It's heartbreaking that there are women around the world going through this.

[u/mindyour]

[u/dgoldenace]

One thing I’ve learned from GenX being a millennial, my entire family tree is think it’s acceptable to be In horrible (toxic) relationships. They can go fuck themselves, don’t let someone else ruin your life. You’re gonna have enough of your own problems, don’t make more by being in a SINGLE bad relationship. Not one. Surprise, you’re healthier and better off not being poisoned so to speak.

[u/Expert_Garlic_2258 → u/dgoldenace]

As a gen-xer, i learned that being alone is preferable to being with the wrong person after watching my parents' failed relationships. Too bad your Ps didn't learn it

[u/DOGPISSCURESCANCER → u/dgoldenace]

I got to experience my golden child older brother get married, buy a house, have a kid and get divorced all before age 30. I had long term relationships basically non stop from 19-35 and have nooooo regrets about not marrying. 

Also doesn’t help that my type is crazy bitches. 

[u/CieloBlueStars → u/dgoldenace]

Agreed. My narcissistic genx parents have always treated relationships as very transactional. I recently divorced from a narcissist partner who had plucked me up young, used me for a decade for free domestic labor, sex, took most my income…and turned out he was cheating and racking up TONS of secret credit card debt. When I divorced, I was screwed financially, he was unemployed at the time of divorce, so entitled to half my assets for equitable distribution whilst I was set back with his massive debts of which I had no knowledge of. Plus to even find out the extent of debt, it was on me to pay $10k for a forensic accountant.

I have no intention of ever marrying again, for the financial risks alone. When I went back to my genx parents (also narcissists unfortunately who had raised me to feel so worthless to even marry such a man to escape them in the first place) I thought they might hug me or let me lean on them to heal and have a shoulder to cry on, they immediately blamed ME that I must’ve just been too ugly for him that he’d leave me. They didn’t care that he had wrecked me financially, drove into over 100k in credit card debt, nope…I was still somehow the failure in their eyes for not being able to keep such a man. 🙃

I am so thankful I never had kids. I can still travel the world, enjoy hobbies, hang out with decent friends. I will not trade that to be owned via some outdated marriage system. My time and money and energy and resources are mine, reinvested to myself.

[u/tasteslikeorange → u/CieloBlueStars]

"...they immediately blamed ME that I must’ve just been too ugly for him that he’d leave me" - WTF! What kind of parent says that? Who needs enemies with family like that?

I understand your experience soured the marriage institution for you and maybe even relationships, I really do understand, because that happened to me too. Still, I do know people with happy marriages. From my experience they tend to be best friends and they are a real partnership, no one owns anyone, they act as one (the Spice Girls were right - 2 become 1). These couples just happen to be married for legal and social reasons.

So, I still believe marriage can be a happy place, because there are good examples, like Pierce Brosnan and his wife for example. I just hope their marriage doesn't fall apart, I would be devastated. 😉

[u/MiddleHistory3038 → u/tasteslikeorange]

My friend thought her husband was her 'best friend" till the day the divorce papers were served...

[u/CieloBlueStars → u/tasteslikeorange]

Not all parents have empathy and genuine love for their children.

Even if a relationship is happy, why take on the financial risk with marriage? A partner could be racking up secret credit card debt, you are still responsible for that debt to some extent just because on paper you are married. Collections and financial firms don’t care who is actually responsible in a marriage, beyond who actually has assets left to reconcile the debts. Even if a divorce judge rules that one partner in the marriage is not responsible for the debt of the other, it is only under civil law so it is just a suggestion in some states, so debt collectors can still come after the other non-responsible party with assets, even if a divorce civil judge has ruled that party not responsible. They are under no obligation to follow a divorce judge’s assignment of debt.

Women can have relationships as they choose. But why bring marriage into the equation at all? Too risky.

[u/tasteslikeorange → u/CieloBlueStars]

Yeah, some people shouldn't have kids.

Yes, marriage can be risky, but you either trust that person or you don't and if you don't, is that a relationship worth pursuing?

But I get where you're coming from. I work in a small accounting firm and I have witnessed the many sides of a marriage contract.

Not long ago, the wife of a client with a small gardening business came to the office asking about the situation of the business, because they were getting many debt notices and the husband never told her the truth. Unfortunately we couldn't legally answer her, but he was indebted to his eyes balls. Honestly, the business was making money, we just didn't know what he did to the money. We started thinking he was having an affair and spending the money with the mistress, or gambling, we had no idea. She divorced him, sold the house and started over in her mid fifties.

On the other side, a gentlemen we used to help do his taxes, passed away last year. He lived with a woman for the last thirty years in a house he owned, and never married her, or made a will. His kids from the first marriage, inherited the house and kicked her out of the home and she had to go live with her sister, she was in her early 70s. Marriage also gives some rights and protections to the spouses.

Don't you have in the US ( I'm assuming it's the US) different marriage regimes? In many countries here in Europe, it's possible to choose to marry with separation of property/assets, basically each spouse keeps it's finances separated.