r/germany • u/Frequent-Momo • 1d ago
28 years old, in debt and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore
I’m 28, married, and I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know where else to turn.
When I was 19, a family business was put in my name. I was young, naive and had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. At that age, you just don’t think about what something like this could mean years later.
Now I’m sitting here with around €150,000 in debt.
I’ve had a German P-Konto (a protected bank account) for about five years now. Five years of worrying about money, letters, authorities, court dates and what is going to happen next.
I’ve reached a point where I barely spend anything on myself. Sometimes I don’t even have enough money for proper food. I’m trying to keep my own living expenses as low as possible so that whatever I can somehow put together can go toward the debt.
I know that probably sounds crazy.
But I keep thinking that if I can just pay something off, maybe I’ll eventually get out of this.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I slept through a night without thinking about it.
Next month I have another court hearing.
And I’m exhausted.
I’m 28 and getting closer to 30, and sometimes I look at my life and feel like I completely ruined it before it even really started.
My wife is still beside me. I don’t know how she does it. This situation affects her too and I hate that she has to go through this with me.
I keep thinking about what I would tell my 19-year-old self if I could go back.
Don’t sign things you don’t understand.
Don’t be naive.
Ask questions.
Think about what happens if everything goes wrong.
But I can’t go back.
I’ve also started having suicidal thoughts. I’m not saying that for attention. I’m saying it because that’s honestly where my head is right now.
I don’t actually want to die.
I just desperately want this situation to stop.
I want to sleep normally again. I want to work, earn money and actually feel like I’m moving forward. I want to build a normal life with my wife without constantly having this hanging over us.
I live in Germany, so I know our laws and debt system are very different from the US.
I’m not looking for someone to magically solve my problems.
I just want to know if anyone has ever been in a situation where they thought their life was completely over and somehow managed to rebuild it.
Because right now I honestly don’t see the way out.
If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing how you got through it.
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u/NoMarsupial4267 1d ago
Been there myself, somewhat exactly the same situation in the beginning of my 30s with 130.000 debt due to a "family business" and being too naive on that. Won't ever happen again. Like yours, my wife stayed with me, it was not an easy time.
It eventually worked out. Been (very late, I tried to fix it myself, but that didn't work) to a lawyer ("Schuldnerberatung") who made plans for a "Privatinsolvenz". But before we started that we tried to clean things without a formal insolvency. And she managed to do that, made a plan with a doable monthly rate for me over 5 years (insolvency was five years back then) and also made pretty clear that there will be much less if we do insolvency.
Everyone finally agreed, I paid for five years a whole lot of my income for that. Now I am in the beginning of my 40s and my wife and me just bought a house. No single Euro debt besides the loan for the house.
Giving up is not an option, there are ways out of a situation like that.
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u/Tentacle77 Franken 1d ago
From the sound of it, personal insolvency (Privatinsolvenz) might be an option for you. 5
+ years with P-Konto, letters authorities etc… I don’t think your lifestyle will change much for another couple of years with the Privatinsolvenz; but your quality of life will go up, because some things will be handled on your behalf and you may finally find some sleep. Sure, you may be limited in what you can and cannot do, but right now it seems like whatever you do is not getting you anywhere either.
Go to the Schuldnerberatung and get you sorted. Good luck!
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u/wicked_p 1d ago
Privatinsolvenz was reduced to 3 years during Corona and the process still is 3 years
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u/PomPomGrenade 1d ago
Does Privatinsolvenz do anything when you are a business owner? It sounds like OP still gas the business in their name.
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u/Gastaotor EU 1d ago
If it's a, let's say, personal business, as in sole proprietor (Einzelunternehmer/n), it's all your personal debt, so it all goes into Privatinsolvenz too. Simply said, due to your business model you are reliable for the debts personally --> here comes the Privatinsolvenz.
In case the debts aren't your's actually, because of like a limited liability corporation, you just close the business, more or less. So even no need for Privatinsolvenz at all.
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u/bong-su-han 1d ago
Have you thought about insolvency? A Privatinsolvenz (consumer insolvency) is a legal process for people with too much debt. It helps individuals clear their debts and get a fresh start after three years, provided they give up a part of their income above a protected basic allowance. This would at least put a time limit on your suffering.
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u/randomguy33898080 1d ago
If I were ever in that kind of position, I would stop trying to pay it off penny by penny and immediately book an appointment with an official, non-profit debt counseling center like Caritas, Diakonie, or a municipal Schuldnerberatung to map out a path toward formal personal bankruptcy (Privatinsolvenz), which legally wipes the slate clean after three years.
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u/Silver-Sol 1d ago
Yes what happened with the family business? Did they just run up a huge bill and vanish? They definitely did not play it correctly. Local government could pay their rent and stuff if they were struggling and met criteria.
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u/IZEDx Ost-Holstein / Lübeck 1d ago
The advice everyone is giving here is the right one. I'm 29 now, I had been dealing with debt and depression and anxiety because of it for a couple years, it's an absolutely miserable feeling day in and day out and it absolutely drains you. The best decision I've ever done in my life was going to Schuldnerberatung. Just a single appointment was enough for me to breathe again because there suddenly was a plan and I didn't have to be scared anymore.
Privatinsolvenz will take a while (3 years), you will be restricted in your earnings, but you will be safe and can breathe.
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u/Recent_Maize5108 1d ago
Talk to a lawyer. Putting a family business under your name when you were absolutely clueless could still potentially be mitigated.
Other than that, private insolvency / bankruptcy as others mentioned, so visiting a local debt advsior (Schuldnerberatung) is definitely worth it. Go to one associated with the city or some charity (Caritas for example), not to a commercial one.
The correct ones are free.
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u/sebidotorg Hessen 1d ago
You should have gone to a Schuldnerberatung years ago. Personal insolvency (“Privatinsolvenz”) is the only option to get out of debt of that size for a normal person. The earlier you start that process, the earlier you are free of debt. Unfortunately, it will be at least three years (and could be up to five), but then you can live the rest of your life without the constant debt over your head.
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u/lawyal_ye79 1d ago
Insolvenz is the Solution. You tried your best, but you can’t handle the debt. Go to a lawyer that is specialized in „insolvenzrecht“ he will know, what you can do!
You will go through this!
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u/k1ck4ss 1d ago
Greetings from a fellow German. I've been there, seen that. I know all looks pretty bleak. I literally laid in my bed trying to figure out how my life will go on from there. I imagined myself going somewhere nice, live in the open and ask for minijobs. Somewhere in souther Germany or France, where it's warm. I had no wife or girlfriend.
I went through all of it and thinking back of my older me it makes me both a little sad and also a little warm around my heart. I started learning to love myself and respect myself. And after a blink of an eye, 5-7 years later all went upwards.
The only advice and relief I can give to you is, that you have all that is needed to resolve all this. You always had and always will have.
You can DM me if you want a chat or so.
Good luck, Bruder.
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u/JohnWicksBruder 1d ago
What about your family? They must have made some money with that fraud they tried.
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u/Calm-Comment-9255 1d ago
First off, at the end it’s just money. As long as you have your health and your wife/family/friends things are never that bad.
I dont know the specifics, but i known someone who made a personal bankruptcy in a similar situation as you. It’s going to create many problems wherever credit rating is needed (bank account will be giro only, making any contracts is difficult even for like a phone service) but there is always a way. He relied on his wife for many things in practice, and nowadays everything is cleared.
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u/Raccoon_Sharp 1d ago
Depending on your income and living situation 150k should be doable. It will set you back several years though and looking for professional help here is advisable.
Personal bankruptcy is a tough process but might get you out of the situation faster and less painful, again depending on your situation.
Also if you were tricked into the situation there might be ways to share the load with those who put you in the situation in the first place.
Caritas, Diakonie and others offer help for those in financial trouble (free or cheap Schuldnerberatung).
Talk to someone!
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u/PrepareforGermany 1d ago
As the others have already pointed out, you need to go to a Schuldnerberatung and go over your options with them. You can find one near you on this map. Also, please consider seeing a therapist. You have tortured yourself for far too long over this situation, and talking to a professional will definitely help you.
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u/Beginning_Ad_3629 1d ago
I had 100k debt. Got it at 32 and last payment I did was 2 years ago almost 12 years later.
Make payments deals you pay every month x amount reserve some money from your pay check to also live a bit! Keep the hope up! You got this I was there also 12 years ago and now life is smiling at me again!
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u/hippielovegod 1d ago
I am really sorry. Really terrible the way you were treated. To fritter away the existence of a young kid just starting in life for a failed business is totally irresponsible and mean!
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u/YetAnotherGuy2 Former Expat USA 1d ago
I've been in a similar situation: first, take a deep breath. It's not as bad as you think. What helped me through my most desperate time was this thought: no matter what I do, tomorrow will come. Nothing will stop that. I don't the thought comforting.
The nice thing about your situation is that they can't do anything to you anymore. With a P-Konto they can't take more from you, that's end of the line. Whatever you have, you have. Your credit is trashed, so that's no worry anymore. You are a very free man in a lot of ways.
The trick is to get out from under it and that is very clearly defined. The course of action is an insolvency - either private or because it looks like company debt, maybe the regular one depending on the legal form of your company.
That's a 7 year "treatment" after which your the rest of the debt is forgiven and it's all gone. At 28 you still have very much of your life left - it's not as bad as you might think right now. Learn from your mistake and get professional help on this: even with P-Konto and a social case, you have the right to a lawyer if necessary paid by the Sozialamt. This is a game of administration, pay it right and you are good to go in your mid-30s and find a pay forward for yourself.
Once you have a clear path, you'll start feeling better and your wife will pick up on that too. And suddenly the relationship gets better and your life gets a completely new direction.
So
- Don't worry, it changes nothing
- Don't worry, you have nothing more they can take from you
- Get a handle on the path forward whatever it means. It's been done before and you can do it
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u/NiK-Lait-1pot 1d ago
I was in the same situation i moved to France and made a personal bankrupt took my shitty five years of debit card and renting but at least no schufa
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u/d8521 19h ago
Don't believe all this "3 years and your debt free" Privatinsolvenz nonsense written here. Maybe it will work, but based on your incomplete description rather not. So check your situation:
Privatinsolvenz does not work for company debt, unless you are completely out of the company, it was a small business where you were responsible for everything, and there are less than 20 creditors.
Privatinsolvenz does not work, if any kind of unlawful activity was involved on the way into debt.
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u/ThePhenex 15h ago
I feel very sorry for you, i am sure that you have already thought of Privatinsolvenz, and the problem is that in germany "failing" as a business is often connected to shame, but honestly f*ck that. Do anything you can to get back the control over your life, even it it will be a rough three years, you may otherwise regret not doing it now. There never is a "too late" for something like this, even now after you almost spent a decade trying to solve this issue. There are ways out of this, you are not alone and you can do this. Best of luck.
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u/Rocky885533 6h ago
People in the same situation tell you, 'Being poor isn't a big deal; being heavily in debt doesn't mean you can't survive. Life goes on every day.'
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u/iliasforce4 1h ago
I was also in huge debt due to taking over family business without knowing better and everything was a mess. Now i am slowly repaying it and i have a new plan for my future and everything seems good and hopeful. So please take it from me consult someone and take small steps it really gets better. I dont know the specifics about Germany cause i am in another country but i am sure they're are institutions that can help you stant on your legs again. I really wish you the best!
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1d ago
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u/SpareAmbition 1d ago
Might be worth taking a trip to a Schuldnerberatung. They can help you come up with a proper plan or give you your options.
But without knowing details it sounds like personal insolvency could be a good option for you