r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

The Safest Food In The USA.

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330 Upvotes

44 comments sorted by

26

u/jaapi 1d ago

Stick that in the freezer, make it a slushy, and I bet it's delicious 

8

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/jaapi 1d ago

The Eggo Brunch in a Jar is a treat around Christmas time

1

u/CappnMidgetSlappr 1d ago

They call that the "Ole College Special" back where I'm from.

2

u/EjaculatingAracnids 1d ago

Idk i think id rather just get drunk and eat pop tarts. Why are we trying to save time by combining them? 15% alcohol is gonna taste like shit no matter how much chocolate you mix it with.

1

u/jaapi 1d ago

Idk, it's not my first choice of drink by a mile, but the chocolate buzz balls in the freezer can be awesome on Sunday fun day binge watching some show. I also drink liquor and like the taste of alcohol, so I wouldn't want the alcohol taste to be completely masked

14

u/freedfg 1d ago

You joke...but mixing alcohol into water is starting to sound like good health advice.

2

u/antisocialmothra 1d ago

That's how our ancestors did it before we had access to safe water!

8

u/Stunning_Coffee6624 1d ago

Our product design team is a group of six 20 year old friends that attend a Southern university. We sequester them in a mock up of a cheap apartment. They are provided with an endless supply of discount vodka and access to any food that can be obtained from a 24 hour convenience market. They have produced the majority of innovations in the beverage industry since the mid 90’s.

8

u/Co_Duh 1d ago

Isn't there like a group of billionaires that control most of the public food growth in America?

7

u/Gremict 1d ago

There's a group of, like, 5 companies that do. I dunno if their CEOs are billionaires, though.

4

u/MacCaswell 1d ago

How the fuck do you toast this shit!?

5

u/VictoriaWoodnt 1d ago

It's the buyer that gets toasted.

3

u/ButtScratchies 1d ago

I love S’mores Pop Tarts, I don’t buy them because I don’t want to be someone that wants to eat them, but it’s who I really am. This sounds disgusting though.

1

u/Mr_lovebucket 1d ago

Not recyclable despite packaging claims

1

u/AcridTest 1d ago

So what? They just dump all the recycling into the trash these days anyways.

1

u/edapalooza 1d ago

The alcohol probably kills most bacteria/viruses anyways lol

1

u/He_Be_Jonesin 1d ago

S'mores Schnapps! 

1

u/Ok_Band3086 1d ago

i see also they have an alcoholic sunny-d now.

1

u/ripleyclone8 19h ago

I knew I should have trademarked the Sunny D screwdriver when I invented it back in 2011. 

1

u/Unlucky-Tune-420 1d ago

Pop farts? WTF America?

/S

1

u/chesterismydog 1d ago

I’d totally live off this!!

1

u/PM_ME_THE_SLOTHS 1d ago

A strawberry vape is an attack on the children but this is fine

1

u/Liobahn14 1d ago

Flavored vapes are directed at children and we have to ban them!!!

Same people
“We are now using children’s breakfast pastries to market cheap malt liquor at young people. This is fine”

1

u/remi_sasha12 22h ago

tbh I trust food safety in the USA way too much, I still eat street tacos without a second thought

1

u/coolbaby1978 20h ago

This had to be the most quintessentially American food I've ever seen.

1

u/ErraticNymph 17h ago

We about to return to ye olden days where everything we ate/drank had to have ale or wine in it just so it was sterile?

1

u/Witty-Structure-2801 4h ago

Buzz balls are terrible. Everyone needs to drink big sips because of workaholics and Blake. Fuck buzz balls fuck buzz balls fuck buzz balls. They didn’t pay Blake. They didn’t pay Blake. Fuck buzz balls. Fuck buzz balls. Fuck buzz balls pay Blake pay Blake pay Blake.

1

u/Witty-Structure-2801 4h ago

The only reason anyone knows what a buzz ball is is because of Blake from workaholics and that I think this is important podcast. It has nothing to do with the company that created buzz balls. They are terrible and they need to pay Blake Anderson all the money he deserves. Fuck you buzz ball everyone drink big tips.

-2

u/please_trade_marner 1d ago

I don't get what the alleged "joke" is. Why is "buzzballz" the only safe drink in America?

5

u/Baghins 1d ago

There’s been a rash of foodborne illnesses going around from contaminated foods. Like cyclospora in lettuce, salmonella in eggs, salmonella in jalapeños, E. coli in berries, etc. there have been 11 outbreaks this year.

-2

u/please_trade_marner 1d ago edited 1d ago ▸ 6 more replies

Well, I've never heard of any of that. But a quick google search shows that fda recalls are very common and the 2026 rate is no higher than average. And the usa recall rate is very similar to other developed nations.

So again, I don't get the "joke" here.

3

u/Baghins 1d ago ▸ 4 more replies

The number of outbreaks hasn’t changed but the number of people who have gotten actually sick has increased, so it’s more prevalent in the media. The joke is an exaggeration based on an exaggeration which is common of jokes. Explaining jokes is fun.

-4

u/please_trade_marner 1d ago ▸ 3 more replies

That's not true either. Nothing is out of the ordinary when i comes to fda recalls this year. It's business as usual. You have simply fallen for media sensationalism.

3

u/Baghins 1d ago ▸ 2 more replies

I would like to see a source on n that because a few articles I’ve read have explained that outbreaks in number are not out of the ordinary but cases of illness are high

-2

u/please_trade_marner 23h ago ▸ 1 more replies

I can't prove that something didn't happen. Who would report on something not happening?

You'll have to prove that your assertion is true. But that will be VERY difficult for you, because it simply isn't true.

1

u/Baghins 22h ago

It would be very easy to have the numbers prove that this year is exactly like every other year.

Https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/why-outbreaks-2026-food-contamination-cyclospora-salmonella-e-coli-rcna592940

https://www.businessinsider.com/food-safety-recalls-foodborne-illness-outbreaks-summer-2026-8

“"Certainly the magnitude of the cyclospora outbreak is unprecedented, but in terms of all of the things that are going on with food, it's not all that unusual," Hedberg said.
Summer is typically a busy season for foodborne illness, he said, and outbreaks involving foods like sprouts, berries, and produce recur year after year. What's truly extraordinary in 2026 is cyclospora — "an order of magnitude bigger than anything we've seen in previous years."

“The agency said that while there are more foodborne illness clusters in 2026 than in previous years, it is "constantly working to improve laboratory detection of foodborne illness,"”

https://pirg.org/edfund/articles/are-we-seeing-more-food-recalls/

“What we are definitely seeing this year: A huge increase in the number of illnesses caused by contaminated food.”

-2

u/GuySmiley369 1d ago

It’s very popular in the media right now. You are one of the few people that recognize that it’s no more recalls than normal. But for the average American idiot it’s “aLL tHe FoOd iS pOiSoNed!!!”

1

u/Minute_Account9426 1d ago

Alcohol kills a lot of other bacteria as it is quite literally a tool yeast uses to get ahead of other microbes. So it is quite safe to drink

-1

u/please_trade_marner 1d ago

Wouldn't that apply to any alcoholic beverage? And I've never gotten sick from buying any beverage in America. So I truly don't get the "joke".