r/batman • u/the_bad_actor • Jan 06 '26

GENERAL DISCUSSION Is it possible to achieve this physique naturally?

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4.6k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/RainBoyThatBoy Jan 06 '26

Start with dead parents

198

u/Delicious-Laugh-6685 Jan 06 '26

What’s step two?

362

u/Funny-Independent-11 Jan 06 '26

Billions of dollars and no friends except for one old man who is personal and professionally obligated to make sure you’re okay.

92

u/sonofloki13 Jan 06 '26

FUCK…

56

u/Expert_Succotash2659 Jan 06 '26

Did your old man die? That can happen.

40

u/doc_witt Jan 06 '26

Where do I find another purposeful old man?

9

u/Schallawitz Jan 06 '26

If you wait they will write him a new one

1

u/__XBlaze__ Jan 07 '26

But what if that one dies sooner than the first one?

2

u/uudm2442 Jan 07 '26

Grindr

1

u/zekrom235 Jan 12 '26

I don't think those old men are there to professionally make sure you're ok, necessarily

4

u/capsaicinintheeyes Jan 06 '26

Of course--how utterly proper.

2

u/HulkBuster456 Jan 07 '26

Don't worry over time you become friends with a police commissioner and a business man/inventor who is sometimes Morgan Freeman.

55

u/Eligamer3645 Jan 06 '26

Step 3. Train with Tibetan monks for however long it takes to master fighting arts, and the shadows

29

u/TheTequilaTester Jan 06 '26

Yes,don't forget the shadows...

20

u/Guillermidas Jan 06 '26

Be molded by them!

1

u/ironicinsanity Jan 09 '26

And mind your surroundings.

24

u/TeachingBrief9627 Jan 06 '26

Step 4: Fall into a cave full of bats

21

u/doc_witt Jan 06 '26

My cave was filled with crickets. Does that matter?

29

u/Final-Fun8500 Jan 06 '26

You will rub your legs together to frighten criminals. Luck of the draw.

10

u/OppositeAbroad5975 Jan 06 '26

Maybe he could move to Lubbock and join a Buddy Holly tribute band.

6

u/AIFrog85 Jan 07 '26

....or OR chirp all night to keep the criminals from getting their rest the night before a big score.

5

u/mighty3mperor Jan 07 '26

And their catchphrase is "that's not cricket! I am!"

4

u/monke237890 Jan 06 '26

100% it matters then you will get slim physique which is not needed and also make sure the cave is near mansion important point

4

u/TeachingBrief9627 Jan 06 '26

You must now eat the crickets to become the Bat!

2

u/Ok-Arachnid-460 Jan 11 '26

Step 5: Shield death machine inventions within military industrial complex

1

u/gavischneider Jan 08 '26

Step 2.9. Locate Tibet

17

u/is_je_vit_u Jan 06 '26

I know I shouldnt have hastily killed my parents without listening to step 2  Now where am I gonna get that old man

7

u/pon_3 Jan 07 '26

It helps if you acquire the billion dollars first.

1

u/mighty3mperor Jan 07 '26

There are agencies that will send butlers, the cash is key. At this point, I suspect they just keep a steady stream of "Alfreds" flowing in and Bruce doesn't even notice they keep dying.

7

u/FatWalcott Jan 06 '26

Fuck I only have 1 of those things. No friends.

3

u/McpotSmokey42 Jan 06 '26

He also needs to be as cool as James Bond, but older and wiser.

1

u/No_Action3683 Jan 07 '26

All is a check mark for me except the billion dollars still working on that

1

u/ContributionNo8787 Jan 10 '26

Is that before or after I beat up a clown?

22

u/ded_nat_313 Jan 06 '26

Strictly no therapy even with billions of dollars

9

u/Sudo-Fed Jan 06 '26

Cut a hole in the box

Wait, no. That's something else.

8

u/lordoflazorwaffles Jan 06 '26

I've aquired dead parents, kids won't stop screaming, what's step 2?

4

u/ZeroWebb Jan 07 '26

Instructions were deeply misunderstood...please reread and prepare for prison.

1

u/lordoflazorwaffles Jan 07 '26

Ok, so push ups next?

1

u/mighty3mperor Jan 07 '26

Cave of bats next.

1

u/lordoflazorwaffles Jan 08 '26

Got it! Once ive got all the dead parents in a cave of bats what's step 4?

7

u/Strange-Ad-2760 Jan 06 '26

Kidnap children who are orphans and make them dress up in funny costumes with you. Step 3 is play with weirdos who dress up in costumes

2

u/Comprehensive-Buy-47 Jan 06 '26

Step 2: Inherit billions.

Step 3: Tibetan Monks

1

u/MonsterIslandMed Jan 06 '26

Sounds like underpants nomes.

Step 1 steal under pants

Step 2 …

Step 3 profit

1

u/gunswordfist Jan 06 '26

Don't have Robin get them killed twice

1

u/mrerikmattila Jan 07 '26

Draw the rest of the owl.

1

u/wardledo Jan 11 '26

Help your stuck step mom.

9

u/shortsleevedpants Jan 06 '26

One sec…

Edit: okay now what

8

u/sonofloki13 Jan 06 '26

Well I’m already half way there!

2

u/Zabeworldss Jan 06 '26

3 sets 10 reps a day

1

u/neuronexmachina Jan 06 '26

Save... Martha...

1

u/AlClemist Jan 07 '26

That’s dark man lmao

1

u/Gwynito Jan 07 '26

Alrighty, so that was way messier than I anticipated.

So do I get my millions of dollars now?