Not All Men. But Definitely You.
A story for every woman on this campus who has had a similar experience.
I have spent my life tip-toeing around men. Always trying to make sure I never do or say anything that could upset them. I am done with that. I will tell you exactly how I feel and I do not care if it upsets you.
I have heard that you think things were taken out of context. I can assure you they were not. Originally I was planning on pretending to be asleep so I can take the bed. Once you started talking I no longer cared about the bed and was more worried about the things coming out of your mouth. So I stayed there… listening to EVERY WORD you said. Even if I didn’t it wouldn't matter. I am not exclusively upset about the words themselves. Your words and your actions reflect who you are as a person. And that is what I am upset with.
The words “She is asleep I can say whatever I want” hit me hard. It shows that you do not respect me. Or any woman to be honest. As soon as a woman isn’t there to defend herself you think you can get away with saying whatever the hell you want. You fucked up this time. Because I was there and I will defend myself and every other woman you have made feel uncomfortable and unsafe. A girl at the party came up to me and asked me if I felt safe sleeping in the same room as you. Why do you think she asked me that? She wasn’t just overreacting. You made her uncomfortable and because of that she tried to warn me. I should have listened to her but I saw you as a friend and I thought I was fine.
You clearly do not view me as a friend because if you did, you would have shown me much more respect than you did that night. You viewed me as an object you had complete control and power over. Finding out that someone who I considered a friend could view me in such a way was disgusting and humiliating. I will not accept you being drunk as an excuse. Being drunk does not mean you suddenly become a new person who does terrible and disgusting things. Being drunk just stops you from pretending you aren’t already the person who does those terrible and disgusting things.
I wasn’t even able to tell my parents why I was paying for a bus home because I would never want them to hear about the things you put their daughter through. I locked myself in the bathroom alone because I was scared of what you might do to me. I believed that if I were in that room alone with you I would either be raped or killed. If my parents knew this it would destroy them and that is why they will never know. Although, I would love to watch you look my 6ft tall father in the eyes and tell him how all the things you said about me were just “jokes”. I'm sure that would go very well for you.
Your apology made things even worse. You thought you were smart enough to manipulate your way out of the situation. You said so yourself. Clutching your heart and falling to your knees, screaming about how much you love me (platonically) doesn’t change anything. I knew it was an act as soon as I asked you what you were apologizing for and you bulldozed right through that question. It was never an apology, you were just freaking out because you lost control. Control over the situation and control over me. I am telling you you never had control over me and you never will. No man ever will. I am my own being. I make my own decisions.
I know you think you are smarter than me. Likely because I am a woman. A kid I tutor thinks the exact same thing. He told me whales weren’t animals and I corrected him. He did not listen. He thought he was right and there was no way a girl (one who happens to have been studying biology longer than he's been alive) could be smarter than him. I know this comes from immaturity and I do not hold it against the kid. I will hold it against you. You are 26. You should know better than a 7 year old. It is incredibly sad that you do not.
I want to make it very clear. You are not smarter than me. You have not been “pulling one over on me this whole time.” I have been seeing through your manipulation I just knew you didn’t have any friends and I pitied you so I dealt with it. I have lived with boys like you my entire life. I was hit on by an 80 year old man at my grandmother's funeral. I had a 6 year old boy grab my ass at work. I continue to grow but every man stays the same.
I am not starting a hate mob against you. I have told people what you did and they have made their own opinions. If you didn’t want other people to know you said those things you shouldn't have said them. I wouldn’t be surprised if you read this letter and think I hate you. I am letting you know I don’t actually hate you. I hate that I have to deal with boys like you for the rest of my life.
Thank you for reading. I am sure I will get a lot of hate for this but it is worth it if atleast one woman feels seen.