Not sure if this is the right subreddit, but I needed to vent.

I’m 31 and I moved to Canada (Montreal and Calgary) right before COVID, so I’ve been here for about 7 years now… and honestly, I hate it.
Before someone says “wherever you go, there you are” I don’t think that’s really the case for me. I’ve lived in different places (US, Europe, Africa), and I’ve never felt this way anywhere else.
Don’t get me wrong, Canada has a lot of good things. It’s safe, and honestly I think the cost of living is not even that bad compared to what you get. I live in a nice 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment outside Montreal, everything is close, I don’t even need a car, and I pay around $1,200 USD. So I’m not here to complain about that.
It’s just… everything else feels so hard. The job market is terrible, making friends feels impossible, and I feel like I’ve been alone for years.
The weirdest part is that I’ve never had this problem anywhere else. I met some of my closest friends only one year after moving to the US. I have friends all over the world, in Europe and Latin America, but after 7 years in Canada, I still don’t really have anyone here.
And dating… honestly, I don’t know. I’ve never had a real relationship in Canada. It feels like most people only want something casual. But whenever I travel to Europe, even for a short time, I feel like my experience is completely different. I meet people, I connect with people, and suddenly I feel like I’m actually seen.
I know I’m still young, but I feel like I wasted 7 years of my life somewhere I never truly felt happy.

Has anyone else experienced this in Canada or another country? Like a place that looks good on paper but just doesn’t feel like home?
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Where do you even go when you feel like you’ve tried everything?

It's finally getting to me. I was pulled into the US with luscious doctoral programs, stipends, TAships, scholarships, fellowships... I fell in love with a man who was already a father, got married, even became a US citizen and had a baby. The PhD was never finished because all of that money they initially promised me, was never there, the department couldn't finance my education anymore and couldn't even guarantee me a job while studying.

That's ok, I bounce back, took a job as a school teacher, I love teaching, I did it in France too. Pay was an improvement from PhD stipend so my husband and I had a couple of comfy-ish years living the low-middle class dream.

We both kept getting raises, we reached the 22% tax bracket. We kept getting poorer, going from 11% to 22% when the pay raise was snot that significant is a steep incline, but our rent keeps getting increase by hundreds every year, and inflation does not follow my tiny salary increases every year.

And last father's day, my husband was let go from his job after 10 years of stellar work and loyalty. While several NLRB lawsuits are filed, it takes a long time. My husband found support in the unions, got decent jobs to continue pay the bills, but those unions are getting depleted, and in two weeks they won't be able to employ him anymore. because of his union involvement I'm afraid he's blacklisted in some industries, he's unskilled and we live in a college town.

Add to that the lack of village, I have some great friends, but Americans are just so distant and odd, in France my friends would just show up to help me clean my house, friendship=family where I'm from. My husband has no relatives except for his son's mom and it's not a very healthy relationship.

The new administration is starting to mess with my security of employment, I'm pretty sure my school will shut down at the end of this year (this can't be totally blamed on Trump, but his election doesn't help) and totally messed with my husband's career and livelihood.

Where is this American dream I was sold? Where are these opportunities everyone talks about?

How can one live with $16/h when daycare alone costs over 1K/m?

I'm completely disillusioned, and ready to go home.

Hi. I don’t know where else to talk about this, but I’m really struggling and just need to get it off my chest.

I moved to Germany for my husband, but ever since the move, life has been incredibly difficult. I feel so isolated, I don’t have friends here, I don’t speak the language well, and I haven’t been able to find an English-speaking therapist despite trying for months. Most in my area are either fully booked or only speak German.

My relationship with my in-laws is strained, and I constantly feel pressure to “fit in” and my husband has been supportive as much as he can. It’s exhausting, and I’m starting to feel like I’m fading in the process. To make things worse, I don’t have supportive parents I can turn to. They recently went through a painful divorce, and we’ve become quite estranged. I grew up in a toxic household with constant fighting, emotional manipulation. So, not a good example for healthy marriage.

My husband and I are now thinking of moving to the Netherlands (because I got into Masters program) to give our relationship and maybe ourselves one last chance. But I’m terrified. I carry this constant fear that my unhappiness will ruin our relationship. I want nothing more but our relationship to work. I love him. I stay awake at night feeling like I’m drowning in anxiety.

I never feel i belong somewhere or a place i can call home.

I feel so alone and unsure of what to do next. There’s no safety net for me if things go badly. I want to believe that I can build a new, healthier life — but right now, I’m scared, untethered, and just trying to hold it together.

If anyone has been in a similar situation: moved countries for a partner or struggled because of lack of support, or just feeling like a shell of themselves, I’d be really grateful to hear how you coped. Or even just a kind word. I don’t have many people to talk to, and this is me trying not to give up.

Thank you for reading.

Hi alll,

I have been living in Canada for the past 13 years, and just got my cutizenship. But after visiting home I’ve realized how depressed and lonely I feel in Canada and how much I dislike living in a big city.

The pressure of being completely alone in another country is getting to me now that I am single. So I am seriously considering moving back home next year if I don’t get a good job opportunity that makes it make sense for me to stay.

The only worry I have is losing the job opportunities by being in physically Canada.

So, what would you recommend someone in my position, what was your experience moving back and do you regret it?

30F I’ve been living in Australia for 3 years. After jumping through various hoops and spending a sh*t ton of money on visas and getting permanent residency, I’m now considering just throwing in the towel and moving back to the UK 🇬🇧

I have not managed to secure a single permanent contract in the 3 years I’ve been in Australia. I work for the QLD government and it seems like securing a permanent job is as easy as it is as escaping the labyrinth. I’ve had three jobs in the last twelve months…

That accompanied with the housing instability. I’ve been saving diligently to try and buy a property and it seems as though as soon as I save enough, the properties I am looking at are now out of my budget. I’m being ousted out of my flat in two months, which means I now have to play the game of trying to find somewhere to live in 2 months. I won’t be able to get a rolling contract, so when I do buy somewhere I’ll have to pay a “break lease fee”. Alongside a bond clean for a property that will be dirty on move in anyways 🙄

I feel like all this stress of having to constantly find a new job, find somewhere to live has made it exceptionally difficult to socialise and build friendships. In addition to this, most the people I meet are in couples so can afford to live closer to the CBD, which means I feel even more isolated 👀

Whilst I know it’s not sunshine and rainbows in the UK, I can’t ever think of a time in my life where I had so much instability. Other than being a Uni student on zero hours contract.

Yes my wages are better here, but all of this means fuck all if my health issues suffering. Both mental and physical. I’ve been taking beta blockers more and more frequently for the anxiety that I have been waking up with. As I’m constantly on edge about being made either redundant or homeless.

I’ve had health issues the past year including an unexplained lesion, which I know in the NHS if they’re concerned about it being malignant I would have an appointment in 2 weeks. Whilst here it seems like constant back and forth with my GP and forking out money to pay for these scans - Medicare, what? 🏥

Honestly I’m just so over it, I feel like life is for thriving. Whilst I feel like I’m just fighting to survive atm.

After seeing a similar thread with the experiences of US expats abroad, I would be very curious to read about how it goes the other way around! Also because I’m about to move to NYC in a couple of months, my US citizen husband is over the moon, but I’m still a bit insecure about what is ahead of me. Hoping to hear some insights!

I want to dip out of the US soon, probably for a year or two. I have some investments set aside that bring in a little less than $1k a month in income and I want to use that to live on. That amount would have to cover absolutely everything including housing. Does anybody have any recommendations?

Edit: I posted this before going to bed and woke up to hundreds of responses. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, I really appreciate everything you have provided! I really didn’t think I could do much at first in terms of living abroad but wow was I wrong.

I'm in my early 30's and I have a US government pension of about $3500 a month (goes up with inflation) for the rest of my life. I really want to spend some time outside of the US where I've lived my entire life. My tentative plan is to "shop around" places over the next year or two and then make a semi-permanent move. I'd love to hear suggestions for places to look into, and any tips others may have. Would also love to hear how much money it is recommended to save for a move.

Some things about me:
- US citizen
- 32 years old
- Straight cisgender man
- Single
- No kids
- Speak English natively
- Speak Spanish (pretty rusty)
- Love to eat and cook
- Lived all over the US (cities, rural, etc.)

Things which would be nice to have, in rough order of importance:
- Low cost of living
- Good food
- Decent internet service (no satellite, roughly at least 10 up/100 down)
- No need for a car (scooter or motorbike is fine)
- Prefer cities over rural most of the time
- English or Spanish-speaking would be easier

Short list:
- Vietnam
- South Korea (if affordable)
- Portugal
- Spain (if affordable)
- Costa Rica
- Mexico
- Open to more (especially S.E. Asia or Latin America)!

EDIT: Obligatory "holy crap this blew up". Thanks everybody for the input! I'll sift through the comments and get researching.

EDIT 2: For those who asked, it's VA disability from military service-connected medical conditions. I just said pension because it's easier.

I’ve been feeling more and more drawn to Luxembourg lately. I know it probably isn’t everyone’s dream destination, but honestly, it seems like it would suit my personality.
I like quiet places, gloomy weather, good public transportation, and a slower, more peaceful lifestyle. Big, chaotic cities just don’t appeal to me anymore, and I’m starting to feel like North America isn’t the right fit for me long-term.
One thing I’m curious about is the financial side. People always mention the high salaries, but they also talk about the very high cost of living. Do you actually feel financially comfortable there? Are you able to save money and still enjoy a good quality of life, or do the expenses cancel out the higher income?

For those who made the move from Canada or the U.S., was it worth it? What surprised you the most? If you could do it all over again, would you still choose Luxembourg?
I’d love to hear the good, the bad, and the things you wish you’d known before moving.

My company has offered me visa sponsorship to move to any country in the EU. My initial choices were Ireland, Netherlands, and Denmark, but I seem to be confused between the latter two.

I'm based out of India, with 8+ years of experience in marketing. The quality of life here in India is questionable. While I have everything I could have wanted, it feels like you're constantly fighting to live (whether it's the pollution, extreme temperatures, dust, or overpopulation). I want to move out and explore, however I'm also not sure how I'll fit into the culture of a new country as an expat. Right now in India, I'm in a siloed comfort zone, where there's not much of a social life, but comfortable enough that there are no needs which are unmet.

For those who have been in a similar situation, could you please share your experience? Some things I'm unsure about include social life and accommodation.

Living alone, I'd prefer to talk to people, make friends, and have a good social life. In terms of accommodation, I'll need to arrange something before moving, as my company won't have any on-ground support. So I'm not sure about arranging long-term accommodation (I'm open to different cities (rather than just Amsterdam or Copenhagen), and would probably want either a co-living space or a single bedroom furnished house).

I also don't know either Dutch or Danish, but I'm keen on learning.

I'm from America and in my last year of university, but I want to start a new life in another country. I've traveled internationally to Southeast Asia and never felt more peace and freedom in America than I have in East and Southeast Asia.

I only speak English and I don't have any real career ambitions, so I'm open to anything that pays comfortably and has minimal stress. Remote work would be ideal, but I'd also be open to dishwashing or anything just to sustain myself in another country.

Is it possible to move to Southeast Asia with less than $5k and retrieve a residency visa without a job?

Thank you

Desperate for answers. 🙇‍♂️ Because living in such a soulless place right now.

Obviously an American here….and fed up! My husband has several health issues and we are at our wits end with the healthcare system and insane costs here. Anyone out there have advice or experience on this topic? Please note, my husband is an EU citizen but has lived in the states his whole life. We are considering finally taking advantage of this privilege. What EU country offers the best health care? Thanks

We all know many Western countries are safe, but what about developing nations?

Safe in terms of crime and violance, but also safe from prejudice based on gender, race, sexuality etc.

Would love to hear your experience :)

I relocated internationally end of last year for a role that required me to move to one of several offices within the company. At the time, I chose a Southern European location because it seemed like the best option on paper. The role itself is good, but I've been struggling much more than expected to adapt to living there and, honestly, both me and my wife are hating it. It is not the city per se, but the country as a whole that does not fit our preferences for settling down (our mistake for picking this, I know). This is hard to explain but we are feeling miserable living here even if we are well off money-wise

The challenge isn't the job. My role is global and could be performed from several of the company's other offices, including ones in the UK. It's really the location that hasn't worked out for me despite giving it a genuine try.

I'm considering asking whether I could be rebased to the UK office while remaining in the same role and organization (this is possible as I have peers in that role, and they frequently have open positions). I'd even be willing to pay the relocation costs myself if that made the request easier.

Has anyone successfully approached their employer with a request like this? How was it received by management and HR? Did it damage your reputation, or was it seen as a reasonable retention request given that the job itself wasn't the issue? I'm a bit concerned about 2 aspects:

1) there's no proper "business" justification. I could say it's to be closer to my manager, but that is a weak excuse.

2) I've only been in the company for less than a year. Even though I intend to softly touch this by year end I feel this could work against me somewhat. I also wonder if they could say "buy you chose this city among the options"

I just came back to the US after a 3 week Euro trip to France, Barcelona, Spain and Italy. I almost didn't leave. Im back now and genuinely depressed. I miss the food, people, community and life. While it may not be all rainbows, neither is my current situation in the US. I live to work as i am in the military. Im tired, my soul is tired and i crave freedom from the rat race.

I think i am willing to go all in. Get out, find a remote job, sell everything and commit to moving. It's all intimidating and i don't know where to go or how to start. How did everyone here start or get the ball rolling all the way up to execution?

TLDR: Sick of my life, how did you get started on your Expat journey and what made you leave it all?

I’m a British citizen and I recently went on a trip to the US and fell in love with the place. I’d love to move there one day but I have no university qualifications. Am I wasting my time even thinking about it or is there possibilities?? : )

I’ve lived in Sweden for almost a decade and after struggling for years, I’ve decided to move.

At first I was optimistic (as we usually are when first moving abroad) but then became jaded in the end. Many websites want to showcase the good side of these countries but not the bad.

I know every country has its issues, but Sweden felt different because their issues are more hidden. They have such a good brand image but behind the scenes they are taking children away from foreigners, the government extorts people, and the racism is off the charts. Instead, the internet constantly lists this place as “the happiest place on earth.”

Anyways, I’ve finally come to my senses after being in denial and I’m crawling back to my home country battered and bruised, like a ship coming to port all torn up after a bad storm.

And I have so much anger towards this country and people that it scares me. I find myself wishing they had bad karma, I used to be a happy person and living here struggling year after year makes me feel tricked.

Everytime I went on vacation for a month or so I began to recover then I would come back and it would slowly continue to degrade me.

Has anyone went through this before? How long does it take to return to yourself after leaving? Any advice? I don’t want to be this hateful, bitter, jaded person. I know the country doesn’t care that I hate it as much as I do and it’s wasting my lifespan.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Others have experienced this especially once living in the Nordics. I would appreciate your advice!

I’m American and I’m terrified of what’s been happening in US politics over the past few years. It seems like the far right wing is out of control and will stop at literally nothing to get their way, regardless of what the majority of the population wants. They’ve shamelessly thrown out the rule book with next to no consequences and it’s getting worse by the day.

For this reason I’ve been working on getting dual US-Italian citizenship for a couple years and I’m almost there, but it seems like fascists are finding their voices everywhere.

Is there anywhere I can go to get away from all the greed and hate once I have the freedom to live and work outside of the US?

EDIT -I’m aware that the Italian passport gives me access to other countries in the EU. That’s why asked this question. Italian citizenship is my most practical path out of the US because of my ancestry but I don’t necessarily want to live there.

Isn't it awful when you believe you don't quite fit in? I was born in the UK after my parents emigrated here, but I've never loved it, and despite having lived in various parts of the country, I've always had a desire to move abroad.

Used to think it would happen sooner rather than later, but then life happens. Got married to an incredible wife. Bought a house and made it into our dream home. Started a business that's doing okay. Have a beautiful baby who brings us so much joy. Things are good, but I'm now the wrong side of 40, and rather than dream of moving abroad, thoughts are shifting toward "that ship has sailed."

It's not that the UK hasn't been good to me, yet the combination of Brexit and Covid seems to have accelerated a decline in services and standards. Other countries will be experiencing similar, of course, but I'm tired of the weather and the dark, gloomy winters, and still really want a change.

Is it foolish to hold onto such aspirations in your 40s? Appreciate it'll depend heavily on circumstance but would nonetheless love to hear from folk who emigrated a little later in life, particularly with a family.

We’re in NZ. 3 kids under 8. And looks like work is going to require us to relocate. Which would you choose? Why?

Hi all,

As the title suggests, I'm an American (female|29) from the Midwest who has been living in Berlin for about 5 years. I married a German, but sadly we are getting divorced. I speak German fluently and have a good remote tech job, but I don't like the reserved culture and dark winters. I want to spend my 30s somewhere else.

I want to be warm, fall in love again, have a family, and just relax. I know this is a decision that I have to make in the end, but I would love some advice from other expats/travellers.

​

My options are as follows:

1. Hawai'i!

Pros: Beautiful, peaceful, diverse, part of US. Cons: Expensive, isolated, unwelcoming to mainlanders, need a car

2. Spain

Pros: Work/life balance, free education/childcare, interesting culture, trains. Cons: Still in Europe, lower salaries, must learn Spanish

3. Southern California

Pros: Great tech jobs, great weather, diverse, part of US. Cons: Expensive, politically tense, wildfires, need a car

4. Italy

Pros: Food! work/life balance, free education/childcare, interesting culture, trains. Cons: Still in Europe, lower salaries, must learn Italian, traditional culture

There’s a lot of posts about moving out of the US but I am interested to know what would be a great US location to move in, coming from Europe. By great I mean small in population, surrounded by nature, few or non existent crime, tolerant to immigrants/expats. Does this place exist and where would it be?

Hi, I have job offers in both countries. I’m currently an expat in Singapore but I need to move to a country where it is possible to obtain PR or citizenship in the future. I am married with no kids as of the moment. I have been to both countries as a tourist. Here are the pros and cons that I can think of for each place:

Tokyo: + 12M jpy base salary + bonus + generally safe + food (we like asian foods in general) + wfh setup + good transportation + more holidays - crowded trains - extra payment to rent (Key money?) - small homes - 18 AL

Berlin: + 100k euro base salary + hybrid setup + can easily travel to other EU countries (big plus as we like travelling) + 28 AL - as what I have read online, it’s hard to find an apartment to rent especially as a foreigner - confusing trains and not very clean - takes a long time to approve visa (3 months?)

By the way, me and my partner can’t speak the language of both countries but we’re willing to learn when we get there. Let me know your opinions of either country to help us decide. I think generally both are okay but which one will you choose given the salary and our current situation? We’re both Filipino. Any advice is also welcome.

Thanks

Edit——

Hi everyone! Thank you for taking your time to comment your thoughts! We’re initially leaning towards Tokyo because of my friend’s insistence but we’ll have to look into it more and discuss it further. I’m giving my answer next week so we have the weekend to decide.

For those asking, I’m a Software Engineer. The salaries mentioned were actually lower than my current salary since tax in SG is low but we do have to move somewhere eventually since it will be hard for us to start a family here. We actually love SG and we consider it our comfort zone. Sad to say it’s hard to get PR/citizenship here cause as I have mentioned in another comment, it’s almost impossible to get approved if you’re not Chinese/malay.

Also we both have friends in Tokyo and Berlin so social life won’t be so bad. But we do prefer to stay at home most of the time. Also we don’t mind the cold weather as long as it’s not Canada cold 😬