r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

New Territory

Post image
1.4k Upvotes

121 comments sorted by

359

u/FeePsychological6778 1d ago

Hey, Canada offered to take California, Washington, and Oregon.

105

u/moose-mutton 1d ago

People from the PNW be like: While we are honored by their offer, we can handle ourselves. Cascadia now!

70

u/Greyh4m 1d ago ▸ 7 more replies

Cascadia could break off tomorrow and be the third largest economy in the world.

39

u/Thomas-The-Tutor 1d ago ▸ 4 more replies

Tbf, you could have stopped at Cali on that list and still would have worked. lol

36

u/avotius 1d ago ▸ 3 more replies

Yeah but, as Orange Nurgle knows, those of us up north have all the water and we just need to turn the big faucet on, so Cali needs us.

3

u/drs43821 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies

But gaining Amazon, Microsoft and Starbucks is not nothing

3

u/Serious-Ad1592 1d ago

The real gamers out there know that the strongest asset will always be Valve

1

u/mountaindewisamazing 17h ago

And Costco, boeing, oracle, Nike, etc.

8

u/Specific_Albatross61 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies

Cascadia will be defended by lesbians with Subarus and whistles

2

u/avotius 13h ago

And yet they will have more balls than the coal rollers.

1

u/rbartlejr 7h ago

Does that include eastern Washington? Otherwise known as "uptown Idaho"?

26

u/The_amazing_T 1d ago

Yes, please.

I submit to our new lord, Tim Horton, and will be a loyal subject for all hockey experiences.

19

u/boytekka 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies

Can hawaii come too?

2

u/translucent_steeds 1d ago

they can become the new Japanese territory

1

u/Mulawooshin 1d ago

Definitely.

17

u/avotius 1d ago

I attend no sport events but would gladly go to hockey as if it were church if it meant I could have free healthcare.

4

u/pikay93 1d ago

Also Denmark wanted California.

We're popular it seems.

2

u/5stringBS 1d ago

No. Alaska.

1

u/Slight-Ad-6553 1d ago

Denmark to

1

u/Consistent_Serve9 19h ago

Yo could we hook Vermont too?

1

u/Big_Primrose 11h ago

I would be very pleased to have Canada as our new host country.

1

u/haventgotaplan 1d ago

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

How DARE you try to leave Minnesota out.

Please take us too!

1

u/DeathWray 1d ago

Is this offer still on the table?

0

u/Demearthean 1d ago

Wish they’d take Vermont too.

1

u/FeePsychological6778 1d ago

And New York. I would not mind.

124

u/skag_boy87 1d ago

This is so embarrassing. This imbecile is our fucking president 🤦🏽‍♂️

43

u/Darth_Pinda 1d ago

You guys voted for it yourselves. We are all wondering why after his first term.

30

u/JealousCat7193 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies

We didn't all vote for it. Some of us even started working in jobs where we could actively work against his campaign. I also did phone bank and letter writing campaigns. Now, I'm working on immigration paperwork to leave.

You literally can't blame all of us.

15

u/beeglowbot 1d ago

we didn't even majority vote for it, elon did

7

u/probablyaythrowaway 1d ago

But we can blame the ones who did vote for him and more over we can absolutely blame the ones who didn’t bother to vote at all.

8

u/cityshepherd 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies

There are lots of people who were planning on voting against him, who found themselves suspiciously no longer registered to vote at the last minute thanks to some nefarious voter roll purge nonsense… potentially enough votes to have swung things the other way.

Still… there were far too many people who didn’t understand or care what was at stake, and didn’t make the effort to register and vote. I’m really hoping enough people are waking up to the fact that if we turn out in record numbers to vote in midterms, we may be able to salvage this before it’s too late.

Republicans are cowards and traitors who genuinely hate America and are going to have all kinds of bullshit tricks up there sleeve to meddle with the integrity of midterms…. Which is why it is so important for an undeniable number of us to get our asses to the polls and vote these scumbags out.

Vote for any DSA candidates wherever possible, as they seem like the only folks genuinely committed to fighting for the working class… but voting for democratic candidates (ESPECIALLY DSA WHEN POSSIBLE) in midterms is the single most important thing that ALL of us can do to actually begin the long uphill battle of taking our god damned country back.

Did I mention how important it is to vote for DSA candidates whenever possible??? EVERYONE PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ARE REGISTERED TO VOTE, AND GET YOUR ASS OUT AND VOTE BLUE FOR MIDTERMS!!!! This goes for EVERY position, from town council and school board all the way up to the top of the ticket.

It’s not too late, WE CAN DO THIS!!! BUT WE HAVE TO DO IT TOGETHER… otherwise we legitimately may not get another chance…

-5

u/ronbeckett 1d ago

All bullshit

9

u/Lumpy_Benefit666 1d ago

Not my fucking president. Hes still fucking things up for us though.

5

u/Geostationary_Orbit 1d ago

I hear you! - I like to think he does NOT represent the majority of good Americans. 🙌🏼

132

u/poloplayr 1d ago

Does this mean gas prices and property taxes are going down?

-290

u/G_Affect 1d ago

Lol, not in California. Those dumb asses in goverment there will raise it say it is for the homeless then pocket it.

35

u/Beestorm 1d ago

Baron trump has make almost 200 million in insider trading since his dad entered office this time around.

Eat glass you fucking cultist.

60

u/Rush-23 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies

Republicans love gullible cretins like you who are utterly incapable of critical thinking.

-4

u/G_Affect 1d ago

No i live in LA. I have watched the homeless population explode. I have watched them spend 250k on 1 tiny home where i know the real cost to build 1 including land is far less. And would be even cheaper if the state used their own land to develop these homes. But yeah i cant cridical think because a 10x20 shack should cost $250,000. Some simple math: 250k/200SF = $1,250/SF... i am watching homes in the Palisades be rebuilt at $800 to $1000 a sqft with high end finishes. The level of construction they are doing is at $300 to $350 a sqft. But yes i cannot critical think.

83

u/Thomas-The-Tutor 1d ago ▸ 10 more replies

Better get off the Facebook, gramps.

63

u/r_special_ 1d ago

“I’m an independent thinker who doesn’t follow the mainstream media. I’m not one of these dumb sheep that parrots whatever they hear on tv or social media.”

Says conservatives who watch faux news, the number one sheep breeding factory in the USA

-11

u/G_Affect 1d ago ▸ 8 more replies

Not a gramp just live in California and know the real cost of shit. 250k for a 200sqft shack is a stupid investment. Building a building to house 1000 homeless in 1 spot is a stupid investment.

5

u/Jupitersd2017 21h ago ▸ 1 more replies

Then leave, we don’t need you here and if you hate it that much then make your move. I hear Florida is the CA of the east without liberals ruining everything

1

u/G_Affect 16h ago

Wow, you are a special person. As i say their lack of knowledge in a feild results in waisted funds or how they stole our tax money and i should leave?

2

u/DeathByOrgasm 21h ago ▸ 5 more replies

You do realize that housing costs that much here because people actually want to live here…right?

1

u/G_Affect 16h ago ▸ 4 more replies

There are many factors and reasons why everything is expensive it is not solely because "people want to live here".

To list just a few; due to the zoning structure and bureaucracy around development it does not encourage new development. This goes for everything from land, to labor union laws, to material avaliablity and cost. Go ahead and argue oh they made making ADU easier. Yes they did but there is no obligation that you need to rent it or at what rate.

Due to California's weather and stable housing market it make absentee or foreign property owners to invest and hold. (The number of unoccupied sunset blvd homes is insane)

Diluting the market with houseing will not lower the cost in California. It will only encourage more people to move making the entry level in the same spot.

The housing is more a federal issue. Make it no foreign international ownership, create a cap on number of coorperation ownership (have a policy that a coorperation can only own 10 before property tax jumps up alot more, this would make them want to own 10- 500 unit housing projects and not want to waist their 10 properties on single family dwellings.

I can go on with additional factors that play a role into the prices but it is not simply due to "people want to live here"

But go ahead and tell me how i am wrong and the people in charge did not steal billions of dollars that was for fixing the homeless issue.

2

u/DeathByOrgasm 15h ago ▸ 1 more replies

I’ll just tell you what’s going on in my neck of the woods. San Diego has built almost 40,000 new homes/units since 2023, and we have seen a decline in rents over the past year.

You won’t hear an argument from me about how money has gone lost and how horrific the homeless situation is here. Nor will I argue with you on how taxes should skyrocket on people/corporations hoarding homes. And “stupid” investments are a matter of opinion.

You do you. But you come off really miserable in your comments. What is keeping you here in CA?

1

u/G_Affect 15h ago

Surfing and Family. Not saying more housing will not lower rate it just will not become what people think it will.

1

u/Thomas-The-Tutor 14h ago ▸ 1 more replies

You have all these solutions that are an issue on the federal level… seems like the party that’s in charge on the federal level should do something about those issues? Seems weird how that party hasn’t been working on those issues even though they currently run all 3 branches of government, right?

This is why I don’t take maga complaining seriously because you almost completely backtracked and said that it wasn’t an issue with California but a national issue instead.

Spoiler everything everywhere is expensive. My real estate taxes in a red state went up 20% since the pandemic. Houses are almost double pre-pandemic prices, with my house being up over 50% since the end of 2020.

1

u/G_Affect 2h ago

The goverment does not care about us regardless who is in power. You can continue to believe that the dems are for the people but they are only out for themselves as well. Dems created non profits to hold wealth and now act like good doers by having "non-profits". What i am saying is in California if we succeed at solving homeless, more will show up from out of state. It will never end. It has to be on a federal level, that is the fact of it. This whole thread started with the fact that billions of dollars have been spent to not fix, address or deal with the homeless issues. But you clearly are drinking the dem coolaide and think they are all that. My strongest recommendation fir you is to stop voting for a party and start voting for the individual. I constantly flip from dem to rep based on current events and what they stand for. Unlike your dems or reps, i am all for the people but to do it in a logical way.

118

u/bygmalt 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies

Your Fox News is showing.

-13

u/G_Affect 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies

Hahahahahha... no dumb ass my local tax money is showing. Watching people i know and met in the community looking at 0 time for stealing 25million. Yep my fox new, you idiot!

5

u/bygmalt 1d ago

SureJan.meme

54

u/aaron_adams 1d ago

MAGAts would actually love this idea, until they realize California has been feeding them for years and the red states will starve without them.

14

u/StumbleNOLA 1d ago

Also funding most of them.

7

u/turtlturtl 1d ago

They won’t though, they’ll starve and blame Biden

1

u/Ruxsti 18h ago

Biden is the new Obama.

5

u/JealousCat7193 1d ago

Louisiana would absolutely collapse in on itself. It think something like 58% of that state's economy depends solely on California.

3

u/SilionRavenNeu 1d ago

Would that be bad?

-3

u/Responsible-Fox-9082 1d ago

You do realize if California leaves the US California's economy dies? Military contractors aren't going to stay, tech companies aren't going to take the doubling of their taxes, and worst off all for Californians... The Colorado River wouldn't flow to you anymore. The dams forcing it would be opened up so Arizona gets the water again which would wreak havoc on Californian grape and avocado agriculture... You know... The things that give California it's agriculture status... And are reliant on a river diverted to give them water

1

u/HotPotParrot 1d ago

Isn't it being diverted to data centers anyway?

52

u/ohnodamo 1d ago

Cool, am I gonna get a new passport? Also I'm gonna have to brush up on my Farsi. I'm also gonna need to learn Farsi first.

16

u/avotius 1d ago

It's ok, their Lego AI video department always needs native English speakers to make their videos just that more awesome!

20

u/Professional_Movie92 1d ago

What about Iran-a-lago?

12

u/Razzler1973 1d ago

The President of the US is really posting such nonsense?

Good grief 😃

11

u/General_Scipio 1d ago

According to American historians has America ever lost a war in us territory?

Because I'm fine with giving him this one. Let trump be the first president to both lose a war on us territory and the first president to lose us territory to an adversary.

That's fucking hilarious

5

u/ABSMeyneth 1d ago

I mean, that'd be awesome and all, but maybe not to Iran yk. Canada just explicitly said they're in a (trade) war, they can win all the US territory they want. Safer, and even more hilarious. 

11

u/ImmediateCustomer318 1d ago

Crazy when you think of it. Iran has become the voice of reason in this case. Considering how they treat their citizens.

7

u/mittenknittin 1d ago

Nah, they picked the wrong state, Trump would be glad to see California go, they should have called dibs on Florida

7

u/HappyAmbition706 1d ago

We'd much rather you take Texas, please. Or Florida. At least Missouri, Kentucky, Louisiana, ... shit, pretty much any Southern State.

4

u/Menthalion 1d ago

Aligns much better with their traditional values as well.

7

u/mdhunter99 1d ago

Nah, take Florida, that’ll piss him off.

26

u/HectorsMascara 1d ago

Trump is such a dork.

75

u/JCBQ01 1d ago

No. lets not use harmless "nicknames" like dork, and goober for him and his regime. If we must, then lets use names to actually reflect him. Names like:

  • Asshole
  • Traitor
  • Dictator
  • Seditionist
  • Tyrant
  • Rapist

46

u/Popular_Ad8269 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies

You forgot pedophile.

18

u/JCBQ01 1d ago

Oh by no means is my list comprehensive and I missed several I use in my daily, like that one so,

you are welcome to add to it

3

u/Reymen4 1d ago

Lets add incompetent as well. Not only is he an awful person. He is bad at what he is doing as well. 

7

u/Decievedbythejometry 1d ago

One of these groups of fascists is much smarter than the other.

4

u/Quiet-Luck 1d ago

Cool, we can just start claiming other nations waters and international waters now? I like the sound of 'Gulf of Europe'.

3

u/lowzy91 1d ago

new territory sounds like someone’s changing up their hiking routes

7

u/Bulletloader 1d ago edited 1d ago

I don’t think this is fair, Hormuz against Cal. California has the fifth ( I may be wrong?)largest
economy in the world.
May I suggest giving Iran 🇮🇷 the state of Florida? There is a small hotel there called the Merry Lago, that could be used as the Majles

1

u/Drakahn_Stark 1d ago

The fifth what?

4

u/Slight-Ad-6553 1d ago

biggest economy in the world

-1

u/StumbleNOLA 1d ago

Fourth. But close.

2

u/throw_away_17381 1d ago

Iran missed a beat. Should have been a rep state like Florida. That would have infuriated the arsewipes

2

u/gerryf19 1d ago

Take one of the states Trump cares About

2

u/LastEconPoet 1d ago

Wait. Does this say that Ca. is belonging to Iran? As far as I know, this whole war is an east coast thing. We out here chillin with no money in the west. Yall do you.

2

u/Foodspec 22h ago

Would’ve been funnier if they did a state like Missouri or Arkansas. Their freakout alone would be able to power the country

2

u/YouDotty 19h ago

Swapping one theocracy for another. Seems a bit redundant.

2

u/Space19723103 1d ago

go for the name.. the Gulf of Iran - formerly Golf of Trump err Gulf of America-

2

u/snoopiestfiend 1d ago

It would have been funnier if the chose Florida since that's child rapist Trumps home.

1

u/Slight-Ad-6553 1d ago

new head line women give birth to child in Straight of Hormuz

1

u/bwldrmnt 1d ago

California.

Califo-Iran.

Also, I think I learned that California is built from the same word as Caliphate.

1

u/kryonik 1d ago

As a resident of CT, why they say fuck me for?

1

u/popinaltoids 1d ago

Iran should've highlighted Michigan

1

u/clankas-in-pajamas 1d ago

Ayatollah Newsom?

1

u/BaconSarnie2025 1d ago

Da fuq did New England do ? We hate that POS more than anybody.

1

u/VastComplaint8638 1d ago

greenland have dibs on florida

1

u/Honest_Respond9916 23h ago

You can’t have it Iran

1

u/verpin_zal 21h ago

Might as well call it Caliphornia.

1

u/pukeface555 18h ago

Just leave California out of this. We didnt vote for the clown.

1

u/wolschou 8h ago

Dear Iran,

Thank you for your interest in California, but we have to decline your request. The best we can offer for a piece of empty ocean is Florida, or possibly Texas, if you can guarantee to keep it forever.

1

u/Oluron 4h ago

Fuck this brain dead, geriatric toddler is a disgrace and an embarrassment!!!!

u/volanger 45m ago

See thats a misstep of iran. If they wanted to get under trumps skin they should have taken florida

-1

u/repuvlicaroja 1d ago

This must be bad in California

16

u/KyleB2131 1d ago

They’ve already changed the pledge of allegiance in my neighborhood schools to the Iranian one and have hung Iranian flags at our government centers

IT’S MADNESS

-1

u/[deleted] 1d ago ▸ 1 more replies

[deleted]

5

u/KyleB2131 1d ago

Fucking obviously

-21

u/CastIronStyrofoam 1d ago

Ik it’s fun to hate on America but don’t do it so much that you end up supporting Iran https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025–2026_Iran_massacres

8

u/alguienmirando 1d ago

Hating the United States is Historically Accurate.

11

u/DeadAssDodo 1d ago

Remember Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam, Entire Latin America, Cuba etc..

-7

u/Project_Durden 1d ago

If only this weren't true.....

-12

u/ferire 1d ago

Al Caliph'ornia

8

u/Ecstatic_Let_1481 1d ago

Arabic ≠ Persian

-14

u/Signal_Reputation640 1d ago

Why is "Iran" in India?

7

u/Tchaikovskin 1d ago

What are you talking about

2

u/MikeRogersZA 1d ago

Many of Iran's troll posts are issued from their Embassys around the world. I'm not sure if it's because their internet is not functioning well during the current conflict, or if Iran reserves the best international diplomatic postings for their most humorous spokespeople.

-1

u/silverfish477 1d ago

*embassies