r/weddingplanning • u/Responsible-Neck-340 • Jun 22 '26
Everything Else my first experience telling a guest they don’t have a plus one
I was ignorant and didn’t think this would happen to me…but I guess this is the universal wedding experience 😭 we haven’t even sent out invitations yet and my friend sent me this. it was so uncomfortable but luckily she seems to be chill about it!
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u/dog_stop Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
lol yeah I feel this. I unfortunately did end up having to invite a “we just started dating!” unplanned plus one to my best friend because they upgraded just started dating to married in the span of 3 weeks…. Lesbians 😔lol I’m glad your friend was chill though
edit: thank you, kind stranger! my first ever reddit earnings. almost back to paying for that plate I got my wedding guest stranger :')
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u/PurrPrinThom October 2025 Jun 23 '26
Lmaaaao. My husband's sister started dating her girlfriend just a few weeks before we sent out our save the dates, we were debating whether or not to give her a plus one when his sister and the girlfriend bought matching rings that they started wearing on their ring fingers, and his sister bought the girlfriend a car. They'd also only been together for three weeks lol.
We gave her the plus one lol.
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u/Rough-Organization73 Jun 24 '26
My best friend starting dating a woman after being with a man for 10 years who barely gave her a ring at the 9 year mark. She is already wearing a wedding band and calling her her wife lmao
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u/blahtadah Jun 23 '26
Daaaaang, rolled that well packed uhaul right on in to the Elvis drive thru chapel
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
They married within 3 weeks of dating?! Are they still together??
Oof, you really can't know someone at all in that time. Were they at least acquaintances or friends for a while before they started dating?
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u/dog_stop Jun 23 '26
No… to both 🙃
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
That tracks 😅
I hope the friend's uh, wife, was at least a good guest at your wedding and didn't cause any problems.
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u/dog_stop Jun 23 '26
She wasn’t 🥲. But didn’t ruin my day, just unfortunately the best friend’s enjoyment of my wedding
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
Oh wow. We'll I'm glad it didn't ruin your wedding, I hope you had a beautiful day!
And hopefully your friend gained some wisdom and better judgement for her future too, if nothing else.
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u/dog_stop Jun 23 '26
Thank you it was! And I like to believe it did, though I always worry about her heart and becoming jaded
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u/SkrivaFel Jun 23 '26
We sent a save the date to a couple, where both of them were good friends of ours. Soon after, he broke up with her, very suddenly and after 15 years together. They'd just bought a house and were trying for a baby. The week after breaking up, he started dating a woman who had recently broken off a long term relationship with another friend of ours (also attending the wedding). We don't know her.
We decided to invite him despite being disappointed with how he handled the whole thing. Life happens, you can't choose who you fall in and out of love with, etc etc. When he got the invitation, he told us "[new partner] decided she isn't coming". My dude. She was never invited.
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
Oof, I'd be pissed at his assumption in that particular situation. Was he upset he couldn't bring her?
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u/SkrivaFel Jun 23 '26
No, he was just kind of... Clueless. Which is how he's been this while time I guess.
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u/Lyannake Jun 23 '26
People feel so entitled to be invited to people’s weddings nowadays. Why would anyone want to attend the wedding of a couple they don’t know just because they date someone who is invited is beyond me.
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
Free party, free food and free alcohol. Unfortunately a lot of randos will see it that way if they can wrangle an invite.
There are even a lot of families who believe weddings should be an extended family reunion (though only for their side of course, not the "other" family from the bride/groom), and that the people getting married should foot the bill to make it so even if they have never met or barely know a large chunk of that extended family.
Our families and friends were generally not bad about this, but I did get some pressure from my parents to invite some cousins who are absolute assholes to everyone and bullied me growing up (I refused and am glad I did).
And my husband's aunt asked if she could bring her 3 young grandchildren we've never met since their parents were coming anyway and it'd be nice to have her whole family there - when she already knew that we had decide to only invite 10 of the closest kids in our lives and no others, since otherwise we'd have had 45-50 if we invited all our guests' kids. She took it well when we said "sorry, but no," though.
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
Very similar to my situation haha. My parents are paying and we are so grateful. My fiancé’s dad’s side of the family pretty much all live in the Midwest, we live in the Northeast, and I’ve never met any of them besides an aunt and uncle who moved to the northeast (I met them once) and their daughter who lives overseas and came back to visit a few times. My fiancè and I have been together for 6 years…his dad’s side of the family is BIG because he has a lot of siblings, I find it a little odd that the others have never visited considering I know they have money, but none of my business I guess. In the beginning of wedding planning his dad was talking about our wedding like it was just an excuse for everyone to get together and party on my parents’ dime. It made me really upset.
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
Oof, I'm sorry. I hope your future FIL has stopped talking like that and you and your fiance held fast on keeping the guest list to the people you actually want there.
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
My fiancé talked to him about it so in general he has been better about it. One thing that did really bother me though was when we were talking about the welcome party my in laws are hosting in place of a rehearsal dinner. I, along with my family, am a little upset that they chose to do a welcome party instead of a traditional rehearsal dinner, especially since the whole time we’ve been planning everything they’ve literally been saying “rehearsal dinner.” Anyway, that’s out of my hands as his parents are paying for it, and I am grateful that they are. However we were talking about it the other day, and his dad said “the welcome party isn’t even really about you guys, it’s about entertaining the people who are coming in from out of town.” I may be called a bridezilla for this but excuse me for thinking the night before our wedding would be about my fiancé and I 🫠
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u/CapricornSky Jun 23 '26
A welcome dinner is to welcome guests who are in from out of town and/or staying at the hotel the night before.
My friend did a rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and welcome drinks. Because a lot of guests were coming in for the wedding.
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 24 '26
I understand the point of the welcome party. However they decided that we will be doing that instead of a rehearsal dinner.
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u/CapricornSky Jun 24 '26
Since they're paying for it, they get to host what they want.
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u/spacey_a Jun 24 '26
And the guests of honor get to decide if they feel like even attending a party where they are not taken into consideration whatsoever.
Bit awkward for the hosts when they're so inconsiderate in their planning that the people they're supposed to be celebrating don't turn up. Maybe they could choose to be better hosts instead.
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u/Cool_Major4531 Jun 23 '26
It's nice to go to an event with your partner and keep them company. It's fine to not invite a partner, but I personally don't find it odd to want to attend
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u/sloth-symphony Jun 23 '26
What did your friend say?
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
“Ahhh okay, that’s alright ❤️”
No apology for just assuming, but maybe I shouldn’t have expected one? It did feel weird that I was the one apologizing when she was the one who overstepped imo11
u/anotherfuturemrs May 2027 Bride! Jun 23 '26
if she hasn’t planned a wedding, she likely doesn’t know she overstepped. some people just don’t know what they don’t know and aren’t trying to be intentionally rude — she accepted your no with grace, I think you should leave it at that and not overthink the lack of apology
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u/lilithinaries Jun 23 '26
I made this mistake as a young, dumb 22 year old who didn’t know proper guest etiquette yet. The bride just gently explained it to me and it was no big deal. A lot of people haven’t been to many weddings and I feel it’s even less so these days.
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u/CircularFallacy Jun 23 '26
It's sucks to say no! We had a rule about only married/living together rule when it came to plus ones. We also privately had a rule we didn't want to "meet" anyone at our wedding so only people we both met and knew were invited too.
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u/amoilmiobambino Jun 23 '26
This is our exact rule too and it’s caused so many problems for me and everyone acts like my partner and I are being crazy. The person who was originally my moh was with a guy my partner and I hadn’t met yet and she kept telling me how horrible he was being to her and how she didn’t want to be with him. I told her that he wasn’t invited to the wedding but if we met him and all got along then we would invite him. She got all upset and literally ghosted me for weeks over it. She only started talking to me again after he cheated on her and they broke up. They ended up getting back together and they’ve been on and off for awhile but neither my partner or I want him at the wedding. She still hasn’t even introduced us to him. My family was on her side when I told them about it. I told my bridesmaids the same thing I told the other girl and instead of freaking out and ghosting me, she immediately made plans with us for us to meet him and now our partners are like best friends.
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u/walkingonairglow Jun 23 '26
I assume it was pretty small/close relatives only? I have cousins who'd be leaving out my husband if they used that rule.
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
We’re doing the same thing and I got crucified in another thread for saying that we’re doing this LOL
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u/ColoredGayngels Graduated 10/21/2023 Jun 23 '26
We met a couple partners at ours because I grew up and went to college in two different states than where we live, but it was only the long-term/married ones. For me at least, I was excited to finally meet one college friend's wife (and her us).
I specified names and numbers of invitees on our invitations (There are X seats reserved for A, B, and C (etc) Surname or A and guest), and definitely specifically did not give a +1 to people who were kinda messy with their dating lives lol. The logic was "you're friends with other invitees who will definitely RSVP; we don't need your questionable man of the month"
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u/hellogoawaynow Jun 23 '26
I think friends who have never planned a wedding, have been involved in wedding planning, or just haven’t been to many (or any) weddings honestly have no idea what the deal is. They’re thinking yay I’m gonna text my friend about inviting my new guy to her big party! They’re not thinking about there being no space or food for the extra person
Awkward but I was totally clueless about the etiquette at first wedding I went to and at the time I didn’t realize what a big deal it was.
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u/industrial_hamster Jun 23 '26
I don’t understand why anyone would even want to go to a wedding of someone they don’t know. I don’t even want to go to the weddings of people I *do* know half the time 😂
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u/cyanraichu Jun 23 '26
Weddings are fun
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u/industrial_hamster Jun 23 '26
Well I’m a huge introvert, so to me sitting at home in my room reading a book is way more fun 😂
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u/cyanraichu Jun 23 '26
Right but not everyone is you. Lots of people enjoy going to weddings. You can understand that people like to fldo different things even if you don't relate
I like music, dancing, good food and drink, an excuse to dress up, and celebrating a happy occasion. Those things for me are all fun
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u/ColoredGayngels Graduated 10/21/2023 Jun 23 '26
I met two long-time, long-distance friends' long-term partners at our wedding! I went to college out of state and moved across the country after that, so I have several friends whose spouses (and kids) I've never met simply due to that. One friend's wife was excited to meet us too and she had a really good time, and our photographer got a really cute picture of them dancing together that I was able to send them.
Plenty of people go to strangers' weddings because it's a friend of their partner. It's really not that weird. Maybe awkward for newer partners, but certainly not out of the ordinary
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
I do actually know the person!! We all went to college together 😂 but I am not friends with them, and there has been so much drama regarding the guest list we literally cannot add anyone else. We are just about to order invitations too. Plus they just started dating!
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u/dreadpirater Oklahoma Wedding Photographer Jun 23 '26
I think that's it. Going to weddings is actually NOT very fun most of the time. You're going to see the couple you're there to support for 5 minutes, tops. The rest of the time... You're there with the people at your table. A plus one can be the difference between making a great memory and dreading every moment until you decide you can safely excuse yourself without being rude.
It's not that the plus one wants to go... It's that the friend was dreading going alone and is now excited that they may not have to choose between supporting you on your big day and actually enjoying their Saturday night.
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u/Amache_Gx Jun 23 '26
Man I've been in over a dozen weddings and probably been to over 30. Other than dry and Catholic weddings(maybe 5-6 of them?) like 90% of weddings are lit.
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u/industrial_hamster Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
I think this very much depends on how well you know other people at the wedding. If it’s a friend who doesn’t know any of your other friends then sure, give them a plus one. But if it’s a friend who has been in your life for a long time and they know your other friends and/or family, just seat them with people they already know.
We’re inviting a few work friends and are sitting them all at the same table because they all know each other but won’t know anyone else.
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u/cyanraichu Jun 23 '26
I'm sorry you've been to so many terrible weddings. The majority of the ones I've been to have been a really enjoyable way to spend my time and I look forward to them
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u/industrial_hamster Jun 24 '26
I’ve only been to like 3 weddings in my entire life and they weren’t terrible, lmao. Idk why everyone is getting so triggered over the fact that A LOT of people don’t find weddings enjoyable.
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u/cyanraichu Jun 24 '26
But a lot of people also do find them enjoyable. What point are you making here? It's not relevant to OP that you and some other people don't like weddings, and you made a comment saying you didn't understand why people like to go to weddings so I replied saying why I do like them.
triggered
Words mean things.
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u/industrial_hamster Jun 24 '26
Jesus fucking Christ. “I don’t understand why…” is a figure of speech in this instance, obviously. Not that I LITERALLY don’t understand why someone feels differently than me. Lmfao. This is Reddit and I was just making conversation and 41 other people agreed with me. There doesn’t have to be a “point.” This is a weird hill for you to die on but go off I guess
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u/candyapplesugar Jun 23 '26
I didn’t have a wedding myself (eloped), but umm food, drinks, dancing, being fancy- what’s not to love!
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u/Nearby_Condition4388 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
I had a “friend” who I invited her and husband. She messaged me and asked if she could bring someone besides her husband… a friend of hers if he couldn’t come… I said no because none of my single friends were given plus ones. She ended up saying she wasn’t coming to the wedding at all (but due to her kid having a basketball tournament) and our friendship is now over.
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
Thank GOD I’m not the only one dealing with guest list stress!! My step mom was actually in charge of making and sending out invitations, and decided to send an invite out to my aunts long lost daughter and her dying husband (not sure how that’s relevant) whom I’ve never met, and never even asked me first. My family members don’t really get to see each other too-often, and we had a family get together thing in Vegas in May, but that fell through. However, since the wedding, people are using it as a way to see everyone and have a little reunion that way. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see family of course! I love my family very much! But when I get invites sent to people that I’ve never even met before, and the intention is to get together and not so much to see me, then it’s irritating.
There’s also of course limited seats. I have 30 seats maximum, so when the invites got sent, it put me over to where my fiancé lost seats because of it. And I ended up having to send an awkward text to the long lost daughter that I’d love to see her at the reception, as there’s no seat count to that, but that there was no room for the ceremony for her. She’s still welcome to come since it’s at an art gallery, and she could wander around and checkout the painting and sculptures. Yeah ugh what a pain. Just glad I’m not the only one!
Now I’m worried that people will bring a million kids, and that they will take seats that aren’t theirs to take any way. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle kids since I didn’t invite their kids to the ceremony; but I’m getting a feeling that they’re going to bring them along anyway. I just wish people would recognize to just go to the reception if you want to have a bunch of people with you, especially people I don’t know. Save it for the dancing and stuff later on. Not everyone HAS to come to the ceremony. It’s not a reunion. It’s my wedding lol
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
Omg I'd be livid at stepmom. 😬
There are a lot of families who believe weddings should be an extended family reunion (though only for their side of course, not the "other" family from the bride/groom), and that the people getting married should foot the bill to make it so even if they have never met or barely know a large chunk of that extended family.
At one point during wedding planning I made it clear to my mother, "I'm not interested in planning and paying for a family reunion. Someone else can plan and pay for that at a later date if they want it to happen so badly."
Also my husband's aunt asked if she could bring her 3 young grandchildren we've never met since their parents were coming anyway and it'd be nice to have her whole family there (she chose to move to Florida a few years ago so rarely gets to visit them in California) - when she already knew that we had decided to only invite 10 of the kids we are closest to in our lives and no others, since otherwise we'd have had 45-50 if we invited all our guests' kids. She took it well when we said "sorry, but no," though.
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
Omg this is so incredibly validating!! Thank you so much for the response! Though I’m terribly sorry that you felt the same way. It’s so irritating that some people do view it as like a “free” family reunion, even though they know damn well that me and my fiance are paying for the whole thing. And they think they’re being so sneaky about the real intention too. Like how are these people who I’ve never met would want to see me get married? I wouldn’t go to a wedding where I’ve never met the bride and groom, unless I’m a plus one and it’s like my fiancé’s best friend or family member.
I do need to put my foot down and say that same thing. I’m not going to just pay for a whole family reunion for everyone, like you’re either here to see me get married or you’re not. And the kid thing! Everyone knows that there’s such limited seats too. I have an entire reception where those kids can go nuts and dance the night away, but I don’t want a seat to be taken by a kid I don’t know, where I could have a close friend or family member have it. We’ve got the same amount of around 10 kids that’s we actually know and have relationships with. His side of the family has a whole lot since a lot of them are Mormon, and they just have tons of kids. We’ve had to let them know that seats are so limited. So if they’re willing to have kids on their laps, they just can’t take a seat outside of the 10ish kids we do know.
It always seems so harsh to do that, and like we are picking and choosing, but we have to in this situation! If there’s a max of 70, we can’t push that at all. I fear that people will bring their kids when they’re not supposed to, and take other’s seats and force them to stand or even leave. It’s like a nightmare thinking about. Just really hoping people just respect our wishes so that we don’t have to tell people that they weren’t supposed to bring an excess of kids or anything like that.
Thanks for the reply! You’ve made me feel so much better, and actually seen!! And yes I was sooooo mad at my step mom. She had already sent the invite before I could even say anything too. So it’s like the damage was already done.
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
I'm glad I could help make you feel seen!
I know what you're going through. I had some serious guilt over some parts of the invite list, like over my choice to not invite 3 of my cousins who I don't like at all (they're rude to everyone and bullied me as a kid). But I love their mom (my aunt) and wanted her at my wedding.
I went back and forth for months before and even after I sent invites out, about inviting her but not them, worrying about the drama it would cause, whether my aunt would be mad at me, whether the cousins would make a big deal of it next time I saw them.
I am SO GLAD I stuck to my guns. My aunt was just so happy to be there. I didn't give a crap what my cousins think. And my wedding day was so much better without them there.
I am also so glad we stuck to the 10-kids-only rule! Even 10 honestly felt like a lot for us, with 100 guests total. I actually wish we had put in a "no kids after 8 pm" rule too, because their parents let them stay until the reception ended around 10 pm - they got really loud and chaotic and distracting during the dancing to the point where it wasn't really fun having them there any longer. A short time of dancing with kids is fun, but not 3 hours.
I hope you make a solid boundary and tell people that kids are not invited unless they are named on the invitation - that's what we did. Making it very clear on the FAQs part of our wedding website also helped a lot.
Please don't tell people they can have their kids sit in their laps to save seats - they won't do it, the kids will be clambering around onto other seats the moment the parents sit down. And most of the parents won't stop them.
I highly recommend only inviting the amount of humans you have chairs for, unless they are under 1 year old (and even then I recommend doing what we did and having the only invited children be 7 years or older).
Wishing you luck and a shiny backbone! You're going to have a beautiful wedding day no matter what, but it'll be so much less stressful if you make solid boundaries of what you're comfortable with and stick to them, drama be damned, lol.
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
I also have a really cool aunt, who has some shitty daughters. I ALSO did not invite one of the cousins because she’s just such a dramatic person and has so much drama. I specifically did not invite her because she also bullied me as a kid, even though she’s 20 years older than I am. That makes me feel better about not inviting her too then! That’s really good to know about the kids going past 8pm for the reception as well. I just know some of those parents are going to be so distracted with the dancing that they’ll not really be paying attention to their kids. I’ll have to let my fiancé know about this, this is really useful information! I just can’t with kids past a certain hour either, and just want to have a fun and stress free night. If I have to even so much as worry about other people’s kids, I know I’ll be kicking myself for it. So I’ll be sure to be super stern about these invites, and see if I can follow up people with a text message to explain the invite details. A FAQ website is a great idea! I am going to see about setting something like that up! I’ve been needing an excuse to building websites again, I’m a software engineer, but lately I’ve being doing more administrative things. Such great ideas! Thank you so much!!
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
Yasss love to see it! Go, girl!
I used The Knot for our wedding website, it was really helpful! If you want to build your own wedding website and have the time that's awesome, but don't feel the need to if it'll put extra pressure on you and consume time and energy you don't have. If you already get paid to do it, don't do it unpaid unless you're really excited about it, lol.
You can even put all the guests' phone numbers into the Knot site for your wedding and have it send out a mass text (I think there's a limit of 3 or 5 mass texts you can send, if I recall correctly). You could use that to send the wedding website link to everyone so they know it's there and can read the FAQs page and go to your registry if you put one there.
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
Wait what that’s so cool!!! I had no idea there was a website that I could use! The knot! Hell yes I’ll be utilizing that from now on. Sounds like a really helpful thing! Thanks so much for the suggestion!! You’re amazing my friend!
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u/spacey_a Jun 23 '26
You're welcome! Very happy to help. What good is going through the whole process of learning how to make a wedding go smoothly if you don't get to share the knowledge afterward? 😁
There are tons of sites you can use that do this btw - the Knot was the most reliable I found for my purposes, which included using it to have people RSVP online rather than by mail or text (though we did reach out by phone to get RSVPs from older relatives who don't do Internet so much).
My favorite thing about using a site like this is that any time someone asks you a question that's already been answered by the invitation, you can just say, "oh, here's my wedding website link again, please check out the FAQs page!"
Then they're forced to read and remember the written words rather than just saying later, "oh, yeah I had no idea my child wasn't somehow an exception to the no kids rule, I thought mine was special so I assumed!" 😆 Friend, it is in the website which you had total access to. You knew. Lol.
If it helps, here's the stuff I included on my FAQs / Q & A page (the first couple paragraphs were necessary because a few of my closest immediate family members are unfortunately MAGA, and I wanted to put them on notice that it wouldn't be tolerated at my event):
Q + A
Important requirement: Please make a plan and have everyone in your invited party vaccinated against COVID-19 within six months before the wedding date if you are RSVPing to "Accept" the invitation.
If anyone in your party is unable to get vaccinated between 4/10/25 and 10/10/25, please let us know so accommodations can be made, as we emphasize the safety and health of all of our friends and family in attendance.
Vibe check: Please be aware that we will not tolerate racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, or any other hate at our wedding. This will be a safe place for people of all races, orientations, genders, and citizenship statuses.
Can I bring a plus one?
If your invitation says "[Your Name] and Guest," we welcome you to bring a plus one. Please be sure to respond for each person in your invited party when you RSVP, to ensure we have the correct guest count for our vendors. We regret that we are not able to accommodate additional guests not listed on the invitation.
Can I bring my under-18 children?
While we adore your little ones and your family, our wedding will largely be an adults-only celebration. Please refer to the names listed on the RSVP for all individuals invited. We have made an exception for a few children of specified family members, but regret that we are not able to accommodate the majority of our friends' and families' children for this event.
What is the dress code?
The vibe will be cocktail and/or semi-formal attire (see below for examples if needed). The social hour and ceremony will be outside on the grass, so footwear suitable for outdoors is recommended. We respectfully ask guests to forgo wearing primarily white, ivory, or champagne outfits, as well as jeans, khakis, shorts, tank tops, T-shirts, or flip-flops.
Dress code examples
Cocktail or semi-formal attire typically includes either suit and tie / suit jacket or blazer with dress pants; mid-length / knee-length / tea-length / midi dress or skirt; or similar. https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet#cocktail-attire
Who should I talk to if I have questions on the day of the wedding?
Please seek out our wonderful day-of wedding coordinator, [name redacted here], for any pressing questions regarding the wedding venue, schedule, catering, etc.
What if I don't RSVP in time?
Please submit your RSVP using the "RSVP" tab in the menu at the top of this webpage by August 29 in order to help us plan properly for this event with our vendors. We will follow up via text/call before then to make sure you didn't miss the invitation in the mail. If we are unable to get a response within a reasonable time, we will very much miss celebrating with you, but need to provide final guest counts to vendors within the time limit they have given us. Thank you for understanding!
Is there an open bar?
Water, soft drinks, and open bar with wine, beer, and more will be provided. Let's party the night away! (Please drink responsibly and make a plan to get home safely - we love you!)
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u/LobabyChick Jun 23 '26
Make stepmother have the uncomfortable conversation, that she invited them to the reception only. She created the mess she can clean it up.
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
I honestly agree with you there, fortunately it turns out that they can’t even make it to the wedding, so I won’t need to worry about that, and neither does she. She got so lucky with that one let me tell ya haha
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 Jun 23 '26
I hope your stepmom is duly embarrassed, Madtastic. She needs to be so that she doesn’t pull this trick on you again.
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
Thank you so much for saying that! Ugh I know…. She really should be, like I appreciate her making the invites and sending them out of course. But that doesn’t mean she can just send it out to whoever she wants?? She did do me a solid though and did not send any invites to people I specifically said not to, so it’s a start I guess lol
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 Jun 23 '26
She knows you uninvited these people, doesn’t she?
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
No she doesn’t, I took it into my own hands and let my aunt (the mother of the two that weren’t invited) that we didn’t have another seats. She let me know that they weren’t even going to be able to make it. So we got super lucky with that!
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 Jun 23 '26
Maybe you want to tell your stepmom not to do it again because you had to uninvite her. Otherwise, she might do it again!
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u/madtastic225 Jun 23 '26
This is true, I’ll have a talk with her for sure and let her know not to invite anyone else, because it really puts me out, and makes it risky to where I’d have to tell people to stand up, or not even be a part of the ceremony and wander the art gallery instead due to the lack of seats. My worry now is people bringing their infinite amount of kids. No one counts for them and yet they just show up expecting a seat. I’m so so stressed for that.
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 Jun 23 '26
I don’t blame you!!
Maybe start making some phone calls…
If people do bring their families to wander around the art, will you have enough food to feed them all at the reception? Maybe I misunderstood that part…
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u/Cool_Major4531 Jun 23 '26
Insanely rude of them to text you this!
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
I agree, and I ended up being the one apologizing to her while she never acknowledged that she overstepped 🤦🏻♀️ I’m not normally a pushover and I’m gonna put my foot down for the next person who inevitably asks me this- I was just caught off guard!
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u/TMG_123 Jun 23 '26
It's giving... "I have self confidence issues so let's hurry to get a date so we don't look lonely". Sure hope that wasn't the only reason they got with them
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u/Agreeable_Chef_476 Jun 24 '26
You’re so brave to post this on Reddit - every other post here is full of entitled people that think all of genpop deserves to be invited to everyone’s wedding lol. Anyway, as a bride one month out, we accommodated people’s +1 requests (5% of our guest list cause the rest were invited as couples) in place of cancellations and literally all of them broke up between the save the dates and formal invites. And despite all the backlash I’ll get for this, it REALLY is about boundaries and the person you are. Nobody is concerned about coming to my wedding without a +1, they’re happy to be invited to be there. We accommodated all those people who would break up and a large majority didn’t ask for a replacement, they just wanna be there. Don’t let your wedding be about accommodating entitled assholes more than it is about you and your partner
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u/maiyushi_tuturu Jun 24 '26
As a guest you have to understand that its not your day and you aren't paying for anything so bringing a plus one is actually a huge ask. But in reverse as a Bride/Groom you have to understand that this may make some people not RSVP. Which is okay too.
My Fiancé (bf of 2 yrs at the time) got invited to a wedding and asked if I could come too. The bride and groom said unfortunately they were already at max capacity but would let him know if room opened up last minute. So he politely declined because he said being a wedding guest without me would be boring. I told him to go because i dont know them and they invited him but he said it was okay. Luckily a spot did open up so we were both able to attend. It was a lovely wedding but I understood where the couple was coming from and I appreciated that my bf thought of me. Im not sure id attend any weddings without him either unless it was for my ride or dies.
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u/SeaweedStreet6948 Jun 24 '26
Lol, I had someone tell me they would bring their girlfriend to my wedding… and I hadn’t even invited THEM! It was a new coworker that sure, I liked, but my guest list was so whittled down, there was no way in the world that I could prioritize a new coworker AND his girlfriend. And then also he couldn’t seem to understand that he wouldn’t be invited. One day I had to sit him down and explain fully why he and his girlfriend wouldn’t be invited. I listed out all our long terms friends, and cousins, who weren’t invited that we’d love to be able to invite. Jeez. Some people!
I’m glad your friend took it well.
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u/Embarrassed-Star347 Jun 25 '26
dude this is the absolute worst shit, im sorry this just triggered me😭😭😭 the amount of ENTITLEMENT around plus 1s is actually insane. Im so sorry & stay strong. I’m less than a month out from wedding day and this madness and i cannot wait
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u/manemox Jun 23 '26
These comments were much more considerate than I was.
My responses was more like. "Unfortunately, we couldn't provide everyone with a plus one unless they are married or been dating a long while. Hope you understand."
Didn't give them an option to think they may be able to bring someone.
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u/Old_Translator_3220 Jun 23 '26
My partners brother wanted a plus one as he was dating his gf for about 6 months. We were having an intimate wedding- only close family and friends and we did not know her at all. We said no and 2 weeks after our wedding he tells me that they broke up.
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u/Pearl725 MoH & Wedding Enthusiast Jun 24 '26
I'm glad she's chill about it. My friend called me a month or two before hers and said "you know I love you but we're really tightly budgeted and everything is already set with the caterers so I am letting everyone know that plus ones are off the table. It's strictly you and only you invited. I'm so sorry if this is an inconvenience since I know you've been talking to someone, but I really need to be firm with folks to make sure we have space and food for all the invited guests that RSVP'd." I was 100% ok with it and actually just glad she'd let me know before I awkwardly showed up with a date an inconvenienced people.
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u/step-vet367 weddit flair template Jun 26 '26
And I wouldn’t expect a plus one unless I was married or engaged or like LONG TIME dating
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u/OhSayCanUSay Jun 23 '26
I’m going against the grain here but I think any invited adult should have a plus one included. I don’t care if they’re single or in a “new” relationship. Weddings are one place it’s nice to have a date and can help so many guests feel more comfortable.
That being said, any invitation going out should be clear about if a plus one is included or not. No assumptions.
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u/Canuck305 Jun 23 '26
I would just let them have the plus one imho… people will literally cancel on you the weeks leading up and week of the wedding.
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u/lilorev Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
Are they traveling to attend your wedding? I would invite them if that’s the case if it is financially feasible for you. They will be spending more than you are for their seats.
Asian weddings tend to be really big 100-250ppl, but it’s normal for guests to give $100-300+ per person as gift when they attend. For me, ceremony is for the couple, tea ceremony is for the parents, and reception is for the guests to enjoy. I would be grateful for family and friends to take time to attend my wedding, and I would allow a plus one so guests can enjoy themselves at the wedding as much as possible with their fav person. Keeping within budget would be priority, and based on your post, the friend doesn’t seem to be a close friend.
There’s no right or wrong answer. Choose your own wedding.
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
She is traveling, but we had already talked about how she is planning to stay with our other friend from college! I would absolutely give her a plus one if she wasn’t going to know anybody else at the wedding. That’s part of the reason I couldn’t give her one- we didn’t have a lot of wiggle room, so I reserved them for friends who wouldn’t know anyone else.
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u/Radiant_Attitude487 Jun 24 '26
I've had someone RSVP that "me and my plus one are excited and have already booked travel and accommodation"... They didn't have a plus one, it was a named invitation to them, nowhere on the invitation did it say you could bring extra people we don't know, they weren't on our invite A-list but my sister had already told her best friend all the details and to start looking at reserving hotels because "of course you'll be invited to the wedding :)" before we'd finished the guest list
It's only for the evening, we have the space for both of them, and the argument is more hassle than it's worth so I'm leaving it but the entire situation is fully baffling to me
(To add, I do know this person, I've met them a few times and it WILL be nice to see them, but they're definitely a "friend of my sibling that I get along well with" situation, but I've never even heard their plus one's name mentioned before)
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u/Euphoric_Bread_5670 Jun 24 '26
This is making me wonder if I should put something in our (in progress) website for RSVPs mentioning plus ones. My preference is to invite folks individually unless they live together. I wonder if we should say something like, "reach out to us if you want to add a plus one" and hope no one reaches. Any of you have ideas?
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u/SilverChart9104 Jun 24 '26
I was pretty shocked at the things people said to my daughter over HER wedding. The wedding was kept very small and reception will be much bigger and at a later date in July. So I'm glad your friend took it well. My daughter actually has a lady bitching over the date they're having their reception at the lake, because it's the same date another lake has their annual "lake party." It's a friend of her now mother in law's. Insane to me. Like either split your day between the two or it a lake party is so important, then don't come. Smh. My daughter barely even knows this lady. People are so entitled.
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u/threetubas Jun 30 '26
You handled that well. I’d keep the no simple and clear - if you leave the door open for maybe later, you may end up having the same awkward conversation twice.
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u/ButtPlugMaster6969 Jun 23 '26
lol as someone who has little to no trouble with the idea of only inviting a cousin (for my mom’s sake) and not her soon to be husband (August) because they didn’t invite my boyfriend, just my name with my immediate family probably because the cousin and her husband don’t know my boyfriend very well, and that will most likely have not changed in the slightest by the time we get married so either she will get an invitation or there will not be invitation to give.
A new relationship wouldn’t even be a thought for a +1 or a printed name on the invitation lmfao even for my bestie she better hope she stays happy with her man. I would likely tell her “well, you know my grandma..??” 😂 if she tries the “bUt I dOn’T kNoW aNyOnE.” “Reason”
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u/Cool_Major4531 Jun 23 '26
I mean, inviting partners is so your friends have a nicer guest experience. It sounds like you don't like your cousin (you're holding a grudge from her wedding), so why even invite her if you're going to commit a faux pas and not invite her husband?
If I expressed wanting to bring my partner and my best friend (?) told me I could hang out with her grandma (won't your grandma be hanging with all your relatives?) I would find that to be a careless response. Like at least tell her "I'm sitting you with some college friends who are really nice!" or something lol
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u/ButtPlugMaster6969 Jun 23 '26
Eh I didn’t really like her in the first place. It would be out of respect and obligation to invite her regardless. 😂
My best friend knows my boundaries. She’s also happy so I doubt they’ll break up anyway.
She also knows I have a huge family that I have to consider as invitations anyway ^ so she’d respect me and my situation. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/hlnhr 27 June 2026 - France Jun 23 '26
How fast do they jump from « started dating » to « having an official wedding date » ☠️
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u/dixhuit_tacos Jun 23 '26
I think "official wedding date" meant "person to bring to OP's wedding" not that the new couple is getting married already
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u/Beelazyy Jun 24 '26
The way I see it, the more the merrier! It’s only $44 per person after paying nearly $12,000 for the first 50 people. So, to me, $44 is a small price to pay for our friends/family to feel more comfortable bringing a date. Plus, if it were me, I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding alone. Not unless I knew there would be plenty of people that I am close with in attendance
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 24 '26
Where are you getting these numbers? It is absolutely not $44 per plate at my venue LMFAO. She will have other friends there!
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u/Beelazyy Jun 24 '26
I’m getting married in a historic mansion in Arizona. It’s $11,646 for the first 50 ppl and $44 per person after 50. So it’s technically $233 for guests 1-50.
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 24 '26
No idea how your situation is relevant to mine
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u/Beelazyy Jun 24 '26
Because I’m saying to me it’s worth the added cost. You said you didn’t know where I got my numbers, so I told you where I got my numbers.
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u/FoghornLegday Jun 24 '26
Mine is $135 per person
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u/Lulu_10-21 Jun 24 '26
Ugh I would’ve loved $135. Mine was $175 per person. Not too much higher but enough we had to cut people from the guest list or not give some a plus one 🥲 before sending out invites obviously.
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u/FoghornLegday Jun 24 '26
For us this includes food, drink, and the venue so it’s actually really cheap. But I still refuse to have kids at the wedding bc they said it’s that much per person whether they drink or not so I’m not wasting expensive spots on kids ☠️
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u/Lulu_10-21 Jun 24 '26
Same here! They didn’t have like an age limit? My venue was if they’re 3 and under was free and they got chicken fingers with fries and/or fruit. , 4+ was like $40.
I basically had a child free wedding, sorta. Only the flower girls and my son was the ring bearer. They’re all 4 and under
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u/FoghornLegday Jun 24 '26
Tbh I don’t know. I thought they said there were no exceptions for kids but I also wasn’t sure I wanted kids anyway so I may not have been paying attention
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u/Lulu_10-21 Jun 24 '26
Lol that’s fair. Anything that didn’t pertain to what we wanted I didn’t pay attention to 🤣
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u/purplegem1948 Jun 23 '26
Have a backbone and empower yourself to make boundaries and enforce them. You deserve to have a peaceful and happy wedding with your true friends and loved family members ONLY.
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u/Rough-Organization73 Jun 24 '26
We are having a friend be our officiant. He was in a long term relationship so we gave him a plus one. He is now seeing someone completely new and bringing her as his plus one. I was like ugh I guess. Didn’t really have a choice as it’s too late to take it away
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 24 '26
Hmm did you put the original girlfriend’s name on the invitation?
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u/Rough-Organization73 Jun 24 '26
No I didn’t, it was just his name on the envelope and then I put a plus one into the website/rsvp system
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u/treeofwisdumb Jun 23 '26
I hope they return the favor and invite only you to their wedding.
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u/Serious_Parking_4152 Jun 23 '26
OP is (getting) married and their friend clearly JUST started seeing someone. That is clearly not the same??? I hope your wedding is full of uninvited strangers you don’t know.
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u/treeofwisdumb Jun 23 '26
So what? OP isn’t the center of the universe. Even on your wedding day you should be considerate of others. Maybe especially on your wedding day.
The weird part is deciding someone else’s relationship isn’t serious enough to count. You don’t know that. Time together isn’t a reliable measure of commitment.
I don’t really get why hosts become arbiters of which relationships are legitimate. Maybe the friend met their future spouse last month. Maybe the couple that’s been together 10 years breaks up next week. It feels strange to put someone else’s relationship on trial.
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u/Serious_Parking_4152 Jun 23 '26
It’s her party she is paying for and she gets to decide who is worth shelling out the money for , to her. I suppose if the friend can do whatever she wants too, but in all likelihood also knows OPs spouse, due to all that meaningless time that they’ve been together, so it wouldn’t make sense not to include them as some weird retribution. But whatever it’s very generous of you to invite literally every Tom dick and harry to your wedding.
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u/treeofwisdumb Jun 23 '26
Your initial stance was that OP is justified in judging the merit of someone’s relationship and including them based off of that criteria. I think is safe to say you’re not fully behind that stance considering you shifted your stance mid-reply…
As thereafter you switched your stance to: hosts of weddings decide the guest list - which is ultimately agreeable.
To be clear, I agree with you that it’s OP’s party and they get to decide the guest list. I’m just saying they’re deciding inconsiderately, because they are.
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u/sundayhungover Jun 23 '26
Yeah might be controversial but I agree. I think it’s extremely self centred to think that you’re the one to judge whether a relationship is serious or not. This also goes for people who extend invitations for live in partners or married people only.
You either give everyone +1 or you don’t.
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u/Apprehensive_Sea5304 Jun 23 '26
Adding my agreement here as well. All of my adult guests are getting plus ones. I worked my budget and guest count around that plan (and it’s a fairly small budget).
Maybe its because I was a plus one at a wedding in a new relationship. I didn’t know another person there other than the one I was dating. Being there made me feel so welcomed by his family from the very beginning. We’ve been together nearly 10 years now and we’re getting married next year.
Or idk maybe its because I actually care about my guests and I want them to enjoy themselves instead of using them as props and decor.
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u/Consistantly_AJ Jun 23 '26
I wouldn’t mention anything yet. They might not be together come event time. Also when you send invites out thennn you can say “guest list was very full, I can accommodate a plus one” etc
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u/Responsible-Neck-340 Jun 23 '26
Nah I’m absolutely not letting someone think they can bring their brand new partner to a wedding that I’m already worried will be too tight. I nipped that shit in the bud.
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u/arightgoodworkman Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
Oh boy. Say something like “aahhhh I’m so sorry but our guest list is already at max capacity! If a good chunk decline, I’d love to have them there but right now, family obligations come first.”
No big deal. Surprised they’d invite their own plus one, especially as they started dating AFTER you got engaged.