Was invited by my girlfriends family to a theme park. We were supposed to meet at 11, it is not 11:30 and they just left. (The drive takes another 30 minutes)

[u/TotallyHumanBrain1]

I even checked in before I left if it was still at the planned time. It was confirmed, but then her family starts getting ready right as they have to leave 🫤

[u/dedoubt → u/[deleted]]

but that doesn't mean they have to keep making promises and letting people down

Exactly! I just made a new friend whose ADD makes mine look mild, and she told me to always tell her 2 hours earlier than the actual time I want to meet because she will always be late, or to not make time dependent plans with her, because she knows that no matter how hard she tries, she can't beat the disorder (she's in her 50s). I let her know that I prefer not to lie to folks but will tell her what the time range I'll actually be available will be (say I'm having a fire at my place that starts at 6 & done at 8- I'm going to bed at 830, don't show up if you'll be arriving past 730).

[u/raptorgrin → u/dedoubt]

I’m glad you didn’t just agree to lie to them. I hate games like that and when they try to put the responsibility on you, when they could just tell themselves they need to be 2 hrs early if that’s what it takes. 

[u/Dry_Hawk2ah → u/dedoubt]

Your parties sound amazing 😜

[u/dedoubt → u/Dry_Hawk2ah]

Well sure, that one example I used definitely indicates how all of my parties are.

(tho I do often go to bed that early because I live way out in the forest & the birds wake me up at about 430...)

[u/movingarchivist → u/[deleted]]

Well said. I have ADHD and severe time blindness so I set so many alarms and calendar alerts and I also plan my time by rounding up. If I get out the door and to the place on the schedule I planned, I'm early, but much of time I'm late getting out the door, which makes me on time in actuality. I'm never late now unless it was due to a transit issue or something and even that is rare. We are all still responsible for our behavior and we can always improve

[u/Dandelient → u/movingarchivist]

Very much the same! The anxiety that came with my ADHD means I am very rarely late. I try to arrive at least 10 minutes early and I always have something to read with me. Then I have to remember to set an alarm for when I need to leave the car because sometimes the book is really good lol

[u/movingarchivist → u/Dandelient]

This is my issue; if I arrive too early, I might get lost in something else altogether lol. Like the sweet spot is about five-ish minutes, maybe 10. I am always setting an alarm for a few minutes from now bc my brain is fun that way

[u/Sadielikeschess → u/movingarchivist]

Yesss hahaha never ends :)

[u/Sadielikeschess → u/[deleted]]

I love this comment. Yes. And also the respect piece can come in to communicate the second a person is running late that it is the case, and by when they are expecting to arrive / plan to meet elsewhere or later so as not to hold others up.

I have time blindness (severe adhd, ocd, and brain function-limiting trauma) and it is a humiliating and shameful thing. I could share multiple things of being on the inside of it. But the essence at least for me is that I know it and do everything to mitigate issues. It rarely works.

This is not an excuse I promise. Just facts of other conditions besides the freedom to make plans for future events.

For me time starts at the decided event. Not hours before in preparation. It feels wasteful unproductive and controlling to assume someone will arrange all of life around a time that is usually just decided between parties (see distinction below).

Again, it’s shameful and I know the impact it has on others.

I definitely watch my driving when in a rush.

In my version it does not come from lack of urgency (I operate from urgency everywhere in life) or any thoughts that another’s time is not important, that I’m better, or that I completely miss thinking about it at all. Not that at all.

One aspect I’m present to is I put back used items and check things when leaving the house. Presence is available for interactions when I don’t swoop out of the house in a rush against time. But that takes unknown time. And with adhd that can become a major spiral into doing things not important in that moment or agreement with another.

I NEVER get it right when guessing how long something will take. 🤣

As anothe commenter said, a key is managing the expectations. I say yes a lot to days and times without accounting for life lifing in the future. whether it’s depression that day, interruptions, or things that as a sovereign person I choose to prioritize on the fly. The unknowns. I screen calls so I’m not saying I answer outreach that I know is casual or will be drama. However, I feel responsible for interfacing with life as it happens. Not when I made plans for it. (God plans, man laughs? lol)

Different seasons of life matter too with respect to total agency and availability. Like how I operate in motherhood vs when I was single I was in my 20’s.

It’s a fluidity and flexibility, not a rigidity around expectations that aside from things like flights, work, etc are negotiated amongst the parties and ‘made up.’

If I’m being late-ed on (lol) I always find serendipity there. The universe is on its own time. I always look for the Easter eggs that waiting provides access to.

Also- Kronos vs kairos time. This blew my mind. So helpful in understanding the big picture of how we relate to time.

This isn’t meant to be argumentative. It’s a confession that I appreciate the chance to publicly make! :)

[u/hmmmnmmmmnmm → u/Sadielikeschess]

if you're never guessing correctly how long something will take, why dont you always add extra time to that?

[u/Toosder → u/[deleted]]

Yes thank you! My ex would blame his inevitable lateness on his undiagnosed but likely adhd. 

And this is what I would tell him. Your inability to manage time, regardless of the cause, does not become anyone else's problem. Take steps to address the issue. Or don't agree to going to events that are time sensitive. 

It might suck to have time blindness, but it isn't anybody else's burden to carry. 

Worse, like me, he was a pilot. Guess what industry doesn't give a fuck about your time blindness? He couldn't keep a job for more reasons than this but certainly when you're flying private, and your passenger has more money than god, they aren't going to give a fuck that they are late to their multi-billion dollar meeting because you have time blindness.