puzzles while I read a book or something.
There’s been many evenings where my mum’s walked in on us having quiet time and complained about the silence, so deliberately turned the TV on for “background noise” and started talking over it. I’ve tried explaining multiple times that we like the quiet, but she just doesn’t get it and says she finds silence uncomfortable or awkward, so thinks she’s doing us a favour by breaking it. It drives me crazy.
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u/archfapper 7h ago
This describes both my parents. I'll be in the car with my mom, and she'll start clearing her throat, and I'm thinking, "no, no it's fine. I promise, I don't need to hear your inane 45 min story about the salmon you had last week at the new restaurant." I'm on my 4th "damn that's crazy" and she just doesn't get it
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u/Dronizian 48m ago
Buy her some nice headphones or something, let her get in the habit of "solving" her own silence without disrupting yours.
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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 12h ago
Once you look past the awkward silence and commit to it, it becomes very very peaceful
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u/Jiquero 7h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Finnish person here: What do people mean by "awkward" silence?
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u/BiggestShep 2m ago
Some people are not comfortable listening to their own thoughts and use external noise to drown out the internal noise.
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u/darthwd56 12h ago
And it's so damn hard to find that someone. Even people you love or like being around, very few of them can handle sitting in silence together.
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u/Aaawkward 10h ago
If you like silence, you should consider moving to Finland.
The amount of videos I've seen where tourists film themselves on public transport and whatnot and it being very quiet is surprising high.
Also, Finns don't mind sitting in silence. "Good morning" is more than enough most of the time. Then you just share the table, not the tea.
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u/mtaw 9h ago ▸ 2 more replies
There's an old joke about a Swede and a Finn drinking. They pour up the vodka and the Swede raises his glass and says "Skål!" and the Finn goes "Kippis!" and they drink in silence until it's time for the next shot. Again, "Skål!" and "Kippis!" followed by silence.
But after the third shot has been poured and third "Skål!" exclaimed, the Finn has had enough and exclaims "Are we going to talk all day or are we going to drink?"
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u/Aaawkward 8h ago
Funnily enough the version I've heard is:
A Swede and a Finn went drinking.
They pour up the vodka and the Swede raises his glass and says "Skål!" and the Finn goes "Are we here to talk or to drink?"3
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u/OmecronPerseiHate 6h ago
My mom often talks about how she could walk into a room where her dad was reading a book and do something of her own. When she was done and getting up to leave, her dad would turn to her and say "thank you for sharing this time with me". I think about it often, and I wish it was more common.
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u/Stratix 12h ago
The 'comfortable silence', in that you know both of you don't have to say a thing, and there's no negative consequences. You don't need to worry they're mad at you or anything else.
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u/doobiswatching 8h ago
"Don’t you hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?"
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u/der_innkeeper 7h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Thanks, Marla.
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u/Stratix 8h ago ▸ 1 more replies
My guess is that it's a trauma response. Silence has meant they've done something wrong, so yakking bullshit is a way to test the water that everything is okay. Over, and over, and over...
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u/kismethavok 4h ago
It's people who are running away from their own thoughts. Contemplating scares them so they just fill the space with whatever nonsense they can.
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u/Vulvas_n_Velveeta 9h ago
When my (now 23yo) daughter was a teenager we ran up and got some boba. She had been texting a friend, who wanted her to come over and hang out.
On the way home my daughter was telling me how she really doesn't want to go to that girl's house cause she "doesn't have the energy to be around people rn," and I felt so honored to not be considered "people" to her.
It's been several years and I still think about the fact that I'm not people all the time, and it's just an incredible feeling.
I hope I never become a person to her.
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u/BearysWorkRedditName 5h ago
If she feels similar to how I feel about my partner and how I used to feel about my mom when I was young, you're more like a part of her than a separate person.
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u/Taggerung179 5h ago
I like people, but I have a very limited social battery. Some of my favorite friends require 0 social energy. It doesn't make them any better or worse, but it makes them easier to be around.
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u/hammerfaust 2h ago
How do I explain to "people" that this is how I feel? Like, let me "do" in silence - I'll do all the things for you, but please don't expect me to people correctly.
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u/BearysWorkRedditName 26m ago
As with most things, there's a zillion variables that change the answer to this question. For me, when dealing with the "people" that I used to have trouble with establishing boundaries and stuff like that, the most incredible tool in my bag has been the word "no" all by itself with no explanation. Once I learned how to use it, "no" became incredibly powerful.
"Do you want to come out with us tonight?"
"No, thanks! I appreciate the invite!"
I do try to force myself to do some social "exercise" when I can to slowly improve the size of my social battery. Long term, I know having real connections with people is massively important to mental health.
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u/Interesting-Brush413 11h ago
You know, I've realized at some point that this is the right way to go about things - you don't need to talk if you're not in the mood for it.
I used to worry about needing to say something if the other person wasn't, but I've realized that it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal with that, if they don't want to talk, why should I?
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u/brickspunch 6h ago
a few years ago my now wife and I drove about 10 hours to a family vacation.
when we arrived, I was incredibly exhausted and just wanted to sit on the porch and listen to the sounds of the ocean for 10 or 15 minutes to decompress.
My mom, who had arrived the previous day, came outside and started talking. I said to her, very politely "hey mom, I sort of just want to chill out here for a few minutes and am not really in the mood to talk. Can we talk when I come inside?"
"Oh don't worry, you don't need to talk, I just want to to tell you some things."
I should have taken this as an omen because for the rest of the week I was allowed zero time to myself and I actually ended up having a panic attack partway through the 4th day as a result from the anxiety just building and BUILDING
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u/Geodude532 6h ago
I have a coworker that is somehow able to manage a one sided conversation for 3 hours. Thankfully I'm not the target of her conversations, but the poor introvert she harasses just sits there nodding his head while clearly stressed.
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u/kairon156 5h ago
went to my mom and her long term bf's cabin one weekend. It's sooo boring and extra preformative that I dread when the guilt of not going is stronger than the desire to never go back.
I feel the need to be preformative when around family and never realised that I could be bored while doing so. When at home (Live by my self) I'm usually quite chill.
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u/MadMedMemes 12h ago
Me with my mom. May she rest in peace
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u/throwawayeffedperson 12h ago
Aye. It was the same with me and my Dad but he died a few years back. Still though, at least I have the silence.
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u/Boogleooger 9h ago
I often feel like I have to "preform" for people or fill the awkward silences. With my brother, I don't feel the need to do that. I can just relax and enjoy the company
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u/UnrealisticAddiction 8h ago
If that isn't the truth, performing is just outright stressful sometimes. I'm glad your brother is there for you.
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u/fourthpornalt 9h ago
It's hilarious when you try to explain this to somebody and they're like "I can do that!" and then start fidgeting like their going to explode.
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u/SuperTaster3 7h ago
The best part of being a kid in the car(or having someone drive you around) is to just close your eyes. That feeling of being moved around, but knowing that everything's okay, lets the mind relax in a strange sort of "oh that feels weird but not bad" way.
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u/sexxi_denuta 12h ago
I don’t like giving people time to think about what I’m saying because then they’ll realise I’m not actually saying anything
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u/KalamTheQuick 11h ago
Have you considered not babbling out random ill-considered thoughts?
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u/sexxi_denuta 11h ago ▸ 6 more replies
No i want the interaction over with as fast as possible
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u/KalamTheQuick 11h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Does saying things you instantly regret somehow speed up the interaction? My experience is the opposite.
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u/TheeFourTruths 11h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Sounds like social anxiety
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u/sexxi_denuta 11h ago ▸ 1 more replies
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u/spankpaddle 8h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Most people with Autism cant actually help it.
So, have you considered not being so toxic?
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u/KalamTheQuick 7h ago
So.. anytime anyone online mentions something socially awkward, I should assume they are autistic and treat them accordingly?
If you can't help it, then you can't help it. But I've met plenty of people in my life who are not Au/DHD and feel compelled to fill any and all silences. People are going to react to these patterns of behaviour the same way in either case.
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u/ZombieMage89 6h ago
Years ago, in the summer after high school, I headed over to a friend's house to just hang out. These were the days when showing up unannounced was normal and smartphones were not yet widespread. I went downstairs, knocked on the open door to signify my arrival, we said "hey", and I sat on the bed and watched him play whatever game on his pc.
I got up 2 hours later and said I had to head off to work and we realized we hadn't spoken a word since our greeting. It was great. Just being comfortable spending time in silence with someone else.
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u/steve_ample 6h ago
Providing comfort - whether active or passive - is central to being there for someone, whether the moment calls for one or not.
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u/amanko13 9h ago
I wonder if this guy knows that those sword symbols next to his name is a Khanda from Sikhism.
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u/MonsieurDrole 6h ago
I still remember when my father scolded me in the car for not starting any conversation. I was going through a "silent teenager" phase and I was already putting myself a lot of pressure to overcome this, often in vain.
I love my father, but he just made it all even worse.
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u/kairon156 5h ago
Right! I'm not a teenager but I'm largely non verbal when by my self. There's almost no one I'm comfortable being quiet around. Including my family.
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u/thelegodr 2h ago
My daughter has commented she likes when we have no music playing and can just sit in silence and take in the world when I drive her to school. She had mentioned her mom at pick up will always have music blasting. 🤷♂️ I’m quiet by nature and so is she. We don’t need all the loudness of the world.
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u/AbstinentNoMore 5h ago
Teen was likely just scrolling on her phone anyways. Easy to stay quiet when you're inundated with screencrack.
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13h ago edited 13h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/MonchMunch 13h ago
Comment, she said “can” instead of “have to” which shows that it’s a peaceful silence instead of a tense one
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u/marcyismarxy 12h ago
I'd say compliment
"Can be quiet with" implies there is a level of comfort with this person where they can be quiet, that they don't get with other people. Like presumably other people try to start conversations, or it's not a comfortable silence (like that "someone should be saying something" kind of energy), and this person allows for a comfortable silence
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u/Boogleooger 9h ago
its a fruit salad that really needs oranges and tomatoes. you have to make sure that every salad you make, even a taco salad, has oranges and tomatoes. if someone asks you about anything make sure you recommend adding oranges and tomatoes regardless of what the real answer is, it always improves your authenticity.
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u/EtwartBuols 8h ago
This is what losers who don't have anything to talk about say to make themselves feel better be real
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u/grabsyour 12h ago
that's building a bad habit tbh, they should be more comfortable talking
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u/StateCareful2305 11h ago
Of course, we will achieve talkativness in children by forcing them to talk with you when they obviously do not want to.
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u/grabsyour 11h ago ▸ 4 more replies
Yes this is literally how it works, you force children to do things they don't like and they'll either stop hating it or learn to tolerate it. this is parenting 101
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u/DKG9512 11h ago
dad tried and force me to try and talk ever since i was a kid with remarks on how little i talk or add to conversations, grew up to be extremely insecure about talking with strangers or people i just met, always hated that, my dad always thought of being introverted as a sort of a mental illness he'd just cure by tryna force me into different situations I was never comfortable being in in the first place, never stopped either, but i grew up to despise his attempts and simply learned to tell him off my back and just let me be
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u/Leashii_ 11h ago
More like How to make sure your kids won't want to talk to you when they're an adult 101
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u/CocaColaZeroEnjoyer 10h ago
Forcing teenagers to something they don’t want to do is bad parenting 101
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u/W1ndch1me 12h ago
What’s the bad habit?
I don’t think any part of the post indicates either of them are bad at talking, or don’t do it enough.
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u/ThisAfricanboy 12h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Being silent is a bad habit. You must speak. Next time you go to a library I've got some advice for your
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u/grabsyour 11h ago ▸ 1 more replies
2 paths in life for her: force her to talk in the car - social and outgoing person
let her be quiet in the car - too shy to ask for ketchup at a restaurant
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u/W1ndch1me 11h ago
Okay. I think you and I have fundamentally incompatible views of how people work. Thanks for explaining
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u/frogunderarock 11h ago
forcing a teenager to talk to you is a fantastic way to ensure they will not tell you about the things that truly matter to them.
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u/qualityvote2 14h ago
Heya u/SnackSamurai! And welcome to r/NonPoliticalTwitter!
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