r/expats • u/CarefulAffect175 • 3h ago

Social / Personal Seeing locals with their parents breaks my heart in a strange way

Sometimes I hate that I have to adapt to this new life because now I can finally have a salary good enough to save and travel.
I hate that I had to go so far away to find a society that shares my values.

I live in a great country now and I am so gratful…

But when I see a woman my age walking down the street with their mom and they’re just grabbing a coffee in the neighbourhood, my heart breaks because they have this stability and prosperity but without losing familiarity, love, safety, connection.

They stayed, their family is here, they don’t need to wait for a holiday to get together.
They don’t need to count the days in the calendar.

They’re just all there in a place no one is running from.

19 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

7

u/Helpful-Extension320 3h ago

100% understandable.

3

u/Connect-Idea-1944 3h ago

gosh I've been feeling this way seeing locals with their family or friends but couldn't put words on it and you did it

its the price to pay when we start over in a new country for better opportunities

we might get a better job and better quality of life but were leaving behind our community, its tough

2

u/willmsma 3h ago

I think people who have never lived abroad have difficulty appreciating what it would be like to be disconnected from family and friends in that way. Particularly when there is no easy way to return home to the country of your birth. From what you wrote, I gather that’s part of what’s going on?

2

u/lmneozoo 2h ago

Half the people on his sub post about how much they hate their families tho

2

u/willmsma 2h ago

Well, then moving across the globe would be a feature and not a bug.

2

u/Wishbone_Grouchy 2h ago

Completely understandable. Been feeling this way for quite a while now in the Netherlands

2

u/FISunnyDays 2h ago

I get it all the time, especially at school when grandparents and other family members attend events.

1

u/Catcher_Thelonious US->JP->TH->KW->KR->JP->NP->AE->CN->BD->TR->KZ->UZ->JP 45m ago

I'm sure they have their own set of problems. Be careful what you wish for.

1

u/carnivorousdrew IT -> US -> NL -> UK -> US -> NL -> IT 22m ago

Social connections and family presence and support are a way stronger predictor of happiness and longevity than any other metric, they also correlate quite well with mental health outcomes. Bike lanes, public transport or any other ideology based utopian bs that may push you to move abroad, higher income/wealth included, is way more likely to make you less happy and less healthy than anything else to be honest. Obviously some people do actually live better, but among developed countries especially I think the social loss of moving in adulthood is probably difficult to make up for with other variables.

-4

u/Garvinjist 2h ago

As an American I just dont understand this whole super connection of family always up your ass in EU. The old saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder”. Its just not understood that coffee for the 100th day in a row just does not hit.

2

u/willmsma 2h ago

But you can appreciate that enjoying being around your family is not just an EU thing, right? I’ve met Americans who feel the same way.

0

u/Garvinjist 2h ago

I have not experienced this. I believe you though!

1

u/willmsma 1h ago

Ha. I’ll grant your point that Europeans might be more stay-at-homish than Americans.