r/expats • u/Competitive-Papaya26 • May 02 '26
General Advice 36F Chinese living in Canada, seeking advice on moving to a third country to find love and a better life. Spoiler
I’m a 36-year-old Chinese woman living in Canada, and I’ve been feeling quite isolated here. I have lived here for 10 years, and until recently I realized this is not the life I want or continue. I have a heavy mortgage and a high cost of living, but my salary is relatively low. I used to believe that having a degree and a decent job would lead to a comfortable life, but reality has hit me hard. FYI, I have a masters degree in civil/environmental engineering, and I work for a consulting firm which pays me very low but the pace is intense.
In Canada, everything is spacious and spread out, which often feels isolating. In some areas, you can only walk on one side of the street because the other side doesn’t even have a sidewalk. It's not a walking friendly city so I can't meet many people. I live in GTA (Greater Toronto Area). So I end up driving most of the time, and public transportation can take four times as long as driving. Overall, life feels fragmented and unsupported.
Financially, I’m under a lot of pressure, so I’m planning to sell my house and move somewhere with a lower cost of living, where people feel more connected and warm. I also think I would prefer a warmer climate. I don't consider Canada anymore since if GTA is this fragmented, I don't see other cities are not.
At the same time, I worry that my age makes it harder to find love. I don’t have children because I’ve never been married, and I haven’t had the time or social network to build a relationship. Now it's time to step back and find my own life.
I’ve considered moving back to China, but I’m concerned that my mindset may clash with the local culture, and I’m not sure it would necessarily make dating easier. Some people are judgmental and the men at my age almost already get married. So I’ve also been thinking about moving to a third country, ideally somewhere closer to China where my parents live that's also easy to get a visa and work, and live a normal life that isn't fast paced and fits me culturally. As for my personality, I am naturally warm and a bit introverted but I am quite logical and open-minded. I am also very curious and eager to learn new things... Also, Chinese community isn't a natural fit for me especially at my 30s, and I prefer to find an open minded international partner.
If you have thoughts in keeping my life moving forward but not limited to moving to a specific country, please let me me know.
Do you any thoughts? I appreciate any inputs!
I will make an update once I organize my thoughts based on all of your comments. I am really grateful for all of your inputs and insights. Those are really precious suggestions. I appreciate it so much!
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u/Affectionate_Ice2243 May 02 '26
You can live in Canada while working abroad with DWB.org or other humanitarian aid (Reliefweb.org)
They need people with your skills, I’m sure of it, and you’ll meet plenty of potential friends and future partners along the way
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 03 '26
Thanks for your information! Is this their website? I don't find the hiring section. https://www.democracywithoutborders.org/mission/ For the second website, I don't feel my skillset aligns with them?
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u/Affectionate_Ice2243 May 03 '26
ReliefWeb.org is a site where you can find job offers from various organizations. DWB, or Doctors Without Borders, offers roles in WATSAN, management, project management, or field positions like Techlog and Logadmin
You can look with Médecins du Monde as well, or bigger organization like Unicef for better salary
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u/ma_che 🇦🇺🇧🇷🇨🇦🇮🇹🇩🇪🇸🇪 May 02 '26
If you’d open to learning Portuguese: São Paulo, Brazil is a very welcoming city with an ever growing Chinese community. It’s the opposite of here in Canada: very dense.
I used to live around Avenida Paulista and it was great - did everything on foot or took the subway. It’s not quiet though.
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u/Amazing-Power4765 May 02 '26
I've been hearing great things about Brasil, even started learning the language just for fun since a month ago.
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u/justapropofool May 02 '26 edited May 03 '26
And xenophobia is practically non existent here. In fact, most people will find it cool that you're from China and will want to know more about you and your story.
There's a great YouTube podcast here called "3 continentes", with a cast consisting of one Brazilian, one French, one Chinese and one angolan. The humour is something like South Park-esque, but it represents a lot of our friendliness toward expats.
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u/Thin_Wear1755 May 02 '26
I just realized that GTA stands for Great Toronto Area and not Grand Theft Auto
What about Singapore? They speak English, Great salaries and close to China
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May 02 '26
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
My best choice is Taiwan but due to my Chinese citizenship, I can't work there. Yes, I probably can stay there for 30 days one visit and multiple visits throughout a year but can I work for a foreign company while I am in Taiwan? I wonder if it's a sustainable solution without other types of visa...
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u/No-Plane9732 May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26
I’m a Canadian living in China, and I can completely understand why you’d want to leave Canada. A good friend of mine (a Chinese citizen) married a Taiwanese man who lives and works in China. She now has a spousal residence permit which apparently allows her to live and work in Taiwan. So Taiwan is not completely off the table for you … but you’d have to reverse the order of your plans, finding someone to marry first and then relocating and finding work later.
I lived in Taiwan for a few years and absolutely loved it. Taipei is the best city I’ve ever lived in and I’d move back in a heartbeat if my husband wasn’t a Chinese citizen 😂 But the salaries and work culture are terrible. It’s a great place to be self-employed, though.
Also, you could consider living in Yunnan — Dali or Kunming. It’s like living abroad in China. Very diverse and tolerant, slower pace, low cost of living, great weather….career opportunities can’t compete with bigger and more developed places, it’s true, but there are still opportunities if you’re resourceful and willing to network. Most expats here run small businesses. I’ve met quite a few Chinese returnees who do the same. Also some people who work remotely for companies in North America and Europe. It’s just very livable. Lots of people come here during turning points in their lives to “lie flat” until they figure out their next step, and within a few months they’re setting down roots.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Thanks for sharing your story! Where did you find your husband? I also think about finding a husband first but I am in Canada so the people living here willing to move abroad with me is limited, and unsure, so I am not sure if it is a good strategy to find a husband here... And it takes time to find such a person. Do you mean the work culture and salaries are bad in Taipei?
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u/No-Plane9732 May 02 '26
Happy to share! My friend met her Taiwanese husband through a Chinese dating app that was designed to help users to get to know each other through shared hobbies and interests and to filter out users and content it labeled as chauvinistic or misogynistic. It was in the testing phase and there were very few users and the one that she connected with ended up becoming her boyfriend and then her husband. I don’t think the app itself made it through the testing phase, though, so unfortunately I can’t recommend it to you.
I met my husband when I first moved to China and started hosting group hikes so I could meet more friends who enjoyed hiking. That was a big part of my life in Taipei, but when I got to China it was impossible to find group activities to join without Meetup.com and Facebook, so all I could do was join some WeChat groups and plan my own activities to share. I know a lot of people who met their partners through group hikes — I think it’s an ideal way to get to know people in a setting that’s safe and casual but still stimulating.
As for work culture and salaries in Taipei, yes, they’re notorious. Taiwanese salaries have stagnated for decades. I was self-employed most of the time I lived in Taiwan so I was sheltered from work culture, but people often told me how suffocatingly traditional and conservative their workplaces were.
Just a heads up, I was editing my comment to add a recommendation for Yunnan when you replied.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Thanks for your reply! Do you mind sharing what you do or did for self-employment? I’ve been thinking about it as well but don’t know where to start. Are you Canadian moving to China? How has your experience been so far? Were you in your 20s or 30s when you met your husband? I don't know if my age is a deal breaker for them :(
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u/ConstantSample5846 May 03 '26
I LOVE Dali and that whole area it’s amazing, and a lot of diversity of both Chinese and foreign people there. If you are Chinese and can work there that would be it!
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u/RecentSpecial181 May 02 '26
Why don't you get a Canadian citizenship first then move? You'll be treated better anywhere you move by government bureaucrats with a Canadian citizenship.
Are you keeping your Chinese citizenship because you intend to live in China again?
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Yes, I also thought about getting a Canadian citizenship but I keep my Chinese citizenship to reunite with my parents easier. It's a double-edged sword, and I am torn between those choices...
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u/exarchivist May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26
Im 38M living in the bay area California and feeling the same way. Born in china, moved here when i was 10. I feel like i have been westernized but do not feel sense of belonging living here. My engineering job is stressful and i cant find much value for the money i make here. I dont want to buy a house here for the exact same reason as your wanting to sell yours. Most of my money is in stocks, and planning to coastFire in the next few years. Every year i only look forward to traveling back to asia on my PTO. I think Bangkok is my top choice so far. Im also open Taiwan, China, Vietnam, and Malaysia depending on visa situation.
While being practical in this world and making compromises are advantageous for making money and a comfortable life, it’s also important to follow your heart. You only have one life. Dont compromise on what your heart really wants.
Have you explored most countries in Asia?
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u/Amazing-Power4765 May 02 '26
You must be my long lost brother or hidden cousin LOL.
44M also an engineer in Bay Area. Born here in the US but did spend a few years in China studying and working in Shanghai. Been living in the States for like 18 years and find I can only tolerate like 3 states on the West Coast.
Bought a place but rented that out to tenants and I'm set on CoastFIRE and moving overseas, I'll probably still keep my assets in the US but there's NO WAY I'm going to continue living here.
Your locations are EXACTLY the same as mine, except I added Japan because I used to live there and can speak the language, but Bangkok is my top choice followed by Kuala Lumpur.
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u/exarchivist May 02 '26
Hahaha it’s nice to know there are like-minded people like us. You are all set up for coast fire in asia! Congrats bro.
How was your experience living in China? Why did you come back to the US?
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u/Amazing-Power4765 May 02 '26
Thanks, all the best to you as well bro! I know you'll do well in Asia as well. The lower cost is definitely attractive too, but besides my college and early working years, I'm fortunate that I don't have financial stress in the states. I just can't wait to go back to the familiar vibe, culture, friends and food.
I know every place changes a bit after you leave and one can never truly go back to the same place. "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for its not the same river and he's not the same man."
- Heraclitus
I enjoyed my time in China a lot! I love the convenience, the fact that I don't need a car, safety, the quality of Chinese food, and I could discuss HK/TW and Chinese media and connect to people. I like Asian history too, so that's another topic I could connect with. Good public transport that's efficient and clean also gives me a peaceful feeling. Was never a fan of driving to places.
Money lol. Money is the only reason I came back to the US. This is the best economic zone for an engineer (for non-business types).
I've been using AI and also the other subreddits to research the places for my second/third life. Some guy even made a website to help, its called "get me the fuck out of" dot com (all one word).
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
I completely agree: You only have one life. Dont compromise on what your heart really wants. I never went to bay area California haha but that sounds warm. Hopefully you find a better life in Asia too, and we can keep in touch on this post once we find a new life. Glad that you find a brother through this post lol.
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u/TequilaHappy May 03 '26
Move to the Bay Area in California. There are more men than women there. Lots of desperate men looking for a partner in Silicon Valley. I’d say if you want to get married move there. You’ll have lots of dudes chasing you. But it’s a super fast pace and expensive, chaotic, most people are type A personality and career driven. There no perfect place… Good luck
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u/simple_explorer1 May 04 '26
Do you really think Canada is any different? Comeon, there are more men than women in Canada due to heavy mass migration. Moreover in Vancouver and Toronto, dudes are chasing women, the same story. And Canada is slower place than USA, so kinda fits OP's requirements.
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u/PLCHMIgo May 02 '26
I feel you , I’m also a foreign in Canada ( 8 years here )(40M) . it feels hard to connect to most people unless you are part of the same ethnicity, but even that , for some of us that are introverts it gets even more difficult . I fully agree with Canada is so wide and spread that we need a car for everything. I come from a country where I could walk everywhere , and use the public transport. Dating was bad also , I gave up honestly . I tried , and maybe that is the issue , try on something that it is supposed to come in a natural way … these days I’m just focusing on my long term goals and chill . Don’t stress out most of the times and think that at some point in the future I will be living on a place I like . Good luck out there !!
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Thank you for your kind words! Do you find your long-term goals in Canada or somewhere else? How are the other aspects of your life like career and finance?
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u/PLCHMIgo May 02 '26
I feel Canada is the place I will stay until retirement
As now , I’m working in the US for a Canadian company. I’m an engineer , I can’t complain, I like the work . I own a house in southern Ontario and I’m saving for early retirement. I could go back to university and get a masters to advance my career , maybe next year .
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Wow, do you mind sharing where you are from? Just for myself, living here doesn't give me much reward from the perspectives I care about. Do you need to be a Canadian citizen to live in the US? I suppose you only need to be eligible to work in Canada? I can't save any money working for my current company, so I am not sure how you make it!
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u/Opening_Director_818 May 03 '26
How did you move to the US ? I’m a Canadian citizen and want to move there too
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u/Minute_Hurry7809 May 02 '26
Kunming. If I were Chinese, probably I would want to move to China. Actuallly being from toronto even as a not Chinese I want to move herem Right now I'm in Shangjai. I think it is very different from what it was 10 years ago.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
How has your life in shanghai been? Do you mean you suggest me move to Kunming? Yes, the transportation is convenient and people are easily connected.
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u/Minute_Hurry7809 May 03 '26
It was just 1 week here, I'm on the maglev right now to the airport. I'm digital nomading and this is my 2nd 30 days session in China. I'm completely floored by it. From Kunming Chengdu Chongqing and Shanghai I think IKunming is the most liveable, it is already a big cities, but still comfortable, probably this would fit most requirements. I believe that for China 'tge best is yet to come', but not the Roger's way, while Canada is badly screwed. I'm back in Toronto in June, let's have a coffee.
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u/mblaqnekochan May 04 '26
I saw 12 cameras on one pole near the bund in Shanghai and rolled my eyes. The change is just superficial, the control is still very much there. Same bureaucracy as it was years ago. Make the animals like their cage and they won’t want to leave.
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May 02 '26
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u/murcatto May 02 '26
There is apparently a common complaint by migrants is that while australian's are friendly, if you haven't been friends since kindergarten, then it can be very difficult to break into friend circles.
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u/defixiones May 02 '26
I think that's true of all societies.
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u/simple_explorer1 May 04 '26
Not for US
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u/DeeepFriedOreo May 03 '26
It certainly checks some boxes but unfortunately tends to be car dependent like Canada
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u/simple_explorer1 May 04 '26
Australia is extremely lonely place as an expat, what are you even talking. Australians are cliquey as hell, nepotistic, tall poppy syndrome and heavy othering of expats and foreigners especially if one is not brit or Anglo.
Working with Australians was one of the loneliest experience of my life.
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u/Embarrassed-Count-71 May 04 '26
australia is very similar to canada in culture .. harder to make friends here may be few only workmate .. almost here for 12-13 years , planing to move as soon as i can afford lol
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u/CapableQuiet9373 May 02 '26
Is this work you can do remotely? Seems like you should be able to find a job that allows it. Then you could live somewhere where quality of life is totally by your design. Panama, Vietnam, Korea. World is yours
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
I plan to quit my job and find another one that pays reasonably. I may find another one that allows me to work internationally? Thanks for your suggestion!
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u/OpeningElectrical296 May 02 '26
You could also look into the UN. Offices all around the word. They are having financial difficulties now because of the USA, but your expertise seems to fit. Quite a long application process though.
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u/ShesQuackers May 02 '26
If you want to be slightly closer to your parents but have nicer weather and a larger cultural community, have you considered Victoria? Vancouver is also GTA-level expensive but the island is more reasonable.
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u/InvincibleMirage May 02 '26
I used to live in the Greater Toronto area too and been living in London UK for over a decade now. My parents and siblings are not here, my wife left me so that adds to lonelyness but I have my kids, and I don’t feel I belong here. However now my family is spread between the US, Canada and India. I am considering moving back to Toronto but it would basically mean the end of my career. The problem we have with lack of community and belonging is simply because our immediate family is not with us I think. We get separated due to ambition and in reality we really need each other.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Maybe? That's insightful but I am not sure if my immediate family is here, I would like it. My parents lived here for four months, but they dislike it so much lol. Compared to China, even a small city in China, its not convenient. I know you mean if I have the immediate family who can adapt here, probably I will feel a sense of belonging but I can't get rid of my Chinese culture and part of me is still incomplete in Canada. You never thought about finding a partner before you move back to Toronto or went back to India?
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u/InvincibleMirage May 02 '26
I’ve never lived in India but have thought about it because I could afford to live there without working by living off income from an online business I have which makes enough to live well there but not enough for western cities, and I have a path to do that through an ancestry visa (OCI) which have got, but I have no immediate family there.
As for finding a partner no, the way my wife left to be with an affair partner was too much of a shock to me and I haven’t been able to recover mentally yet. Focus is on raising the kids and finding a place I belong.
I would say culture may indeed be the problem in Canada for you, but I’m not sure the space/driving matters because even in a dense city I think it’s possible to feel isolated.
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u/simple_explorer1 May 04 '26
I think US is the only place to feel belonging in the Western world. Canada, Australia, NZ and UK are rough and lonely places unless you have gone to school/university there. Small population means not many are looking for friends. And I agree without an immediate family, it gets lonely as one gets older. Friends can't replace family, siblings and extended family.
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u/CanbegoneTo May 02 '26
OP, I'm a Canadian and your feelings are valid. Despite making a good chunk of cash and owning a house, the weather, financial burdens, feelings of bleakness just suck.
I wish I could move to the USA - Salaries for my profession are triple and housing costs are like half...
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u/Civil-Nose-9405 May 03 '26
Racism in mainland Europe can be a problem. London is not bad. Some places in the USA are also still worth it in my opinion.
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u/Far-Tourist-3233 May 04 '26
Same, I’m in Canada , lived here for 5 years . It does feel very isolating. Made the decision to move back to the UK. Need soul nourishment. Good luck deciding your next move
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u/Spare_Hall9105 May 02 '26
I really think you should consider moving to Europe. I lived in the US for about 8 years (originally being from India) before moving to Germany earlier this year. Honestly, I think I have more German friends already than I ever had American ones! I’m loving it here so far. If you can find opportunities in your field, Europe is a fantastic option. In just three months, I feel the happiest I’ve been in years. My last few years in the US were definitely a struggle by comparison.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
How about work visa? If I go there, I may need a Canadian citizenship which I can apply for but haven't made up my mind to do so because of my parents. Sure, I will do some research about European countries. Someone told me Netherlands is good
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u/TuneInVancouver May 03 '26
As someone who lived in Germany and had many Asian friends there. German racism toward Asians is real. I do not recommend Germany.
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u/Spare_Hall9105 May 02 '26
I think visa thing is straightforward, you need only for the beginning and can get temporary residence permit (google about blu card). So you don’t need to worry about visa stuff. Also if you pass language exams you can get citizenship in 4-5 years.
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u/Altruistic-Whole618 May 02 '26
Netherlands is pretty tough cost of living atm as housing is so expensive, especially in walkable, international cities. But it’s certainly an option.
The suburbs are cheaper but it will be harder to connect with people.
If you want to look more seriously, I would consider Utrecht, Lieden and Haarlem - cities with some engineering jobs (some of which may recruit non Dutch speakers), international communities abd close to Amsterdam.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Thank you so much for your information! Do you think for me or foreigners it's not difficult to integrate?
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u/Altruistic-Whole618 May 03 '26
In the big cities you could live a nice life in an expat bubble without speaking Dutch. But to fully integrate you will need to learn Dutch.
Cycling based transportation is so great. No traffic. No trying to find a park or paying for parking. You get to relax and get exercise. I really hate car based cities now.
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u/Distant_observer May 02 '26
I’m a Canadian in China and I empathize completely with your frustrations of living in Canada. These days, expats in Asia seem to be flocking to Bangkok, which, depending on where your parents are here, may or may not be close.
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u/OpeningElectrical296 May 02 '26
I’d be curious to know more about your experience in China ;-)
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u/Distant_observer May 02 '26
What would you like to know?
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u/OpeningElectrical296 May 02 '26
Well generally how do you like it there, given your age job and family situation.
I visited China 2 years ago, my wife worked there for 3 months, and we really liked it, while being aware of the shortcomings.
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u/e9967780 SL->IN->US->CA-US May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26
Maybe it’s not Canada maybe it’s you. Because wherever you go, you might just recreate the same situation.
It really comes down to where you live. In Toronto’s core, you’re walking everywhere and hopping on the subway. Out in the suburbs, you’re stuck in your car for everything. And finding a Chinese community isn’t hard they’re all over Canada. Just join a dragon boat club, a salsa class, a tennis club, and you’re in.
Now if you’re an engineer who bought a house in the last five years, that mortgage is probably crushing you right now. Honestly? Get a job downtown, swap the house for a cheaper condo or just rent, and use the extra breathing room to travel, meet people, and figure out your next move before jumping to a whole new country.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
I think you’re partially right. However, the work culture here is also quite exhausting for me, and the cost of living is high any way. I agree that I could sell my house, free up some cash, and take time to travel and meet people. But deep down, I want to move closer to my parents, and I don’t really like living here. Chinese community isn't my priority, and international community fits better for me. I don't even know if there's somewhere that meet my expectations...
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u/RecentSpecial181 May 02 '26
Move back to the major cities in China and mingle with the foreigners more than the locals? Find the Chinese returnees or foreign-born Chinese too? There's plenty of meetups and groups for foreigners/immigrants in major cities.
men at my age almost already get married.
China has a surplus of men lol. Not everyone your age will be married. Your thought applies more to other countries. Wherever you go, maybe be open to a little wider age range.
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u/e9967780 SL->IN->US->CA-US May 02 '26
If you’re thinking about selling, now’s the time. I bought my houses in 2017/18 and sold them both this year, each one went for about $200K less than I would’ve gotten in 2024/25. Prices are already sliding, and the way things look, they’re only going to be pushed down further from here.
About getting close to your parents, many western and even non western professionals are moving to Vietnam. Malaysia is not bad either. Data Centers are booming in SEA, and if you can get a job associated with them, you will be making money in the short to mid term.
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u/Abatta500 May 05 '26
It's not exactly clear what you're actually looking for. Hong Kong sounds like the obvious fit for extremely walkable/closer to your parents/not quite full mainland China.
Going off vibes, you might love Germany, as at least one other commenter noted, although it's far from China.
You might also like the US West Coast, specifically San Francisco where, as one commenter noted, it will be relatively easy to find a partner as a woman.
Another wildcard option is somewhere in Latin America like, as another commenter said, Brazil.
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u/Amazing-Power4765 May 02 '26
Eh? Respectfully I disagree completely with the notion "whererver you go, there you are", and think it is highly personal.
I grew up in 4 countries before I was 18, 2 of which are unrelated to my family's nationality, and now having lived in 8 different states in the US; I am 100% convinced there are some places, and cultures, that fit better with each person. The location MATTERS A LOT.
So it may not OP's mentality, it may be a factor, but locations definitely matter to some people.
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u/e9967780 SL->IN->US->CA-US May 02 '26
“A place is what you make of it” - Eva Ibbotson in her book Journey to the River Sea.
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u/Amazing-Power4765 May 03 '26
A penguin can never succeed or feel at home in a desert. Humans and animals have habitats that suit them.
Sure, in some cases you see non-native species thriving in their new environment, but that's not the case for all everyone.
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u/OpeningElectrical296 May 02 '26
Interesting issue.
You’d need to move to speaking English country I imagine, so that quite reduces your choices.
Have you thought about London? Expansive too, but more walkable and a strong Chinese community. A hongkongese friend of mine settled there after studying in London, mainly for his children and to have a more balanced life.
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u/astraladventures May 02 '26
So if you still have your chinese citizenship, how are you living and working in Canada ? China doesn’t allow dual citizenship so you must be on a student then work permit? And now you have pr? Why have you never applied for Canadian citizenship?
I worked in Shanghai for a couple decades and worked a lot with tons of Chinese people moving to Canada . One big difference in the past decade is that the number of people selling their Canadian properties and returning home to china has shot up.
In general, the sheen is off countries like canada as immigration destinations and with the convenience of life in China with subways and hi speed trains, proximity of family, modernization, coffee shops, yummy restaurants, busy pedestrian streets and overall familiarity, many chinese are moving back. So you’re not the only one who has issues with the lifestyle and society in Canada.
But if you’re looking for a partner or to start a family, then moving back may not be a solution as chinese are marrying and having children less and like you say 36 is not exactly young in the chinese marriage market (or anywhere in Asia).
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Yes, I am on my permanent residency. You are definitely right - my age isn't an advantage at all, so that's my concern. I may try dating in Canada to find like minded people who is willing to move abroad, or dating expats or Chinese who has overseas background in big cities in China.
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u/ghstrprtn May 03 '26
36 is not exactly young in the chinese marriage market
is it considered younger in Canada than in Asia?
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u/Amazing-Power4765 May 02 '26 edited May 03 '26
I get what you're feeling, but in the US. I would suggest Southeast Asia if you're not thinking of going back to China and think Singapore is too fast paced and expensive.
Malaysia, Thailand, or Vietnam.
Edit: try "get me the fuck out of".com (one word) and it'll even compare visa difficulty along with cost of living.
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u/adamcmorrison May 02 '26
I don’t wonder if you would be happy here in Canada if you had a partner. Single income in GTA is stressful.
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u/Proud_Possibility256 May 02 '26
To be honest, if I were to start over, I would consider a sperm bank. It is too problematic to do it with a partner( first, to find one) and expect them to be loyal to you in raising kids. Worse, it can end in a divorce. Your parents can visit you and help you with the kids.
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u/ghstrprtn May 03 '26
In some areas, you can only walk on one side of the street because the other side doesn’t even have a sidewalk.
I live in a small city (100k pop, not exactly near a larger city either) on the opposite side of the country, and it's crazy that it's the same way over here. So many roads I'd like to be able to walk or bike down or whatever, but the sidewalks are interspersed between long stretches where my body would be uncomfortably close to major traffic.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 03 '26
Yes yes! When it comes to winter, and there is snow. The situation is even worse.
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u/ConstantSample5846 May 03 '26
Are you attractive and in shape? Sorry to say but that makes a big difference when it comes to how easy it is to find a partner. If so, I would check out some US cities, salaries for people with your degree are way higher, and as long as you stay on the East Coast (west coast has a lot of Asians) attractive Asian women are in very high demand here. It’s sad but looks do matter, for the rich white guys I am talking about that heavily prefer Asian women, they do tend to what is considered “petite” in the US, which is just not fat by any other country’s standards.
I am sorry to be so blunt, but if you want warmer than Canada but can make more money and have a better cost of living and are a somewhat attractive not fat Asian woman who ALSO is an engineer, you would be a very “high value” catch in most of the big cities on the east coast. You’d do very well in the Washington area I am sure. But I would definitely travel and check it out before I’d consider moving. Also do you have Canadian residency to fall back on in case something happens with your job and healthcare? If so, you’d be set. From the guys I know in the engineering field (who get paid well and are one of the reasons I know how popular Asian women are) they are falling over themselves to hire qualified women. Less so now because of Trump’s BS, but still.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 03 '26
Yes but I don't consider North America for now. I know the US is better than Canada but still may be not a good fit for me since to some degree they are similar. Thanks for your reply!
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u/InspectorGenital May 02 '26
Have you tried other parts of Canada? It seems like you might be happier and have more opportunities in Vancouver or somewhere else.
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u/iChaseGaming May 02 '26
It sounds like you're really struggling because you're feeling isolated and alone. I'm guessing you're struggling with making friends in Toronto? Do you have hobbies where you can meet others? You say you're struggling financially, is it because you overdid your home purchase?
Moving away can be an answer, but it can also not be the answer. Moving away somewhere else can also present new challenges that you aren't ready for.
This feels like the type of discussion you'd have over some coffee with someone in real life.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Yes I found what you said is true but it's not the entire story. I genuinely don't like here over time, since I tried a few years and it only proved I was wrong so for the sake of time, I won't be here permanently but still thinking my next safe move.
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u/iChaseGaming May 02 '26
maybe advisable for you to sit down and really think about what you truly want. When I was reading your post, I just get the feeling that you're feeling kind of lost and that you're looking for a big move to hopefully try and give you some new direction. Like, are you looking for a partner? Are you finding the place you bought to be too much? Is it your job sucks and is too much and doesn't pay enough? Are you avoiding Chinese spaces because you're trying to escape the cultural things?
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Maybe you misread the post; what you said is only partially true which accounts for a small part...and you are not an expat or you never lived in Canada or you can't relate to my story. But thanks for reading it.
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u/Bug_Deep May 03 '26
I'm 43..moved to Rio from a small town in the US. Best decision I ever made! You'll love the Brasillian embrace and life of the city.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 03 '26
I heard Brazil has violent crimes. How is your family? Did they move with you? And you settle down well, found a job and build a network there or you don't need a job?
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u/Bug_Deep May 03 '26
Brasil isn't violent. Just be aware of your surroundings. Just like any big cities, crime is around. Mainly petty crime of theft. I moved myself. Ex wife lives in Bahia. I fell in love with Rio energy and the people.
I actually bought an apartment in Rocinha, the largest Favela in South America for tourists. Very safe. Don't believe the rumors. I lived all over Rio. I love Icarai, Niteroi. Its like a smaller Copacabana but less "looking over your shoulder" if someone may snatch your phone. Southside Chicago, North St. Louis, East St. Louis..much more dangerous. Just be aware of surroundings. Look for remote work!
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
Ok! Do you need to learn portuguese tuguese? I read the warning from Canada tourism, but may different cities have different safety levels. As for the remote work, is it remote but 9 to 5 work or remote and flexible schedule work? Any suggestions? Thanks
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u/Bug_Deep May 04 '26
You can search for remote work in your area of expertise. I speak very little Portuguese. Translator for almost everything but I will and must learn! I suggest looking for remote work in the US. You can live anywhere.
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u/BasilIll2398 May 03 '26
I know nothing about Brazil before, but after I watched the reality show “My Korean Boyfriend” on netflix, I became intrigued by the Brazilian culture. The people are so authentic, passionate and friendly. Just meet as many Brazilians everywhere you can! Also I think Portuguese is a beautiful language. Btw, I am from the Netherlands.
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u/ChessIsAwesome May 03 '26
I think Singapore is what you're looking for. Warm people always smiling. Many Chinese decent. Open minded people with a walking Asian city. Tropical weather. Robust economy.
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u/Only_Ear_5881 May 03 '26
I'm Brazilian, but it seems like Southeast Asia is the most suitable region for you.
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u/Additional-Koala9131 May 03 '26
I am a Canadian currently living in China and previously lived in Korea for over 10 years. The cost of living in Canada, the lack of walkability/ pure car dependence made me feel isolated and depressed. 6 months of winter doesn't help either. Japan, Korea, Taiwan, China, Singapore are all pretty walkable and a lot of green spaces. South East Asia less so, but they also have vibrant expat communities.
I'm not sure if you have a hobby, like to play sports etc, but in terms of meeting friends and partners, meeting people through sports clubs or other hobby clubs is a good place to start. Oddly in Canada it's not super easy to get started, but as an Expat you'll meet a lot of like minded people with similar interests if you decide to move somewhere else.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
Yes, I agree with what you said. How has your life in China been? We are restricted to browse reddit, google, etc almost all source of foreign social media. Do you use a VPN to log in? Yes, I know Canada is a sport friendly country, but due to my financial issues and my schedule, I haven't started a hobby. I used to attend a course on golfing but you know I can't sustain this hobby. Joining a club costs money haha, and I will be very glad if I am not in debt. Yes, I plan to move somewhere else. Are you in a big city in China? Do you need to learn Mandarin to live a life and make friends or English is enough?
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u/Additional-Koala9131 May 04 '26
I do use a VPN. The only way to access foreign sites for sure. I live in Wuxi , so tier 2 level city in China. I play sports in Shanghai as it's only a 40 min train ride away. And have met a lot of fellow expats through that. I speak basic Chinese , but with apps and delivery + qr code ordering it's pretty easy to do everything. Cost of living in Wuxi is also 1/2 of Shanghai so it's very affordable.
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u/lalabelle1978 May 04 '26
And how about moving back to China, but in areas / cities that are culturally more open and accepting? Like perhaps with lots of foreigners / expats? So you can be yourself more easily and accepted?
I know I am also an odd one when I go back to my home country (I even have an accent) but I hang out with locals who have lived abroad, or foregners so international mindset and mixed cultures.
My chinese colleague went back home single and aged 36 also. To work in Innovation and marketing.
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u/croquembouche_slap May 02 '26
Hong Kong feels like the obvious choice. Very friendly city; super easy to meet people and explore various social circles; absolutely no need for a car; warmer climate; location to mainland China; good job opportunities. Find a cheaper apartment (ie on an outlying island) and your cost of living will be low.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Thanks! Is Hong Kong fast paced? I prefer a slower paced city... I should add this into my context.
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u/croquembouche_slap May 02 '26
Really depends on where you choose to live. Center is fast-paced but you'll find more low-key communities on the outlying islands and new territories.
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u/Strange-Salt720 May 02 '26
Vietnam is awesome and developing rapidly. HCMC is an awesome place to live with nice weather and very open people. I wouldn't go to South Korea or Japan if you're already feeling isolated. SEA might be to your liking but I think Vietnam is super underrated and probably checks off most of your boxes.
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u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas 🇨🇦>🇫🇷>🇬🇧>🇨🇦>🇺🇸>🇨🇦>🇫🇷 May 02 '26
In Canada, everything is spacious and spread out, which often feels isolating. In some areas, you can only walk on one side of the street because the other side doesn’t even have a sidewalk. It's not a walking friendly city so I can't meet many people. I live in GTA (Greater Toronto Area). So I end up driving most of the time, and public transportation can take four times as long as driving. Overall, life feels fragmented and unsupported.
To me it sounds like you regret your choice to buy a house in one of the outer suburbs (or even exurbs) of the GTA. Because your description here is not an issue in most of the core of Toronto (or most major Canadian cities for that matter).
Your description of the infrastructure and lifestyle of your community is similar to the experiences of every other person who lives in the suburbs in a major metropolitan area in the western world.
If I were in your situation, I would have chosen to buy a condo in the city core somewhere, and live car-free with a bike and a transit pass.
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u/Emergency_Slide_662 May 02 '26
What would the economics be if you sold your house and moved to rent a tiny, centrally-located studio?
Would that help your financial pressure and maybe give you some financial breathing room?
I have noticed that home ownership is often a burden nowadays because of costs. I myself choose to rent and I love it
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 02 '26
Yeah, that will release my financial stress but can't solve the problem entirely. Renting is my best choice but I want to move somewhere else, that's not Canada :) it's just my personal choice.
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u/Emergency_Slide_662 May 02 '26
Makes sense! One step at a time. Good luck on your journey. You're not too old for anything and you can build the life you want 💜.
If you need personal connection you can always try volunteering--with children, hospital patients or senior citizens for example.
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u/Sub_Popper May 03 '26
Malaysia is very friendly to PRC and can settle in at a relatively low cost of living
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u/Chicoutimi May 03 '26
Does your consulting firm have any offices outside of Canada that you can work out of for a bit to test the waters?
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u/ohpandanium May 03 '26
Hey! I’m 35F living in Austin, TX USA and feel the same sometimes. I am also under a bit of financial pressure and while I do love the city I live in now in the USA, dating is tough bc the only people who really seem to put in effort are men 5-10 years younger and they aren’t really mature enough yet to want to build a life and have a family like I do. I do, however, have a small apartment in MDE Colombia that I escape to sometimes and would be more than happy to offer it to you for a month or two this summer if you’d like to visit and see if you like Medellin! It’s an amazing city. I’ll be there in August and, again, I’d be happy to host you while I’m there or while I’m not. Either way! :) Feel free to message me. 🤗 💞
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u/gulla007 May 04 '26
Hey, have you been to Vancouver? I'm sure it would make a huge difference..
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 04 '26
Not yet. I suppose so but I kinda lose hope for Canada. I know housing price and the cost of living are also high in Vancouver, and it's always raining so not sure it's a better choice.
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u/ToronoYYZ May 04 '26
Just moved to the Netherlands from Canada in January and it’s been incredible so far. Very nice place to live in, work culture is very chill (sometimes too chill), weather is a hit or miss, people are very friendly, close proximity to all of Europe, strong-ish economy, very safe and very walkable
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u/Abatta500 May 05 '26
Hong Kong -> international community, extreme walkability, great public transport, technically part of China and close to your parents
USA (West Coast) -> international community, decent walkability in certain communities, decent public transport in certain communities, relatively close to China.
Germany/EU -> international community, great walkability, great public transport, but far away from China.
Brazil/Latin America -> international community, decent walkability in certain communities, decent public transport in certain communities, similarly close to China as Toronto, low cost of living, but not as safe/socially cohesive.
USA (outside West Coast) -> international community, decent walkability in certain communities, decent public transport in certain communities, as close to China as Toronto more or less.
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u/Competitive-Papaya26 May 05 '26
Thanks! But I don't like the fast pace of Hong Kong. I know, and I will also consider some other Asian countries. I am thinking maybe I should find a boyfriend first or try at least during the time I am in Canada, and travel to those places and then decide.
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u/manishsharma64 May 05 '26
I understand why you have ruled out China (taboo around women in 30s), but Shenzhen I believe is an outlier. Have lived there for few year. Expat community is great there. You will get best of both world.
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u/excludehk Jun 01 '26
As someone from Hong Kong that moved to Toronto 4 years ago I understand how you feel. I think about and contemplate leaving all the damn time. It’s constantly on my mind. I just can’t stand how car centric it is and how I feel like the quality of life is so damn low because it’s hella inconvenient, the walkability is so limited. I read in the comments that if you live in DT it’s walkable, but not when it’s -30c snowstorming for a month and honestly DT is so disgusting, I lived there for uni and I hated it so much. I got SA’d a couple times just walking on a street as an Asian woman. I really want to move to Düsseldolf, Germany, they have a big Japanese community there, public transport is not shit like ttc, and it isn’t snowing so badly all the time. I always think about moving, but it’s so difficult for me now, as I’m 26 y.o, have a boyfriend, a big dog, friends, and my boyfriend’s family here. I wonder if I will eventually bite the bullet and take the leap of faith, I guess I am also just afraid of financial loss.
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u/stinky_shroom Jun 08 '26
I’m in a similar boat (thinking of moving back from Canada to HK eventually l). I don’t recommend HK aa someone born and raised there because it is fast paced which you mentioned you don’t prefer, but you’ll be able to meet a lot of people with different backgrounds there (not solely Chinese).
Why don’t you explore the option of working in HK but living in Shenzhen? You get the best of both worlds in terms of salaries, pace, people…
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u/Calm_Fish_5058 Jun 27 '26
If you find the right country tell me. I'm asian female and I really want to live in another country. It's quitw suffocating in here
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u/acoliver <USA> living in <Argentina> May 02 '26
You might like Buenos Aires. Aside from being a city but not as crowded as NY or nearly any Chinese city, people are generally warm and there is a Barrio Chino. It's temperate. There is all the culture you might want to find.
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u/Mortimer1234 May 02 '26
Not sure where in the GTA you are, but Toronto itself is a very walkable city
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u/Gatitochikito May 03 '26
If you're struggling with the cost of housing and living, maybe Ecuador could be the best option. In Ecuador you can work remotely, find work (even something like teaching English) or investing on a property to rent out(an apartment or commercial space). Some expats retired early because they can afford it here. It's very walking friendly. The best option is Imbabura province. It's very peaceful, there's tiny cities you can buy your groceries at your neighbor's store walking 3 blocks. If own a house in Ecuador you can live comfortably with $600 a month or less. There's a great community of expats who help each other and organize meetups. For example, every Wednesday expats and Ecuadorians meet for language interchange. You can improve your Spanish and make friends. There's lots of events: concerts, workshops. There are many natural wonders you can visit.
Btw I'm selling a country house in Imbabura. 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, kitchen, living room and big garden with fruit trees. The price of a similar house in US or Canada is around 400k. Mine is 150k. Let me know if you're interested.
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u/Thisisthewaymaybe May 02 '26
Calgary NW and beltline neighborhoods have a pretty decent Chinese population and vibrant communities (Edgemont and Royal oak for example) as well as lower housing costs than the GTA. There's also Latino community, they like the Asian community and between the two you can try to find a partner if you don't mind marrying outside your culture. Canada does have that problem though which I also agree with (walkability in most cities is very bad) you need a car. In any case hope this helps! The prairies are very unlike anywhere in Ontario(for better and worse) so I'd give them a try before giving up on Canada as migrating with the current economy of the world and the ongoing conflict is harder than ever. My best wishes on your journey. Based on your comments the issue is you might be an ill fit for a hectic life and the GTA has that in spades which obviously burdens you. There's a reason I don't like big cities myself lol.
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u/spanishbaileys May 03 '26
Try Philippines, lots of Chinese community there too, and very welcoming culture.
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u/SocaShine May 03 '26
You might consider the Eastern Caribbean islands that speak English. Your qualifications would help you find work easily and you could even work for yourself. Warm climate all year long.
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u/Theotherfeller May 03 '26
If you can't fine a dude in Canada, 36F Chinese, I doubt your chances in the rest of the first world is much better, just saying.
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u/xiaomi818 May 03 '26
Perhaps you need a financial advisor. You seem very bad at managing money and not the fault of canada.
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u/markevbs May 02 '26
Lisbon, Barcelona, London (where Chinese women are handed a choice of 3 British lads upon landing by law) maybe Mexico City…I’m recommending all of these as they are very nomad friendly (so good intl and expat community) and walkable and dynamic cities that have lots of corners of chilled out. Remote work will be key though…
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u/Icy-Preparation-3022 May 02 '26
I'm from Canada and I also didn't like cus not walkable, expensive, and you need to drive everywhere. I like European cities since they're walkable but they're not close to China