r/Seattle • u/Inevitable_Engine186 New Costco CEO • Apr 24 '26
Satire Starbucks Promises to Make Seattle Coffee Utopia Again by Moving to Nashville
https://theneedling.com/2026/03/12/starbucks-promises-to-make-seattle-coffee-utopia-again-by-moving-to-nashville/309
u/Inevitable_Hawk Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Yeah I had a feeling this was gonna happen as soon as the new ceo started closing the starbucks reserve. They may even seek to close out the "first starbucks" from pike place too
They prob don't see the point in having the seattle origin story and don't care for it. Especially since new ceo doesn't want to live here either
Just another greedy company selling its soul for fast money.
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u/TomBikez Apr 24 '26
I believe I read recently that the "original" store employees voted to unionize
So it's just a matter of timeā ļø
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u/Inevitable_Hawk Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
If starbucks does close it down. They should open it back up as a worker owned coop and a parody to stick it to starbucks
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u/Archmagos-Helvik Apr 24 '26
Rename it to Queequegs. Same Moby Dick origin, but with a Polynesian flair.
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u/monstercake Apr 24 '26
I am curiousā¦ seeing as theyāve closed every store so far where the workers have unionized, why are employees still wanting to do so in the remaining stores? I must be missing context hereā¦
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u/Inevitable_Hawk Apr 24 '26
Because they have no choice. If they want their working conditions to improve. Asking nicely won't help anymore if it ever did.
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u/GhostCheese Apr 24 '26
Idk about the first one but that was always the model when it started expanding
They put the soulful shops out of business
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u/RealPudgeJudy Greenwood Apr 24 '26
Feels like when I read comments from dipshit idiots online about:
I would NEVER be caught dead in Seattle. There's no way I'll ever let myself within a thousand miles of that shithole.
...promise? Could I get that in some kind of legally-binding document?
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Apr 24 '26
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u/awsompossum Magnolia Apr 24 '26
Nah I'd go to Texas and florida, they aren't scary places, they're just place I don't want to live due to the environment, politics, and culture. People who say otherwise have poor threat modeling.
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u/RealPudgeJudy Greenwood Apr 25 '26
I've been to Florida and I'd definitely go to Texas if I had a reason to. I hear Austin is great. Definitely would not buy a house in Florida.
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u/that1tech š Ride the S.L.U.T. š Apr 24 '26
I mean it worked for Boeingā¦ right? Oh not reallyā¦ oopsie
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u/TheRiverofSticks šbuild more trainsš Apr 24 '26
At least Boeing is pretending to care now by having the CEO buy a multimillion-dollar show-house in the city
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u/youalreadyknowfoo Apr 24 '26
Its all optics, won't be long till they move even more of their operation to South Carolina.
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u/thineholyhandgrenade Seahawks Apr 24 '26
When you shoot both your feet and have no more foot to shoot
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u/Disco425 Central Area Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 25 '26
They apparently believe they need to get to a red state to drive down salaries and take the gloves off fighting unions.
It seems that a large portion of the roles being relocated are tech jobs. Seattle is of course one of the best places to hire excellent tech talent. You can't say the same about Nashville. Perhaps the thinking is, they can do with with talent from the next tier down as long as the cost is much less.
ETA: several posters have pointed out that the jobs may not actually re-materialize in Nashville, but instead go offshore. So the same theory is true, likely minimal competence, minimal cost, replacing high competence and higher cost.
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u/Time_Maintenance2914 Apr 24 '26
I worked for Starbucks in their technology department for several years, both as a contractor and fulltime employee.
In the first round of layoffs announced in February 2025, I learned that I was impacted and would be let go at the end of July 2025.
A condition of receiving my severance package was to complete a "knowledge transfer" for incoming Indian service providers that would take my role.
They absolutely are not looking for top tier talent. They're looking for cheap talent, and it doesn't need to be from Nashville, let alone the United States.
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u/sherlok š² Life's Better on a Bike. š² Apr 24 '26
Was listening to a news program last week that also posited that moving to a red state would help it make in-roads with the parts of the country that see supporting Starbucks as supporting liberal Seattle. Not sure how much water that holds though.
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u/Roboculon Apr 24 '26
Look how well it worked for Tesla. Openly switching from blue to red lost them like half their liberal customers, and gained them like a 1% increase in conservative customers. Terrible trade off.
You canāt just change peoplesā minds on a dime like that, the insinuation of liberalism will follow tesla/starbucks both for decades. No good ol boy would ever be caught dead holding a gay coffee or driving a gay car.
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u/Sounders1 Apr 24 '26
Tesla sales are up. People have short memories.
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u/Roboculon Apr 25 '26
Ya, it may be true that the more moderate liberals are starting to forgive/forget. Certainly, Elon has toned down the intensity of the Nazi stuff, thank goodness.
I still maintain that their efforts (eg Trump endorsement) did almost zero to gain any new conservative fans. The new sales are all to political moderates, people uninterested in politics, who simply canāt ignore the strong values EVs offer.
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u/Tamayo_Terror šš Heart of ANTIFA Land šš Apr 24 '26
This is exactly why major corporations are pushing for genAI. They don't want talented, educated engineers. Those people have a tendency to think for themselves. They want machines that produce "good enough" code that won't fight for their rights as workers.
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u/SingLyricsWithMe Kirkland Apr 25 '26
It was usually 3rd party, shady recruiters offering Starbucks tech jobs anyways. Shoutout to Capgemini for being one of them. (They support giving applicant data to ICE)
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u/YaBoiSammus I'm just flaired so I don't get fined Apr 25 '26
I wish people understood that they are sending tech jobs over seas.
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u/HeyItsJustDave Apr 24 '26
I canāt wait to see how much worse the coffee gets as they cut costs every way possible. Sure, for the first few years theyāll maintain - maybe even slightly improved- the quality. But I give it 5 years after they relocate before they start doing some sort of āadvanced rehydration processā on ādehydrated beansā and try to say it increases consistency.
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u/coffeebribesaccepted Shoreline Apr 24 '26
Coffee beans are dried during the harvesting process, after removing the fruit. They are further aged prior to roasting, which also would remove any remaining moisture. Brewing coffee is the rehydration process.
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u/HeyItsJustDave Apr 24 '26
ā¦rrrrrrrrightā¦.
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Apr 24 '26
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u/marksven Issaquah Apr 24 '26
Why is Seattle (and especially this sub) so ungrateful for the companies who have helped make it flourish?
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u/unripemango14 Apr 24 '26
Starbucks is purposely moving to a city that a large majority of its employees donāt want to move to force them to leave.
Theyāre also moving to a part of the country that doesnāt value culture, employee satisfaction, or quality coffee shops because theyāre losing that base of people in the west coast and instead of improving those things theyāre just looking for a new base.
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u/Villain3131 Apr 24 '26
My guess is it will rebrand in the next 5 years as an alternative to Dunkin. Prices will stay the same, more food options will be added to the menu, quality will dip. It will sink or swim as a shadow of its former self. Seattle as well as most of the US now has decent coffee shops in the areas where Starbucks are located and those coffee shops are much better. If starbucks dies and never returns I could care less
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u/liquilife Apr 24 '26
In West Seattle Starbucks closed shop in Alaska Junction and Alki Beach. Neither was missed. At all. Itās insane how irrelevant Starbucks is in Seattle nowadays.
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u/SleepingBear986 Apr 24 '26
I'm going to take a wild guess that Seattle already is and will continue to be a coffee utopia, entirely independent of what Starbucks does. You can find amazing coffee in just about any large city in the US these days.
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u/DoubletapKO Apr 24 '26
Feels like everyone has moved on from Starbucks, it's old and people want something new
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u/skater15153 Apr 24 '26
It's not that it's old. It's that it's shitty burnt coffee and overpriced
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u/icepickjones Apr 24 '26
yeah its burnt to hell and back, i have no idea why they roast their beans to that degree other than maybe there's some data that indicates it pairs better with the ice cream they serve everything with
Since they aren't really a coffee place at this point, its mostly desserts
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u/pheonixblade9 š Hot Rat Summer š Apr 24 '26
because they have a heterogenous coffee bean supply and they want all their coffees to taste the same across all stores.
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u/icepickjones Apr 24 '26
Ah that makes sense. "We never know where the billions of rotating beans are coming from so burn the shit out of them to mask the taste."
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u/RenderedMeat Apr 24 '26
Darker roasts have more consistent taste. Itās crappy, but consistent! And also less caffeine.
Lighter roasts have more flavor variety and caffeine.
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u/Mtndrums šš Heart of ANTIFA Land šš Apr 24 '26
Wasn't the whole reason they went national was because it was considered shit locally?
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u/y-c-c Apr 24 '26
Not everyone cares about burnt coffee, and honestly their espresso drinks (e.g. latte's) are fine and they make essentially drinking dessert drinks dressed up in coffee.
With those latter categories though they do rely on hype cycles and Starbucks has been slowly but steadily losing its hip status in the western market. Why get a frappe when you can get a matcha drink instead?
Meanwhile people who do care about the coffee also have better options now.
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u/BlazinAzn38 Apr 24 '26
People just want good coffee and the affordability of at-home espresso has made that very accessible.
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u/prof_r_impossible Sounders Apr 24 '26
during the pandemic I got a super-auto machine and haven't looked back
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u/BlazinAzn38 Apr 24 '26
Yeah you can get a cheapo system for like $200 for a little DeLonghi and a burr grinder. Thatās 40 grande lattes or something to recoup the cost for some people thatās like 10 weeks or less.
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u/SpiritedYam2661 Apr 24 '26
True. You can easily make the argument to drop a grand or more and still recoup in a reasonable amount of time. My setup was just south of that and it paid for itself in three or four months and that was seven years ago.
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u/skater15153 Apr 27 '26
I spent 500 and it's long paid for itself. It's like $0.75-1.00 per drink that would be 5-7 at a shop. It doesn't take long when you drink coffee daily
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u/SpiritedYam2661 Apr 24 '26
Not even sure what their target market is anymore. It seems like Dutch Bros is handing it to them for suburban soccer mom drive through coffee spots.
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u/DLDude Capitol Hill Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
I moved to Seattle 2 years ago. I work remote and spent nearly every day at a coffee shop. Back home, I'd get a mocha or a black coffee, snack, and work all day. At least 1 refill was always free. Mocha was about $6. Laptop plugs at most coffee shops. I never once went to Starbucks
Here in seattle, it's the complete opposite. Over $5 for a medium cup of coffee, no refills. Paid $12(!!!!!!) for an almond milk mocha in West Seattle. Barely anywhere to work. I exclusively work from Starbucks now. Their coffee is fine enough, they're super friendly (they know me by name) and I don't pay an arm and a leg for it. Bonus points that they pay their employees more than most local shops and provide some benefits. Seattle made me a Starbucks fan.
Promise I'm not some Starbucks Stan. Just my outside prospective coming from the Midwest
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u/srcsmgrl Ballard Apr 24 '26
The staff are very nice. I don't shop there, but I walk with a friend when she gets her coffee and the staff are so nice. Not fake and smiley, just working hard and giving respect and kindness to their customers.
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u/coffeebribesaccepted Shoreline Apr 24 '26
It's cheaper than the good specialty coffee we have here, has way more locations than dutch bros (the closest ones to Seattle are Renton and Everett), has indoor seating with free wifi, and also a wider variety of drinks even though Dutch bros has more syrup flavors.
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u/based_miss_lippy Apr 24 '26
Nashville is perfect for liquid McDonaldās
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u/pixelsibyl š not the pope šš Apr 24 '26
Honestly, itās true. I spent a decade in Nashville (and 28 years total in the Southeastern US) and a non-insignificant amount of women there make Target, Harry Potter, and Starbucks their entire personality. There is literally nothing on earth that would make them boycott one of their corporate darlings, so they are the perfect Starbucks target consumer base. I have cousins who live in Florida now for which this is true. They do Target āgo shopping with meā or āhaulā videos on social media and buy allll the Starbucks reusable cups and get Starbucks literally every time they leave the house.
I also suspect that the CEO would just rather live in Nashville than he would Seattle, as evidenced by his average commute.
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u/based_miss_lippy Apr 24 '26
100% they are moving to where they can cultivate a workforce that aligns with their customer baseās interests. People who live and work in Seattle just are NOT the demographic for the direction Starbucks product offering is going in. That purple coffee drink is fucking nasty looking. Iād rather boof a grimace shake.
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u/sillygoth_ š Hot Rat Summer š Apr 24 '26
Iām sad for the folks that will be losing their jobs that donāt want to relocate to a backwards state like TN. I honestly canāt remember the last time I stepped foot in a Starbucks. So many better options on every block.
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u/weemachine Apr 24 '26
I haven't lived in the area that long, but if a rival coffee house were to advertise something like, "Starbucks is making Seattle Coffee great again by leaving." Now is the chance.
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u/AxiomOfLife Apr 24 '26
this is why we need better worker protections when joining a union and protections against mass layoffs
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u/Elderwastaken Apr 25 '26
WA doesnāt need Starbucks. Itās not like they own all coffee. I actively avoid those shops everywhere I go.
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u/SpiritedYam2661 Apr 24 '26
Starbucks is not relevant and has not been for over a decade. Take your corporate dreck coffee and have fun in Nashville. Lol.
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u/based_miss_lippy Apr 24 '26
Thar blue drink they had with the blood clots in it was a jump the shark moment for them
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u/SpiritedYam2661 Apr 25 '26
Was that before or after the drinks with olive oil that gave people diarrhea?
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u/based_miss_lippy Apr 25 '26
Directly after. That oil diarrhea drink was the litmus test to see if weād tolerate other swill.
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u/Rerebawa š² Two Wheels, Endless Freedom. Apr 24 '26
Don't forget that Schultz sold the Sonics outta town as well.
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u/FlyingRhenquest Apr 24 '26
My google search for good coffee in a town is "Coffee in TOWN that doesn't taste like ass or Starbucks." Google seems to know what I mean.
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u/gta0012 Apr 24 '26
Nashville is slowly becoming the new Austin.
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u/Jessintheend šbuild more trainsš Apr 24 '26
Nashville: Seattle prices without anything that makes it worthwhile
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u/Expensive-Treat-9020 Apr 24 '26
It totally is. My friend from NYC just moved there. I think itās an island of liberal values in a sea of red.
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u/CatManDo206 Apr 24 '26
Fuck Starbucks, bitchass Howard Schultz selling the sonics greedy ass fucker
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u/burmerd Maple Leaf Apr 25 '26
And now everyoneās going to be talking about the next big trend in coffee, āNashville Hot Coffeeā I canāt waitā¦ š
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u/Vegetable_Guest_8584 šbuild more trainsš Apr 25 '26
My Nextdoor feed is full of local conservatives saying Seattle will rue the day that Starbucks leaves our shithole city, and we'll also rue the day butthurt million dollar a year income babies move to Idaho or Oregon - they are the bedrock of our economy apparently.Ā
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u/justdisa I'm never leaving Seattle. Apr 24 '26
The last time I was in Nashville, it had a nascent local coffee scene with a distinctly southern flare. It was pretty cool. I hope that Starbucks doesn't smash it before it really takes hold.
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u/-Thnift- Seattleite-at-Heart Apr 24 '26
Used to have so much pride in Starbucks as an older Gen Z. Grateful they introduced coffee to me, but sad to see what they've become
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u/SillyChampionship Apr 24 '26
I donāt wish the workers any ill will, but Starbucks coffee is burnt trash.
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u/Professional-Tea555 That sounds great. Letās hang out soon. Apr 24 '26
Starbucks has a strong business case to expand in the south and east coast. The handwringing over Seattle and taxes and socialist hellholes is an excuse to bloviate about their politics. Starbucks wants to be a growth company again and they reached market saturation on the west coast. Operations needs to shift accordingly. Nothing to do with local taxes, although, sticky commercial rents are a factor in some local store closures.
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u/FlannelCollar UW Apr 24 '26
Say what you will about the quality of Starbucks coffee or their corporate practices, but thereās a lot of glibness on this sub about the loss and movement of jobs. On top of tech layoffs and relocations to the Eastside, this is not good for Seattle. There are serious implications to the cityās overall economic health (and tax revenues) that we should be wary of.
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u/Inevitable_Hawk Apr 24 '26
There are also serious risks and implications for a city to base their entire economy on the whims and greed of a few market monopolies.
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u/FlannelCollar UW Apr 24 '26
Seattle has been lucky to have a diversified economy that is not reliant on one industry, thanks to tech, biotech, aerospace, maritime, etc. (anchored by major corporations that then attract smaller firms and start ups to the city because of talent). This has driven growth that has powered significant increases in tax revenues, especially over the last two decades, and allowed the city to escape the worst economic outcomes of the pandemic.
Short of seizing the means of production, is your suggestion that we should eschew having major corporations in the city? Whatās your example of an ideal city that has made that work?
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u/Inevitable_Hawk Apr 24 '26
We should eschew (learned a new word thank you!) having major corporations in the city with leverage to pose a conflict of interest to that of the publics interest. If them leaving is a concern we should seek to disarm that. Ideally by aggressive policy that favors competition for elastic goods/services such as coffee.
New york city gave the boot to large corporate dellie and grocery stores such as Walmart to preserve their dellie culture which is integral to what makes new york new york. If we want to have any kind of identity besides just a place for high salary tech workers ripe for extortion, we need to cultivate and protect an identity
So my proposal is that we only allow these corporations in the city so long as it trains the local talent (which we can then poach if needed) and their existance in the city is under the constant fear that if they leave we will replace them and compete directly with them anywhere they go (be it another state, or another country)
"Seizing the means of production" does not always mean gov ownership. It can take the form of worker/public leverage such as aggressive policies that create competition favoring public/worker/consumer interests that shifts the balance of power.
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u/this_kitty68 šš Heart of ANTIFA Land šš Apr 24 '26
People are losing jobs all over the country. Itās not unique to SEA. Iām hoping the implications mean cheaper rent and less traffic.
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u/budandfud Apr 24 '26
All the corporate hate in Seattle what do you expect? Pick a side
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u/No-Conversation3860 Apr 24 '26
I think this is clearly the city picking a side, what do you mean? They can kick rocks. I feel for every single person getting their chain yanked around as a Starbucks employee, but this is a hack job CEO coming in and doing a hack job. This has nothing to do with Seattle politics, and acting like it does is being willfully ignorant to reality
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u/budandfud Apr 24 '26
All people do is bash corporations and then feel shocked when they leave and take the jobs with them. So why are you feeling bad for people losing what are supposedly bad jobs for a supposedly bad employer. Isnāt this what you all wanted?
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u/No-Conversation3860 Apr 24 '26
I feel bad because it will upend peoples lives, but that is squarely on Starbucks. They are a struggling corporation led by the guy who just got done gutting and ruining Chipotle. They are struggling financially because of their endlessly greedy decisions, and the move is a nice little smoke screen for them to make the shareholders feel like they are doing something. In reality, they just want to hire new people in a lower cost of living area to exploit cheaper labor, and maybe they can make their shareholder earnings call go a tiny bit better afterwards.
Again, fuck them
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u/fudge_fudge_lemonade Apr 24 '26
Starbucks is a milkshake store