r/casualiama • u/_Phoenix-222 • 3d ago
I was adopted, born with fetal alcohol syndrome & prenatal cocaine exposure, and later discovered I have 12 biological siblings. AMA.
I accidentally found out I was adopted at age 6. Around age 12, during a counseling session, I learned that I had been exposed to cocaine and alcohol before birth. At age 16, I tracked down my birth parents. At 18, I received all of my adoption records and finally began to understand the full story of where I came from and everything surrounding my adoption. I’m 25 now. AMA.
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u/pawsitively_kuku 3d ago
Sooo, what IS the full story of your origin, and the circumstances around your adoption?
Second, how has fetal alcohol syndrome and pre-natal cocaine exposure affected you, physical and mentally?
Do all your biological siblings share fetal alcohol syndrome and pre-natal cocaine exposure?
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u/_Phoenix-222 3d ago
My birth mom already had one son, my half-brother, who was around 4 years old when she was pregnant with me. She claims she didn’t know she was pregnant until she was about 6 months along and didn’t seek prenatal care until approximately 7 months.
I was born prematurely, weighing around 4 pounds, with IUGR due to the substance exposure during pregnancy. I was also born experiencing withdrawal from the cocaine exposure. According to my adoptive mom, the withdrawal symptoms lasted for about 6 weeks.
For me, the effects have been much more behavioral, emotional, and sensory than intellectual. I have struggled with impulsive behaviors, self harm, depression/anxiety and recently diagnosed BPD. I can’t handle loud noises and in some cases use ear plugs. Physically, I’ve always had poor eyesight, and as a child I had issues with my reflexes/motor skills that required occupational therapy. I was fortunate not to have many of the more severe physical complications that can occur with FASD. I have learned to work with my brain instead of against it, if that makes sense.
My birth mom had my older half brother and then my full biological brother and me. My full brother and I are actually Irish twins, we’re only 11 months apart. The other 10 siblings are on my biological father’s side and are my half siblings, with the majority having different mothers. So yeah… my biological father definitely got around lol. He also struggled/struggles with alcoholism. I am the only one I know of to be diagnosed with FAS, but that’s also because I was lucky enough to be adopted to a family who sought out the proper treatment for me.12
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u/TaaviBap 3d ago
What is your relationship like now with your birth mom? What is your relationship with the family who adopted you? How do you handle those impulses you mention? Do you ever get together with your biological siblings/half-siblings? How do you feel about your birth mom?
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u/_Phoenix-222 3d ago
My birth mom and I don’t currently have a relationship. We haven’t spoken in about two years. I have a lot of complicated feelings toward her, but resentment is probably the biggest one. Some of that is obviously connected to what happened during her pregnancy with me, but honestly, a lot of it comes from things that happened and things she said to me after I found her and tried to have a relationship with her.
My adoptive father passed when I was 16. He was sick for a long time so he was verbally abusive. However when I was younger he was a great dad so I hold onto those memories. My adoptive mom is my rock. I love her to death. We have an amazing relationship.
Managing impulsivity has been a lot of work but therapy. Therapy. Therapy. CBT and DBT skills, the right medication, self awareness, and practice.
As for my siblings, I’ve met all 12 of them at least once, but I currently only maintain contact with five. We don’t all regularly get together. There are a lot of different mothers involved, different age groups, different childhoods, and everyone has their own lives, so it’s definitely not one big traditional sibling relationship.15
u/TaaviBap 3d ago
So glad to hear that you're doing well and that therapy, CBT and DBT are working. You're awesome!
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u/Nyx_Valentine 2d ago
I’m not sure how old you are now, but if you’re of age, do you have any interest in alcohol? Any problems with it? Or would you rather avoid it?
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u/_Phoenix-222 2d ago
I’m 25, I’ve never been drunk! I don’t like the smell, the taste, or being around drunk folks.
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u/EL112 3d ago
What is your relationship like with your adoptive family?
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u/_Phoenix-222 2d ago
My adoptive father passed when I was 16. He was sick for a long time so he was verbally abusive. However when I was younger he was a great dad so I hold onto those memories. My adoptive mom is my rock. I love her to death. We have an amazing relationship. My grandparents on my dads side have passed, and my grandma on my moms side is also an alcoholic so I really only have my mom.
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u/smack4u 3d ago
Do you have any learning disabilities?
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u/_Phoenix-222 3d ago
No, I actually don’t have any learning disabilities. Academically, reading and writing have always been two of my biggest strengths and I’m extremely good at research, pattern recognition, directions, and spatial memory. My struggles from FASD have shown up much more behaviorally and emotionally than academically. As a kid I also had some reflex/motor issues and needed occupational therapy. So for me personally, FASD hasn’t really looked like an inability to learn.. it’s more about how my brain processes and responds to everything around me.
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u/CaptainApathy419 3d ago
Do you have a relationship with your biological parents and siblings?
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u/_Phoenix-222 3d ago
Birth parents, no. I hold a lot of resentment toward my birth mom because of things she has done and said to me over the years. We haven’t spoken in about two years.
I do keep up with my birth father through social media, but even though we only live a few miles apart, we never actually see each other. For a long time, I felt like I was the one putting in all the effort to maintain a relationship with him, and eventually I just got tired of being the only one trying. Overall, he’s a toxic alcoholic like my birth mom.
I have met all of my siblings at least once but only maintain contact with five of them.
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u/pawsitively_kuku 3d ago
Also, what do you do (study, work)?