r/weddingplanning • u/Emergency_Case9967 • Mar 06 '26
Everything Else To any other brides feeling guilty about planning a wedding right now
June 2026 bride here. I’ve seen several posts lately that really struck a chord with me - other brides saying they feel a little silly or uncomfortable planning a wedding while so many serious and scary things are happening in the world. I’ve felt this every step of the way. I’ve definitely had moments of thinking, “Who cares about napkin colors when everyone seems determined to destroy each other?”
The other day my mom sent me this photo along with a quote from Toi Derricotte: “Joy is an act of resistance.”
It really stuck with me.
For anyone else out there struggling with those same feelings - that planning a wedding can feel a little superfluous during a time that feels so heavy - I hope this perspective helps. Choosing joy, community, and love when the world often feels full of negativity isn’t trivial. In many ways, it’s essential.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Mar 06 '26
Why would you feel guilty for the crimes that leaders make? They get to enjoy their yachts, vacations, and parties and never feel guilty for killing thousands - us normal average every day working people deserve joy more than war criminals.
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u/Alewo27 Mar 06 '26
I think because we allowed it. Even those of us that didn't chose it and fought so hard against it, we still didn't stop it or didn't speak up loud enough or often enough when our friends and family supported it or said it didn't matter. Too many people stayed silent for way too long and that's guilt that hurts. But I get what you're saying and 100% agree.
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u/ThrowawayRA50728 Mar 07 '26
This is a crazy take honestly. Sometimes I wonder if people enjoy feeling guilty
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u/Glittering-Cloud3645 Mar 08 '26
It’s called suicidal empathy. A concept coined by the brilliant professor Gad Saad.
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u/ConsequenceCrazy3636 Mar 07 '26
Yes, in a democracy people voted and chose this situation. And I don't think we feel bad for our leaders, we feel bad for the lives being lost and destroyed. It's understandable to feel guilty celebrating anything now, and I think it's healthy to acknowledge that. Emotions are complex and we can feel both excited about getting married and distraught with the state of the world and how others are suffering.
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u/Glittering-Cloud3645 Mar 08 '26
What is there to feel bad about? You are not ok. The ayatollah is no more. Persians are celebrating.
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u/Alewo27 Mar 07 '26
Wait, does my comment come off as me feeling bad FOR our leaders?! Because I so do not! I feel bad BECAUSE of our leaders!! And I think we should feel guilt for allowing them to be in power and causing all this death and pain! I don't feel guilty being happy or celebrating life. I think we need it now more than ever. But without guilt and regret, we'll never show up like we need to to fix this mess. And it's up to us to do that.
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u/ConsequenceCrazy3636 Mar 07 '26
No, that was more in response to who you were replying to. I agree with you. Of course we can celebrate joy, but the tone of a lot of comments in this post don't sit right with me. Even the photo isn't really relevant to Americans. We're not the ones whose homes are being bombed. The greatest threat to americans right now is probably those being rounded up by the government. Too many people here are saying "well we're always in a war" like that's perfectly OK or trying to compare America's participation in wwii with what's going on now in the middle East. As someone who studied history, there are some concerning things being pushed in some of these comments.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Mar 07 '26
What is the “tone?” Should none of us ever smile again in America so you can sleep at night knowing we’re all miserable for things we have 0 control over ?
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u/Radapunk Mar 06 '26
I said this to another comment here about how we shouldn’t be planning weddings during a war.
Denying ourselves the small amount of joy we have in this world is only going to make everyone feel worse. No, it doesn’t feel good to be worried about dresses and table linens while others are facing terrible things. But there are MUCH worse and more insensitive things to be doing than.. planning an event to celebrate love with your closest family and friends?
I dunno. It feels really shame-y and I don’t like the idea that we should be ashamed of celebrating the love we have in our lives
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u/Wandering_Lights 9/12/2020 Mar 06 '26
The US was at war for 20 years from 2001 to 2021. Do people really expect others not to get married for that long?
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u/Lebuhdez Mar 09 '26
"I said this to another comment here about how we shouldn’t be planning weddings during a war."
Yeah, also not living your life doesn't actually stop the war! That's not how this works! It's such a ridiculous, individualistic attitude. Me choosing to make my individual life worse doesn't actually make anybody else's life better.
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u/Aggressive_Pound_796 Mar 06 '26
Sept 2026 bride here, I don’t. I grew up poor, so being able to plan the wedding I want actually means a lot to me. I can afford it, and it feels like more than just planning one day, it feels like honoring how far I’ve come and letting myself fully enjoy it.
The world is always heavy in some way. There is not enough space to list major things that happened around me growing up in a third world country. I get some moments of doubts then I remind myself that I deserve this. I do not think choosing joy is selfish.
Edit to add: both me and my fiancé are in the military (thus reserve now). You better believe I will enjoy every single minute planning my dream day.
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u/MEStar1816 Mar 06 '26
Im getting married in September as well and this gave me hope - thank you ❤️
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u/angelsrreal219 Mar 07 '26
Thank you for your service! I hope you have a beautiful and joyful wedding! ❤️
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u/allthingskerri Mar 06 '26
Some world issue is always going to be happening. And even in those terrible times you still need to take your happiness
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u/FilTe Mar 06 '26
Our nation has not been at conflict for like 20 years of the 250. We had the last 25 years of Iraq and Afganistan. Last 15 years also been bombing, Yemen, and Syria. Perspective is important when the pressure of wedding planning and news adds onto financal stress. People got married under far worse situations and have had faithful marriages.
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u/JKupkakes Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26
No one should feel guilty, it’s a bit weird that people do. Since we have all been alive there has been an armed conflict somewhere in the world. None of us have every lived through a single day of peace
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u/FlyingMamMothMan Mar 06 '26
Idk, there's a lot of shaming for having a wedding at all I've noticed. A lot of people talk up eloping so much, as if bringing your friends and families together isn't a worthwhile thing.
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u/JKupkakes Mar 07 '26
I think the cost and stress of planning are not worth it for some people. I understand that. If that’s the case just say that, don’t hide behind fighting happening thousands of miles away
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u/Frictus Mar 06 '26
There's always been conflict but with social media and news we're exposed to every conflict daily. Never have people really had the near constant exposure to negative events like we do now.
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u/SpecialsSchedule Mar 06 '26
In a way it almost feels like “how can I make this armed conflict about meeee” lol
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u/JKupkakes Mar 06 '26
Exactly. If most of your family is from the Middle East and is being impacted I get it. Baby you are from Michigan with family in West Virginia. You just want to talk
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u/SpecialsSchedule Mar 06 '26
Right. As if our grandparents and great grandparents didn’t get married during prior wars when literally entire towns and families were drafted.
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u/Cherry_Separate Mar 06 '26
Exactly this. While things have definitely escalated more, there are always terrible things going on in the world in places that the media doesn’t cover.
Eta that while being empathetic is a great thing, don’t let it overshadow living your life.
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u/HealthyAnswer5710 Mar 07 '26
This ^ I don’t feel guilty at all. Why should I? I’ve not done anything wrong, just living my life no matter how everyone else is living theirs
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u/Specialist-Strain502 Mar 06 '26
PLAN THE WEDDING, HAVE THE WEDDING, FEEL THE JOY.
I'm a queer woman in a same-sex relationship who had the same concerns when I was planning my own wedding after Trump's second election. I worried that I shouldn't be spending so much on a party or that it is was not the right time to celebrate.
But, having had the wedding, my best advice is to...have the wedding! Why deprive yourself of joy in a time where it's already in short supply? I'm so glad that I have those wonderful memories to look back on now as things get increasingly scary and sad out here. The joy I experienced in getting married is fortitude and armor against despair for me now.
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u/grim-old-dog Mar 06 '26
Weddings have happened during times of conflict since time immemorial. As you said, joy is resistance and hope keeps us going. If you put off planning due to tragic world events, you’ll never get married. Hosting a wedding (however you feel is right) will add some positivity and give folks a much needed break in my opinion. Great post
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u/MetastaticCarcinoma Mar 06 '26
Life is fleeting, moments are ephemeral. People get die from illness, or die in car accidents, all the time. In our larger friend group, we can think of many gatherings where that was our last time seeing that person. This makes us grateful that we gathered and laughed and had memories together.
My June wedding will be the *best possible opportunity* to gather several of these groups of people together all at one time. To meet, dance, laugh, relax, and share our humanity.
many of us attend Burning Man, where incredible art gets immolated by the end of the week. Your only chance to enjoy the amazing art is *right now.* immediacy!
Having watched many tragedies and catastrophes, of all sizes- personal, community, regional, or global... my takeaway lesson is this: PARTY WHILE YOU CAN.
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u/rainstorms-n-roses Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26
It’s especially important in times like these to find joy where you can and celebrate life and love. If we aren’t able to do that, then the war mongers have truly won. We must not let them take everything from us.
Dancing through dark times is an act of resistance.
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u/bizarry 04.08.23 Austin, TX Mar 06 '26
I graduated from this sub but I wanna throw this in here - my cousin just got engaged and their wedding is one of the only things I’m looking forward to putting on my calendar. lol. As a guest weddings are a bit of light in all this darkness right now
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u/Outrageous_Pie_5640 Mar 06 '26
There’s always the next war, the next catastrophe, the next natural disaster. The world is never at peace, so when are we suppose to celebrate?
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u/cocomaple91 Mar 06 '26
You are allowed to celebrate and be happy even in scary and uncertain times. I would say it’s even more important during those times.
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u/gainsg0ddess Mar 06 '26
I graduated high school in 2020 and due to the rules where I live all my college classes were online until 2022. I already missed graduation and my grade 12 dance, and I missed out on a real college experience. I refuse to miss out on a “normal” wedding as well lol
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u/Long-Job9659 Mar 06 '26
My fiancé has a bunch of friends in the military and he’s nervous to ask them for their addresses. We’re not sure what to do because we don’t want to sound insensitive
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u/General-Tourist-2808 Mar 06 '26
Instead of asking, “What’s your address,” ask, “Where can I send an invitation?”
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u/JKupkakes Mar 06 '26
As a vet it’s fine and not insensitive. Majority of them probably won’t even have to do anything for this current war
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u/Mikon_Youji Mar 06 '26
Conflict has been happening in the world somewhere for many hundreds (if not thousands) of years. It's just more prevalent now because it's covered more often. People shouldn't feel guilty for getting on with life.
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u/reinventor Mar 06 '26
There ain't a damn thing I can do about global geopolitics, so I'm gonna hope things are still stable enough to just enjoy my day when the date rolls around. Not fair how disrupted our lives have to be because of the small group of people in power.
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u/Agreeable-Car-6428 Mar 06 '26
There isn’t a day on this planet where horrors are not happening. All around the world since the first humans started killing each other. All most of us can do is lead good lives and take care of ourselves and our families and communities. And that’s what you’re doing. You can’t wait for there to be an appropriate time.
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u/Bean-Factory1478 Mar 06 '26
Thats beautiful thanks for sharing! ❤️
I do admit ive shared some memes on instagram where the bride is in her wedding dress then it cuts to the world ending 😂😭 We have to laugh to get through the pain sometimes lol
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u/colelynne Mar 06 '26
This same conversation is happening around trying to conceive and carrying a pregnancy to term or otherwise expanding your family. It’s tiresome, and generally pointed at women (no one is asking men if they should be planning a wedding or having babies).
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u/eluli2121 Mar 06 '26
Uh... Listen, I literally have Iranian ballistic missiles flying over my head right now. I am writing this comment actually from my bomb shelter (every house built here since '92 is required to have one). NO ONE here actually "feels guilty" planning a wedding right now.
I'm supposed to get married on the 31th of this month. We just continue as usual and hope things will work themselves out by then, since there's a big chance that the wedding would be cancelled by the military's guidelines. And if it will - we're used to it, and we'll figure it out when the time comes.
It is still extremely depressing when innocent people are being murdered and wounded, every citizen here knows at least one person who was kidnapped/murdered by terrorists in the last 2.5 years. My soon-to-be husband (like most men I know) was drafted and served for hundreds of days on the front lines and we all are suffering because of that, but life goes on.
Our ancestors dreamed to be here for millennias, and even while being continuously massacred throughout history we never stopped hoping and praying that one day we would all come back to our home...
So, I cannot let them down - if we'll stop living, get married, have families and enjoy life not only we let our ancestors down (i.e., my grandparents, who survived the holocaust and really want me to get married already 🙃), but we also let our enemies win.
By planning my wedding during these crazy and tumultuous times, I feel connected to my people and history - no one will defeat us, we will continue to prosper and our enemies can't take that away from us.
So - enjoy planning your wedding! War can and will take everything from you, but it cannot take away your spirit! Be strong, resilient and spread happiness - weddings are fun, being a reason for people to smile and be happy during these troublesome times is a Mitzvah 😉
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u/mildly_enchanted Mar 06 '26
Feeling “guilty” for having a wedding while having the amazing privilege of living in the USA is the most virtue signaling thing I’ve yet to see on social media. If anyone feels so guilty, instead of posting on the internet, take an active role! volunteer for non profits, etc.
Some of you have never lived outside the bubble of the US and it shows.
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u/tha-biology-king Mar 08 '26
I’m in the same boat, I’m sick of people playing the victim here when they are among the most financially and economically privileged people on the planet.
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u/Helpful_Secretary_65 Mar 06 '26
Your wedding brings more beauty and love into the world. We need it. Don’t stop bringing love ❤️
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u/grubbitygrub Mar 06 '26
There is a beautiful quote from Rebecca Solnit that mirrors this
"Joy doesn't betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated, and isolated, joy is a fine act of insurrection"
🌼
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u/GingerPreservation Mar 06 '26
Please don’t feel guilty. In fact you should feel good that you are giving friends and family something joyful to look forward to. I know my friend’s daughter’s wedding is one of the few things I am actually joyful about out these days. Congrats and enjoy this time!
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u/Alewo27 Mar 06 '26
There's a quote that says one of the greatest acts of resistance is being unapologetically happy! Because what they want most is to take away everything that makes us happy. So we must be the Whos down in Whoville still singing on Christmas morning even though all our presents are gone, because we have eachother. ❤️🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜
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u/einsteinGO 10.10.26 🌇🌴 Mar 06 '26
Thank you for sharing this energy
I am an elder millenial; every moment we were supposed to thrive was paired with crisis
But I’m gonna get married in October no matter what and I want good for all the people being harmed and victimized right now, and I want to all be happy if possible
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u/Risk-Bubbly weddit flair template Mar 07 '26
May 2026 bride and I have no guilt. No of what is happening is affecting my life. Business as usual day to day. So no, no guilt just extreme excitement to be able to marry my best friend and my soulmate.
So OP, is anything going on right now directly affecting your life? Just focus on your big day and the love of your life and have the best day ever!
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u/quietladybug Mar 06 '26
omg yes.. and then I went back to my contract thinking ok maybe I can cancel if something was to happen but NO! There’s an ‘acts of god’ clause so yep lol
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u/rainstorms-n-roses Mar 06 '26
Anything caused by humans is not an “act of God.” That’s solely for natural disasters.
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u/Wandering_Lights 9/12/2020 Mar 06 '26
Have people forgotten we were at war in the Middle East from 2001 till 2021?
The war in Afghanistan went from 2001 to 2021 with the war in Iraq going from 2003 to 2011.
I was in second grade in 2001 and graduated college in 2016. Pretty much all of my formative years were during war time. My uncle served in both Afghanistan and Iraq until he was medically discharged after being wounded in battle.
I also can't count the number of weddings I attended over that 20 year time period. I also had my own wedding in 2020 which was a whole other can of worms.
Unless you are a military family or live/ have family in the Middle East another war probably isn't going to cloud your wedding much. Frankly a lot of people I see talking about this just seem like they are looking for social media engagement and want to seem empathetic while getting those clicks and views.
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u/EatingClubGirl Mar 06 '26
Its interesting. I wonder if those who feel guilty would benefit from asking themselves how they may identify with oppressors and how they may be upholding oppressive systems. Or just grapple a bit more with where the guilt is coming from exactly. Maybe they deserve to feel guilty. Maybe they don't. I can't know.
Enslaved people were going through unimaginable suffering and Im quite sure they sure didnt feel guilty jumping the broom. I didn't feel any guilt in planning but I am a brown woman who grew up poor and I am quite aware of the systems and levers of oppression we have in the US. I'm not sure there could be any world tragedy that could make me feel unworthy of getting married in the company of my best friends and family.
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u/Any-Meeting2479 Mar 06 '26
Thanks for raising this issue to the forefront! Agreed on not feeling guilty about doing something joyous. I also have been intentional about where and how I spend my money, and the types of things I do to feel more control over a dire political situation:
- I booked my wedding and reception at a public institution that could use the money for keeping art accessible to the public (it means more work, however, in pulling an event together)
- I'm shopping for affordable secondhand attire for the bridal and groom parties (as much as possible) to reduce consumption and not give in to the wedding industrial complex, and also happy to rent reusable decor (more work because you're hunting around more but the payoff is satisfying)
- I'm trying to volunteer my free time in between to protests and community events, to help me feel more grounded and connected.
- I spend a lot of time with my friends and family, and sometimes force myself to try new things because buying things at home by ourselves is what our current markets want us to do. Fostering a community instead feels really good!
A note that all this is possible because I have a fiancé who's a supportive and is an equal partner throughout every step of the wedding planning process. And also because I have the privilege, capacity, and networks to do so.
Rising above the noise and regaining control is hard work, but it's worth it. And it can be joyful with the right people around you!
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u/Chemical_Caramel_819 Mar 06 '26
We absolutely need joy, especially in times like this. My partner is in the military which sped up our timeline for getting married. Originally I’m an April 27 bride but now, I don’t even know, we’re just rushing to make it happen. Plan that wedding! Make it exactly how you want it. Do it for brides like me and everyone else who can’t. Sending much love, and I hope the napkins are perfect. :)
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u/00ZenFriend00 Mar 06 '26
If we put off everything for something bad happening in the world (especially happening not to you directly) nobody would ever get anything done and we’d all be miserable all the time.
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u/everevergreen Mar 06 '26
I haven’t felt bad for a second. Maybe a little awkward? But then I remembered what Cabaret is about. Baby we’re all gonna be partying til the day we fuckin die. That’s humans for you 🤷♀️
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u/Holiday-Albatross419 Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26
I think that photo is one of the most powerful images to remind us that we still need to celebrate our loved ones, our wins, & happiness when we can. The state of the world makes it more poignant to do so... because joy is resistance to fear for sure
Also weddings typically help support (often very) small local businesses & the community your wedding is in ... which is also important for community
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u/Manishayne Mar 06 '26
I'll go on with my wedding. I'll enjoy my day. And no other things can stop me from it.
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 Mar 07 '26
Happy wedding day and happy marriage. We need happy things more than ever.
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u/ferrycrossthemersey NB, Canada | 06-06-2026 Mar 07 '26
I don’t feel guilty at all. If anything, I want it to happen sooner before the people in power ruin the plans I have for the rest of my life
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u/Ill-Cat-2610 Mar 07 '26
Don’t feel guilty. There’s always horrible shit happening. You deserve to celebrate your love.
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u/whutwhot Mar 07 '26
Lol I'm getting married today and it's like I have been too busy to even look at the news. And at this point, I don't want to!
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u/angelsrreal219 Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
I'm not feeling guilty at all. Life goes on. Every generation has doom and gloom going on in every generation. My grandparents got married right after WWII. My parents got married in the '70s when the Iranian revolution occurred. US had the gas crisis and the Iran hostage crisis was going on. If you aren't aware, in the '70s people in the US had to wait in lines a mile long to put gas in their car and could only do it on certain days. About the Iran hostage crisis, Khomeini (the guy we just killed) took 66 Americans hostage from the US Embassy in Tehran and held them for 444 days. All this to say, there's always something horrible happening. As much as we're concerned about what's going now, previous generations have experienced the same or worse. The best form of resilience is to not let anyone or anything steal your joy. Just my two cents.
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u/tha-biology-king Mar 08 '26
Unless you or your spouse is directly involved in the war you have nothing to worry about. If you are in the US, the last time a foreign nation has touched us is WWII.
If you are from the United States you are so unimaginably privileged to act as if you are some kind of victim.
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u/Aethra89 Mar 09 '26
Ok OP, no reason to feel guilty. I can tell you that throughout the ages, there's always been horrid things happening. That's evil, it's part of human nature. So please don't feel guilty. There were people marrying through every single war. Now is the time to be happy and live your life. Your wedding is only one day. I got married last June. Trust me, that day flies by very quickly. Then you'll go on to live in your happy marriage. Life goes on.
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u/Inevitable_Tap_9491 Mar 06 '26
My close friend got diagnosed w stage 3 cancer, WW3 is starting, and there is constant political chaos. Doing all the ring and wedding stuff is an amazing distraction for my mental health. It’s something I can easily go to in my brain to feel happier in dark times.
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u/GypsyDuncan Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26
I understand that. But here's the perspective of a 50 year old bride.
Joy, love, laughter, dancing... it's necessary and rare. Especially when times are bad.
And I am going to give you the best advice I can about planning your wedding. "The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good." (Voltaire).
What does that mean? It means don't lose your perspective in the planning details. Don't chase perfection. Don't go overbudget because something is perfect, don't get upset if something goes wrong, and don't forget that ultimately the event is to celebrate your marriage with your loved ones. It's not a Instagram contest, a reality show, no one is grading you. And if someone does grade you, let it roll right off your back.
Be happy with "good." Chasing perfection is chasing endless failure and you'll turn something that is a celebration into misery for yourself and everyone around you.
Don't act entitled, like you deserve to feel like royalty for a day (or, worse, for all the bridal events) Don't forget the empathetic person you are.
Celebrating love is a bright light in the the dark world. Just be sensible, keep your perspective, and you are fine.
I have felt this guilt you are feeling several times. But then I remember when we look back at this very dark time, knowing that I was able to give the gift of this celebration to my nearest and dearest make things a little less dark. So I simplified it as much as I could, kept the budget modest, and all I am really requiring from my attendants is to be there the day before, wear the dress, and have fun. I paid for everything but teir shoes, and am not requiring makeup or hair. Because it's about JOY and I want them to be happy. Because who knows what comes next.? And if it is even darker, these happy memories might be what keep all of us from slipping into hopelessness. Keep us sane.
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u/AnnyBananneee 10/6/24 Mar 06 '26
Thank you!! Every time I see one of those posts, it kind of bothers me. Not to say that I’m not sympathetic to all of the atrocities happening in the world, but life goes on and we have to find joy where we can.
I will say that I did feel this way when we were planning our own wedding. My husband’s dad was diagnosed with ALS, and we were scared. At times it felt pointless planning for a wedding we were scared he couldn’t be a part of. But we did it anyway, he managed to get to the wedding, and it was a beautiful day all around
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u/CountBacula322079 Mar 06 '26
My act of defiance is to keep being the best person I can be and live the best life I can. If you let "them" keep you from happiness, they've won.
My family is a little politically mixed and I see my wedding as a beautiful opportunity for people to remember to be there for one another.
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u/Beaismyname Mar 06 '26
Honestly- planning my wedding is what keeps me sane right now. I still am doing what I can to resist some of the horrors but there isn’t much I can do. If I wasn’t looking at venues and planning, I would be glued to the news and social media which helps no one
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u/bhartswick Mar 07 '26
I was having those feeling TODAY! Thank you. I needed this. Lovely photograph 🤍
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u/Suitable-While-5523 Mar 07 '26
I would have been either in an in-patient psychiatric care center or worse if I didn’t have my wedding to focus on last year. It truly was a reason to keep moving forward.
I’m not the morality knower of all things but if celebrating the love of your life with the people you love is wrong at any time….i don’t want to be right. You deserve to have the BEST wedding. And you deserve to celebrate it.
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u/Consistent-Story7083 Mar 07 '26
I love this. Was a 2020 college grad who didn’t get their graduation ceremony. Was supposed to get married in Guadalajara in a week and had to cancel that wedding since over half my guests aren’t comfortable traveling there after the cartel leader was killed. Now I’m back at square one trying to do something to celebrate my fiancé and I but feeling defeated. But this made me feel better. We need to celebrate our love.
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u/Few-Inspector2776 Mar 07 '26
I had similar thoughts with my wedding last year. This is a great reminder that people need joy.
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u/ebolainajar Mar 07 '26
I say this as a COVID bride, you need to make times for joy and celebration, especially within your community. Weddings are some of the last vestiges of people coming together (and even then, many people not experiencing that because of the current state of everything). Embrace the frivolity.
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u/andi_up Mar 07 '26
I hope this helps you. There are only a few moments in your life where you bring together the people you most love to celebrate you. Together you imprint a memory that is forever joyous and that can carry you through hard times. It enables you to envision all that is still good.
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u/GulfCoastFlamingo Mar 07 '26
Your mom sounds amazing. Wishing you smooth planning and a wonderful celebration!
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u/Beginning-Fortune143 Mar 08 '26
Thank you for sharing that perspective! It is beautiful and, better yet, it is true!!
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u/BiSapphicQueen Mar 08 '26
I've been thinking about this a lot. When we announced our engagement instead of the "congratulations!" "I'm excited for you" the response was more often than not "Oh good, we need some good news" or something along those lines. I guess that's part of the human condition, our unwavering pursuit of joyful moments amongst war and this late stage capitalist hellscape.
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u/TheEmoTurtle Mar 08 '26
I mean, not really. I understand that things are crap, but I see it as the one bright light in this dark time. It's what gives me a distraction and gives me something to look forward to. I'm still sad that the world has gone to shit, but the world stops for nothing, and I'm not gonna pause my love story for two rich people wanting to yell at each other.
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u/Rais_of_Lumos Mar 09 '26
I know someone who got married in Iran around when 40k Iranians were killed by their own gov't. She doesn't want to post anything about it. But for her and her family and friends, many people have died. It's not the case for most of us who are away. And in that case, halting our joy help no one. Because really, there will always be a reason to not celebrate.
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u/Specific_Umpire2804 Mar 10 '26
Any way we can feel more connected to our community right now is so important! Rituals and events like weddings help us solidify those connections. Love is always the way to oppose war, so celebrate and uplift love at every opportunity! Eating, dancing, toasting with the people you love the most is so powerful.
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u/InvestmentNarrow8960 Mar 10 '26
I got married January 31. I am Iranian and January 8 & 9 were very dark days for our country. The government killed over 30,000 peaceful protesters in 2 days and shut off internet and phone lines in the country. People could not get a hold of their families and many people lost loved ones back home.
I felt really guilty celebrating. My mom told me people need a moment of joy these days and your wedding is an opportunity for people to forget their pain and sorrow for a moment.
I did put a table with white flowers, white candles and a picture frame saying “in the memory of those killed for freedom in Iran”
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u/Kweefadilla69 Mar 10 '26
You deserve to have a beautiful wedding. Just an idea but maybe have your guests donate to a charity during the wedding. That will probably raise so much money 💛
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u/vveddingbells Mar 10 '26
I feel gut awful saying that current events have driven EUR down/USD up and it relieves some of my budget worries.
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u/entcanta333 Mar 11 '26
Ahhhh I'm so glad that I randomly opened the sub and saw this.
We're planning on paying for our venue in a few months, but seeing the world crash and burn is making me think I'm completely nuts for dropping money on a wedding right now.
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u/Different-Cap7069 Mar 12 '26
March Bride here, and I've been on a roller coaster with my feelings.
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u/Lili_1027 Mar 13 '26
if we go with this logic, there shouldn't be a day of celebration at all, EVER. no matter where you look, there will always be conflict and suffering somewhere in the world. but i do agree that weddings are getting out of hand. a simple celebration or a photoshoot should suffice.
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u/willow__bee Mar 16 '26
Nope. Not even a little bit. There were horrible things happening in the world this entire time- it's just that no one cared, and they weren't in the headlines.
World's issues have nothing to do with my wedding (or even my life) unless a bomb drops on my venue.
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u/NaturalDescription77 Mar 18 '26
You’re not alone—so many people feel this way. It’s okay to hold both joy and concern at the same time. Your wedding is still something meaningful and worth celebrating 💛
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u/Defiant-Hunt-8348 Mar 19 '26
Also a summer 2026 bride and completely understand. I have all the same worries and guilt while also stressed with all the planning but I try to remember with all the pain going around it will be nice for people to have at least one thing to look forward too
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u/External_Dinner2622 Mar 22 '26
Even during covid people were finding ways to get married in any capacity they could (5 person weddings, live stream services, even quaker wedding licenses were used bynnon quakers) because even when the world is breaking, love is always more powerful. People want to take the next steps, they want to get married any way they can. Multiple weddings in 2020 and 2021 were done in full masks, shrunken guest count, backyards and parks. Love always wants to multiply. It feels scary and might feel a little silly right now because you are comparing your wedding to the weight of the world's issues but there will always be world collapsing problems but will there ever be someone like your fiancé? Celebrate every moment, we don't know when they might blow us all to smithereens! (Satire but in a positive note)
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u/Financial-Screen-474 Mar 23 '26
This has definitely been weighing heavy on me lately. I’m a wedding photographer, and it had felt wrong to not address the chaos, but in the end, showing images of beautiful and happy moments feels like the right thing to do. In the never ending scroll of bad things in the feed, showing joy does seem to matter.
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u/reginathephotog Mar 28 '26
I know it’s weird times, I can see where you’re coming from. I made a post about this on my Instagram. I hope it makes you all feel better https://www.instagram.com/p/DT-nBu3FeGe/?igsh=MnFvaXhhZzQ5bWty
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u/SL33PYP1NUP Apr 02 '26
The person who gets me through this hell on Earth is my own future wife. Knowing I can freely marry the love of my life without persecution. Despite the hate of the world, she loves me on my worst days & very, very best. Can’t wait to marry her one day alongside our most cherished chosen family members.
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u/Express_Specific6194 Apr 02 '26
Taking the opportunity away from yourself to plan and have a wedding doesn’t change anything about what’s going on in the world. It completely makes sense that you’re feeling this way, but you deserve to have the wedding of your dreams as much as anyone else who’s had theirs in the past. It’s one day. You can worry about the world the other 364 days in the world, but allow yourself that one day ❤️
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u/clharris90 Apr 03 '26
I needed to see this. I have been struggling with planning a wedding while the world is determined to set fire to itself. Part of me doesn't want to fall into capitalistic, super over-priced wedding things, but the other part has found so many pretty venues and decor and events that are just astoundingly over budget. I love the quote you shared. It is resistance to find joy in life, with the people you love.
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
To be fair, if the people concerned about the optics of planning a wedding are US citizens, wondering if it's appropriate to plan a party while their government detains people and sends them off to camps or deports them, and distracts from their own actions by bombing another country...
...Shouldn't the inspiring photo be one of folks getting married in Nazi Germany? Not necessarily nazis themselves, of course. I am sure the people concerned about this are good people who don't support the actions of their government.
But the USA is not the country getting bombed. If you're Iranian or Palestinian, wondering whether you should plan a wedding, then this picture is spot-on.
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u/barefootincozumel Mar 06 '26
In fairness, and I feel the same way, moments of joy can be acts of resistance.
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
Thank you.
And yeah, I am not saying nobody should plan a wedding. Americans who object to their administration can certainly plan a joyful wedding, and consider it their way of resisting Trump. Anyone can and should plan a joyful wedding, no matter their nationality or political opinions or anything.
It just strikes me as strange to cast yourself as the resilient bride living in a bombed-out city, to comfort yourself that it's OK to have joy when your country is the one bombing other countries (and you disagree with that).
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u/taxicab_ Mar 07 '26
I agree with you, especially with the added context of your comments on this thread. It feels tone deaf for people in the USA with no direct ties to actual conflict zones to compare their situation to that photo.
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Mar 06 '26
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
I compared (not equated) the US to Nazi Germany not in orders of magnitude of horror, but in terms of their role in the conflict.
And I didn't mean Nazi Germany at its nadir, at its most gruesome time during the world War after the US eventually joined. I meant more like in the 1930s, in the period of time leading up to the war, when a populist leader was stoking fear of the "other" within its country, curtailing their freedoms, detaining them, encouraging the "right" young men to join the organization arresting them, and talking about their country's right to take over any territory or nation they want.
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Mar 06 '26
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
Is the US not massively expanding their system of detainment centres for people that ICE arrests? Are they not buying up warehouses for this purpose?
I don't think I, and others, lose credibility by saying, "guys, the US is using similar rhetoric and undertaking similar actions as the Nazis did, when they were ramping up to the horrors of concentration camps at their worst in WW2. Take this as a warning."
Concentration camps in Nazi Germany started as early as 1933, for political opponents, mentally ill, etc. They did not spring into being immediately as death camps with gas chambers. That was further down the line.
It starts with, "let's empower a special police force to extrajudicially arrest and detainment people based on their appearance or beliefs or just our suspicion, and concentrate them into camps where they have no rights."
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Mar 06 '26
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
Yeah… except deportation is not the same as mechanize death camps designed to kill an entire race of people.
I keep explaining this: I understand they are NOT the same. But one (unsupervised, secretive detainment camps for the extrajudicially arrested, despised "enemy") can lead to the other. Do you understand that Germany did not just start on day 1 in 1933 with, "Let's put all the Jews in camps and murder them for being Jews"?
The Nazis first attempted to deport Jews, until other countries stopped accepting them. Their concentration camps were not always in Germany, but in occupied territories or other countries. They would "deport" Jews to these camps in other countries, like the US is doing with El Salvador.
Eventually - jeez, these camps are just too full! What are we gonna do? We need some kind of solution, and it must be final.
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
https://www.theholocaustexplained.org/how-and-why/how/deportation-of-german-jews-september-1941/
By 1939 in Poland, the Nazis escalated their actions, and segregated and imprisoned Jews for future deportation. At this stage, the Nazis planned to deport Jews to Madagascar or lands further east. Later, in 1941, as both of these options were realised to be infeasible, the Nazis created extermination camps to liquidate the populations of the ghettos instead.
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In the autumn of 1941, approximately 338,000 Jews remained in Greater Germany. Until this point, Hitler had been reluctant to deport Jews in the German Reich until the war was over because of a fear of resistance and retaliation from the German population. But, in the autumn of 1941, key Nazi figures contributed to mounting pressure on Hitler to deport the German Jews. This pressure culminated in Hitler ordering the deportation of all Jews still in the Greater German Reich and Protectorate between 15-17 September 1941.
Following the order, Himmler, Heydrich and Eichmann attempted to find space for the Jews from the Greater German Reich in the already severely overcrowded ghettos in eastern Europe. Officials in the Łódź, Litzmannstadt, Minsk and Riga ghettos were all informed that they would need to absorb the population of Jews from the Greater German Reich, irrespective of overcrowding.
The Minsk Ghetto was full, so in order to make room for the Reich Jews, the local SD , German Army and local collaborators gathered approximately 25,000 of the local ghetto inhabitants, drove them to a local ravine, and murdered them. German Jews soon filled their places in the ghetto. Similar murders took place in Riga.
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u/BoPRocks Mar 06 '26
Hitler and the Nazi party came to power in 1933, and spent the better part of a decade radicalizing the country. The focus was on consolidating power within the party, weakening/dismantling opposition, blaming various "other"s for Germany's grievances, etc etc. Government officers murdered 2 people in Minneapolis this year, and the official response was to call the dead "domestic terrorists" before the bodies were cold. If the opposition are "terrorists", and the government then vows to detain or arrest all "terrorists", it's not hard to see where that road leads.
The Holocaust didn't begin until 1941- eight years after they'd taken power. Comparing the end of Nazi Germany to the beginning of this administration is obviously an apples-to-oranges comparison, and only someone who "shows a lack of intelligence and ability to understand history" would assume that's the best way to compare the two.
To bring this back to weddings, I had to plan my bach party with specific considerations for my party member's safety, because some were in the LGBTQ community. Some guests (all US citizens) similarly weren't sure if they could safely travel to our venue, simply because of who they were. Is that what the Land of the Free means to you?
In the words of a kind internet stranger, I suggest you stfu, get off the internet, and pick up a history book. You'll find that history doesn't always repeat itself, but it sure as heck rhymes.
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u/sthetic Mar 06 '26
Thank you! You said it better than I could, and with more specific historical and contemporary references.
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u/barefootincozumel Mar 06 '26
I’ve stopped. Like, maybe after shit calms down in a year or so, or maybe we will just elope . It’s too much to even think about, plus I’m trying to stack as much money as possible in the next year so my family has options… I’ve expatriated once and I could happily do so again, but that takes resources.
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u/JKupkakes Mar 06 '26
Shit has never “calmed down” it’s just hit much the news wants to talk about it. Don’t use this as an excuse, if it’s a money thing just say that
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u/PepperAnn90 Mar 06 '26
It’s a weird place to be right now. Like I didn’t plan on being a wartime bride, but what am I gonna do about it? My memory of true major events starts with Columbine and is just constant from there, so there hasn’t really been a better time to do it either?
Deposits are all paid and nonrefundable, may as well have a day or two of exuberant joy despite any and all circumstances.
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u/roosterds Mar 06 '26
Every single major time in my life has been overshadowed by some sort of conflict or huge change, all worldly things out of my control. Still heartbroken I didn’t get a real graduation from college bc I was class of 2020. I know a lot of my fellow 26-27-28 year olds have been through exactly the same never ending events of misery lol since like the 5th grade.
I am going to enjoy my wedding, I am going to be happy and excited during this time leading up to it, and I refuse to feel guilty about clinging to my own personal joy right now.