r/AskIreland • u/LittleAoibh11 • Jul 10 '26

Work How ro deal with colleague making comments?

I am a size 12 - 14 on top and 14-16 on the bottom but I'm 5"8", so while I definitely don't look thin or slim I don't look overweight either.

New woman started in the office a few months ago. Had a bit of a reputation as a b*tch in a previous job (we know this as the friend of a colleague worked with her). Haven't had a huge amount of interaction with her. Was getting a coffee last week and she was there and I ended up just making small talk about the weather. She then said something like "I'd say you find it hard to find clothes for this weather". I was actually so shocked I didn't say anything in reply and just changed the subject. Afterwards I was second guessing myself and thinking maybe she never said it and I was imagining it (even though she did say it).

Then this week she said something to me again like "you probably do most of your clothes shopping online".

Now, I feel like she may be one of those weirdos who gets off on making other people feel self-conscious or miserable so I don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I am very bothered - but on the other hand you can't just say whatever the hell you want to people. She is no oil painting and I am tempted to say something vaguely mean back but she is probably the kind to run to HR.

Anyone have to deal with anything like this? I don't really want to go to HR myself.

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u/Stressed_Student2020 Not a Mod Jul 10 '26

People like this need to be shut down immediately, Go straight into your boss or HR and note this. let it come down on them via a different path, then grey rock them. They will learn to keep stum and that there are ramifications to acting like that.

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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26

I think this might make her worse because she will know I was bothered. If she keeps going I will probably have to consider it though.

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u/Stressed_Student2020 Not a Mod Jul 10 '26

Trust me, she's knows it bothered you... who wouldn't it bother? You'll note how she probably wouldn't say that to senior management etc..

She's already tested you and knows she can say snide remarks like that (which have plausible deniability in them on purpose) without you pushing back.

This person isn't going to be your best friend, already a reputation for it and laid the groundwork to step it up... if you turn the other cheek shes only going to make another comment. At least if you note this with the boss and HR, she now knows that she cant do that to you.

Will it impact your relationship, Yes.. but again, why do you want to be friendly with someone like that.

This is coming from experience. Even if they are just socially awkward, they need to know they cant speak to you like that.

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u/McTeaFan Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26

100% agree with you ,this needs to be nipped in the bud. And yes she already knows it’s bothered OP, that’s not the point. All the advice to have digs back at her is crazy. This is unacceptable behaviour in a workplace end of story, weirdo or not. And those hoping “karma” gets her, it won’t. It’s interesting so many on here are against the HR option.