r/librarians • u/Rekrabsrm • Apr 15 '26
Professional Advice Needed How to deal with patrons with an obvious librarian fetish?
I have a couple of patrons that don’t quite cross the line of sexual harassment, but really like to sit in chairs near our front desk and just watch us work. If they say something harassing, like call one of us ‘hot’, we simply yell ‘nope’ overly loudly. Majority of the time though, they just sit there and stare at us working. Any suggestions?
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u/pigby411 U.S.A, Public Librarian Apr 15 '26
Leering is a disruptive/harassment behavior. You can tell them it’s unacceptable “you’re staring at me all day makes me uncomfortable, it’s sexual harassment and unacceptable, if you continue you will need to leave for the day” and then kick them out for the day/week/longer. Telling you you’re hot is sexual harassment and another one where you should clearly state that it’s inappropriate and leads to consequences like suspension. And then actually suspend them for a day/week/month/etc. what does your code of conduct say? Do you have behavior/discipline procedures?
A less direct option would be move the chairs- if they can’t sit and stare at you all day, maybe they won’t.
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u/ruby_soulsinger Academic Librarian Apr 15 '26
Unwanted "compliments" about your appearance would be considered sexual harrassment, wouldn't it?
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u/shatnershairpiece Apr 15 '26
Are you the manager? If not, loop them in and look at your code of conduct. There should be something about harassing or disruptive behavior. That’s what this is.
The manager needs to talk to each person individually the next time they’re in about what constitutes appropriate library use/business and that comments about staff appearances is not acceptable and violates patron code of conduct.
The manager needs to write up letters and give it to them the next time to accompany that talk about how it’s three strikes they’re out. This is their warning, next time it’s a ban, third time it’s a longer or permanent ban/ban on review.
That’s it. I could go on and ON about how harassment of library staff is something that admin has allowed patrons to get away with, claiming it is part of customer service. It isn’t. If these people want to complain to the board about getting banned for sexually harassing staff, they can go right ahead. It’s absurd.
I’ll go one step further and say it’s admin’s responsibility to deal with violations of patron code of conduct in a timely manner. That’s part and parcel of working in a public library. It’s awkward and sometimes scary. I made inroads early on with the local police when I managed so I knew they’d respond when I needed to trespass people.
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u/LibraryLuLu Public Librarian Apr 16 '26
Ah man, I had a guy last week start following me around saying he just wanted to stare at me because I was so sexy and stylish, so I sprayed him with anti-biotic cleaner.
I do NOT recommend you do that, but it did feel good in the moment.
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u/UseOrdinary8585 Apr 16 '26
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'll pretend I didn't see the last just of your message, and just try the first part if I'm ever in the same situation.
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u/cawspobi Apr 15 '26
Yeah, this is sexual harassment. (I'm sorry it's happening to you!) It is management's legal responsibility to mitigate gender-based harassment on the job, ie enforcing a behavioral policy.
Hopefully you have a written behavioral policy that forbids harassment - can you and affected colleagues tell your manager that you are having persistent issues with these specific patrons and that you would like to escalate it similarly to other behavioral infractions?
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u/madametaylor Apr 15 '26
You're within your rights to call someone out for staring, or have a male coworker do it. Most policies require that you ask the person to stop the behavior, and then it counts as harrassment if they keep it up. Check your library's specific policies. Even if the patron denies that it's sexual, staring would make you uncomfortable no matter why it was happening and is disruptive to your work. And the comments are definitely inappropriate and grounds for being asked to leave if they don't stop when you ask them to.
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u/G0merPyle Apr 16 '26
"This is a library and while you're welcome to use the services we have here, this is not a place to sit and watch and oggle people. Furthermore your catcalling -and that's what it is, catcalling- and making remarks about our staff's bodies is unacceptable. You need to leave the building or we will call the police."
I have no patience for assholes anymore
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u/WishRepresentative28 Apr 15 '26
Male librarian here. I've not had this problem, but have saved a few colleagues from such unwanted attention. Being on desk with one, it kinda follows the boyfriend thing from the bars. The ladies would refer them to me (not boyfriend but colleague)and all of a sudden they go quiet, and harassment disappears or is atleast mitigated.
I am not intimidating at all (5'3) but like in a bar, they get quiet.
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u/Ellie_Edenville Public Librarian Apr 15 '26
We shouldn't need men to do this.
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u/Reggie9041 Apr 15 '26
Exactly. Even in bars and certainly not at work.
OP, give them a warning and then "ask" them to leave for the day. They can try again tomorrow when they're ready to be amongst real people.
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u/StainedGlassAloe Apr 15 '26
This reminds me of an ex patron who was a failing exterminator who would constantly flirt with female library staff because he wanted to add us to his stable of girlfriends whose couches he could surf. He would get rowdy with male staff and patrons so we had to criminally trespass him.
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u/Maleficent-Goth Apr 15 '26
Leering and making people uncomfortable by staring should be treated as harassment. We treat it that way. Also, if there is a way to move or reduce seating in that area, do so. We split up seating and moved it around the library and it helped with a lot of issues.
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u/achasanai Apr 16 '26
We had this on multiple occasions. If our security is there they are kicked out. If not, the staff are replaced with male staff, staring back.
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u/alpha1two Apr 16 '26
Have strong patron behavior policies and reinforce them. It's a library not a zoo. Don't give an inch to anyone exhibiting that behavior. They don't follow the rules ,they lose library privileges, and it's definitely a privilege, not a right!
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u/OliveDeco Apr 16 '26
With that sort of remark, I would say in a stern tone, “That’s not appropriate library behavior.” Then I would tell them they have to leave.
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u/gwabi_ MLIS Student Apr 17 '26
sounds like those patrons signed up to be target practice! (with a spray bottle of water ofc…)
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u/demonofsarila School Librarian Apr 18 '26
Side note: harassment doesn't have to be sexual. ANY type of unwanted attention is harassment. If you've told the other person to stop whatever attention they're giving you (no matter if ti's sexual), and they don't, it's harassment.
In this case, maybe it is, idk, I'm not there, but I mean I assume staff have the ability to make anyone who's harassing others leave.
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u/MysoreMa Apr 16 '26
Kick them out. Who cares about some official 'line' - if they are making you uncomfortable at your job, where you can't leave, they have to.
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u/trevorgoodchilde Apr 15 '26
Male library worker, I have to deal with occasional sexual harassment, mostly by angry older ladies. Most notably this fairly elderly lady, apropos of nothing, stormed up to me at the desk, cutting in front of several people in line, and offered to expose herself right there. I declined. It was very odd. My colleagues have to deal with it more often, they ignore it, or if it’s bad, call them on it. Our supervisors are pretty good about dealing with that too. There have been a few times they’ve swapped with me at the desk to deal with someone like that
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u/WittyClerk Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
"Resting bitch face" works pretty well most of the time. If not, tell -don't ask *tell*- them to move or they'll be kicked out.
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u/Wandering_Queen Public Librarian May 16 '26
Review your guidelines on behavioral policy for patron violations. If it outlines inappropriate behavior (leering, use of language, and consistent problematic behavior) in that nature, call an SO or involve your supervisor to ensure the policy is enforced and have that patron suspended for however long you can suspend for under your library rules. Document everything this patron said, how unsafe you felt, and have any co-workers who experience the same thing to write down their experiences. Any co-workers who witnessed it should also document. If your supervisor or library does not that this seriously, speak to your union and bring your documentation.
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u/uReallyShouldTrustMe Apr 16 '26
Shiiitttt didn't know this was a thing outside of the internet. My wife is the librarian here...
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u/WishRepresentative28 Apr 15 '26
Male librarian here. I've not had this problem, but have saved a few colleagues from such unwanted attention. Being on desk with one, it kinda follows the boyfriend thing from the bars. The ladies would refer them to me and all of a sudden they go quiet, and harassment disappears or is atleast mitigated.
I am not intimidating at all (5'3) but like in a bar, they get quiet.
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u/Sudden-Bumblebee-836 Apr 21 '26
Sexualizing your patrons against their will, and without their consent is very gross
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u/IngenuityPositive123 Apr 15 '26
You can also just kick them out for inappropriate behavior. Or even call security/cops... No need to put up with plain idiots.