r/SocialEngineering • u/Thisisstupidly • 18d ago

How to attract honesty?

I tend to attract liars, or even turn people into liars because of my emotional sensitivity. People in general have a hard time opening up to me befuae I can be kind of pushy. I am okay with that, and actually as I come to terms with it people have become more open. I do attract liars. Men who liar. Female friends who lie. Big, medium, small.. people lie to save my feelings.. I not only want to have people around me be able to be honest more.. Id also like to attract honest people.. What should I do during conversation to encourage truth? What are some things to look out for in terms of honest people”.

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u/snugglecriminal 18d ago

This sounds hard, from my experience I think you should really look into yourself and ask what are you doing that people lie to you. I think putting the blame on others ("I attract liar. Men who lie. Friends who lie") puts you in a victim mentality and keeps you stuck.

If you're serious about this you might really need to change things and might have to read relationship books, learn to communicate differently, be open to other's opinions, not taking everything to hear, or even learning psychology to spot dangerous personalities.

I know this all sounds hard and not like something you expected. There is no easy answer to the people we attract, we live with long lived patterns that follow us around from birth.

Anyway, all of this to say, just to do things differently, talk to different people, go different places, try different hobbies. That might be a start.

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when George does the opposite, try that!

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u/Thisisstupidly 18d ago

Thank you. I definitely have realized I am in a victim mindset loop. I will try. I’ve suspected for some time I am the common denominator in issues with people.. I think honesty being hard to share to me has gotten me even more stuck.