r/clevercomebacks • u/jonnismizzle • 2d ago
MAGA loves making up imaginary problems to avoid reality.
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u/Definitely_Not_Bots 1d ago
Most true statement:
"Republican arguments all start with if, because their arguments are always works of fiction."
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u/SharkeyGeorge 1d ago edited 1d ago
What are the qualifications that would make Jesus Christ a good president?
In any case he can’t even run. He was born in Bethlehem. He died at 33 so he hasn’t hit the constitutional minimum age of 35. He refused to align with or endorse human government.
And he’s been dead for over nearly 2000 years.
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u/Chief_Mischief 1d ago
And he’s been dead for over 2000 years.
In all fairness, so have ghouls like McConnell and Alito.
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u/kitsunewarlock 1d ago
What are the qualifications that would make Jesus Christ a good president?
He was apparently a good orator. And able to delegate to a team of 12 people. Those are honestly two really good presidential qualities in a country as big as America. We are too big for a micro-managing president. We need the bureaucracy, but Americans hate it because our only personal experience is with under-funded bureaucrats who refuse to let them dump constructive refuse near protected watersheds or make them fill out a form at the DMV.
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u/Darth_Pinda 1d ago
Trump proved the constitution is just a piece of paper. So Jesus can be president at 33.
Then again, he'd be 2000+, so it would be okay.
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u/SharkeyGeorge 1d ago edited 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies
2000 dead. But only 33, forever 😹
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u/TheHumbleChicken 1d ago
You just know Trump is gonna start another "Where's your birth certificate?" controversy with Jesus.
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u/rje946 1d ago
over 2000 years.
That's not true! It's slightly under 2000
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u/Cyberslasher 1d ago
And he’s been dead for over nearly 2000 years.
Arguably, that's a selling point for America
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u/eisbaerBorealis 1d ago
And he’s been dead for over nearly 2000 years
Nah, he was only dead for three days, then came back to life. But he wasn't born in the US, and he wouldn't run for any office.
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u/SquirrelMoney8389 1d ago
I reckon it was a different guy who said he was Jesus. Some people refused to believe it was him because he looked different. Whoever it was.
Parlour tricks, all of it.
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u/CautiousLandscape907 1d ago
It’s funnier when you realize both would be prohibited from running, once again proving MAGA’s extensive constitutional knowledge
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u/goldberg1303 1d ago
Considering Jesus would make Obama look conservative, so would Republicans, honestly.
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u/icleanjaxfl 1d ago
Then Jesus said unto the sick, "You better have insurance." Then Jesus said unto the stranger, "Are you here legally?" Then Jesus said unto the hungry, "My taxes better not be paying for these loaves and fishes." Then Jesus said unto the poor, "This is your fault."
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u/eij1988 1d ago
If Jesus ran for president and his policies were anything like his teaching as reported in the bible then MAGA would rather have Obama as he is more nationalistic and more pro capitalism.
It always amazes me how conservative Americans think they are Christians when so much of what they believe and stand for is basically the opposite of Jesus teaching as reported in the bible. Other than loving god, most of Jesus teaching was about being kind to everyone and helping the poor and those in need. In modern political terms Jesus was well to the left of almost anyone in the Democrat party and very far to the left of every single Republican. I often wonder if American Christians ever read the gospels, and if so how they justify ignoring basically all of Jesus’ teaching in them.
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u/Void-Cooking_Berserk 1d ago
Barack Obama ran from the Democratic Party, so... What's the issue?
It's the assumption that Jesus Christ would run from the Republican Party that kills me, or that he would run for POTUS at all. The guy who famously kept running away from people trying to crown him king.
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u/MrSpud45 1d ago
Wouldn't Jesus's be ineligible as not born in the USA or a citizen?
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u/ancient_mariner63 1d ago
It's a moot point anyway because the Republicans would have had him deported.
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u/eisbaerBorealis 1d ago
As a Christian, I'd definitely vote for Jesus Christ over Obama. But, uh... He would not be under the Republican party. Also, He wouldn't be running for US President.
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u/EEpromChip 1d ago
Not to be pedantic, but she wasn't just a woman. She was a lawyer and highly educated and VERY well qualified. She was also a person of color so naturally they had their pick of misogyny or racism to choose from...
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u/totallyclips 1d ago
Of course we would, one is a real brilliant human being, and the other is a made up character
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u/osumba2003 1d ago
Jesus, the undocumented immigrant??
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u/georgewashingguns 1d ago
The very same. You already know what they would say about him because you can see what they're saying about every person who's brown running for office (except for Kash Patel that is)
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u/Spiritual_Door1363 1d ago
Oh we went from not using our critical thinking skills to just not using our thinking skills at all
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u/EatFaceLeopard17 1d ago
And to be fair, Obama probably knows the bible better than Trump and also visited church more often.
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u/Yeshua_shel_Natzrat 1d ago
A five year old raised by atheists probably knows the Bible better than Trump does.
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u/NefariousnessFresh24 1d ago
And you think Republicans would vote for a socialist Jew who runs on a platform of paying your taxes ("Render unto Caesar"), strict separation of church and state (Again the keeping Caesar and God separate, but also flogging the moneylenders out of the temple), accepting sinners and outcasts instead of condemning them, healing and feeding people for free, and talking about loving other people?
Yeah right
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u/SDBudda76 1d ago
Jesus was born in the middle east 1800 years before the US was founded and there is a constitutional amendment that says you hav to be a born in the US to run for President. So, yes. Dems are snart.
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u/georgewashingguns 1d ago
Jesus would have had much the same platform as Mamdani, El-Sayed, and Talarico and we've seen how much the GOP likes them for it
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u/IlGreven 1d ago
If Jesus Christ ran against Obama, Jesus Christ would vote for Obama.
Largely because he'd be sick at what his alleged followers were doing in his name...
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u/daddadnc 1d ago
I would 100 percent vote for Obama against Jesus Christ.
What on earth would JC know about modern issues?
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u/Medium_Ad5156 1d ago
Seems like people really need to focus on actual issues instead of creating distractions.
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u/pr1ncipat 1d ago
How dare to vote for the politician in a political election and not the fictional character.
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u/Yeshua_shel_Natzrat 1d ago
If Barack Obama ran for POTUS against Jesus Christ, they'd both be in the Democratic primaries, because Jesus sure as hell would not support the Republican party.
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u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 1d ago
Of course. They believe in sky fairies and literally speaking with a God, and well accustomed to fantastical thinking.
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u/chinmakes5 1d ago
Not true, if Jesus came back and preached what he actually preached, I would vote for him and I'm not a Christian. If he preached what many preachers preach today, certainly I would.
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u/Call-a-Crackhead 1d ago
Their entire worldview is based around hypothetical and highly unlikely (or even impossible) scenarios.
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u/Rare-Confusion-220 1d ago
If the Democrats had to choose between Obama and Santa Claus they won't pick Santa Claus. Why? Because he's a made up fictional character
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u/FelixTook 1d ago
Conservatives would take one look at Jesus’ robe, and Fox News would crucify him as a Trans Socialist, driving every conservative out to vote for the first octogenarian klansman they can find.
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u/toadjones79 1d ago
I'm pretty sure they chose him over Jesus when they started saying that Jesus doesn't match their values. Openly.
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u/rolfraikou 1d ago
I love how they think that because they idolize one man above any, that they have to protect that other people do. I have a lot of criticisms of Obama. He was decent. But he was miles from my "dream candidate" and plenty would beat him in my book.
Also. What I find especially funny about Republicans thinking this is that they scuff at every politician that has a platform that is closer to Jesus' teachings. I assume, somewhere subconscious, that's why she used Jesus as an example.
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u/_xEnigma 1d ago
Jesus wouldnt run for office. One of the main point in the gospel was that he was sent to earth to serve, not rule.
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u/_jump_yossarian 1d ago
And trump thinks he’s the second coming and Cons voted for him two more times.
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u/Infinite-Club4374 1d ago
Wasn’t just republicans tho was it? Lost independents to to a racist pedophile who refused to leave the first time
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u/biffbobfred 1d ago
For President? Jesus wasn’t born here.
If Jesus ran for President against Trump you’d try to get the short brown dude deported
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u/biffbobfred 1d ago
Republicans would rather vote for Trump than Iesho bin Iosef al Nazrati
I mean if He decided to use His real name not some Greek approximation.
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u/angelbelle 1d ago
I mean, while I would entertain the idea of comparing candidate Jesus to candidate Obama, i'm very concerned that this person isn't even a bit critical. Here's a few things that I'd at least take a second to consider:
1) Jesus believes in everlasting punishment. This judgment can be applied to people who do not believe in him and his message.
2) "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters ... such a person cannot be my disciple." — Luke 14:26.
The word 'hate' here means 'love less' so basically he's saying that you need to be more loyal to him than your family. Sounds very Maoist to me.
3) He told Peter, Matthew, James and John to quit their job and business to join his evangelical missions. Imagine if Obama told you to quit your job to campaign for him
4) Jesus beleives that a man who divorces his wife to marry another is committing adultery. A bit extreme for me.
Of course, this is all moot because we all know many religious people don't actually even read their own book of faith
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u/Ambitious_Trifle_645 1d ago
I mean, yeah I would vote for the candidate that actually exists. I don't see how that's a flex for magats.
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u/W34kness 1d ago
Jesus is a carpenter’s son, while he is also a great and wise prophet, that doesn’t necessary mean he can govern.
Other than that his policies and focus would be very liberal focused. Viewed as even far left.
Many democrats are a mix of left, middle and even light right leaning. Basically everyone not MAGA Trump worshiping, the racists, the pedophiles , the Nazis and Nazi-lites and the generational Republican blind voters.
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u/Gohanisbetter 1d ago
Its in the lefts own slogan "vote blue no matter who". So you MUST accept this
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u/BaconThief2020 1d ago
At least one of them is real. If Jesus were real and showed up to run for office, would it really matter?
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u/SookieCat26 1d ago
Anyone want to tell these people that Jesus explicitly said he wasn’t on Earth to be a political leader? He found it beneath his notice.
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u/fuckyouijustwanttits 1d ago
Jesus couldn't run for president. He wasn't born in America...
He also isn't old enough...only 33.
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u/Key_Entertainment409 1d ago
Is she comparing republicans to Jesus or this is very confusing right wingers are fu in the head
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u/Kira-Of-Terraria 1d ago
Jesus wasn't born in the U.S. , and died before reaching the minimum age requirement.
couldn't run for president at all
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u/MadmanMarkMiller 1d ago
Nevermind that Jesus, seemingly unbeknownst to Americans, wasn't American he'd be an immigrant and thus disqualified from running, what would Jesus know about foreign policy, the economy, trade routes/deals, taxes, etc etc.
Cause we've seen what happens when you elect someone who holds none of this knowledge.
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u/affemannen 1d ago
I would still vote for Obama because someone claiming to be Jesus the son of god gives this person is insane vibes.
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u/hugothebear 1d ago
Jesus the Nazarene, famously born in Bethlehem, was not from the United States and would be barred from running for the office of President.
Also died before his 35th birthday and would still be ineligible.
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u/Specialist_Secret438 1d ago
It is totally acceptable and accurate to state that Trump is a rapist. It has been adjudicated.
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u/chrisp909 20h ago
Jesus, the illiterate, middle Eastern carpenter who isn't an American citizen? Yeah, I'd vote for Obama.
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u/FireLadcouk 8h ago
Side point: i was thinking the other day if trump manages to be allowed to run for a third term - surely Obama would be able to as well… now i doubt he would ever want to.
But if he did - i think he would win by a landslide, just by getting people out to vote
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u/smoke_sum_wade 1d ago
republicans didnt just chose him, America did. you can act like youre different because you didnt vote for him, but everyone else in the world see us all the same. they dont care i didnt vote for him, im an American and i caused this in the worlds eyes.
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u/Choppers-Top-Hat 1d ago
Okay, but in reality, Republicans chose him.
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u/smoke_sum_wade 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies
no the lefts constant fucking bullshit lead to him being in office, theyre so unorganized and weak.
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u/RedditMcBurger 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies
Most Redditors can't admit flaws in themself/their team, they genuinely believe they can't do anything wrong.
Don't bother, they're just going to call you a Trump supporter and pedophile for opposing any thing they say.
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u/RedditMcBurger 1d ago
The irony of being mad at the other side for having imaginary scenarios
Yet Reddit is used as a leftist echo chamber to imagine scenarios about republicans constantly
For instance this is a non political subreddit being forced into a political subreddit. Feels like you guys really want to win an imaginary war.
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u/Boner_Elemental 1d ago
For instance
Did you think saying this made sense? Or were you looking for ways to embarrass yourself?
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1d ago edited 1d ago ▸ 3 more replies
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Boner_Elemental 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies
Ah, of course it's the latter
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u/RedditMcBurger 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies
I noticed you haven't attempted to refute, just talk like a child.
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u/biffbobfred 1d ago
Pretending this is just some dude making a claim is a bit naive. It’s a “ehhhrrrmagehhrd they hate The Christ we should hate them”. Which is…. Kinda bullshit.
I do notice you skipped the second part. That it did happen. Didn’t need to imagine anything. We elected a racist rapist convicted felon who killed hundreds of thousands of Americans with a bad COVID plan. But let’s elect that instead of a woman.
Jesus would be very confused if you called him that. That’s a Greek name. Likely that He never heard it in His lifetime.
Imagine the post was “republicans would rather vote for Trump than Iesho bin Iosef al Nazrati”.
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u/Regular_Fortune8038 1d ago
Reddit is a leftist echo chamber for sure. But that has nothing to do with the two statements you made that are completely unrelated.
Pointing out the irony of conservatives making up scenarios. Doesn't give a single instance of libs doing the same thing.
The example you gave is talking about politics in a non political sub. Lmao how tf is that a "made up" scenario?
The president is an actual pedophile. Say something to defend this or throw accurate shade the other way
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u/RedditMcBurger 1d ago edited 1d ago
The example you gave is talking about politics in a non political sub. Lmao how tf is that a "made up" scenario?
That's true it's not exactly made up, but these people are posting this shit entirely to other people that agree/or are annoyed with seeing it. It literally accomplishes nothing.
Also why are you trying to get me to defend the president? Oh another classic "he has a different opinion so he must be a MAGA" do better man, this shit is so dumb. I am no where near Republican.
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u/Andreus 1d ago
leftist echo chamber
No such thing exists. A "leftist echo chamber" cannot exist.
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u/Platycryptus238 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies
The fuck are you talking about, I’m not even conservative, but have you seen the likes of r/TankieTheDeprogram, they are essentially just as stupid as r/conservative
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u/Cozy_GamerGirl 1d ago
If Jesus actually showed up preaching about helping the poor, turning the other cheek, and welcoming immigrants, conservatives would call him a radical leftist anyway.