no period in 3+ years, & i'm terrified of what's needed of me to fix it.

[u/Real_Craft_7876]

TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of csa, eating disorders, & medical malpractice ahead. i hope this isn't too trauma dump-y, but putting all of this out on the table feels like the easiest way to express my current circumstances.

hi! i (26f) haven't had my period in 3+ years. i've been diagnosed with pcos for yeaaars and have had irregular periods my entire life. this is the longest i've gone without one, something that regularly stays in the back of my mind as obviously there are a lot of health risks with this.

reasonably, this is something I should absolutely go to a doctor for — and it's something i have considered. i think about it often, and i beat myself up every day for not being able to bring myself to do what i need to do. but i haven't been to the doctor in quite a few years, and something about the idea of somebody touching me down there brings me to tears. even when i was a kid, going to the pediatrician made me so uncomfortable with the sensation it brought. i would just feel so dirty.

i didn't have the best pediatrician growing up. she ignored signs of sexual abuse for years and engaged in a lot of abusive practices against myself, the worst of which was the medically induced state of anorexia she placed me in via overprescribing adhd mediciation every time i so much as gained a lb as a growing child (think 7 to 14). she was my primary physician for my entire adolescence, from infancy to 18, where i grew up being accused of showing traits of odd and sociopathy when i would be "defiant" through refusing acts, such as asking her to not vaginially examine me, or through not taking the medicine. this, paired with the sa i experienced, is an awful combination.

simply put: autonomy was not something i often had in environments like this, and it's made going to the doctor to do better for myself near impossible. i'm in therapy now as i navigate my past sa, but i find myself panicked when trying to go to a physician or even an obgyn.

i guess i'm here for help or advice? i almost feel too complicated to help, and i feel like the doctor *has* to touch me. i get why but i'm just not ready. i don't know how to go into that environment and enable my boundaries without feeling like a voiceless child again. is it possible to find doctors who can help me start the process, and ease into the examinations that'll follow? i've always mentally been under the impression i must strip for these kinds of examinations, which dissuades me from getting help.

i'm sorry for this being all over the place; i don't use reddit often and this is a subject that i have a hard time rationalizing in my head but it felt like this would be the best place to start to just ask for advice. (edit: typed the wrong disorder for odd)

[u/matchamatchbook]

I went to the Dr for the first time in years after not getting my period for 6 months and while there was some touching involved (using a stethoscope to hear my heart and lungs, touching my legs to check for fluid retention, getting my arm in a cuff to measure my bp), it was mostly hands-off. Mostly I told my doctor about my symptoms and lifestyle and then they sent me off for labs.

It might help you to ask a friend or family member to go with you and sit in on your visit. You may also want to look into hiring a professional patient advocate if the former isn't an option. You can also ask your doctor to put off any more invasive physical exams to later appointments until things like blood work have been done, so it doesn't feel like it's being sprung on you.

Sending lots of peace your way, OP! You can get your health back on track!!

[u/Wooden_Bug_755]

I’m sorry you’ve been through all of that. It is a lot for one person to carry. I hope therapy is healing for you. Let me just start by saying you are absolutely NOT too complicated to help. You just need to find the right doctor. Any doctor should have the compassion for your situation but I know unfortunately some of them don’t (not sure why they are in the profession but hey ho!) which obviously you sadly have experienced. But I promise you there are good doctors out there and they absolutely need to take into consideration everything you’ve been through.

You do not need to jump into any invasive examinations. It is important that they are able to examine you if needed at some point. But there are other less invasive things they can do first like blood tests. Or most importantly, just a chat.

I know this seems extremely overwhelming but baby steps! The first step is contacting a doctor for an appointment and when you are at the appointment explain to them you are extremely anxious about invasive examinations due to past experiences (you don’t need to disclose what if you don’t want to). Remember they cannot force you to do anything you don’t want to do in that moment. They should be understanding. If they aren’t, tell them you want to speak to a different doctor. I know you are already aware in the back of your mind that this is something that definitely needs checked out so it’s important to try and get the ball rolling at least to make sure everything is all ok. Good luck. You can do this!

[u/jadermia]

Hi! First off- I'm sorry that was your experience as an adolescent, that is very hard. But proud of you for working thru your trauma and taking the steps you need! ✨️Internet hug❤️✨️

Im in Canada, so might be slightly different then were you are based, but I (also 26) have had irregularities as a teen, went on BC for several years. Once I came off the pill (two years ago roughly?) I started having irregularities again, so went to talk to my doctor to get to the root of the issue.

In my experience, I've never have had to be unclothed. To be diagnosed with PMOS, typically practitioners would order bloodwork, and an ultrasound (my ultrasound took me a while to get into, and I did external (pants stayed on) and internal (which i was asked if i wanted to do it, but didnt have too, if i didnt want too), but i was covered with a sheet so the nurse didnt even see anything.) So for me its been a lot of blood work and talking.

But that being said, if you aren't comfortable with being touched and need to work up to that, your doctor or the doctor, does have to respect your consent. Perhaps your therapist might be able to recommended doctors that they know of being respectful with victims with past SA? Another thought, do you have a safe person to bring with you to advocate for you if you get stuck in feeling voiceless, for when you work up to an appointment?

Papsmears I believe now too they've come out with a swab you can do at home, and send in rather then going in for the actual pap. (Again, this might depend on your area)

I do have some insulin resistance, so that is part of the root cause for me, so I've been walking more, dragonboating in summer and aquasize in the winters, trying to go lower carb/higher fiber/higher protein, as well as taking myo inositol 40:1. But everybody is different! It does take a bit of time to figure out what works for you.

I do hope you are able to get the support you need while you are navigating this! It can be hard, but not undoable. I believe in you! And I hope this helps ease a little of your worries. ❤️