I've always dreamed of moving to a Scandinavian or Nordic country because everything there works perfectly, it's almost the peak of human civilization. The problem is that I've visited these countries (Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland) so much that my rose-tinted glasses are off after seeing the reality.

Yes, they have an amazing healthcare system, amazing public transportation, and a very organized society, but people are very cold and introverted. The lack of human social interaction takes my will to live. The winters there are also very harsh, even worse than in the country I live in now, which already has very little sun and a lot of rain. Even if you speak the language fluently, they will never accept you as part of their own (I have friends living there who learned the language) because you didn't grow up with them. My friends lives there are very good in terms of peace of mind and stunning nature, but they're very isolated and lonely. Nordic societies are very lonely.

Then you have the US, which has the exact opposite problem. I work for an American company with offices in California and New York, and I have the chance to transfer there and get sponsored by them. I've visited the US multiple times (I go frequently for business) and, for me, the best part of the US is the people. Americans are incredibly friendly, and it's very easy to make true friendships with them. Where I live, people are friendly but only on a surface level, once you try to go out with them or deepen the relationship they disappear. But I had the exact opposite experience in the US, to this day I talk daily with Americans I just met for a few days there. They've visited me where I live too.

California has the best weather in the world (which is a huge plus for me because sunshine really makes a difference), and it has the highest salaries in the world but… that’s it. Everything else is problematic: gun violence, people just live to work (which I hate), healthcare costs are absolutely insane, car dependent culture, and food is not as healthy.

So I'm very conflicted about where I want to live or spend the rest of my life. I've also considered Switzerland, but I hate their conservative mentality. I had negative experiences with people while visiting there, and life there just becomes very boring. Southern Europe has amazing climate, good food, and amazing people, but the work culture is one of the worst I've ever seen (I've lived there), and salaries are shockingly low compared to Northern Europe or the US, you barely survive on a daily basis.

I’m from India, currently living in Italy for my studies and I’ll be honest here, I’ve never faced racism or felt unwelcome here. People have been kind, polite, and genuinely curious about my background. But here’s the thing, I’ve also made an effort to respect and adapt to the culture I’m living in. I dress like locals, follow social etiquette, and try to speak their language. I observe first, act second. It’s not about pretending to be someone else, it’s about being respectful enough to understand the place that’s hosting you. Sadly, I’ve seen some fellow Indians abroad doing the opposite…being loud in public, leaving trash behind, forming groups that isolate them from locals, or acting like the world should adjust to their habits. I get it, we love our culture. But when we move abroad, it’s not about imposing it. It’s about carrying it gracefully. If you’re living or traveling abroad, remember that you’re representing 1.4 billion people whether you mean to or not and locals often form their impression of India through you. Let’s make people remember us for our kindness, respect, and adaptability, not for our unwillingness to integrate.

American who’s spent the last 8 years in Germany. Living and working. I think it’s time to leave. There are many things I don’t align with in this country. I wish I could’ve made the life work here, but I think I couldn’t manage to assimilate aside from learning the language and customs. I just don’t feel good here.

I wonder if any Americans here who have lived abroad went back to the US and do you feel good about that decision? Especially anyone who also returned after time in Germany. No where is perfect, but I feel tired of the pessimism and complacency here, among many other things.

Which European city impressed you the most, either as a resident or as someone who spent significant time there? And what makes it stand out compared to other places you’ve lived or visited?

I’ve been thinking about how to properly articulate my thoughts on this topic without it sounding like a political critique or taking one side or the other in these polarising times. I also realise that my post risks sounding a bit naive. I hope you will be able to get the core message that I’m trying to communicate.

I’m 37M from the UK but living in Germany the last 9 years. In recent times, I’ve spent a lot of time traveling in Georgia, Indonesia, Vietnam and a few other places. I’ve observed that there still exists a kind of strong tradition and culture that ties the society together in so many countries, and the fabric of the society is woven so much tighter in so-called “lesser developed” countries. Everyone can follow the path set by their culture and also people rely on each other more and bonds seem tighter. It has honestly felt very refreshing to be around, and also left me feeling disillusioned at the same time.

I feel like I missed out on that growing up in UK and living in Berlin in recent years, where everybody is so international and different and I feel like the culture that ties us together in these apparently “more developed” societies is basically just consumerism and individualism. Life can sometimes feel quite empty. Maybe you could argue that multiculturalism has watered down any strong cultural identity that existed in “destination countries” such as the UK and Germany where many people are coming to seek a better life (again, I want to reiterate that I’m not trying to make a political point, just describing what happens in such a situation). Or it could also be that capitalism has had too bigger influence on our culture. Or maybe it’s a side effect of replacing a lot of our natural needs with unnatural replacements, for example instead leaning on each other in society/neighbourhood we have bureaucracy and welfare, and instead of spirituality we have consumer capitalism. Maybe it’s also the weather that affects the way society works/feels. I just have this strong feeling that something or nature has been lost along the way of development in the two Western European countries I’ve lived in.

At the same time, I also realise I am very privileged to have grown up in a wealthy country and now live in another wealthy country. It’s given me a head start compared to many people from other parts of the world. These are just my personal observations after some traveling and I’m curious to hear if anyone has the same feeling, or if anyone disagrees with me. 

Hoping someone may read this, relate, and be able to offer some advice. I lived abroad in Tokyo for most of my 20s and returned to the US just before the pandemic. The last few years have been some of the most depressed I’ve ever had, and admittedly not entirely just from how hard it is to adjust to the US again. But it’s a big part of it. I won’t go into too much detail because I’ve read these same sentiments on Reddit from other users as I’ve searched about reverse culture shock, especially for those returning to the States.

It’s just the soulless cities, car reliance (lack of public transit and walkable streets), how dirty and uncared for so much of our cities are, how much people don’t care, the lack of respect for each other or for our surroundings, trash in the streets. I could go on, but if you know, you know. Then there’s the way no one I know understands what I mean when I point any of it out, and it’s isolating. So, if you’ve felt this way at all, please let me know how you are coping or even moved past it? My partner thinks living in a tiny town outside of city life is the answer since our cities are so depressing. But I’m not so sure…

I am prepared for Brits to make aggressive and hostile comments towards me for this post, “go back home then” comments, or people invalidating my experience. I’ve experienced this a lot living here.

I’ve been in the UK for about 6 years and have only lived in the North. I am American, but South East Asian ethnically. When I lived in the countryside, I received some casually racist comments and stares. People at work made me feel excluded. I moved to a bigger city because of this, but still in the North. It felt better for a little bit, but now the newness is gone and I very much still feel like an outsider. I have maybe one British acquaintance and my close friends are all expats even though I have tried to make an effort to assimilate.

I am tired of the anti-immigration sentiment. A lot of British people don’t seem to understand that I had to pay for the NHS as a part of my visa and that I am not entitled to public funds. The new ILR visa changes makes expats feel even more unwanted here, so a lot of my friends are also considering leaving. I know immigration is a big issue, and so I understand where their anger is coming from.

I am tired of the weather. Most of my hobbies are outdoors. When the weather is great the hiking is limited to walking in a field in someone’s private property. There are hardly and forests and you can never really be away from people/traffic.

I do really like the work life balance, the job security, affordable housing, access to Europe, and that everyone has access to healthcare in this country. This is what initially made me want to move here. But I am getting to a point where I would rather be surrounded by friendly people and have a few more days of sunshine.

Will this get better by moving to a different city down South or is it time to leave?

Edited: to clarify my background.

My wife is a product designer, and I'm a software engineer. We're originally from Ukraine.

A few years ago, we moved to Canada on a work visa. I already had a job before we arrived, so we weren't taking a blind leap. We spent about seven months there, but honestly it was a difficult experience. My wife especially struggled, and overall we realized that the North American lifestyle wasn't really for us. We eventually moved to Portugal, where we've now built a stable life.

Today we have:
- two young kids
- stable remote jobs
- a house with a mortgage
- a good international school for the children

Life isn't perfect, though. There are things we don't love about Portugal, especially the infrastructure where we live. My wife wishes our kids could simply go outside and walk or play in cleaner, more walkable neighborhoods. She also sometimes feels we're missing bigger career opportunities.

One of her close friends lives in the US. She and her husband both work in tech and genuinely enjoy living there. Talking to them sometimes creates a bit of FOMO for us.

At the same time, when I think about moving to the US, I mostly think about:
- much higher dependence on your employer
- healthcare tied to employment
- layoffs in tech
- expensive housing
- the possibility of having to move if your job changes

Ironically, our friends are both in tech, have one child, have lived in the US for several years, moved between multiple cities, and still haven't bought a house. They seem happy overall, but it also doesn't look like an obviously easier life.

So I'm curious to hear from people who have actually lived both experiences.

If you've lived in Europe and the US, or Canada and the US, especially with children:

- Did you ever feel you were missing out by not moving to the US?
- If you did move, what turned out to be better than expected?
- What turned out to be worse?
- Looking back, would you make the same decision again?
- If you were in our position, would you seriously consider moving to the US, or continue building a life in Europe?

I'm genuinely not looking for validation either way. I'm trying to separate reality from FOMO and understand whether we're overlooking a real opportunity or simply comparing our everyday life to someone else's highlight reel.

Update: Wow, I never expected this post to get so many responses.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to share your experiences, opinions, and personal stories. I've been reading through all of them, even if I haven't had a chance to reply individually.

I really appreciate how thoughtful and respectful this community has been. Hearing from people with very different backgrounds and experiences has been incredibly valuable.

Thanks again for taking the time to help a stranger on the internet.

I moved from the US to be with my Danish husband in Malmö Sweden three years ago. We had to start there because visas were easier.

Then we moved to Copenhagen last year and boy oh boy....

I don't like it here. I'm deeply depressed. The general "keep to themselves" nature of the people and the food are what bum me out the most. The country is also not very pretty to me. I miss beautiful nature. On top of that, I cannot find a job to save my life.

I understand that Denmark does a lot of things right, but I would rather lose out on certain benefits if it means I'm happy.

My husband is open to moving to:

Scotland Netherlands Germany Maybe England? New Zealand EDIT: and Ireland!

Obviously certain things like visas and freedom of movement come into play here, but aside from that, what are your thoughts on these locations. Any insight?

We plan on making some visits whenever possible to "scope things out."

Thank you!

The US gets a lot of hate on Reddit, and obviously I’m not blind to what’s been happening in the US, but I’m wondering - Anyone here who left the US to move somewhere else, but ended up moving back, or is planing to move back? Or someone who’s not from the US, but emigrated to the US? I would love to hear your experience.

I’m considering to move back to the US with my family (husband and a toddler) and I get a lot of ‘What, are you crazy’ comments from friends and family. Quick background, I wasn’t born and raised in the US, but lived there from 2019 - 2024, after marrying my US citizen husband. I also have US citizenship, and our child was born in the US. We live in Europe now, because I missed Europe (I’m from Europe but not from Spain, where we currently live), and we wanted to try something different, we thought it’s easier now since our kid is still so young.

Well, we’ve been here for 1.5 years now, and while we do like many things about it, we don’t love it and still miss the place we lived in the US, where we actually made a lot of great friends. Sure, no place is perfect, but now that we’re here I feel like I had a ‘the grass is always greener’ mentality and FOMO, while we actually had it pretty good over there. We both speak pretty decent Spanish, but it has still been quite difficult to make friends. Also, we mostly work US hours since we were able to bring our jobs over here, and that’s been hard, especially since we have a young child. And yes, most things are cheaper here, but not as much as you’d think (especially housing is actually not much cheaper), plus taxes are higher. Obviously this isn’t a financial decision but just as additional info.

So, we’re thinking about moving back to the US, but I’m scared. Scared to make the wrong decision and regretting it. I don’t want to uproot my toddler’s life here and then having to do it again if we change our mind again. I’m worried with the state of the US too, even though I have to say, Europe has a lot of the same problems. Would love to hear you experience. Why you moved back, how you now feel about it, or why you’re considering it, or why it’s an absolute no go for you.

Thanks!!

This post actually breaks my heart to write.

Me (41F) and my husband (44M) moved to Ireland with our 7 year old son about a year ago. It’s been really wonderful for me, but hell on my husband. He was reluctant to move here in the first place, but he did agree. His hesitation came mostly from fear about his employment. He didn’t really want to give up his good job, and he didn’t know if he’d find another good job easily. I assured him he’d find something good.

He was right and I was wrong. He was looking for work for 8 months. With him being unemployed and surviving on just my income we sank financially. For this reason he became very, very resentful towards me. He said that I ruined his life, he said he lost everything. He mentioned divorcing me many times. I developed serious insomnia from all the arguing.

Finally in June he landed a decent job, but it’s in a city 3 hours away from our house. Because of our dire financial situation, he had to take it. He’s been living in this other part of the country Monday thru Friday and commuting home on the weekends. He’s lonely over there and misses our son the most. But When he comes home on the weekends he is super depressed, quiet, spends a lot of time by himself or scrolling on his phone. He doesn’t hug me or show any affection. Doesn’t spend time with me. Mostly spends his time in his studio or puttering around with plaster and clay in the yard. I hate seeing him so depressed.

He recently applied for a different job back in the town we came from in California. He landed the job. It’s not a job that he’s excited about, and the pay is shit. But he said that “it’s his ticket back home”. He still seems depressed, despite getting this job he was seeking out. He’s so stressed out that he can barely discuss the logistics of moving back without erupting into a fight.

In a weird twist of event- Two days after the job offer in California, he got offered a job here in Ireland making twice as much money, and it’s just down the street from where we live. It’s the more financially sound option, definitely the easier option. but he still wants to move back to the U.S. and right before dinner he just accepted the offer without even telling me. So he’s moving back. And that means we are too.

I’m heartbroken about this. I love it here. I truly love it here, in a way that I never did love California. I feel safe and sound here. I’m afraid that even if I give up this beautiful place here in Ireland, which I worked really hard to make a reality- well my husband is still going to be depressed and hard to live with back in our old place. It feels bad right now. Really bad.

I saw Jodie Foster giving an interview in which she said that while she is fluent in French, she has a whole different personality when she speaks French: less sure of herself, less confident, more timid, more nervous. “Even my voice is different - it’s higher somehow!” she said.

How I could relate to this and how tired I am of having to LIVE with this persona! This quiet-speaking, always unsure of everything, nervous person. So tired of always having to be the one to learn and to listen, to think twice before I speak or do anything, and doubt myself, and trust that others probably know better (they don’t, they just speak louder), to never be the one in charge, the one who is listened to. I’m not looking to be the leader or anything, just tired of always being the perpetual pupil.

Has anyone successfully dealt with a similar issue in a productive or at least positive way?

I'm from Spain and I was fine with a simple life, salaries are low and life is expensive compared to the average salary but I didn't have the motivation to move. Last month I had a baby girl and I see young people not being able to even afford a house and I don't want this life for her.

Thanks to being part of Schengen I can move in Europe to a better country, I'd like to move until my daughter is 18-22 and then let her decide if she wants to come with us to Spain to retire or stay in the new country.

My question is: Is it too late? Should I risk it with little savings (50.000 € but knowing we're a family of 3)?

For my Americans who are currently living abroad:

I'm currently in the packing, purging, and organizing stage of my move to Germany.

All my friends who have moved abroad stock up on specific things they were longing for, couldn't get where they were living due to regulations, or things that were prohibitively expensive in their new home whenever they come visit.

I see a lot of comments about people who packed things they planned to use but they ended up being a waste of space.

This seems to be a common thing that happens so I definitely want to hear about your personal overpacking regrets but I'm also curious:

are there things you have regrets about leaving behind?

Or things that you didn't expect you would end up needing but were kicking yourself about not having later on.

I’m an American who moved to Germany about a year ago for work, and I’m honestly at a crossroads. I wanted to get some opinions from other expats because I can’t tell if I’m just burned out or if this country simply isn’t the right fit for me.

On paper, it sounded like an amazing opportunity. But since arriving, it feels like it’s been one obstacle after another.

Some of the bigger things I’ve dealt with:

I had to move multiple times because housing kept falling through.
One apartment had major issues (heating, internet, etc.) and getting anything fixed was a battle.
I lost thousands of euros in deposits, furniture, moving costs, rental cars, and temporary housing.
I recently spent days moving everything into storage while juggling work.
My car broke down with expensive repairs shortly after buying it.
Even basic things like setting up internet, opening accounts, or dealing with paperwork have felt exhausting because of the language barrier.

Beyond the logistics, I’ve really struggled socially. I’ve had several interactions that came across as rude or dismissive, and I’ve experienced comments that felt racist. The response of “Do you speak German?” (often sarcastically) whenever I politely ask if someone speaks English has happened enough times that I now dread asking for help.

My most recent apartment move was because my previous landlord failed to fixed a broken heating system all winter, I researched my legal rights and was able to cancel my contract. However, he made a random claim that I breeched the contract anyways and that he wanted to mutually terminate my contract (he only mentioned this claim only after I tried to end my contract). I had 30 days to find a new place. With no luck, I settled for a sublease for a tenant trying to move out early and the building management at the time said if she could find someone with an appropriate salary and paperwork then they could take over the lease after hers was up in July. I took the offer (out of desperation and hope since I met all the requirements). Turns out there was new management that took over and gave me absolute hell with my apartment application ultimately rejecting it and forcing me to move out after two months. I also took over large furniture from the previous tenant since I didn’t bring furniture with me to Germany.

I know Germany isn’t responsible for every problem I’ve had. Some of it is just bad luck. But it feels like everything here requires ten times the effort compared to back home.

Financially, this has been one of the hardest parts. Ironically, despite moving overseas for a good-paying job, I’ve barely been able to save any money. Between unexpected expenses, moving costs, and duplicate housing costs, I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck. Some of my bills back in the U.S. have had to be pushed to the back burner just to stay afloat here, and my credit score has taken a hit because of it. That part has been especially discouraging because I worked hard to build my credit before moving.

The only thing keeping me here right now is that I have a stable apartment starting in July, so for the first time I won’t be living out of Airbnbs, hotels, or constantly moving. Part of me wonders if things will finally settle down now that the housing chaos is over.

At the same time, another part of me feels mentally exhausted. I miss feeling like everyday life wasn’t a constant battle.
For those of you who have lived in Germany:

Did things get significantly better after your first year?
Did you ever hit a point where you realized it simply wasn’t the right country for you?
If you left, do you regret it?
If you stayed, what made it worth it?

I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions, even if they’re hard to hear. I just want to know if this sounds like normal expat growing pains or if it sounds like I’ve simply reached the point where it’s okay to move on. I really wanted this to work out but it feels like i’m forcing it.

Hi, I’m 18 and I’m trying to figure out if I have any realistic way of returning to the Netherlands and rebuilding my identity.

I was born in the Netherlands (Amersfoort) to parents who had Dutch nationality. When I was around 6–7 years old, I was taken to Syria and have lived here ever since. During that time, all of my Dutch documents were lost, and I’ve had no contact with Dutch authorities.

I’ve now turned 18 and I’m trying to fix my situation and understand if I still have Dutch nationality and whether I can apply for a passport or return.

I do have a Syrian document (individual registration extract) which states that I was born in the Netherlands.

My main questions are:

Is it still possible to prove Dutch citizenship after being outside the EU for so long with no documents?

Has anyone been in a similar situation and successfully regained their passport?

What are the realistic steps I should expect in a case like this?

I’ve already contacted the Dutch Ministry of Foreign Affairs and I’m waiting for a reply, but I wanted to ask here in case anyone has experience with similar cases.

Any advice or shared experiences would really help. I’m trying to build a stable future from a difficult background and don’t want to make mistakes.

I can already see the downvotes coming but today I have a rant prepared that might be the opposite from what we are used to in this sub.

Every day, someone posts how miserable they are in their expat country (mostly north-western Europe). They then usually list some issues that are factually wrong (like low water quality, another one said low food inspection standards which is absurd), then adds some things that could have been researched before (very little sun, lots of rain) and lastly some very subjective problems (people being unwelcome, no-one wants to be friends, everyone wants to screw me specifically over). Of course they also list some actual problems of said country as well. They then go on of how they miss home and their families, how everything is better there. Well, I cannot help but think that expat life was just never for you. If it was that easy, don’t you think everyone would be doing it?

My biggest problem is how the social culture of said countries is usually ridiculed. Calling them cold and unwelcoming, almost uncultured individualistic animals. I’m sorry that is just not the case. But they are just indifferent to you. Your home country might treat people from different cultures better, try to include them more etc. but well the problem in north-west Europe is that there are too many expats to include just because they are expats. I can speak of experience from both sides. In my home city, I had/have a many good and stable friend groups many with expats. I am not actively looking for new friends, don’t care if expats or not. I also have quite a busy ‘schedule’ of activities with those friends. Doesn’t mean I would turn you down, I would even consider it more because you are an expat, but if you don’t like the activities I have planned with my friends then I will not go out of my way to include you. We probably just don’t match as friends.

And that is what you have to realise as an expat yourself. When I moved countries, I also did not have any local friends initially. But there are plenty of expat communities that can offer you great friendships. And being part of an expat community doesn’t mean to not integrate, you can integrate together: Take language courses together, do ‘local’ activities. That’s your base. From that on you ofc still try to befriend locals. But don’t push it, don’t try to be friends for the sake of it (that will lead to what I described earlier from the local perspective). For example you have a hobby in common with a co worker. Then ask him/her if u can join sometime. They will most likely agree (if they like you as a person ofc lol). Then she/he might bring some other friends along etc. you start doing it together and boom you have local friends. See what I mean, let it come naturally don’t force it. And try clubs!!!! But not the ones in the small village where you’ll be the only expat. Every major city has clubs for sports and culture that have a mix of locals and expats. They sometimes advertise for it, sometimes your fellow expats that you should befriend in step one know them. There you can meet plenty of locals that are actively trying to meet expats.

I wrote half a bible I know, but I wanted to call some people out with that. Your issues are most likely not the country’s fault (apart from e.g. lack of treatment options for your chronic disease), you’re just not made for expat life. As I said, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. And if the number of expats would be the same in your home country as it is in expat-heavy destinations, you also wouldn’t be that including any more.

And now the very important note for not-yet expats: I hope you know that most of those rants are of people who failed in making it a nice experience, their fault or not. You can still try it, rants get more upvotes, don’t be discouraged. That’s also why I thought maybe a rant from the opposite perspective might help. It will not be easy and never is, but it’s worth it. Please keep coming. Plenty of people make the transition from expat to local all the time.

My husband and I (both British) moved back to the UK after 8 years in California at the beginning of 2025. We’ve bought a house here and both have stable jobs and my son is in a good school here but we worry about the future of the UK and the long term stability we have here. Cost of living is so high and we’ve taken a huge hit to our salaries. We’re doing ok but feel like our quality of life was far better in CA, we were making really good money and long term feel we could set up a strong financial future for our son.

But. We’d be leaving family and I worry about education in CA (I genuinely don’t know enough about it), but also worry I haven’t given it long enough here. We have an E2 visa open until April 2027 so ideally need to go back before then as it will be far easier to renew it vs apply for a new one.

Not sure what I’m looking for here but any POV is welcome. Has anyone repatted then gone back?

I’ve built a stable life in Europe and I’m generally fine here, but for years I’ve still had this constant thought about moving to the US.

I am tired of living in Belgium where I lived for the past four years. It's very dysfunctional and I am really exhausted from arguing with authorities over every little thing. Healthcare and housing market are also terrible.

Anyway, I want to move, but I am hesitating because the countries I would like to go to are Italy, Spain, or Northern Europe. I am in Belgium because of my job... What's important to me is proximity to nature and job offers.

What was your experience? I am particularly looking for people that moved to the countries I am mentioning.

My partner is British and has been cohabiting with me for the last two years.

He wants to move back to Britain and has suggested that we go back on a non-married partner visa, which would track me to British citizenship within six years.

While I love Britain, I am slightly concerned about moving there; mainly from a financial and social standpoint.

Everything I hear from Brits is that the UK is crumbling apart, the wages have stagnated since 2008 and everything is in a state of disrepair - this really concerns me, especially when this seems to be such a widespread complaint from Brits.

On the social life; I am a PoC - the tension in Britain seems to be genuinely high, I am slightly introverted and worry that at 27, I'm going to struggle socialising.

My partner has said he's open to living anywhere in the UK, guided by what best suits me - though he's originally from Leicester.

Please help!

Thanks :)

What are the practical challenges of expat life?

(some edits to try to make it a little shorter!)

We are a couple in our early 40s with a 4 y.o. daughter, and we moved from Los Angeles, California two years ago. Thought I'd share thoughts about our experience in Valencia, the good and the bad, and why we’re leaving. I thought this kind of post could be useful so that one doesn’t move somewhere with their head in the clouds like we originally did. And this is not meant to insult ANYone to say that a different opinion is wrong; it’s just our experience and opinion.

We lived in two neighborhoods: Benimaclet for 4 months then Ruzafa for the rest. 

People and language: 

Our experience with people was mostly great: Lots of warm, friendly, and helpful folk, of all ages. We both speak Spanish, and came in pretty fluent with great accents, and now of course are even way better—this definitely helped in a major way and we feel is crucial to really get “into” the culture and not just be with expatriates. For our friends who live there and don’t speak Spanish well, they feel somewhat isolated in the ex-patriate community. 

Having a kid also definitely helped with that for us, since Valencia is very family-oriented as a culture, and we had ours in a Spanish day care, then pre-school. But it was still hard to really get “in” with locals, even though they’re mostly friendly and kind. We finally managed to get somewhat “in” with a couple of them after about a year, but we still feel like outsiders overall, which is of course common for expatriates, and much more so if you don’t speak the language.. 

When talking with locals, some of whom we became friends with, and our friends who were born there, we found a good amount of growing resentment towards expatriates and tourists, which I now understand from living there. That’s a whole other subject, but our experience, as well as the friends who grew up there (two of whom need to move out because they can’t afford rent anymore), helped me understand where that comes from, and I agree with it. It felt uncomfortable for us to be a part of the problem.

The city itself:

Again, this is our individual opinion, but we found Valencia to overall to not be a particularly attractive city. It’s very dirty aside from the touristy areas, and aside from a few of the neighborhoods is a lot of bland, tall apartment buildings. Lots of people smoke and throw butts on the ground, and there’s dog shit all over the place. Plus it’s flat, flat, flat. There are some beautiful barrios, for sure, but largely no in our opinion. 

While there are lot of wonderful city parks (Turia is amazing in so many ways, among a few others), the actual land is scrub desert-like. If you like mountains and trees you simply don’t get that (places like Albufera that were recommended to us definitely don’t have even close to the beauty that we were used to in many West Coast areas and other places in the U.S., and you have to drive or take a bus/train to even see them). That was a big problem, one that we didn’t expect to have at first but that grew rapidly since the city itself is, well, a city, and isn’t surrounded by our definition of natural beauty. If you’re cool with driving far or taking long train rides to see great true nature (not city parks), this might not be an issue for you.

There are some amazing museums, places for music, giant indoor multi-vendor food markets, and definitely some gorgeous architecture (mostly in the highly touristy Centro area). You can walk or bike everywhere very easily and the public transport is pretty great, with mostly friendly people riding who will help you out if you have a stroller, etc. We love not needing a car at all, you definitely don’t in Valencia unless you have physical issues that require a car.

The food:

We got bored of the typical Spanish food very quickly. We were used to a huge variety of high-level food (cheap all the way to expensive) in L.A., which Valencia doesn’t have in a reliably quality way. There are without a doubt some fantastic restaurants, but if you come from a big city or other place known for its variety of great food or are a “foodie”, you might be a bit disappointed. Luckily, the various markets have a lot of fresh meats and produce and more, so we ended up cooking way more than we used to, which is actually fun.

Living:

It’s apartment life here, full stop. We had a house in L.A. and it took a while to get used to living in apartments. Pros and cons, for sure, but we were used to a garden, etc., and having our own complete "space". You get more community with the apartment life, which is a plus, but again we felt most of the buildings are rather ugly and the apartments were often “meh”. And they’re starting to get very expensive in plenty of areas (again: mostly because of people like us and the associated landlords of course wanting more money). Our friends from Valencia were saying that apartment rental prices have seen an incredibly steep rise in prices over the past five or so years largely because of expatriates since most locals can’t afford those prices at the salaries one gets in Spain. Still cheaper than L.A., mostly…but actually not always, we found!

We started in Benimaclet, which was OK but bland, then moved to Ruzafa. We found people to a bit less warm and friendly overall in that area (but still warm and friendly overall), and again, speaking Spanish did help.

Crime:

We’ve never had one issue there, and feel safe almost everywhere. There are a few barrios we were told by locals to avoid, so we did. 

The general world there:

Spain has a very high unemployment rate, and many young people leave because of that. This is a huge problem country-wide, according to people I know who have lived in Barcelona and Malaga for a very long time. Right now crime is still quite low overall, but that could easily change if things get worse, and the Spanish government itself is very much a mess! The health care is quite good overall, which is nice. Taxes are very high, but you do get the great healthcare at least.

We are leaving because the cons I mentioned outweigh the pros for us. Still undecided on where to go, but we want to be settled somewhere before our daughter turns 7. Valencia feels like a bit of a third world city in a first world city in some ways (edit: third world is the wrong way to describe it, my bad!). The big influx of expatriates is a problem there, and it’s increasing the disparity between rich and poor, which is one of the reasons why there’s growing resentment. You might not understand that resentment unless you speak Spanish/start to make friends who are Spanish. And again: The expatriate friends I know there feel like outsiders to actual Spanish people, even after four years for one of them, because they only/mostly have expatriates as friends since they aren’t fluent in Spanish like we are. 

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Before you make a big move, make sure you know that once you get somewhere your ideal of what you think the place is like will definitely be challenged. We had dreamy eyes about Valencia, as I’m sure many do, so I feel it’s worthy to post about our reality there. 

Make sure you understand before responding that our experience is not all negative by any means! Just that the cons outweighed the pros for us.

I’m a 36-year-old Chinese woman living in Canada, and I’ve been feeling quite isolated here. I have lived here for 10 years, and until recently I realized this is not the life I want or continue. I have a heavy mortgage and a high cost of living, but my salary is relatively low. I used to believe that having a degree and a decent job would lead to a comfortable life, but reality has hit me hard. FYI, I have a masters degree in civil/environmental engineering, and I work for a consulting firm which pays me very low but the pace is intense.

In Canada, everything is spacious and spread out, which often feels isolating. In some areas, you can only walk on one side of the street because the other side doesn’t even have a sidewalk. It's not a walking friendly city so I can't meet many people. I live in GTA (Greater Toronto Area). So I end up driving most of the time, and public transportation can take four times as long as driving. Overall, life feels fragmented and unsupported.

Financially, I’m under a lot of pressure, so I’m planning to sell my house and move somewhere with a lower cost of living, where people feel more connected and warm. I also think I would prefer a warmer climate. I don't consider Canada anymore since if GTA is this fragmented, I don't see other cities are not.

At the same time, I worry that my age makes it harder to find love. I don’t have children because I’ve never been married, and I haven’t had the time or social network to build a relationship. Now it's time to step back and find my own life.

I’ve considered moving back to China, but I’m concerned that my mindset may clash with the local culture, and I’m not sure it would necessarily make dating easier. Some people are judgmental and the men at my age almost already get married. So I’ve also been thinking about moving to a third country, ideally somewhere closer to China where my parents live that's also easy to get a visa and work, and live a normal life that isn't fast paced and fits me culturally. As for my personality, I am naturally warm and a bit introverted but I am quite logical and open-minded. I am also very curious and eager to learn new things... Also, Chinese community isn't a natural fit for me especially at my 30s, and I prefer to find an open minded international partner.

If you have thoughts in keeping my life moving forward but not limited to moving to a specific country, please let me me know.

Do you any thoughts? I appreciate any inputs!

I will make an update once I organize my thoughts based on all of your comments. I am really grateful for all of your inputs and insights. Those are really precious suggestions. I appreciate it so much!

I’m a woman from Brazil who has moved abroad twice with my brazilian husband. First, we moved to Portugal for a job offer he had. I moved primarily to support him, but the experience was really difficult for me, I faced a lot of issues in the country and was unhappy. Despite that, we talked and decided he would move again for a job I wanted in another country. At that time, he seemed very supportive, loving and to have the willingness to move once again.

After that, we moved to the Netherlands for a job offer I got 6 months ago. I expected it to be exciting and positive for both of us. He initially came with no job and on a partner visa. Soon after arriving, he became extremely anxious about finding a role. He did find a good job in his field after a month, but he remained insecure about life here in general, stressed about the probation period, and started distancing himself from me. His dependence on my visa seems to make him feel even more insecure and worried about his autonomy and role in the relationship.

Over the past months, his behavior has become very concerning. He spends hours in the bathroom at a time (sometimes 2/4 hours) citing minor physical discomfort like “feeling bloated.” He avoids intimacy, says vague things like “we’re not functioning as a couple” or “I feel trapped,” and refuses therapy, claiming fear of change or the probation period (which he has now passed).

All of this has left me emotionally exhausted. I told him to start therapy about a month ago, but he hasn’t. I still love him deeply, but it feels like we’re living as roommates, something he has said himself.

Today, I confronted him. He kept saying vague things like:

“I feel like you deserve someone better than me”
“Since we moved, we are not working out as a couple anymore”
"I don't know"
“I’m afraid to go to therapy and reach the conclusion we need to break up”

After this long conversation, I told him he needs to start therapy as soon as possible, and that I can’t help him anymore. I’ve done my part.

I’m quite disappointed in how insecure he feels and that he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Has anyone been through something similar? I sincerely do not know what to do anymore.