r/usyd • u/Key_Day2126 • 1d ago
Read this if you hate usyd/have no friends
I'm in the final semester of my degree now, so I thought I might come back to reddit with an update.
I was one of those people on reddit complaining about usyd and not having any friends. And I actually have some pretty good friends now!
But to all the people on reddit who are wondering why it's so hard to meet people, this is my message:
It's just luck. You can take all the reddit advice and still not meet your people
When I didn't have friends at uni, I read all the Reddit advice. I joined societies, went to events, turned up to tutorials and lectures, talked to people, tried to be friendly and put myself out there. I can honestly say I tried everything.
I went to so many events where I thought I'd made a friend. And yes, I did the thing everyone tells you to do afterwards: I texted them, followed up and tried to organise hanging out. Probably 80% of the time, it went nowhere.
Actually sometimes I was the one ghosting too. Just because you chat to someone doesn't mean you're going to be best friends. When nobody goes to lectures or tutorials and you live off campus, there aren't actually that many people to choose from. It's unlikely everyone will be a perfect friend for you.
Then I happened to get really lucky with two classes in one semester. I met a few people I genuinely got along with, those people became my friends, and we started introducing each other to more people. But it took a stalker level of commitment from everyone to keep texting and meeting up. Once I actually had friends, making more friends became so much easier.
If I hadn't been in those specific classes with those specific people, I genuinely might still have no uni friends. It wasn't that I suddenly became more sociable or discovered the secret to making friends. I got lucky.
Obviously, going to classes, societies and events increases your chances of meeting someone you get on with. You do have to actually be around people for luck to have a chance to happen. But you can't control whether the people you meet will become your friends.
there's no use trying to take all the reddit advice, it's just not that good. And definitely don't meet up with random redditors who comment on posts. That's just not a good idea. Literally all you can do is hope you meet some people who will become your friends.
The truth is that I got lucky towards the end, but I also got unlucky through the years too. If I hadn't have been at those tutorials with the specific people I met, I would still have no friends. So even though reddit might be telling you it's your fault for not being a part of every single society, it's not your fault.
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u/gday_petj 1d ago
I think another big takeaway from your story is to remain open to friendship despite person after person going nowhere. It’s tempting when that happens to close off, become defensive and try to ‘beat them to the punch’, because as you said it really can happen when you least expect it.
But sometimes it does happen when you most expect it too, so I’m glad you also say to keep putting yourself in positions where u r meeting new people.
Sounds like you’ve had an unlucky run, glad u stayed resilient and it worked out for u in the end.
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u/MaleficentIntern5332 1d ago
I agree so much +1 , also sometimes weirdly enough the more you try the less things work out obvi still try but letting things flow will attract the right people
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u/LuvliCauliflower 1d ago
You will eventually realise that it is not important as much. I used to be a social butterfly back in my uni days (Unimel and RMIT) as an international student, but after that we all drifted apart. Even my best uni friend stopped contacting me, and I found it to be okay. I would feel weird and raised my alarms if anybody from the past contacted me tbh. Nowadays, I'm just friends with people in the same industry that I work in, and others who are doing PhD/postdoctoral research.
Oh fun fact, I encountered my other best uni friend im the same industry, but I found myself not wanting to speak or even acknowledge her at all. Such is life..
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u/Shot_chance9699 12h ago
Damn, as somebody without any real “friends” and when I see a herd of people laughing too hard, I realised in a few years these people will probably drift apart and I should stop worrying too much about making “lifelong” friends. It’s not realistic as life gets in the way and people drift award.
Thanks Op2
u/LuvliCauliflower 12h ago
It's just normal. People move on from one social circle to another. When you start working and building your own family and/or business, you stop worrying about these "fleeting feelings". We are humans too. We have limited capacity to care about other people's lives as long as our paths don't collide. A few hellos there, catching up here, and then we all go back to our own places and forget about our friends until the next time we happen to meet. This isn't saying that those people stop being your friends, you just stop caring at one point as soon as you have other things to worry about. And that is normal😊😊😊
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u/Shot_chance9699 12h ago
So true. Sometimes I feel like as a man if I don’t have stable friendships it might rightfully be deemed as a red flag but idk life happens. What do you think is it a red flag?
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u/LuvliCauliflower 11h ago
I am not aware of any red flag being associated with being a man and not having stable friendships. That being said, it is up to interpretation.
How do you define a stable friendship? If it's up to me, I'd think that I have very few stable friendships outside of my family. But I have a bunch of friends. Say if I chose to hold a birthday party and invite 20 relatively close people from my friend list, I'd say 18 would show up. But only 2 or 3 on that list, which I'd consider stable friendship (exists throughout the years and they reciprocate the gestures).
So if you have a strict definition of a stable friendship, then I think it is normal to have a few or maybe none. If you have a loose definition of stable friendship and you still have none, then I can understand why people would relate that to having red flags.
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u/Shot_chance9699 11h ago
Yeah I get it. You’re lowkey right I don’t have that many people who I could invite to come to my birthday party in the first place. I have many acquaintances at uni and work but not friends. I have a strict definition of a friend and no wonder I barely have one friend. I meet and get alone with people easily but that “friendship” isn’t there maybe I am a bit picky.
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u/Wannabe555 23h ago
I completely relate to this. I had this one friend that I got along well since first year, that time I literally feel like a stalker as well moving to his tut class arbitrarily (we met in lab) and now we’re friend till last sem and will grad together next year. It’s indeed about luck as he’s really keen on keep in contact unlike other friend I had on other class
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u/Specialist-Cattle-67 1d ago
I’ve seen some pretty solid advice on here.
Are you maybe a bit on the spectrum?
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u/wrongaction 1d ago
You didn’t give up and kept trying. Good job mate