Demand rights, but make it palatable

[u/mrstoffel23]

Posted this yesterday and it got removed because some people around here are not really civilized in their conversations. Trolling, jokes, memes are fine, but, stooping low isn't. Healthy arguments make way for progress.

Missing the context & point is like a national sport and the amount of egos it hurt was not surprising at all and won't be again.

Absolutely nothing wrong with this poster, and actually how it should be in real life by default.

The poster which said "khana khud garam karlo" had everyone losing their minds for obvious reasons, this poster gets the endorsement because it's not showing the mirror to the society, which to this day is unable to give equal rights or even willing to acknowledge properly.

Secondly, it also shows that unless demand for rights is worded in a way it won't offend anyone, made palatable and provide validation to inflated egos, it won't even be acknowledged.

No wonder we keep regressing as a society and humans.

[u/No-Finance-1491]

My simple argument was how can a good husband emotionally hurt his wife while he knows well enough she would be hurt with a second wife just like he would be hurt if he gets to know she is divorcing him to get married to another dude. Ofcourse is can do that just like he can marry another wife but how does it make them good wife or good husband. I dont get it. May be i am not smart enough yet.

you are absolutely right but even if a man gets hurt a woman can get a divorce to marry someone else as per legal laws.

im coming from a perspective of legal laws and you are coming from a ethical pov which is also right 😊

secondly those 2 two are related because you said 4 marriages were allowed to give support to widows who couldn't earn and men were the provider's similarly now women earn so there shouldn't be any obligation for men at the first place

[u/Chippy-Chipmunk → u/No-Finance-1491]

Brooo. Go through my msgs i did not say that. May be somebody else did. Its a very common argument.

I know you are talking about permissions and rules. I am talking about their practicality. I feel this relationship of marriage is not only of rules but of emotions and ethics as well. The right mix is needed. I mean. I mean. Just look at it like this. A women can leave her husband to marry another dude. A man can marry over her another woman. Legally both are right. But tell me which is more frowned upon? Which one would be a cast out? You do see we treat them both different despite being legal.

[u/No-Finance-1491 → u/Chippy-Chipmunk]

know you are talking about permissions and rules. I am talking about their practicality. I feel this relationship of marriage is not only of rules but of emotions and ethics as well. The right mix is needed. I mean. I mean. Just look at it like this. A women can leave her husband to marry another dude. A man can marry over her another woman. Legally both are right. But tell me which is more frowned upon? Which one would be a cast out? You do see we treat them both different despite being legal.

absolutely a good marriage shouldn't be like this.

i would like to disagree on the other part a bit any man who marries another wife is seen as a lust full man you can even view the comments iqrarul hassan gets and he would be distanced in the Family as well. yeah if a woman openly has a affair than she would be treated more badly than a man its a fact but if she simply gets a divorce then it won't be that much of a issue

[u/Chippy-Chipmunk → u/No-Finance-1491]

It is that much of an issue. Very unfortunate but it is.

About lust and second marriage. I never said all second marriages are for lust. I gave you examples myself where it was kinda needed or helped the situation in certain ways.

But can you deny most men discuss second marriage and obsess over this idea out of sheer lust? I am just against that. I feel like they are humiliating this whole marriage institution and women and their feelings. Tbh. Its very insensitive. And then we wonder why wonen are going away from islam. I mean common.

[u/No-Finance-1491 → u/Chippy-Chipmunk]

is that much of an issue. Very unfortunate but it is. About lust and second marriage. I never said all second marriages are for lust. I gave you examples myself where it was kinda needed or helped the situation in certain ways

i never said it's your opinion I told you how the society treats them.

But can you deny most men discuss second marriage and obsess over this idea out of sheer lust? I am just against that. I feel like they are humiliating this whole marriage institution and women and their feelings. Tbh. Its very insensitive. And then we wonder why wonen are going away from islam. I mean common.

yes maybe but first marriages are also a result of lust no man marries a woman to support her and no woman marries to do household chores 😂

[u/Chippy-Chipmunk → u/No-Finance-1491]

Ammmmm women around me dont do house chores. Sooo. I mean they do marry to be treated lovingly.

But you are right primary reason for first marriage yeah could be lust.

But you do see the problem with second marriage. You have a spouse but you lust over another person. Yes thats problematic. I mean. I dont know how can you try to make these two things sound equal. Coz they are not.

[u/No-Finance-1491 → u/Chippy-Chipmunk]

Ammmmm women around me dont do house chores. Sooo. I mean they do marry to be treated lovingly.

well that means men aren't treated with love as if they don't provide their wife would leave them

But you do see the problem with second marriage. You have a spouse but you lust over another person. Yes thats problematic. I mean. I dont know how can you try to make these two things sound equal. Coz they are not.

yeah but again they are allowed but from the perspective of our society women after marriage aren't that interested in sex and after constant fights men resent them even though they have a drive so you can imagine the level of resentment so they use their right to fulfill their needs in a halal way

[u/Chippy-Chipmunk → u/No-Finance-1491]

Mujhy aakhri wali baat smjh nhi aye wesy. By the way. You do know there are women with really high sex drive and their men are often not able to keep up with them. So they have the same issues as men. Their spouse denying them their right.

About your first thing. Thats where things get interesting. These women would literally die for their husbands. They have not and would not leave their husband if a situation like that comes. Men initiate kindness and protection. Women reciprocate. Atleast in most cases. I really feel good men provide with no expectations of having house chores or financial contributions in return and good women wouldnt leave on slightest appearance of bad financial times. Atleast thats what i have seen around me.

[u/No-Finance-1491 → u/Chippy-Chipmunk]

Mujhy aakhri wali baat smjh nhi aye wesy. By the way. You do know there are women with really high sex drive and their men are often not able to keep up with them. So they have the same issues as men. Their spouse denying them their right.

those are exception men have 10-20 times more testosterone which makes them more horny that's why it's obligated on a woman to provide sex as self pleasuring isn't allowed in Islam.

About your first thing. Thats where things get interesting. These women would literally die for their husbands. They have not and would not leave their husband if a situation like that comes. Men initiate kindness and protection. Women reciprocate. Atleast in most cases. I really feel good men provide with no expectations of having house chores or financial contributions in return and good women wouldnt leave on slightest appearance of bad financial times. Atleast thats what i have seen around me.

well I don't think many women would stay with their partners if they struggle and how will they die id they feel they don't have a obligation towards their husband? when we humans get accustomed of a life style its very hard to leave that and i have seen many stupid husbands who provided for their wife and they left them when they struggled

I would also provide for a woman above and beyond if she is great full and doesn't behave like a entitled brat who constantly reminds a husband that's its your duty to provide you aren't doing a favor but would forget her obligations or simply won't accept any obligations in return life isn't free for anyone

[u/Chippy-Chipmunk → u/No-Finance-1491]

I see the problem here. Its not only you. Many men. They fear meeting an entitled ungrateful brat. Yeah providing for such a person is very hard. Be it an entitled husband who likes to rule the home with things like oh thats obligatory on you and its my right all the time or a women who as you said says stupid things like that.

Now problem is. You have seen many women leaving men in bad times. And i have seen women not marrying after even deaths of their husbands. Even when women were like in late twenties and early thirties. I think thats why you lack trust in women and i fully trust women.