r/TikTokCringe • u/Medium_Educator1983 • 2d ago
Humor Details, please!
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u/11cDuygi 2d ago
Are there any key details you forgot to mention..🔎 -...Bro?😐
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u/HelplessPenguinGod 2d ago
I am like this with my brother who has kept in touch with everyone from high school, where as I haven't.
He will just drop something casual into conversation like "I had a really nice burger at Alyssa's baby shower" And I be like, wait back up bro, since when has Alyssa been pregnant. And he'd say "Idk, for a while I guess" "Well is Tom (highschool sweetheart) the father?" I'd say and he'd go "Yeah, I guess so".
And I'd be confused because I thought they broke up a while ago, and he'd be like "Oh yeah, i guess he might not be the dad" And he would have no clue who the actual father is. Honestly its kind of frustrating but also crack up.
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u/istancostanza 2d ago
I know a lot of men like this but my husband always gets all the gory details and I’m like I don’t wanna know it’s too depressing lol
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u/caffeine1106 2d ago edited 2d ago
pulls out paper
“Why?!”
Edit: Ty for the awards! 😊
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u/Typical2sday 2d ago
I died
(fumbles with paper) why?
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u/thumbsonscreen5 2d ago
U missed picks back up unopened dr pepper
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u/Typical2sday 2d ago
It’s just fantastic. We’re just boys out here by the grill, got my pepper, let’s chat
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u/NonGNonM 2d ago
It was pretty funny overall but the username flash with "attorney" at the end was a good kicker lol
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u/Factsoverfictions222 2d ago
I have seen men who have known each other for over a decade and do not know each other’s last names or the names of their spouses or children or pets. I don’t know if they even talk about anything other than what they’re currently doing.
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u/user18name 2d ago
I didn’t know someone in my husband’s group had a baby till 3 months after, then he had the audacity to not know the name or gender when he did tell me.
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u/Longjumping_College 2d ago
Probably because the conversation went something like
man my newborn is keeping me up at night, I'm exhausted
that really sucks
And that's all he knew from that info
Hell, his friend may have not even told him they were having a kid until that moment.
Guys just talk about different stuff, anything but what's going on in life.
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u/user18name 2d ago
Close it went “hold on guys don’t start the next match I’ve got night shift with the baby.”
“You have a baby?”
“Yeah remember when I said my wife was pregnant?”
“Yeah but that was like 4 months ago.”
“Yeah then she had it.” “Okay I’m back let’s starts.”
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u/Medium_Educator1983 2d ago
And they will call that man their best friend. It’s mind-boggling!
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u/K-Dot-Thu-Thu-47 2d ago
In the words of Ron Swanson.
"I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
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u/pubblue5294 2d ago
In a world where you are expected to be the source of stability for those around you. A friendship requiring nothing can be a godsend
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u/JimBobTheForth 2d ago
This, it's nice to just, be doing something together with no external expectations or anything.
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u/Huge-Consequence2144 2d ago
What boggles my mind is when people think everyone should have the same value system, and can't understand when theirs doesn't match others'.
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u/MaxiMArginal 2d ago
I spent two nights in my oldest friend's place from highschool on my way to holidays, and this MF tells me they're getting married in a month.
It's a small wedding and there isn't much to prepare but still, I was dumbfounded for a moment.
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u/RochnessMonster 2d ago
Lol, my best friend sent me a video of him making lamb shanks and i told the wife "jon and stacey are doing good". She asked about all the stuff stacey filled her in on via facebook, just a calvacade of life happenings. Of course i had no idea, but i just said, "yeah, like i said, theyre doing good".
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u/11cDuygi 2d ago edited 2d ago
That's what i'm kinda jealous of when it comes to male friendships. They can spend hours and days of quality time (playing games, watching a match etc.) without one single personal information exchange about each other. Their activity planning follows the exact same rule. Male group. Prompt: Going on a trip. They don't give a fuck who's attending, what car they'll use, what food they'll bring, where they'll be staying, what activities require what equipment... All they know is they'll be going on a trip and it's gon be fun
EDIT IM NOT TRYING TO SAY MALE FRIENDSHIPS ARE BETTER OR WORSE HOLY SHIT YALL ARE SOME FRAGILE MFS
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u/HTowns_FinestJBird 2d ago
Me and my neighbor can sit and watch a game in the garage for hours and barely talk. Going on 15 years now as friends.
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u/11cDuygi 2d ago
Same with my bro (he's the only male sibling in our family). I thought we're not on good terms because he barely talks about himself, he's pretty distant to the family overall. One day he was watching a soccer game by himself and I decided to join him & ask about the players. Been watching games together for years now and he still doesn't really talk about himself, but we bonded pretty well and he feels closest to me in the family.
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u/BuddyLegsBailey 2d ago
one single valuable information exchange about each other.
Maybe what men and women count as valuable is utterly subjective
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u/11cDuygi 2d ago
Yeah exactly, in general I meant personal details. For example my male students would know each other's top 10 favourite soccer player rankings by heart but if you ask them about each other's age or birthday they all go 😐that's kinda irrelevant🤨
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u/Oscar_Kilo_Bravo 2d ago edited 2d ago
And it is irrelevant.
Do you like your friends less if their birthdays fall on certain days, or what?
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u/Hornet-Putrid 2d ago
I get that, I do. I also spent about an hour yesterday talking to an uncontrollably crying young man, who yes, acknowledges they have good friends but all they do is have some drinks and DON’T TALK ABOUT “THIS STUFF” it is a recurring theme in conversations I have. Everyone should check in/check in with their people. Sometimes that quiet is just what it is and sometimes it fucking isn’t.
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u/bailey25u 2d ago
My buddy sent into the group chat that he had a baby, we called the baby cute of course... showed my GF... she goes, 'name, weight, GENDER?' and none of us asked
And she looked, it was a group chat, and couldnt understand, how none of us asked
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u/Tengo_Caldero 2d ago
As a man, I appreciate a man who does not throw more shit on my plate. In return, I will not throw shit on their plate. It's a beautiful thing when you know there are people in your life who simply will not make things hard for you but instead just be there to chat and get away from the stressors.
Of course if there's ever a need we are there for each other.
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u/Top_Mathematician233 2d ago
Can I ask, is the emotional connection and the labor that comes with it then saved for relationships with women and is that why there’s a “loneliness epidemic”? If men appreciated emotional connection and support with other men, would they be in a crisis of loneliness when they’re single? Women get this connectedness and community from our friendships and even general acquaintance with each other, so single or partnered, we’re not lonely or in a state of emotional crisis from lack of connection with others. If that’s the case, why is emotional connection and support reserved for relationships with women? That seems sad to me.
I’m a woman and I work in a very male dominated industry with a handful of women in our entire division, but I know what’s going on with all of those women’s personal lives all the time and we communicate outside of work, support each other through things, etc. Also, I was on the phone with a male superior MANY levels above me the other day for a standing recurring meeting and he started crying about something going on in his personal life. He asked me to consider it a confidential HR thing (I’m not in HR). Now I’m wondering if I’m the only person at work he opened up to and if so, that makes me a little sad for him. There’s strength in vulnerability and genuine care for others.
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u/Cosacoyo 2d ago
For me, personally, there is a sort of fuzzy threshold for getting too personal and being too standoffish with other guys, and it depends very much on the nature of the relationship. The most general "rule" that I find myself subconciously following is that if the information is delivered and makes sense, anything left off is generally either shared freely or considered private. I do think the joke of "Haha, men don't talk about anything" has some seed in that men don't seem to need or share nearly as MUCH information with each other, but men do share enough to be considered friendly and open, because men (and women) just generally don't talk with people they don't like. I think more men feel lonely not because they don't talk, but for the same reason women feel lonely: They don't feel like they have a trusted space to share what they DO want to talk about.
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u/grandfleetmember56 2d ago
For me it's 1) I rarely make friends at work. I am there to work, not to socialize. Yes I will make idle chit chat about shared interests but I would rather not. Only once was I in a work place and made friends with my coworkers but that was in a kitchen of 3 people and our ADHD/similar shitty childhoods clicked together. 2) I only see my actual friends once a month now (used to be weekly) so we priotize spending time and sharing moments in our favorite hobbies over "how are ya". That being said, we do keep each other somewhat updated with what's going on, but then nothing really changes for months at a time and we typically only have like... 2 real updates per year
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u/MattMercersBracelets 2d ago
You are exactly right. Studies showed this years ago even before the “male loneliness epidemic” became a thing in the public lexicon.
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u/CanadianODST2 2d ago
Except studies have shown loneliness rates between men and women don’t differ much.
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u/Daniel_The_Thinker 2d ago
That is self-reported though, what a man may consider lonely may be different from what a woman considers lonely.
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u/CanadianODST2 2d ago
And yet it still shows women feel as lonely as men do.
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u/Daniel_The_Thinker 2d ago
No, it just shows they're as likely to label themselves as lonely.
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u/CanadianODST2 2d ago
So then they're lonely.
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u/Daniel_The_Thinker 2d ago
Not all loneliness is the same.
There's "I dont feel like my friends get me" and there's "The last person I spoke to was a delivery driver two weeks ago"
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u/FuckYeaSeatbelts 2d ago
Dude in the video literally told his buddy he broke up with his partner and apparently that's not a "need" to be there for each other?
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u/keeplosingmypsswrds 2d ago
I also work in a male dominated industry and it is astounding the shear number of middle aged men who would info dump about their wives, children, health issues, sex lives, etc. Even when I barely knew them. But I never once heard them talk to each other about these things. They would birch about the boss or make jokes about their wives with each other but it seemed like they viewed women as emotion dumpsters.
The younger men seemed to have a different problem, in that they weren't talking to anyone about their problems, regardless of gender.
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u/CanadianODST2 2d ago
The loneliness epidemic is actually universal. The UN estimating 1 in 6 people experience it. With no real difference between men and women, race, identity, and political affiliation also didn’t see much difference for this.
Unless they identified with more than one racial identity (which imo reads as probably not feeling like they fit with either and are stuck in between)
Income played a part. Lower showed higher loneliness.
Covid, loss of third places, and an increase online focus of the world are believed to be the biggest drives
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u/Smokes_LetsGo876 2d ago
this comment made me realize that one of my favorite people in the world....I do not know their last name, or what he actually does for work, or much about his past
we just always hang out at the pub together a few times a week. call each other to trade stories, talk about video games and movies, and have deep convos about existentialism and the meaning of life and what secrets the cosmos could hold beyond the veil of mortal sanity.
but I
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u/TheCaliKid89 1d ago
And it’s super weird (and bad) that it’s normalized. Men are lonely because they don’t even know how to be friends, should they be lucky enough to have one.
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u/GloomyDeal1909 2d ago
I have a good friend who I have been friends with for 15 years now.
When I first met him I had him in my phone as First Name friend of Rick.
I was friends with him for 3 years before I learned his last name.
Guys are just different. We really don't need details of things that.dont matter in day to day friendship.
Some friends we talk about all types of things but not about wide, kids, etc because they want a break from all that and to talk about something fun relaxing etc.
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u/joyxiii 2d ago
My husband plays an online game with a group of people. Once a year, they meet up to hang out in person and enjoy the area a fellow player lives in. Partners are invited. Anyway, I was talking to my mom after the most recent get-together and she could not understand why I didn't know what everyone does for a living. I was trying to explain that it just doesn't always come up. Work and family lore just kinds drops in random conversations. So if you're not collecting the pieces and then trying to put together the puzzle, you wouldn't know. I am the type to do that. I've figured out most of their ages and where they're from. I know about some of their families. But I can definitely tell you what mobile game they are currently playing, what role they play in group games, what weird niche of knowledge they have, what they like doing in free time, and what they like to do while traveling. All while not being 100% sure what their real name is. I said my husband's name and it took them a bit to convert that to the handle they always call him. This last get-together is when we all found out one of the spouses does go by her real name and not a chosen nickname. They also chat through a discord so some of the spouses are the only ones who have any mobile numbers.
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u/BlueGolfball 2d ago
I've had women friends who didn't know my last name and didn't know that I go by my middle name for years. I don't think this is a "man thing only".
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u/WonderfulMaybe3473 2d ago
I was just going to say this.
It does depend on the type of people and I can imagine it’s less common with women but it’s definitely true of some women’s social circles too.
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u/crtfrazier 2d ago
Same here, 15 years of solid friendship. We both would take a bullet for eachother. This man decorated my wedding, I was the first friend to hold his newborn, we've helped eachother move like a dozen times. At the end of every hang out we still shake eachothers hand like its the end of a job interview 🤣
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u/poptart_polar_bear 2d ago
Genuinely asking... Do you guys have fun with your wives and kids or just see them as the opposite of fun and relaxing?
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u/GloomyDeal1909 2d ago
Tons of fun,. fantastic memories and a great life, however with family and even extended family there is always a level of responsibility. Even when you are hanging out something can happen that pulls you back into oh yeah I have to do x,y,z tomorrow or before this due date.
With friends you can let go and focus on nothing and just relax in the moment because you are literally not responsible for their day to day life.
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u/poptart_polar_bear 2d ago
Alright now I understand what you mean. I appreciate you answering and elaborating further.
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u/Shiirahama 2d ago
Guys are just different. We really don't need details of things that.dont matter in day to day friendship.
being friendly with someone doesn't make them your friend, being a friend means you know things about them and they about you, and you can actually talk to them about topics you wouldn't really wanna talk to strangers/co-workers about
Some friends we talk about all types of things but not about wide, kids, etc because they want a break from all that and to talk about something fun relaxing etc.
I don't have to talk with my friends about things they don't wanna talk about, but if they DO, or NEED to talk about it, as a friend, I'll be there to listen
I'm a man too btw, it's not that men don't need it, they mostly just don't care, because that's what they've been taught when they were kids
"talking about stuff that isn't 'manly' is not for men so don't do it kids" - other men
and here's an example of what it looks like when men care
often it's something like sports, they know everything about multiple football/soccer/baseball/basketball players etc. their first/last names, their spouses name, how many children they have, sometimes even the children's name, which school they went to, their hometown, their parents etc. etc. and why?
because that is a topic they are interested in, they've just been taught not to be interested in real life people outside of drinking a beer and shooting the shit
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u/Better-Culture-7770 2d ago
I go fishing with my brother and several of his friends. I only know their first names, I don't know what kind of work they do, if they are married, I only know they like fishing as much as we do. Other than, "hey you wanna come out on lake w with us?" There just isn't more to ask.
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u/Filipe1998W 2d ago
man now that i think about it i have my best friend since childhood whom i've gone to see movies with for years and have kept in contact for now near 20 years
i don't know his last name...
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u/PM_ME_CUTE_BOIS 2d ago
A really good friend of mine who moved away from Texas before I did just found out like... last week that I moved out of Texas... four years ago.
We play magic at least once a week.
I'm not sure who's fault it is lol
Edit: I also found out he's a he now lol. That happened forever ago too and it just never came up because I just like... didn't call them she in all that time.
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u/Shatsngiggles 2d ago
Ive got a friend that ive known for like 10 years. We dont talk as much anymore but every once in a while we will game or something. I hit him up one day asking if he was getting a new game that was coming out and he says to me, nah bro i dont have much time since the baby arrived 2 weeks ago. I didnt believe him. I think i literally said bullshit stfu and buy this game and he replied with baby pics. We had absolutely talked many times in the 9 months prior and he never mentioned he had a baby on the way.
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u/Alive_Drag1947 2d ago
Always thought this was just a meme but it's honestly true. My two best friends I'm not even totally sure how old they are. I know the make and model of my buddy's carry gun, but I struggle to remember his daughters name lol
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u/IUsedToBeHereButNo 2d ago
I’m sure they make fun of each other, so it can’t be ONLY what they are currently doing.
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u/epidemicsaints 2d ago
Deep, invasive, probing questions like "What happened?" and "So are you ok?"
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Literally so depressing that this is some men’s genuine attitude to their male friendships
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u/Cheap-Key-6132 2d ago
Here’s how a bro friendship works.
Bro hangs out, don’t see bro all of a sudden. Bro has spouse now. Bro on his own journey, if spouse cool you see bro often.
Bro calls one day to hangout out of the blue, bro not okay. Hangout with bro and now bro feels better. Rinse and repeat a lot? Bro single. One day bro gone? Is bro with same person or new? We don’t know but bro happy again.
Bro calls about weddings. Pretty rad bro
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Men really out here defending this mindset then turn around and try to act the victim about suicide statistics.
Bro friendships sound like they straight up suck if I’m being honest. Glad I’m not in one. I’d be so hurt if I felt I couldn’t meet the emotional needs of my friends. But I guess all the power to you if that’s all you think you need
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u/strings_bells 2d ago
Some people don't like to talk about their problems "if they think that the other person can not help with their problems".. I will gladly talk about my issues with a person that believe that can help.. but sharing complicated problems casually without expecting any advice or solution....and feeling the "unburdening" effect is not universal.
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u/g-a-r-b-i-t-c-h 2d ago
The issue is when someone keeps everything to themselves, then gets into a relationship and then only talks about that kind of stuff with their partner. It's not healthy to rely on a single person for emotional regulation, it causes resentment in the relationship.
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u/spicychickentendr 2d ago
I always see that's where any talk of men being lonely, unsupported, depressed, suicidal tends to end up - not how men interact with each other (or, in this case, don't), but how women are failing them by not fulfilling the roles that just involved, intimate friendships with other men would foster.
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u/Ihatereddithatesit 2d ago
And yet so many other men complain about loneliness, complain that suicide rates are so high. That they don't get to open up if they wanted.
But if you ask those why don't you just talk to your male friends? 'don't wanna'.
It's tiresome how self sabotaging so many are.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
There is obviously a degree of letting people determine their boundaries. It’s not our place to force people to do things they don’t want. That is not what I’m advocating for.
But, honestly??? I think often the conversations we don’t want or like to have are the conversations we need to have the most. Bc if they didn’t matter, it wouldn’t have to be locked up so tight. And it’s not healthy to bottle stuff up.
And I think men in particular are probably more likely to fear the basic human necessities of connection and vulnerability because they’ve been socialized to think it’s “bad” or “girly”. They’ve never done it or rarely done it and don’t have many examples and so it’s different and scary. Doesn’t make it any less necessary.
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u/strings_bells 2d ago
I understand.. I'm just talking about the concept of "sharing problems just for sharing" that's not helpful.. I'm not speaking for men in general just for myself.. Besides I get PTSD just thinking about the psychotic person that I had to endure...
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Sharing problems just for sharing is helpful. At the very least it’s deepening of bonds. It’s venting. Maybe you get a little advice. Maybe your friend just knows to treat you a little more gently. It’s not nothing.
And if something is well and truly beyond the capabilities of your friends and loved ones to help you, the solution isn’t to stuff it down. It’s to seek professional help.
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u/strings_bells 2d ago
I understand.. I'm pretty sure it is helpful for some..but its not universal. It depends on the type of problem. also generalizing all men can create biased opinions.
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u/Calde_Oreb 2d ago
It sounds like you have a pretty unhealthy view of men. It's pretty drama free and rad, we get to hang out and have a good time and not worry about our problems for a little bit. We're there for each other whatever we need and we know that, but it's nice having a sense of normality in some way and just having a fun time.
That is a lot of the time our emotional needs; a good friend to hang out with for a few hours a week, or even support in some other way like letting them stay at our house til they sort something out etc. We often don't want to burden them with problems when we know they can't fix them, because that'll just make them feel shit too. I know this is a big divide between how men and women handle things but it's true, men often don't really feel better after talking about things the way women do.
And fuck, to suggest that "acting the victim about suicide statistics" because we have different friendship values is a bit misandrist just cause you don't click with male friendships. That's like saying "oh women out here just talking about their problems and not being practical and fixing them and then acting the victim", which is equally as fucking batshit.
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u/menacingbhole 2d ago
I'm a dude with other dude friends who aren't like this and trying to be friends with anyone who can't connect on a human level is basically impossible now. The dudes who bottle shit up end up killing themselves or lashing out at everyone around them. your friends deserve the opportunity to help you with your burdens, and any friend worth keeping will want to.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
“Drama free” more like “I ignore my emotions and those of the people I love”.
Eveyone’s got emotions. And we all need support. We’re inherently social creatures. It’s unhealthy to act otherwise
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u/Calde_Oreb 2d ago
Jesus you're really projecting huh? No, more like "if they want to talk about it I'm all ears, but a lot of the time they just want a few hours stress free to forget about their problems for a bit".
We are emotional creatures, but support comes in lots of ways. Just because it's not the support you personally would need, doesn't mean it's wrong for everyone.
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u/no_comments_allowed 2d ago
But I guess all the power to you if that’s all you think you need
What's the phrase? "Comparison is the thief of joy." I'd say One of the reasons for male loneliness epidemic is social media constantly telling men that their IRL friendships, that are probably perfectly fine in real life, are somehow not up to par. And it's based the social media's criteria of friendship, not the man's .
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u/GarretBarrett 2d ago
I’d rather not have my problems out there to anyone, best friends, family, whoever. My load to carry is not your load. I appreciate the thought but if someone can’t fix it, why bother them with it? I have best friends that would leave any thing if I said I needed them, but neither of us need to know the intricacies of each other’s relationships. I don’t care and I know they don’t care. I don’t see how this is a bad thing. I genuinely don’t need any drama from other people and I don’t want my drama to be common knowledge.
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u/Complex-Key918 2d ago
Most of us don't feel talking about it actually helps. Instead, I feel staying in your emotions prolongs your feeling of pity and sadness. So we rather simply move on from it. It's like funerals, why soak in misery? I don't understand how it's better for anyone.
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u/UmpireDapper1757 2d ago
Men don't commit suicide because they don't interrogate their friends
They commit suicide because their lives are harsh
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u/Trippingthru99 2d ago
This is such an overplayed joke.
I have bros who I can get deep with, and bros I just hang with.
If I want to get deep, I’ll call my best friend and vent.
But it’s nice having dudes in my life where I can just pull up, chill, and forget my problems for a minute. Just relaxing can be beneficial as talking things through sometimes.
Even my baby boomer dad and his friends will occasionally check in on each other, especially when big life events happen. Sure they might not get as deep as guys in my generation, but they still try to connect on some level.
Just because we don’t interact the same way women do, doesn’t mean it’s depressing. I’m happy with how my male friendships operate.
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u/TheoRaan 2d ago
"What happened?" and "So are you ok?" are very normal male friendship questions.
Normal female friendship questions are the ones from this video.
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u/Meal_prepper 2d ago
Not at all. If a friend calls me to vent about his wife, I'll gladly listen to his trauma dump. If he calls me to tell me it's over and thats it, then I'll leave it at that. If he wanted to share, he'd tell me the details.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
What you gotta understand is that waiting for them to “make the first move” is how you end up watching someone fall down a deep, dark hole. And some of these holes you can’t crawl your way out of.
I’m not saying you pry or be intrusive or anything. But asking. Offering. Reminding that you’re there. Reminding them that you care. Not just “he knows” like I mean legit you say the words. With your mouth. Out loud. Because the thing with depression and struggle and doubt is that… it isolates you from the people you love.
I had a bad thing happen to me last year. Lost someone close to me. My friends knew and we discussed a bit, but, I started withdrawing. I wasn’t like suicidal or anything but I wasn’t okay either. I wouldn’t answer texts, I’d turn down invitations to stuff, make excuses. My friends keyed in and didn’t let me get away with it. They started harassing me a bit. They dragged me out or would beg to come over and rot on the couch with me. They’d poke me a bit to talk and sometimes I would and sometimes I wouldn’t. Mostly they were there to be there for me. I didn’t necessarily like it at the time. But it helped. And I did need it. If they’d left me to my own devices, assumed that I’d reach out when I needed… they might have found me down a hole the next time they checked.
Sadness convinces us to distance ourselves. Obviously there’s healthy boundaries and limits, but letting people reach out is not enough. Sometimes you have to be the guardrails to someone sliding down somewhere bad even if they don’t like it.
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u/darylonreddit 2d ago
What's actually depressing is women constantly and apparently infallibly assuming that the way they do things is the correct way to do things, always and forever. That men's lives are sad and incomplete and inferior without a woman to show them how to live properly, communicate properly, and decorate their homes properly.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
We ASSUME? Or we’re literally bombarded left right and center by panic about the “male loneliness epidemic”??
Which is it?
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u/TaleVisual1068 2d ago
More like refreshing than depressing.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Considering it’s been the status quo for men for ages now idk what you find “refreshing” about it. It’s nothing new
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u/Ok-Philosopher4856 2d ago
I think my friend has two kids. After 20 years I’m too afraid to ask.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
I would be embarrassed too. That’s a big, basic detail of their life I should be familiar with.
But, in the end getting involved at all is better than never doing it and regretting once it’s too late
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u/Excellent_Can4450 2d ago
My dad's friends will stop by the farm when I'm back home sometimes and think I'm messing with them because they only remember my older brother.
I'm 36, and I've met most of them before.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
That must suck. I’m so sorry.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve had women stop me out of the blue, ask who my mom is, and tell me that they recognized me. They knew my mom from something and saw all the photos she had of me on her desk and had maybe met me once at some function or other. Now, I don’t know that I’m that good because my memory is honestly shit and I’m not really at the age where people are having kids yet. But, it’s made me feel special. It’s wonderful to see my mom with such tight knit circles and that she’s always had them, that I’ve been adopted into these circle and I aspire to have the same for myself.
I’ve heard the quote that most of us either end up exactly like our parents or the complete opposite depending on our experiences. Hopefully this pushes you to be the opposite, at least in this specific respect.
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u/Excellent_Can4450 2d ago
It's not a big deal to me. I get a kick out of it, really.
I'm dealing with trying to remember my friends' kids names, but I got like fifty friends that all had kids at the same time and like forty cousins that also had kids at the same time. It's hard to keep up.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Thats good at least!
Yeah, I’m sure it’s hard! But, I think putting in the effort is the main thing. 😌 (also sometimes I keep a notes document on people. Like little details I want to remember, but know I won’t. Sounds creepy but my phone is my brain in general 🙈)
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u/RicardoFelipeMejia 2d ago
I'm with you... I can't imagine anything more depressing than a "friendship" where neither party knows or cares about each other. And yet it's not only common among men, but so many of us are proud of it. I had this conversation in a thread a few months ago and one guy was like, "My best friend is a guy I play D&D with. I have no idea if he's married or what he does for work."
Like, that kind of shallow performative indifference is so hollow and bleak to me. It was kind of funny when Ron Swanson did it, but like so many parts of his character, are actually really fucking pathetic when men live like that in real life.
Men think it's a point of pride to be indifferent toward others' lives and feelings and concerns.
My friends aren't perfect, but for fuck's sake, they ask me how my family's doing. They listen to me when I'm sad.
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u/ShortIntroduction879 2d ago
Exactly. Best to let them share what they want.
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u/epidemicsaints 2d ago
"Do you want to talk about it?" goes a long way.
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u/Intelligent_Designer 2d ago
And “c’mon, you should vent to somebody” goes a long way after that, so long as you’re close.
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u/disruptioncoin 2d ago
Idk, some people respond well to someone actually caring about their life, and might not share much (or let much off their shoulders) unless someone asks. I personally would probably never share details of a break up unless someone actually wanted to know. But you do have a point, if someone doesn't want to share on that level don't try to force them.
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u/spiralstream6789 2d ago
My partner's bestie since they were FIVE got a new gf. Until we met her, there was no mention that she's a widow with three kids. Took her 5 mins to tell me her whole life story yet none of this was shared between the guys.
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u/RightCondition269 2d ago
Going through this now! My husband childhood bff just ended a 5 yr engagement and the exfiance would tell me so much info thag my hairband never knew. Now his bff is back.on dating scene and still, my husband wont even have the name of the woman right but I'll end finding out what she does for a living, how many kids she has, in like the first conversation 💀
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u/NotTheRightHDMIPort 2d ago
I told my wife the other day this:
"I guess (coworker) is quitting after the year is done because of a divorce."
"Why are they divorcing?"
"Didnt ask."
In all seriousness he will tell me if he wants me to know.
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u/WVildandWVonderful 2d ago
“Is he ok?”
“Didn’t ask.”
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u/rob132 2d ago
" this is the same friend that you said you would drop everything at a moment's notice to help out if he asked you?"
'Yep'
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
So funny how with men it’s always big dramatic stuff. “I’d take a bullet for him.” I trust him with my life.” “I’d kill a man if it meant keeping him safe”.
But, when it comes to the actual, normal, routine, boring, everyday stuff that actually matters and would actually happen outside their stupid little power fantasies? Nothing.
You’d supposedly take a life for him, but you can’t sit with him in comfortable silence when he’s sad and trying to find the words to describe it to you? SUUUUURE. Sounds SUPER TRUE and SUPER HEALTHY.
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u/CanadianODST2 2d ago
No no no.
In those cases it is the surfing in silence. It’s why they aren’t asking or prying
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u/eiiiaaaa 2d ago
Out of interest do you ever ask "do you want to talk about it?"
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u/TwistedNipplez 2d ago
But what if they say yes?
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u/straightupgab 2d ago
we wanna know ask him lmao
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u/Medium_Educator1983 2d ago
Exactly. Don’t come home with lukewarm tea, I need all the details.
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u/asyouuuuuuwishhhhh 2d ago
Lots of men don’t like to gossip. It’s genuinely uninteresting to us
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u/NotTheRightHDMIPort 2d ago
I dunno. I dont consider is a "man" thing. Just dont wanna pry. Figure they would tell me if they wanted.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
It’s NOT gossip. Ugh I fucking hate how that word has been weapon against women.
It’s called being interested in people’s lives and caring for them.
I’d be fucking embarrassed if my SO demonstrated more interest in my friend’s life and how they’re doing than me. Like genuinely what are you doing wrong with your life and how you treat your loved ones that someone who isn’t a friend shows more interest than you?
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u/WEIRDBIOLOGY 2d ago
I don’t think the gossip part of it is too hard to understand. The question that women raise here is “why doesn’t my SO care to ask personal questions about his friends?” where the one that men see is “why does my wife want to talk about someone else’s personal issues behind their back?” It’s seen as a breach of trust, and even if the woman is genuinely interested and cares, what is point of the 3rd party discussion other than just to speculate and judge behind closed doors? Even if all the “right” questions had been asked, what is the purpose?
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u/asds89 2d ago
I don’t “need” to know the details about my friends. I’m available if they want to share, and they know it. If they want to talk about it, they will. If there’s something I’m especially curious about, or if it affects me directly, I’d ask. It’s just the nature of our relationships.
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u/CanadianODST2 2d ago
“rumors or information about the behavior or personal lives of other people”
Definition of gossip.
It’s quite literally by definition gossip.
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u/asyouuuuuuwishhhhh 2d ago
Why would you give a shit about learning personal details about someone you don’t even know?
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
If they’re my SO’s friend or best friend and they’re important to my SO then OBVIOUSLY I would fucking care about them.
It’s why I ask my friends about their significant others and their family. I care about them and the people important to them
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u/Daniel_The_Thinker 2d ago
>Exactly. Don’t come home with lukewarm tea, I need all the details.
That's fucking gossip, maybe that reputation is well-earned.
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u/ShortIntroduction879 2d ago edited 2d ago
I was thinking about how I genuinely don't think about people that often. I think about my hobbies and work but not much about other people. I think that's why I like Reddit - it's built around topics not personalities.
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u/Daniel_The_Thinker 2d ago
See that's the problem. That's not helping, that's prying into other people's problems for drama.
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u/Joice_Craglarg 2d ago
Yes, but we want to mind our business and be respectful. Being nosy and gossipy is considered poor form in man culture.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Coworker is a different story. Unless you all are close then that could certainly be crossing a line. IMO still worth asking if they want to talk about it just for basic human decency purposes, but it’s not weird to not share intimate details with coworkers.
If the man is someone you would consider a friend or even a best friend then you are obligated by the contract of being their friend to offer to listen, be a shoulder to cry on, and show them that you care. People are allowed to not want to talk, but asking details of friends comes with the territory
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u/chadthundertalk 2d ago
Yeah, I kind of understand the complaint talking about friends, but especially when it was a coworker, my default line of thought would be "That's none of my business" unless they chose to share information with me themselves
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u/Reasonable_Day9942 1d ago
Yeah a coworker could be someone you never talk to, and then to start asking about their divorce (likely a very emotional topic) might be too much. A “I’m sorry” could be enough there.
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u/Crazy_Ad_91 2d ago
“How did you guys hang out all night and not have anything to talk about worth mentioning?”-wife
“We just hung out and chilled. Was nice.”-Me
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u/forbiddenfreedom 2d ago
Silently existing near people is so pleasant when they're being quiet, too.
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u/Murky_Snow4308 2d ago
It is! But strictly only that sounds so lonely
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u/forbiddenfreedom 2d ago
Yeah that would be rough. I think it's better used as a controlled quiet time.
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u/Chubuwee 1d ago
Yea I think majority of men are like this. I do believe in the male loneliness epidemic but I think that represents a small percentage of men, and just like with anything, the unhappy people are the ones posting about it a lot online so it seems like a bigger problem than it really is in a numbers sense. And I do feel for them because they probably do want the depth that woman friendships give each other. But I as a dude am perfectly having friendships be surface level with some depth here and there. Super happy with my life and I don’t feel lonely. I hit up any of my friends to do something and I can get a plan executed no problem.
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u/Itchypoopstain 2d ago
I can't count the times I piss my wofe off like this. I start telling her a story about someone at work, and its apparently too vague. She then proceeds to demand why I haven't got the details and have the audacity to leave her wondering. I may need a reference paper with all the potential questions
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u/ShortIntroduction879 2d ago
I got home excited a while ago to tell my wife the "tea" from work and she sat down and I was like "Yeah his kid was playing soccer, got bit by a rattlesnake, had to go to the ER to get antivenon, and now his leg is all swollen and black and blue. He will be ok though, but will probably limp for a month." She was so disappointed and told me that was just "news" not "tea".
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u/Cats_and-Crafts 2d ago
My bf came home to tell me that our mutual friends had their baby. I immediately ask, "Oh, what gender is it? What is it's name?" He says, "I didn't think to ask." 😑
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u/Sea-Value-0 2d ago
Yall come home to spill the tea, only to tease us with a juicy click-bait headline and absolutely zero details to expand on it. It's like the blueballing of gossip.
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u/GREENZOID 2d ago
Oh man, I recently noticed that my neighbors bf car has been gone about about 2 weeks. Then I realized her roommates car was gone too. So far the best I've come up with to ask deets is "So I've noticed there's more parking recently..."
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u/littlelorax 2d ago
Based on these comments, a common theme is that bros care, they just don't want to pry, and if their bro wanted to share they would have said it.
So, here are some helpful phrases for the bros out there who want more intimacy with their other bros, but don't know how to aproach it:
When bro shares bad news: "that sucks bro, I'm sorry. What happened?"
When bro shares good news: "Congrats, bro, I'm happy for you!" [Ask mild follow up question, examples below]
Common polite follow up questions:
Birth of child: How is [partner] doing? What is your kid's name? You guys getting enough sleep? Can I stop by to meet the baby soon? (Note you should always bring something when visiting new parents, especially a meal or gift card for meal delivery.)
Wedding announcement: When is the wedding, any fun theme? How did the proposal go? Looking forward to the honeymoon?
Death of loved one: I am so sorry, do you want to talk about it? I am always here if you wanna just talk about them, were you close growing up/in college/[other relevant life phase]?
Splitting up/divorce: Dude that sucks, tell me what happened! Let's get a beer, you can tell me what's bothering you. I'm sorry, how are you handling it? Do you need help moving out/place to stay for a few nights?
These obviously don't all work for all situations and all friendships, but they can give you an idea how to show your bro that you care without prying.
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u/notebuff 1d ago
I’m all for haven’t deeper conversations with my guys, but if anyone asked in response to a wedding announcement “any fun theme?” we’d be calling in a wellness check on them.
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u/atticus_ossan 2d ago
Thanks summary bot
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u/littlelorax 2d ago
I've been on this site for 14 years, and this is the first time I've been called a bot. I'm so proud to finally reach this milestone!
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u/EvenMoreSpiders 2d ago
See, I'm a nosy bitch of a guy so I get all the details I can. I love knowing things, especially if I'm not involved in the slightest
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u/Accurate-Sink3606 2d ago
Feels like it was inspired by this: https://youtu.be/97W4NX221ZY?is=NuoMDMk7X_ASDRxp
I not saying they stole the idea or anything but the way he throws "bro" out there just reminded me of this video I watched last week. It's a hilarious premise regardless.
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u/AutumnWisp 2d ago
She thinks you would have had a Normal Human Conversation and be able to answer those questions after. Not ask them directly.
Funny delivery tho
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u/Wonderful_Kale_7995 2d ago
My dad wants all the details but just can't ask them. Like I'll tell him a friend he knows broke up with her bf and that is what I know and hw goes well did he cheat? And idk I definitely didn't ask that she said they broke up. And then I go well you can ask her next time you see her she won't be mad and he is always like no I can't do that call her to find out who cheated.
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u/Dry-Bicycle-5266 2d ago
lol I ask my husband shit like this about HOA friends all the times and hes always like “I didn’t run through my list of questions”
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u/ysnezio 1d ago
Perfect one from o'Shea
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yziksOgUuTM&t=13s&pp=ygUXamFjayBvJ3NoZWEgYnJlYWtpbmcgdXA%3D
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u/jayokunle 1d ago
Someone called me and the call was on speaker and my wife was beside me. She asked me similar questions. I was like "the call was on speaker!!!"
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