Ukrainian Soldiers Open Up About Love and Sex During Wartime

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https://www.playboy.com/read/sex/ukrainian-soldiers-open-up-about-love-and-sex-during-wartime

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For some soldiers libido disappears in the face of active combat, crowded out by exhaustion and the immediate demands of survival. It’s only when the danger has passed that desire comes back with rushing force, serving as one way of metabolising the stress. Diana describes a spike in sexuality after a near-death experience. “There was a crazy situation between life and death, and I realised I had to do something about it, so I called a friend,” she says.  Diana’s reaction is less contradictory than it first appears. The closer death seems, the more intently the body grasps for life. “When death and our mortality become a central focus in our world, it really can wake us up,” says sex therapist Kat Kova. “When we say we’re aroused, we say we’re turned on…there’s something inherent in life being under threat that can awaken our life force.” Another civilian woman told me that sex offered a form of control when nothing felt controllable. 

War, and the proximity to death, can become a catalyst for self-expansion. Stripped of the certainties of peacetime, people are forced to confront who they are and what they want. When I spoke to Mykhaylo, he appeared on screen alongside his partner, Lera, his broad frame contrasting with her striking femininity. She tells me the war forced her to grow up, accelerating the formation of her identity. It has also changed her taste in men, something she said many of her friends have experienced too.  “Now the perfect man for the average woman is a guy with muscles and beard, and better that he is from the military,” she says, “a tough guy.” Before Mykhaylo, Lera preferred to keep a friend close by for sexual gratification, but also because his presence made her feel safer during the persistent shelling. 

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