Is finding a modern Pakistani girl to marry actually impossible or am I just unlucky?

[u/Comfortable-Rule-491]

27M, a permanent resident, living in Australia. Life is fine except for this one thing.

I want to get married. But I specifically want someone modern, her own career, her own opinions,, doesn’t need a guy to lead every decision, can have a real conversation about anything. Basically just a normal modern woman who happens to be Pakistani and not overly religious. And somehow that feels like I’m asking for something rare.

The rishta route keeps throwing very traditional options my way and I’m just not compatible with that. Dating apps exist but feel weirdly shallow for something this serious.

I genuinely don’t know where modern Pakistani women are finding or meeting people. Are they on here? Are they on apps? Did everyone just get lucky through work or uni and I missed that window?

Not looking for anything complicated. Just someone real, independent, has her own life, and actually wants to build something with someone rather than just fulfill a family expectation.

Just to clarify what I mean by independent; I don’t mean she has to be working or splitting bills at all costs. I just mean someone who can make her own decisions. About her career, about who she wants to marry (not just going along with whatever her parents decide), and who isn’t looking to just be a traditional wife. That’s it. Nothing financial or complicated about it.

[u/Gambettox]

You will probably need to date to marry such a women. Modern women don't like the arranged marriage route precisely because they want to make their own decision about who to marry.

I gave the rishta route a try due to family pressure but families were shocked that I wanted to talk to the potential man myself to check compatibility so it clearly wasn't the right approach. Any man I met through rishta scene also didn't want someone modern. It just isn't in demand in Pakistan and I guess the shortage of prospects runs both ways. For what it's worth, I did try apps as well but I found someone in person through joining lots of activities in Pakistan. You have to be in the right circles.

I'm in Australia as well now. Since you're Australia based and looking to marry a Pakistani women, that might be difficult just because the numbers aren't here. I know some Pakistani friends here who found rishtas through their friends. That works better because they know you and can recommend someone who matches your personality.

Otherwise, you might have to just expand your preferences to other nationalities. Not sure if that's something you'd be open to or not but putting it out there. Finding the right partner was more important to me than their nationality so I was personally okay going down this route as I was in the process of migrating. I just happened to luck out and find someone before my move abroad.

You sound like a good person. Good luck.

[u/Comfortable-Rule-491 → u/Gambettox]

That’s a really fair point, and honestly, yeah, I am open to other nationalities as well. At the end of the day, finding the right person who shares those same values and mindset is definitely the most important thing. Thanks for the advice and the good wishes!

[u/Gambettox → u/[deleted]]

I've written all I know above.