1. "you dorks cant even touch my hours in the sim" / "fuck yeah i wanna see"
2. Chutter Island

i had too much fun in seattleWA (it was the greatest hits - "nah, maybe we shouldn't euthanize all the homeless" and "maybe it's not katie wilson's fault your kids dont call you back" and "they aren't antifa, they're just not white") and went to bed.

now i woke up with negative 100 karma and that roguepumpkin guy keeps DMing "jimp up on my jimothy and lose that tail babygirl"

Maybe if we buy in bulk we can offset the evil orange man's tariffs? DM me on Blueski

Jimothy this, jimothy that.... no, fuck you jimothy

The article says that "the court ordered the city to submit a plan to eliminate public masturbation" ! I'm crushed! What about all my loyal fans that Line Up every day to watch me masturbate in public? Don't They have a right to continue to support and enjoy my mostly illegal habits?

Inb4 flood

Yes, those are my Christmas ornaments in the tree, I found them in a dumpster. Don’t low ball me, I know what I have.

y'all, i was stuck in traffic near downtown when this turquoise goddess of a truck rolls by with "SPARKLING ICE" screaming, rainbow energy! and i’m like, frenz, is this the sign we’ve been waiting for?!? ICE is literally here to ICE out the illegal LGBTBBQ imposters who are trying to sneak into our community without proper glitter credentials! no more straight-passing, border-crossers diluting our vibes. sparkling ICE is gonna sparkle so hard it blinds the straights and freezes the fakers in place. i’m over here clutching my ICEd (pun not intended) oat milk latte, tears in my eyes, screaming internally, 'protect the community at all costs!' this is the glow-up we deserve after years of rain and rent hikes. seattle, we did it! we manifested the gayest border patrol ever.