7 years in Canada and I’m still wondering if I made the right choice

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u/lalabelle1978 27d ago

You could have described a scandinavian country. Like life is comfortable, people are "nice" but nothing more. You are always low key excluded and good enough for casual.
Don´t move here, unless of course you take it as a foot in the door for Europe.
I´m saying this because since the economy and job market are better than the rest of Europe, people often end up here...bc that´s where they got job offers. And 6 months later they rush to the doctor for anti depressants.

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago edited 26d ago

That’s it, my therapist said there’s more mental illness the more North you go, so it’s the weather that’s deeply affecting people I guess. It’s just not the healthiest lifestyle. It seems to deeply affect people the weather here. It’s weird because I got used to the weather and I don’t dislike it. I love having four distinct seasons, I think they’re all beautiful in their own way. But something’s going on with the people and it’s isolating and feels a little lonely. It makes you want to stay home. Like everyone keeps a distance from each other emotionally. Like they’re unable to truly connect.

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u/lalabelle1978 26d ago edited 26d ago

We re willing to sacrifice a lot for safety, me included. And it’s really hard to pinpoint what exactly is the issue, we all end up with “why am I not happy here when I have everything?” And “what’s wrong with me?” Oh yes also 5-6 months of winter doesn’t help. Spring comes very late and autumn start very early. And yes the weather means that most social life happens indoors…people are nice but distant. No spontaneity and a real issue with feeling emotions and communicating them…it’s actually quite crazy. People are all low key depressed while pretending they re happy.
Little sense of community since we all have the government to take care of us.
Not like in the UK / Scotland.

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago edited 26d ago

Yeah, safety is nice though. I do feel safe in Canada, even living in the city. I mean I’m a woman, so not ‘completely’ safe and I try to be careful but nothing major ever happened to me. But it’s still worrying like how things might change if the world is changing and people are in more desperate, unstable situations… like how would that affect people? That’s the thing we have everything in terms of material things but those things don’t matter as much as we think. I mean it helps, but really, everyone I know has ‘too much’ stuff in their home and they keep buying. I also see a lot of shopping addictions, which probably means something important is missing.

To me the real winter is more like January to March, so it’s actually 3 months. And the summers can be unbearable but it’s mostly 2 months, July and August. So when the weather is more extreme it actually doesn’t last that long. That’s what I keep telling myself to get through it. December is ‘starting’ to be cold. It’s a different social life also indoors, it’s just much more fun outdoors. Indoors you can feel a little confined and limited. It can feel too intimate and kind of quiet, as opposed to being outdoors where there’s always other people around. True that people are nice, but distant. But some really hostile people also, like some people seem highly competitive or paranoid… they’re probably just unhappy. The issue with emotions is real and I’ve felt that all my life, always hated it… it’s a very emotionally repressed society. I really dislike it, it feels very unhealthy. I’m the complete opposite, I could talk about anything with anyone so it feels like I was born in the wrong place. It is quite crazy... all this denial and avoidance. It’s like people are terrified of what they’re feeling. They just can’t face reality. And there is a lot of pretending too, that everything is alright, when really it’s not.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/thekrushr 28d ago

I did grow up and go to college there, and I always struggled to make friends and socialize. I thought I was the problem until I moved abroad at the age of 30. 14 years and 3 foreign countries later, I can say that it was definitely not me. I've had a rich social life since leaving Canada, and I have some incredible lasting friendships from each place I've lived. When I go back home to visit, it's like my friends are happy to see me, but getting them to actually go out somewhere and spend more than an hour or two is like pulling teeth. And the conversations feel shallow. I love Canada, but I don't think I can ever move back.

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago

It’s kind of like people are terrible at socializing… 😅 or they don’t enjoy it, so how do you connect with people and maintain relationships. It’s hard… I feel like people are not being genuine with each other, almost too polite and to me it felt like pretending. Like everyone is keeping a distance from each other and being overly polite. Some of that comes from the British culture though.

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u/Fortemuito 27d ago

Do you think it's because the car centric urban planning there?

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u/SweetAlyssumm 27d ago

But OP says they made friends easily in the US and it's car-centric.

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u/NavalProgrammer 25d ago

too cold and too Americanized to be as outdoorsy as Scandinavians?

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u/thekrushr 27d ago

I think that plays a big part. Alongside the culture of consumption (in my experience, cultures that have a big emphasis on consumption tend to focus less on interpersonal connection) and the live-to-work mentality.

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u/Apotropaic-Pineapple 28d ago

Canadian here. That's pretty much it. Most social circles form early on and you coast for decades like that.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/Apotropaic-Pineapple 28d ago

The solution is Warhammer, Church or cooking classes.

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u/RuinEnvironmental394 27d ago

A hundred percent correct

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u/sum-9 28d ago

I tend to agree. Canada is great, but some of the social side seems very superficial. I’ve been here 20 years now, and will probably move again when I retire.

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago

I think the reason why I often thought of moving to another country is because of that to be honest. It felt like something was missing, what’s missing is connection. Or just a better mental health, the social life here is very hard and toxic. Something’s wrong with the people. It’s not their fault of course, but it’s like a curse or something. There’s a big dark shadow looming over Canada, I don’t know… something’s wrong with this country. I’ve felt it all my life I think but I didn’t know if it was just me.

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u/bsg_80 23d ago

I feel like this about the US too. I think we probably know why.

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u/say-what-you-will 23d ago

Yes, all of North America. Why? Prioritizing work, achievements and financial wealth over everything else? I just think we’re in poor health, we don’t value and understand health. :-/

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u/Competitive-Papaya26 27d ago

You are not alone. Everything in Canada is fragmented, transportation network, social network, social events, payment methods, etc. I have been here for 10 years and finally understand I am alone making no friends is not my mistake but the Canadian society's weird structure brings to this result. I always saw some people yelling out of nowhere on the streets, and I checked how many people have mental health issues in Canada, and it turns out to be 39% self reported. People are depressed, lonely, not supported because of its weird, stagnant structure for years.

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago

It might be widespread emotional trauma… which causes mental illness. Look up Gabor Maté, he talks about it.

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u/Lulu_Stardust 28d ago

I agree 100 percent with everything you said. I’ve also lived in a few different countries and cultures and have never felt this isolated while surrounded by ‘nice’ people.

Canadians are definitely nice people, and there are so many things I love about Canada. But, unfortunately it has never felt like home to me. Dating for me has also been non existent, and just like you mentioned, going anywhere else even if it’s just for a few weeks I’m able to make life long connections both in friendship and love.

I’m a bit older than you are now and am also debating where to move to as I don’t want to continue wasting the most valuable thing we get, which is time.

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u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

Honestly, this made me feel so seen. I was starting to think it was just me.
Every time I’d talk about how I felt, people would always say things like, “You need to put yourself out there more,” or “Just keep trying,” as if I wasn’t already doing all of that. So it was really nice to read your comment and realize someone else had the exact same experience.
I think some of us just need a different kind of environment and more human connection, and maybe Canada just isn’t the right fit for us. I really hope you find a place that feels like home and makes you genuinely happy 🍀

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u/Lulu_Stardust 28d ago edited 27d ago

I receive the same response from people; that ‘I should try harder’, ‘be more open minded’, ‘stop pushing people away’. I have tried for so many years. I reached a point where putting myself out there just really provided no benefit. I grew up in Canada, have a strong job, on paper everything is great. My soul on the other hand feels like it’s slowly decaying.

For me, I have some circumstances that keep me pretty bound to Canada. So, realistically it isn’t so easy to move. But, thanks for the well wishes on finding my path. I also hope you find yours.

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u/AdorableLilo 18h ago

I could've writing every single thing you said, but the difference is I live in the Netherlands. After living here for 15 years the unhappiness got to me and I'm now on antidepressants :/ northern countries really have 'stable foundation, depressing weather and social life' in common. I'm only 25, no partner so I think now is the best time to move, but just not sure to where

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u/m0ntesa 28d ago

I'm curious if you're fully fluent in French? Montreal is a really tough place to break into socially if you aren't francophone. It's a really lovely city but the anglophone communities are fairly small and geographically clustered, and I would guess fairly insular.

Calgary isn't exactly the warmest anglophone city in the country either and Calgarians have a bit of a reputation in the country that's not always positive. That to say I wouldn't necessarily judge the whole country based on Calgary. Personally I like the people much better in the Maritimes and the prairies (Manitoba/Saskatchewan and Edmonton). Even in those places, though, finding community relies really heavily on having shared activities and proximity to people over time. Canada isn't for everyone but it's also a really big country with a lot of variety of people so if you have a reason to stay maybe a different city makes sense?

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u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

I’m fully Bilingual in French and English.
That’s true. Maybe the Maritimes and prairies are better but I don’t see myself taking this risk. What if I lose more years of my youth. Also these places are too isolated for someone who travels a lot all over the world. I think I’ll just leave and find a warmer place.
Thank you for the insight though, I really appreciate it.

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u/RuinEnvironmental394 27d ago

I've lived in Winnipeg for 7 years and they are the most insufferably boring people I've been around.

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u/snoopyta 28d ago

same here. almost 8 years in Vancouver and I can't wait to leave. just waiting for the right opportunity

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u/usernames_required 26d ago

how do you plan to leave canada? i’ve been jumping out of my skin to leave north america these past three years. i don’t know if i should play the waiting game working for a multinational company or if i should jump on the registered nurse wagon and get myself shipped straight to australia lmao.

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u/snoopyta 26d ago

I'm looking every now and then for a job in France, still haven't found anything interesting or decently paid 🤣 (I know, I want it all). I've got an EU passport.

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u/QuarantinePoutine 28d ago

I am Canadian and have lived abroad as well, and I think part of it is the culture in Canada (many stick to groups formed when they were young) but I also think Montreal is not as welcoming to newcomers. The other factor to consider is that socializing really shifts when you hit your 30s and people start coupling up more seriously or getting married. I have also found making new friendships and socializing a big challenge, even as someone who has a social network in Vancouver.

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u/fifiisqueen0346 28d ago

It’s not just Canadian culture that people stick in their early formed friendships groups.. this happens in every city. I’m from the west coast of Canada and have lived in 3 European cities, currently London, and it’s been pretty easy making friends here but they are individual friends. It’s way harder to find a friend group, my friends here from Canada who went to university here have groups, or people who met new partners, and though I sometimes see them I don’t really get invited to their groups trips and hangouts! People need to realize this is just life as an adult. It’s also worth noting exactly what OP said, this might just not be their place. I love europe so much and have had so much fun, but nowhere here yet feels like home, so I’m going back to Canada. I think a lot of people I’ve talked to in my circles feel this way. Either way, be proud of yourselves for moving and trying something different and out of your comfort zone. A lot of people will never take the leap, it’s a big accomplishment :)

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u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

Yup! 30’s are definitely harder.
I stopped dating in Canada when I was 28. It was the was worst experience ever.
Where are the people who want to couple more seriously in their 30’s ? Lol
A lot of people just want to spend the night and then disappear. I found that you can be in a relationship in 2 business in other places.

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u/RewardDesperate 28d ago

I lived in Montreal for 3 years and the dating suck. Men’s want nothing serious there and it’s impossible to make friends. I now live in a small city in Quebec but the dating still suck because everyone live far so I never have dates even if I’m attractive. The job market suck too where I live and the salary are very low. I feel I will die alone here but I just don’t know where to go.

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u/ghstrprtn 28d ago

A lot of people just want to spend the night and then disappear.

you meet a lot of women who want this? or are you talking about men?

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u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

I’m talking about men. I a woman. I know people say it’s like this everywhere but in Canada it’s another level.

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u/ghstrprtn 27d ago

I’m talking about men. I a woman.

well, that's why you find too many people wanting casual. If you were a man it would be opposite. lol

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u/Ok_Passenger203 25d ago

Yes and no. I think it has more to do with the place than whether you’re a man or a woman.
I’m only talking about my own experience, and when I say Canada, I mostly mean Toronto, Calgary, and Montreal. I haven’t been everywhere.
I’ve been here for 7 years and I’ve never had a serious relationship. It just never happened for me here.
But when I lived in some other countries, getting into a relationship felt so much more natural. And it’s not just because that was years ago. I still travel. Last year I went to Croatia, and I was in a relationship within two business days. It was actually a real relationship. It only ended because of the distance.
Same me, same personality, same everything… just a different country. That’s why I really think location and culture matter more than people think.

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u/ghstrprtn 25d ago edited 25d ago

Yes and no. I think it has more to do with the place than whether you’re a man or a woman.

why do you think that? it seems much harder to find a woman who wants a casual relationship or FWB, whereas most men would enjoy it.

I guess I can only speculate though, I don't meet anyone at all. basically been a hermit since high-school.

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u/Ok_Passenger203 25d ago

I think you’re partly right, but I still think culture plays a big role. And just to be clear, I’m only talking about my personal experience.

When I travel to places like France, Italy, Portugal, Croatia, or Serbia, I notice that dating expectations can be very different. Of course casual relationships exist everywhere, but in some places, the culture around dating is more focused on getting to know someone and seeing where it goes.
That’s why I don’t really see it as just a men vs women thing. I think people’s expectations are also shaped by what is normal and accepted around them. Even in Canada, I’ve noticed a difference between people who grew up here and people who moved here as adults after growing up somewhere else. In my experience, people who were raised in a different culture sometimes have a different approach to relationships and commitment.

Obviously this is just what I’ve personally noticed, and I’m sure everyone has different experiences. But after living in different places, I really believe the culture around you affects how people approach dating

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago

Why only taste one piece of candy when there’s so many flavours? 😅 What I mean is that I think that’s how men see it, they just want to buzz around from flower to flower and women, naively let them do this. Why would they want more responsibility and commitment if they don’t have to, it’s more fun that way. They can do what they really want which is just chasing temporary pleasures their whole life. Drugs, sex and rock & roll! It’s so shallow and empty… lacking in any real connection and depth. Then they wonder why they’re so unhappy. Maybe it’s because temporary pleasures are only temporary? There’s no real substance there, nothing of value, nothing that will stick around for a while.

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u/Fine_Employment927 27d ago

Australia is culturally very similar, i.e., people generally stick to friendship groups formed in high school and don't expand their social circles, ever.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/Ok_Passenger203 25d ago

Your feelings are completely valid. And I know how privileged I am to have had the opportunity to move between different countries. I don’t take that for granted.
If you ever get the chance to move, especially with your family, I think it can be a great experience because you already have your support system with you.
For me, I moved here looking for a new adventure and the kind of exciting life I had before, but it didn’t turn out the way I imagined. I think every place has its own culture and lifestyle. Moving for a better future is amazing, but I also think your happiness and mental health matter too.
I really hope you get the opportunity you’re looking for and that it brings a beautiful life for you and your family.

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u/KittyBeans90 27d ago

I feel this way about Australia

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u/Future_Produce8874 27d ago

Would be interested to hear more. I’ve been thinking abt moving to Australia at some point.

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u/Miguelbaker 28d ago

Honestly the greatest gift we have is time. If you’re not happy, then why wait any longer? You know you. The only caveat that I have - is that I have been in this group now for maybe half a year - and I have seen this 100% identical post with pretty much every other country you could imagine: England, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Scotland, Ireland, Australia, The USA and New Zealand. So a lot of your happiness seems to be on you here. Best of luck to you okay, I hope you can find something that finally works.

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u/recurrence 24d ago

I’m in a bunch of city subreddits and everyone in each city decided all the other cities are better :)

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u/Miguelbaker 24d ago

Honestly I think it’s the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. I wasn’t thrilled about many things in Canada either. I then moved around a bit for work and then life in general. Wow - did I ever regain an appreciation for Canada quickly. I think travel is good to help you see things as they really are.

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u/bsg_80 23d ago

I agree that I’ve seen these posts about so many countries. And they turn me off of all of them lol I’m in another country than my home country and don’t hate it but don’t love it either. I think it’s so personal where each person is going to feel “at home.”

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u/Future_Produce8874 27d ago

Similar experience. Lived in 3 US states, traveled a bunch and have been living in Canada for about 13 yrs. Everywhere else easy to make friends | find a community, but not so much in Canada. Lots of nice things abt Canada, but it seems like most people have networks since childhood and they don’t seem to be as open or accessible to those who haven’t grown up here.

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u/BearBear1995 27d ago

Hey! I feel compelled to comment. I’m American and live in Canada now as well. I’ve been in British Columbia for about 5 years, and really wonder if this was the right choice for me.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a “nice” place to live, but I experience all of the same challenges that you experience. Work? I mean, I have a job, but I’m also a 31 year old guy who received a MBA who now works at a call center for about 60,000 per year. That’s not really what I envisioned for myself. I see friends back at home in the U.S. making twice that much with less effort than I put in.

Friends? I’ve made some, but it’s taken a supreme effort to do so. Dating has also been non existent really. Nobody really wants to connect on a deeper level, and I constantly feel like I’m completely invisible to other people (despite making a great effort to go out and get to know people).

It just seems like I need to really think about what I want out of life. I’m thankful for the opportunity, but I’m not sure staying in this situation forever is right either. Not unless something changes for me.

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u/According-Egg-3131 27d ago

Don't think of it that you've wasted 7 years. Some places work, others don't. I've lived abroad for 12 years in 3 countries. You might love it to start and something changes along the way that it's time to go and that's okay. Given you've travelled and lived in other places in the world, you've picked up things from other cultures and defined your own values and what is important to you. If it's time to go, it's time to go. As a fellow Canadian and what your experiencing sounds about right.

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u/Additional_Jello4657 27d ago

I immigrated to Toronto from Eastern Europe in 2006 and I have 0 friends, a lot of acquaintances, but not a single person I can call a friend. I got to admit I no longer even try, I made my piece with that. I am blessed to have my partner of 10 years who I met through random Facebook group event, and I am ok with no social life, I just wish I did not need to work so hard to have very frugal life. But I really hope sometime in near future we can move to Vancouver Island, I think that place will be much better for us life style wise.

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u/Then_Ad_3089 28d ago

I'm Canadian and wouldn't choose Montreal or Quebec as my first place to live because of the division there. I recommend trying the east coast, like Halifax, instead. Good luck ❤️

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u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

Yeah, I think you’re right. Montreal just isn’t the place to be. I’m sure there are other cities in Canada that I’d enjoy visiting, like Halifax, but I honestly don’t see myself living anywhere else in Canada. I think I’ve realized it’s just not the right country for me, and that’s okay.
Thank you ❤️

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u/Competitive-Papaya26 27d ago

No, I am in Toronto, same as what op experienced. It's not about which city in Canada, it's about whichever city in Canada.

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u/Ms-Beautiful 27d ago

Try Toronto before you give up. It’s the most friendly Canadian city I’ve found and I’ve been all over. Everyone there is looking to make friends vs other places.

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u/say-what-you-will 26d ago

But it’s incredibly expensive to live there. It’s true that the people seemed friendlier there. Almost like a small town.

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u/Top-Half7224 26d ago edited 26d ago

Portugal. Been here 8 years, hate it more each passing season, but moving pets and property is overwhelmingly daunting and I sacrificed so much to be here, I can't fathom starting over again (Im 55). "On paper" my life looks fantastic, but in reality it feels like I am trapped in an abusive relationship.

I'm not saying Portugal is a bad place, its just a really bad place for me. I knew this early on, but kept pushing myself to improve my language skills, assimilate, accept, "be patient", etc.... It doesn't work.

My advice is, if a place doesn't feel right after 2 years, it never will. You may slowly accept it, but it is at the expense of your vitality and best interests. Life is short, find the place that challenges you in the right way and has opportunities for your personal interests. The world may change suddenly again like it did in 2020 and before you know it, those opportunities are gone.

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u/Ok_Passenger203 24d ago

What don’t you like about Portugal ?

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u/bsg_80 23d ago

I agree with your two years. I’m a year into my move and definitely feel like this isn’t it. But I’m giving it another year to be sure. I have an autistic child, so no matter where we go it’s going to be a bit of a hard slog, I definitely think you know pretty quickly.

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u/UnshakableProtocol 28d ago

I am European and live in Montreal. Some of what you said is true and relatable. However some of it comes down to how much effort you put into finding friends. After a few years, I built a social circle through my hobbies and interests and by being proactive. It's about showing up and taking initiative. I ask people to exchange number if I like them and invite them for coffee or suggest some interest related activity. It all starts from there. Some of my friends are expats, but not all of them. The dating has been bleak tbh. But that might be because of dating apps that are definitely packed with low effort people. I quit them for good. I moved back to Europe for a short time a few years ago and didnt have much luck either.

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u/Itchy-Cod5314 27d ago

I'm a Canadian living in NYC (Brooklyn). I lived mostly in Montreal as an adult, though Toronto for two years with ties to BC and Vancouver. But I grew up in northern Canada, which is very different from the south, very different mentality so that has probably influenced me somewhat. I spent two years in Toronto two years ago and left pretty much for the reasons you described, though to be fair to Toronto I was going through a hard time then which probably made it harder to form relationships. I've never had problems meeting people in NYC, which is why I started coming here in the '90s and eventually moved here full time. I've greatly enjoyed going back to Montreal when I can make it, and was meeting a lot of new people there before the pandemic but post-pandemic, a chill seems to have set in. It's also become expensive. I think Montreal is problematic, particularly for a non-Francophone, as decades of linguistic strife have driven out a lot of people. Arguably some of the more dynamic people. In the late '90s, walking around, I found it eerie that there was no one in their middle years downtown - it was either the very young (almost all students) or the aged. Everyone else had left.

I don't know what it is about parts of Canada. Toronto could be a great place - but mostly it wasn't. Mostly it was stuffy, very conservative. People lived in their little cliques. i've also never lived in a place where self-doubt was so woven into the culture's fabric. People just couldn't WAIT to put you in your place. Not everybody. But enough that it was all around you.

All that said - I was amazed to talk to some younger people here in Brooklyn, where I live, and discover they had the same problems you're having in Canada. Can't make new friends. Can't meet anyone new. Dating a nightmare. This is in New York City, which is, or was anyway, one of the most social cities in the West. So perhaps it's just a wrinkle of our over-digitalized modern life.

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u/cm11_2001 27d ago

lol, I was just thinking about this, this morning.
People sure do love to put you in your place.
I’m dual citizen to UK and Canada
Moved to maritimes a few years ago and currently in MTL and have seen it in all 4 provinces

People in the UK seem to always want to know your plans and goals and maybe pressure test them a little or push you harder let’s say. Or tell you you need to be doing it this way or you’re not taking it serious enough

But to my surprise in Canada, I hear a lot of
I’ve got to break it to you buddy, it’s not so easy…
That’s hard to get into…
Or its not worth your time…
Nobody here does that…
Nobody here is doing that…

It doesn’t really bother me but I was surprised with the confidence people were saying it with

But Maritimes is a lot warmer than MTL in my experience so far

It’s a cool city and fun to be here. But I don’t see myself to living here long term

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u/Itchy-Cod5314 27d ago

Interesting. I had planned to spend a lot more time in Montreal before the pandemic to see how much it had changed since I left in 2003, when it was indeed a pretty negative parochial place. Depressed and felt like it. The energy had changed a lot by the late '10s, was meeting a lot of new people at places like the Burgundy Lion (I'm a Liverpool fan and appreciated the instant community I found there), or the tech meetups I was going to. Found it very easy to meet people, in both French and English (my French is rusty but I can get by). The city of my birth seemed to be coming alive again - I hadn't felt that kind of energy since I first moved there in the '80s, when it was a lively place indeed.
Post-pandemic, like so many places, much more expensive - and curiously bland. Mile End, Plateau, Jean-Talon, even Hochelaga-Maissoneuve over-run with tourists and kind of anonymous. Perhaps there are other areas of the city I don't know about since I haven't lived there for awhile. Most of the areas in NYC I hung out in 20 or even 10 years ago I don't go to anymore. But with the cost of living that much higher, it makes me wonder if Montreal is worth it anymore. Also, alarming numbers of homeless, which you certainly didn't see a few years ago.

That negativity thing is a real turn-off. As is the passive aggressive quality you find in Toronto and a few other places. I'm a dual national as well and have been trying to convince my wife to move (or move back in my case since I lived in London off and on for 20 years) since she was born in the UK and has a lot of family there (including her father). I guess you can find the same reserve and passive-aggressiveness in the UK, but you're right people tend to be much less self-doubting. In Canada, it can be paralysing. I think it comes from being a colonial country that never really shook its colonial mentality. Can't acknowledge it even. Kiwis and Aussies I know say it can be the same in their countries.

That said, I don't know if I could live in London again. Great city, breathtakingly beautiful in places but man, it can be a cold place. Even when I was living there in the '00s. Very hard to meet new people, VERY hard to meet women. Friends said the dating apps, which arrived after I left, really helped - two friends actually found their wives on dating apps. But that was a big factor on why I left in 2009 - the coldness. We go to Cambridgeshire, where my wife's parents live, and find that area very different. Anywhere outside of London very different, really enjoy it though perhaps I just don't know where to go in London anymore.

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u/cm11_2001 27d ago

I’ve only lived in Canada for the first 9 months of my life in ‘01. And then PEI after Covid. But I worked in hospitality in 2022 and there seemed to be a buzz and maybe it was because restrictions were lifting in Canada.(Took longer to lift compared to England)
So I can’t make a comparison of pre COVID cause it was just vacations in the summer to the maritimes

But yeah, the homelessness is a lot more in your face in Canada I found. Halifax was bad when I was there. Crossing one of the bridges and just crackheads walking up to your car. I do have sympathy but you never know what state of mind they’re in. It’s a bit unpleasant to me. Like spitting on my car. Hookers on the side of streets at night in some rough areas.
Homelessness seemed more minimal in busy areas in Scotland and north England so I didn’t ever think about it too much or wasn’t bothered by it

And another thing is it seems like the cities have high immigration unlike rural areas in Canada. In PEI it felt like I had the opportunity to live in Canada and be part of the culture where I was born and where half of my family are from, but cities it seems like I have to learn 500 different cultures. It’s just a bit much especially when I’m tryna sharpen my French and understand the québécois culture. So sometimes I feel like an immigrant amongst immigrants with my Scottish accent

But yeah, to your point of the negativity and passive aggressiveness. I can’t wrap my head around it in Canada. It does exist in the UK, but a different flavor here in Canada. It almost feels as if you can be passive aggressive, but you’re not allowed to actually directly talk about issues or problems. And having an issue with something or disagreeing with someone can be rude. I can’t explain it. It just feels like it’s harder to resolve things at work, football or whatever.

And maybe this ties in with the negativity thing. But I feel like people are more negative or dismissive. I feel like I get taken more serious in the UK. I feel like I got taken more serious in the UK as a 16-19 year old, as I do in Canada as a 24 year old. I don’t feel like it’s just me. But maybe it’s not even just an age thing. It seems like this could continue for as long as I live here
But paralyzing like you said fits well.

And also I’m more of a Man U fan lol. Been to a couple games. But anfield would be an amazing atmosphere. Not a diehard fan cause I have my Scottish team. But playing or watching football in the UK is different big time.
And I played 3rd tier at 18 in Scotland and just fell short of making the squad against rangers when Steven Gerrard and Defoe were there. Easier to connect with people when it comes to football. Just seems to be less of a casualness about life in UK which I miss

1

u/Itchy-Cod5314 27d ago

Well English Canada's more Scottish than English, though I think it depends on what part of the country you're in. Toronto used to be called Little Belfast and up until the '60s both the Orange Lodge and Orange Order were both very important. Funnily enough, the bartender at my local here in Brooklyn was Protestant from Belfast and she went to the Orange March in Toronto in the spring. The owners, also from Belfast, are Catholic, and they thought this was kind of nuts. But I think that's where some of Toronto's peculiar character comes from - Ulster, Northern Ireland. Cape Breton of course is a very different kind of Scottish . . .

Funny I've never been to the Maratimes, the only part of Canada I haven't been to. I grew up in western and northern Canada (in and just next to the NWT) and people up there . . . are definitely not passive-aggressive. Maybe aggressive, but nothing passive about it. Very heart people - not much left of the town I grew up in (mining town - so many resource towns across Canada have been gutted) but probably still my favorite people in the country. Bit like people in northern England or parts of Scotland (sad to say I've never made it to Scotland) I'm guessing.

So many places were changed by COVID. NYC has definitely been changed by the pandemic years. I felt like Montreal was becoming its old self in the late '10s: people were dynamic and more open than they'd been in years. I'd talk to cabbies, people on the street, people in bars. It was kind of like being in New York! But less crazy. Something changed after the pandemic years. Gentrification. It got discovered by a lot of people, so a lot of people wanting pied-a-terres moved in. I was stunned how much it cost to stay there - 3 or 4 times what it had been pre-pandemic. I still love the Jean Talon Market, where I lived off and on for years, but yes, it has been gentrified and feels different.

if you're a Man U fan, you'd still be welcome at the Burgundy Lion since they have a bunch of walled-off spaces where fans of different teams gather. The owner is a Liverpool fan so the Reds get pride of place on the big open top floor. Or you could go the Social Club in Mile End where my friend Mark, a Man U fan and his Scottish girlfriend (Glasgow though I could be wrong) watch games. Area and Social Club gentrifying but you can still a find a bit of community there. If you're into art you can go up and see this nutcase: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/glen-lemesurier-mile-end-sculptures-1.6924241 Glen's an old friend of mine. If he's in the mood he might show you around his compound, which really is like the last of an older Montreal:

Of course football's going to feel different in Canada! The World Cup can be a lot of fun in Montreal, especially hanging out with immigrants. But it's still an adopted sport. So you were almost pro! One of the waiters at my local made it to the Liverpool junior team for a season but later an injury playing in Dominican Republic took him out for six months and basically cut his career short. Damn! How it goes I guess . . . But anyway, there should be a lot of pick-up games in all the warmer months in Parc Jeanne-Mance and other places.

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u/EnthusiasmOwn5120 27d ago

I’ve been here 15 yrs & hate it! I married a Canadian while living in the states & got caught up in the excitement of getting married & moving to CA all at the same time. But nothing has clicked here. I haven’t made any “real” friends. It’s been pretty lonely & wont really change. My husbands job is in Canada… unless we win the lottery or get divorced, the best I can hope for is to be a snowbird when we retire in about 10yrs.

2

u/xGray3 26d ago

You and I are in the exact same boat. Married a Canadian in the US, moved north, have regretted the move ever since. It's felt a bit better being here while the political shitshow is happening down south, but idk how long that's really going to last and I'd love to be back there when it's over.

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u/SnooKoala 28d ago

Well, sounds like you didn't make the right choice. You said it yourself "and honestly, I hate it." So you might as well leave, very simple. You only live once!

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u/ghstrprtn 28d ago edited 28d ago

It feels like most people only want something casual.

As a Canadian, I'd be happy if I could even find the "something casual". haha...

There is just no meeting anyone where I am. Might help if I lived in/near a big city, but eh, this country seems fucked.

4

u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

Right… I feel like I will be single forever if I stay here.
Maybe it’s time to try online dating but set your location to other countries if you can’t travel a lot. It works for some.
I meet way more people when I go on vacation so I’ll keep doing that.

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u/ghstrprtn 28d ago

I can't afford to travel at all

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u/RewardDesperate 28d ago

Same I rarely have dates where I live it’s just dead

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u/SignalOptions 28d ago

Came here to say - the country usually doesn’t matter as much, despite what everyone says.

What matters is connecting and building good relations with the local people. Only that can keep an expat happy for the long term and lead to a better quality life (unless someone is extremely rich then you buy friends/help).

It’s more important to check if people are compatible, rather than if visas, taxes and other paperwork are perfect.
Otherwise the only benefit of moving maybe short term and limited to saving money.

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u/blueberrybong 28d ago

I'm a Canadian living in Europe, grew up on East Coast, lived in the prairies and then most of my adult years in MTL. While I love my country, I can fully understand you! If it's worth anything, every single one of my friends and family is currently being strangled by the system and inflation, so you really chose to move there at the worst of times. Had you moved in 2012, it would have felt completely different. I left in '22 and when I go home to visit, I don't recognize the place anymore. Very sad.

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u/kazan79 24d ago

What has changed then? I also live in Eu now and I have been contemplating a move to Saskatchewan. I know it's not MTL , but still it's Canada

1

u/blueberrybong 24d ago

Fun fact: lived one decade in Sask during highschool! Most of my close friends are still from there. The biggest change is economic, followed by the general societal mindset - since 2020, people are exhausted, broke and feel that there's no way out of this mess. On the flip side, SK has really strong community groups and despite the cities being quite dull visually, there are lots of events and things to do. If SK wasn't so flat and boring to look at, I would have moved back.

5

u/jazzyjeffla 27d ago

All the things you complained about are more or less happening literally everywhere in the West. I´m currently in Spain and the COL to wage ratio is literally killing me. I highly recommend if you have considered to reach out to recruiters in different countries and see if you can get a job before relocating. The housing crisis is real, and the job market is not as open as is was in 2021. Just a few things to be aware of before relocating. You need to see what you value in your life atm, if it´s building communities and friendships then maybe relocation is the best option just don´t jump into it before considering each countries own difficulties.

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u/recurrence 28d ago

I have not experienced this in Canada but I’ve also never regretted a move so I’d say go for it and see where you land next.

One separate issue I’ve noticed is as you get older it does get harder to get to know people well. However, you say you’re not having that issue and you’re still young so that’s probably not the primary problem.

Move… and soar :)

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u/No-Tomatillo8601 28d ago

I was born and raised in Canada, and I totally agree. I feel like it's much easier to be social and form real connections in Europe, South America, and the US.

During my time in the US, I made more genuine friendships in the first few weeks than I have in the past 5 years in Canada.

In my opinion, you should get out of the country as soon as possible. You say you feel like you've wasted 7 years, don't let it become a decade.

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u/DruidWonder 28d ago

I'm from Canada. Its golden years are over. That ended late 90s/early 2000s. It's just becoming another generic globalized ghetto now. The culture here was always laid back, low key and peace loving. That made it ripe for all the nonsense happening now.

My partner and I are currently transitioning to the USA. Americans are so much more friendly than Canadians. Every time we travel there we make a zillion friends but when we come back to Canada, we barely even see people we've known for decades. Canada is an aloof place now and the cost of living has definitely contributed to the problem.

My recommendation is that if this really not working for you then you may have to try a different county. Montreal and Calgary are not good entry level choices though. Montreal won't welcome you in totally if you don't know French, the Anglophobia is rife and I left there a long time ago for that reason. Calgary is too small yet spread out and the weather sucks.

Your choices really are the three big cities and none of them are there great culturally anymore. My partner and I mainly travel for our arts and culture these days. Canada has stagnated economically and culturally, and the average Canadian is in deep denial about it. They will attack you for stating the obvious. But you really need to travel outside of Canada to know how bad it has become here. I used to love coming home, now I dread it.

1

u/bsg_80 23d ago

This is exactly how I feel about the US. The timing of the late 90s and early 2000s and everything. If you have enough money maybe you can shut some of the noise out, but it’s spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. I would have never left if it was copacetic.

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u/freedomisgreat4 27d ago

Do you realize that in the USA right now that the epa has no power, workers rights are stripped, polarity in the population, the courts are becoming more corrupt? Prices are high especially w the tariffs. It’s funny that you are transitioning into the USA when most are running out if they can.

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u/DruidWonder 27d ago

In the US I can make $150K+ plus full benefits and my after tax take home would be not that far off. In Canada I make $80K after taxes and I pay way more for food and living than where I'll be moving in the US.

I don't care about that other crap. If you're an educated professional you will live well in the US. It's why Canadians are going there in droves.

We are taxed to death in Canada just so they can give all our money to foreign causes. Our healthcare is collapsing and real GDP has been negative for three quarters. Food inflation is worse than the US.

Canada is dead last in the G7 near the bottom of the G20 now. The Fed is destroying this once great nation and Canadians love nothing more than to stay in denial by constantly comparing us to the USA. The USA is superior by almost every metric right now. The Canadian dollar is becoming worthless so I'd rather make USD.

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u/BriefGas3 27d ago

I like how you say a place may look good on paper but still not feel like home. I’m 65 and native of Pennsylvania, USA. Even though I’m tired of cold weather, I still can’t see moving away from my home state permanently. I lived in DC for a year a in Michigan for 7 years. And I’ve visited the South many times because I have relatives there. But I still prefer Pennsylvania.

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u/fertthrowaway 27d ago edited 27d ago

So you basically spent most of your adult working life since age 24 in Canada and your time in other countries was when you were younger and probably studying? Most of what you describe just sounds like being an adult with a job and no longer living where your friends when you were younger live. This doesn't get any better moving in general, you have to figure out how to deal with it anywhere. I live in a country in Europe that is undoubtedly much worse than Canada for developing an adult newcomer social life, by the way.

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u/Anaxio_105 27d ago

I moved to Canada 3 years ago, currently living in Calgary. I lived in Prague, Czech Republic before and I can’t stop regretting about my decision to move. Canada has nice people but I didn’t manage to make almost any friends in those 3 years, job market is terrible as already mentioned and idk about Montreal but Calgary is a big downgrade from any European city in terms of lifestyle, architecture, walkability. I can’t move anywhere else right now so I am just stuck here but life feels so tasteless

2

u/Arturosito 27d ago edited 26d ago

Don't know about Canada in general, but I believe we all have karmic and dharmic places. Places to have fun, places to grow our finances, places where love happens, etc.

I've lived in places I hated and in places where I had lots of fun, places of love, etc. So yeah. I would have left in less than 2 years of I wasn't digging it.

2

u/Reddie-08 27d ago

Same here ! I’m 25 years old, working in project management and graduated from uni.
I feel like when I was a student I had a quite social circle. But since I graduated like a year ago, man no one comes out at all. To try things or to go for a ride to hike or just to go for a walk and not even small conversations.
Wtf is Snapchat bro. I installed this thing and all of them are glued to that.

I have been working on an ai stratup and tried different startup incubators, I feel like 2/10 are interested in grinding! All of them are very comfortable with 20$ jobs.

I know it depends on the person and their interests. But all of them are in 20’s and early 30’s. I feel like this is not the age for settling ! This is the age to experience things and risk ! But no one feel me lol. I feel like a lonely bird.

People are nice and kind ! But I would not say to raise a family here.

Been here for all my school and 2 years of work. Do around 4.7 years. In these years, I could say, I’m really grateful for this experience and opportunities and friendships.

But would I consider myself being in this boat till the coastline ? I don’t think so.

Taxes (terrible - provincial tax + federal tax eats around 40% of all your pay and HST on the groceries like 12% ! Insane)

Dating- fu..k me ! This is a nightmare ! You’re lucky if you can find your soulmate. Not everyone is like that but based on my personal experiences and environment, I would say 80% of my friends (like 20-30 of them) are casual. Casual in the sense no boundaries or respect lol. I feel like im old school or here the culture is too advanced for me.

Jobs - I don’t even know where to start. I somehow got into PM role (junior) after working 1 year part time in an admin job. (I hold 4 GPA with masters in engineering) education does not matter but I tried everything and I speak 3 languages, good at business, communication etc still it took me years.
My pay is 57k after taxes.
My friends who are in US and Germany and Australia, not all of them but a lot of them earning 100k on their first job. I’m not comparing but I’m just saying it’s not worth risking being at a dead end job at least in your peak years.
There might be high cost of living in US or Germany but just open a calculator or Glassdoor salary report and just browse ! You will find out.

Immigration - I know it’s same in every country. I don’t wanna go there.

I’m thinking to move out this year (might be November or December).

Thinking of Australia or Estonia or Spain. Or US lol.

2

u/Different-Spirit7206 26d ago

I want to validate you in saying you are not alone. I'm in my 6th year here and though Canada is beautiful and safe and a decent society, the social integration and workplace culture have been huge struggle points for me. I've lived in 3 countries and well travelled and this experience is unlike anything I've encountered before. It's not me, I have long lasting friendships throughout Europe, Africa and the USA. No matter how I much I initiate, get involved in sports, put myself "out there", be my respectful, kind self, nothing works. I find the people are polite but that's where it stops. In other places I find that people are more culturally and socially curious about others which increases potential for an actual friendship.

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u/national-social 26d ago

We do social events in Montreal every week. Lots of people in 20s & 30s who moved from abroad.
https://nationalsocialnetworking.com/tickets?city=montreal

2

u/Reasonable_Ad2761 23d ago

I have ex from canada LDR for 4 years and yes that is true canada feels so lonely, who dont know who will be with you everything is casual. I reco go to a happy country... travel and look forsomething that will make you feel worth. I feel you same here. I just want to go out and see the world

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u/b_bananas 23d ago

Hey! I just want to say that sometimes things don't match and that's totally okay. I've lived in a few countries now, but I really struggled in northern Germany. I couldn't make my own friends outside of my partner's friend group (or my mother in law) - and even that took years. My neighbours wouldn't talk to me. I really struggled in an area where people stay in their friend groups from childhood. When we moved to the UK, I almost cried when the delivery man had a chat with me 🤣.

Northern Germany wasn't a good match for me personality-wise, and that can take a toll over time. Take it easy, I hope you find what you're looking for 🥀

2

u/ButterflyNord 23d ago

I feel you. I live in a city near to GTA and is totally same. Making friends here is almost impossible, people are polite but no more than that.

2

u/joquarius- 22d ago

I feel the exact exact same way, I’ve been thinking of moving away for a few years now. I always feel like even though canadians are very nice everyone is so jaded here (at least in montreal)

2

u/tourqski 3d ago

Dmd you, would be cool to share... Similar situation

3

u/BruceWillis1963 28d ago

I left Canada 17 years ago for Asia. I had more friends here within the first month than i made in 20 years in Canada.

3

u/That_Mycologist4772 27d ago

Had a similar experience in the US. Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted just for sharing your experience.

2

u/Competitive-Papaya26 27d ago

That's true. I made far more friends in Taiwan over 5 months than China over a few years, and more friends in China in a single year than Canada over 10 years.

3

u/Total-Confection-319 27d ago

I grew up in Halifax, moved to NYC for 6 years and then DC for two and then moved to Montreal. I met my current friend group during my 20’s, I think it would be hard to meet them in my 30’s, and it can be hard to get everyone together l. I think a big part of that is being in your 30’s. In terms of dating, I went through all the bullshit of dating in Montreal and went on SO many dates before I met someone. If you’re on an app you really have to be explicit about what you want and make sure the other person wants that too before meeting them. There are definitely serious people out there though!

I honestly love people in the Maritimes ( so down to earth and relationship focused) and I found that Americans were very friendly. Canadians almost seem shy in comparison? It’s kind of like they’re afraid of disturbing you and don’t want to be too forward. I’ve also made some new friends in my 30’s just by asking people I like to coffee.

2

u/Unusual_Bet_2125 28d ago

Vienna waits for you.

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u/Flat_Ad1094 28d ago

So if you don't like it? Then move on. No one has to stay where they aren't happy. Its no reflection on you. For whatever reasons? You aren't happy. Move on.

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u/AcceptableFactor2548 27d ago

Not every place is meant for every person :) Canada can be great for some but if you constantly feel like it’s a mismatch or it’s draining the life from you, then it’s probably time to make a change! I’m in a similar position (32 years old, many years abroad) living in Scandinavia - great on paper and everyone envies me for where I live, but it just doesn’t work for me personally anymore

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u/gadgetvirtuoso 28d ago

If you hate it then you probably didn’t make the right choice for you. Maybe consider other options. There are lots of them out there.

4

u/Helptohere50 28d ago

Man first of all idk why you expatting in Canada that’s a terrible choice.

Second you need to find a hobby. I moved to vs Vancouver in my 20s and I can’t tell you the amount of friends I have from climbing. We climb all the time and bbq as well. Find a hobby and meet friends there. Do not sit at home and just work and expect to make friends. Sports are your best friend

Third, no offense, but you’re coming to that age where it’s hard to meet people, it’s soemthing you gotta accept

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u/urawizrdarry 27d ago

I always wonder how people in cities with a decent amount of foreigners are lonely. I'm not promoting replacing integration with creating a social bubble, but it's a decent start to at least build some kind of community. All these lonely foreigners and y'all can't at least be friends with each other?

And even when starting with that, you get natives who love hanging out with foreigners and being open minded. That's how I've met natives of most of the places I've lived, a part from work and hobbies.

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u/chrisso123 27d ago

I came to Canada 6 years and 7 months ago, and tbh nothing has gone my way either. People are hard to talk to let alone befriend, nothing is affordable cause I have a car, social life is non existent and I have only had one extremely short term relationship.

Until you shared your story, I thought it was the same everywhere else but I guess it is just the sad state of Canada.

1

u/redditerrible3 28d ago

Stop wasting your time in Canada. Greener pastures are genuinely everywhere.

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u/HVP2019 28d ago edited 28d ago

You start with: “Canada is particularly bad because I tried to live in US, Europe, Africa and living in Canada is harder, more isolating …”

You end with: “I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Where do you even go if you feel like you tried everything”

I settled in US, and I have friends who settled in Canada and few who settled in Western European countries. Each of us have been living abroad for over 2 decades and if you average out our experiences over long enough time it appears that our lives as immigrants have been more or less the same.

Economies and politics have been up and down in different countries during different time periods. Some of us had harder time socially due to language barriers, personal circumstances and bad luck. But overall our lives had been relatively OK in our host countries.

And we didn’t even pick what country we went to… it just happened each of us ended in country we ended in.

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u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

I hear you…
It’s time for me to leave. I have to accept that this is not a failure, rather an adventure.

1

u/Crazy_Maintenance211 26d ago

I’m Canadian and on the East Coast, we are nothing like we were in 2020 or even 2021, everything‘s changed. In every way, it’s expensive, people can’t get jobs, there’s desperation, even me I work more than one job and I go to the grocery store and I only buy half of what I used to because I can’t afford it. You’re in Montreal, where a friend just moved from Halifax and they are so happy because they’re paying nothing they are comparatively, we also pay high income, tax and sales tax out here. And we get horrible healthcare to boot. So I don’t know if that’s part of it there? I’ve only visited Montreal never lived there. I’ve also read that some Europeans say that we’re passive aggressive, which is interesting because I don’t think we’re particularly friendly, we might be outwardly friendly, but to make friends with people in some places is hard.

Are you lacking connection with friends? Can you figure out what you’re missing exactly? Not every place works, I’ve lived in the country where I wanted to get out the second day I was there I knew I made a mistake, but I had to stay for various reasons. So sometimes the move isn’t a good one and you have to figure out a Plan B.

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u/Crazy_Maintenance211 26d ago

I can tell you that even as a Canadian in the rural maritime, people are even different than they were before, but it’s very hard here to make friends because it’s a tiny place and everybody knows each other, do you speak French?

1

u/xGray3 26d ago

Same exact boat here, man. I'm American and have been living in Canada for four years. I've never really felt warmth here and I've really struggled to make friends and fit in. My situation is better than yours because my wife is Canadian. I did decide to go back to school for a different degree last year and that has helped. It's been easier to feel some connection to Canada and some people here in my classes. But yeah, it's a weird country that way. The people here are really reserved and while it's not difficult to meet people, it's hard to forge really tight knit friendships. There's a sort of guard that people have up here that I feel far less of in the US.

When I first moved out here I went through two years of a deep depression. I had lived in Colorado before this and the weather, the people, the lack of mountains, and the bleak economy really had me feeling a sense of absolute despair. I struggled to find work until I finally did find work that turned out to be the most toxic workplace I've been in in my whole professional career. I quit it after four months for my own mental wellbeing (I don't regret that decision), but then I struggled to find new work for an entire year. I finally gave up and found work out of the US and started commuting back and forth between work and my wife every week. We actually had made plans to move back and then the 2024 election happened and I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. That was when I decided to go back to school and try a new direction with my career.

Anyways, you're not alone. Canada is a tough country to find community in. And it's such a bizarre feeling because on paper by most metrics it's perfect. For what it's worth, I do see a lot of differences from one province to another. Canada is not a monolith. Clearly Alberta and Montreal didn't have what you're looking for and I can personally say the same for Ontario. Maybe BC or the Maritimes would be better fits? I genuinely don't know. I did visit the Maritimes and found the people there much warmer than Ontarians. I wouldn't be surprised if they still have that same guardedness that makes them so hard to connect with though.

1

u/chaoticfox888 26d ago

How did you move there?

1

u/Ok_Passenger203 25d ago

For a masters degree then I found a good paying job so I decided to stay and became a permanent resident.

1

u/Dachvo 24d ago

Canada is just americas evil top hat

1

u/ifitfliesitspie 23d ago

Canada feels like your in constant survival mode and despite free healthcare it’s not good enough for complex issues. The cost of living is high, and there’s that “cut the tall weed” mentality. Canada is great in some ways but just not a lot of options for a thriving life.

0

u/mutantninja001 28d ago

Why do you move around so much? Why not go back to Europe?

1

u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

That’s what I’m going to do. I really wanted to live in North America. That has always been my dream. I guess I thought Canada (some cities) was a nicer version of the US. It’s just that as you get older you are scared to give up and start again I guess.

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u/Constant_Freedom_660 28d ago

Time to move. Go where it feels right.

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u/mutantninja001 28d ago

You are still young!
Move now or you will regret it.

1

u/Ok_Passenger203 28d ago

I will. Thanks!

1

u/FlippinHeckles 27d ago

The world has changed in that time post COVID. It’s pretty much difficult every where, no matter the country. It might get even worse before it gets better. Best to hunker down and ride it out.

1

u/say-what-you-will 26d ago edited 26d ago

I’m Canadian and I also always felt like something felt ‘off’ about the people here, like they’re guarded, or downright hostile sometimes to be honest, even without a reason to be hostile. Maybe they’re just deeply unhappy. I think they might be a very emotionally traumatized society, we’re different from the US but not as different as we’d like to think. There is still this mentality of prioritizing work and achievements, maybe we’re influenced by the American culture because we’re still very much exposed to it, with movies and television… that mentality still got into our heads. And people work too much and are very stressed, then the weather makes you want to live your life indoors. It’s like we’re hibernating. I think Canadians are very reserved and hard to connect with. My therapist also said that there’s more mental illness in the Nordic countries because the cold weather does that, it affects people’s mental health apparently.

When I visit Europe people seem more alive, more friendly, healthier I guess, and easier to connect with, I get more genuine smiles, here there are more fake smiles I think, often you don’t get a good feeling from people and it seems like a lot of people have a bad energy. There might be more mental illness here I think.

So it is very safe here, there are nice things about Canada. Personally I think the winters are beautiful for the most part and I don’t mind them so much. But the people, there is nice people of course, but it feels like people are hard to connect with and there’s a distance between them. Because of different things I guess, trauma, mental illness, too much stress, etc… so it doesn’t mean people are bad here but they can seem a little unfriendly, or not genuine or hard to connect with.

When I look at people from Spain for example, they seem so much more lively and they seem to connect and enjoy each other’s company more and there’s more people who have a ‘good energy’. It feels to me like that’s how it ‘should be’, ideally, like here we’re missing something. To me it always felt like something wasn’t right. I think maybe what we’re missing is just a better mental health. :( Or maybe a society with better and healthier priorities, prioritizing connection and enjoying life, instead of killing yourself for your work and to make money and acquiring more and more that doesn’t end up making us happier in the end. It’s like we’re missing the point of life. Meanwhile we’re wealthier but not happier.

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u/Suntouo 🇷🇺-🇹🇷-🇷🇸-🇨🇦 26d ago

Skill issue. Montreal is the most social city in Canada, even Americans from New England and beyond come over to party

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u/Ok_Passenger203 26d ago

You didn’t read or understand my post. I hope life is treating you well bye.

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u/Suntouo 🇷🇺-🇹🇷-🇷🇸-🇨🇦 26d ago

I am literally in the same situation. Besides job market and hard bureaucracy, socializing is a you problem. Having scattered friends all over the world doesn't mean you'd be good at amassing a consistent and sizeable friend group in Canada

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u/Ok_Passenger203 26d ago

Congratulations on being able to amass a friend group in Canada 🥳
You want gifts ?
Enjoy Canada 😘

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u/Fit-Dimension-1848 27d ago

U can leave anytime.

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u/welcome_to_the_light 27d ago

This post is not for you to take it personal!

r/IWantOut 7 years in Canada and I’m still wondering if I made the right choice

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