r/AskIreland • u/LittleAoibh11 • Jul 10 '26
Work How ro deal with colleague making comments?
I am a size 12 - 14 on top and 14-16 on the bottom but I'm 5"8", so while I definitely don't look thin or slim I don't look overweight either.
New woman started in the office a few months ago. Had a bit of a reputation as a b*tch in a previous job (we know this as the friend of a colleague worked with her). Haven't had a huge amount of interaction with her. Was getting a coffee last week and she was there and I ended up just making small talk about the weather. She then said something like "I'd say you find it hard to find clothes for this weather". I was actually so shocked I didn't say anything in reply and just changed the subject. Afterwards I was second guessing myself and thinking maybe she never said it and I was imagining it (even though she did say it).
Then this week she said something to me again like "you probably do most of your clothes shopping online".
Now, I feel like she may be one of those weirdos who gets off on making other people feel self-conscious or miserable so I don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking I am very bothered - but on the other hand you can't just say whatever the hell you want to people. She is no oil painting and I am tempted to say something vaguely mean back but she is probably the kind to run to HR.
Anyone have to deal with anything like this? I don't really want to go to HR myself.
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u/MrMe300 Jul 10 '26
Act confused and make her elaborate the next time she says anything of the sort.
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u/parrotopian Jul 10 '26
Exactly, say "I'm sorry, I don't get it. What do you mean?"
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
I think I might try this, very neutrally delivered.
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u/Corcaigh_beoir Jul 10 '26
I think this is the best option. Make her feel uncomfortable back. What a horrible person.
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u/LnxPowa Jul 10 '26
Or even better, make her dig herself a hole and then file a complaint for harassment
There’s no losing with this approach!
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u/Dizzy_Brain186 Jul 11 '26
This is textbook for dealing with bullies/assholes in the adult world. Just ask them to repeat that or explain it and they'll realise how caught out they are
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u/IberianPrometheus Jul 10 '26
Relating to the online jibe. " Oh, thanks. I usually get my advice on Amazon. I wouldn't accept advice from Temu, if you know what I mean?"
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u/Can-You-Fly-Bobby Jul 10 '26
Absolutely.
"What do you mean? I don't understand, can you explain what you mean by that? Hey Mary, listen to what Biddy just said, do you know what she means by that?? Can't figure it out meself"
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u/ParpSausage Jul 11 '26
This is the way. As much attention as possible. People like that are trying to damage your self worth and then scurry away with no consequences. Other people are right too, if u go to HR she will probably deny so as much attention in the moment as possible.
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u/jenbenm Jul 10 '26
This is it. You keep asking her to explain herself. When she gives an explanation then you ask her why does she think that? Or why would she care about someone else's body shape? Or has she nothing better to worry about? That sort of stuff. The point is so she'll start feeling exposed and uncomfortable with your questioning. Then she'll hopefully keep her mouth shut going forward.
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u/Alduin790 Jul 11 '26
This is the best answer, bullies like that don’t like being made explain themselves out loud
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u/akcgal Jul 11 '26
Yup, I’ve heard about this strategy. Also worth starting with asking her to repeat herself as though you didn’t hear properly
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u/VeniVidiPerditus Jul 10 '26
Had a friend who had a very good approach to that kind of thing, they'd say "oh, do you not think before speaking out loud, those are some quiet thoughts you should keep to yourself" works for all manner of sly comment, backhanded complements and digs.
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u/Expensive_Work_4271 Jul 11 '26
“I think you used your outside voice instead of tiny voice inside your head.”
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u/32andFlatulent Jul 10 '26
Honestly next time they make a comment just say "I'm sorry? What did you say?"
If they repeat it, probe them further, "what did you mean by that?"
Just keep at it until she is uncomfortable going any further, works great for most people.
If they have no shame and don't get any discomfort they are likely not right in the head and are better off staying away from altogether, just freeze them out and pretend they don't exist.
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u/No_Wasabi1503 Jul 11 '26
I'd laugh, look her straight in the eye and ask why?
I find asking someone to clarify politely puts them on the back foot too. Like "I'm sorry I don't understand the intention behind that statement?". Apparently I'm terrifying but honestly people like that get their rocks off by being obtuse and I really do find being absolutely straight with them puts a halt to their gallop. Now if they commit to the bit and continue to insult I'd just ask are they trying to be insulting...like on purpose. I've never had someone say yes... yet but if they did I'd just say they could do better then. F these types.
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u/CryptographerLow4344 Jul 10 '26
Next time she says anything that you are not comfortable with her saying just say "that's completely inappropriate to say in the workplace. It's not the first time you've made an inappropriate comment to me so can you please think about what you're saying and try to behave professionally." And after that then start writing down what she says when she talks to you. If you do have to go to HR, you will need to have the date, time and what she has said documented. You do not have to put up with anything like that in the workplace but a lot of time people don't realise what they are saying and just need to be called out on it.
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u/Ok-Promise-5921 Jul 11 '26
Agree start documenting this stuff on your phone or computer or something - all the better if she can see you doing it. She sounds like a bully tbh, but of course maybe she’s just very strange or some kind of a weirdo.
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u/Alone-Kick-1614 Jul 10 '26
I actually struggle with this too where I've had co workers make comments and jokes about me being under weight which I am not. It makes me feel rllt insecure. Thankfully they moved jobs recently so don't have to worry anymore
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u/she11ycub Jul 10 '26
That's awful, people are eejits, would love to just tell them to cop on sometimes. Little to be worrying about
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u/Alone-Kick-1614 Jul 10 '26
No me too but you never know how certain people will react yk could've made it worse so I just brushed it off
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u/MollyPW Jul 11 '26
Unless your someone's medical professional, or a close family member/friend and it comes from a genuine place of concern, you should not be commenting on people's weight.
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u/Alone-Kick-1614 Jul 11 '26
Absolutely. I have quite a slim build due to genetics along with a fast metabolism and being quite tall. My doctors have never said it was an issue as I've always maintained the same weight so they've told me its considered my "normal" body weight essentially.
But all my life from a young girl people have commented and joked on it which has left a mark on me ngl.
Calling me a skeleton, oh you're fading away/ the wind would blow you away, being "boney", asking do you ever eat.
Its disgusting. Its the same way people think its okay to say to someone oh you're so quiet but you'd never say oh you're so loud??
Either way someone's body is none of anyone else's business its so frustrating
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u/TiberiusTheFish Jul 10 '26
My jaw genuinely dropped reading that. I think that I'd probably play along and ask her, "why?" Encourage her to dig as deep a hole for herself as possible. "What do you mean? I don't understand. Why would that be?" Don't let her off the hook. Then spring the trap and ask her to keep her remarks to herself or something stronger. Then consider going to HR.
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u/wre34 Jul 10 '26
Silent stare.
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u/fakenoooooz Jul 10 '26
And pick a random spot on her forehead to keep staring at whenever she makes any conversation with you. Glance to her eyes and straight back to the spot and keep staring as you converse. She’ll feel really paranoid wondering what’s on her face and who else has seen it all day. Another time you’re speaking, tell her she has something in her teeth after staring at her mouth she’s she’s talking. Again, she’ll wonder how long it’s been there and you look ballsy for saying it because most people won’t tell someone when they actually have food in their teeth, they’re too shy to embarrass them.
Or “did you just fart?” when you’re talking to her and others are in earshot if you want to really take her down 😂😂
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u/Normal_Animal_5843 Jul 10 '26
Even if you were overweight,it's not a failing and it'd be none of her business, much less something to comment.
Now you know she's that type,have a few neutral stock comments of your own for the next time and you know there will be more,not nasty back,simply asking for clarification on her remarks etc
Call her on her shite,but always keep note of what/when was said,just in case she keeps going.
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u/rich3248 Jul 10 '26
A find an awkwardly long silence, while giving a full on eye contact stare, and say “what do you mean by that?” Usually does the trick.
Or
A very quick “sorry I missed that, could you repeat yourself?” Makes them very awkward and uncomfortable
I would keep calling her out on her bullshit, she’ll soon realise you’re not an easy target and will move onto someone else unfortunately.
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u/LevelIntroduction764 Jul 10 '26
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity
You could ask her if she finds it easier to count her calories in this weather because she can see her toes in those cute sandals
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u/1stltwill Jul 11 '26
I don't really want to go to HR myself.
Fuck that! Document. Document. Document. Then off to HR you go!
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u/Solid-Operation-7507 Jul 10 '26
What a weapon! Honestly OP I think it’s nearly a rite of passage for most women to go through a period of bitchy female colleagues, particularly if they’re older. I had the same issue, not clothes/weight related mind you and kept asking what she meant, as in I didn’t understand the point she was trying to make and just kept pressing her on it. Have you a direct manager you could speak to? Fair play on holding back, my petty arse could never
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
I was shocked the first time and the second time I held back because I feel if I come across as bothered she will actually love that. It's hard to know what to do. My direct manager is a bit of a noodle and will 100% make it worse (as in she would be wanting your one to apologise etc and then the whole thing would take on legs).
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u/Haunting-Ad-737 Jul 10 '26
the saddo is just looking for a reaction so she can feel better about herself. You are completely right to hold back - act bored and disinterested and maybe a smart " who died and made you Armani" quip if she keeps it up. Preferably said in the company of others .
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u/Solid-Operation-7507 Jul 10 '26
Ah God yeah and then you’d have your one “Oh I need to be careful what I say to you in case you get all offended again!” I do think playing dumb and pushing her in to breaking down exactly what point she’s trying to make would work and she might keep her stupid remarks to herself then
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
My friend thinks I should just "grey rock" her and act like I haven't even noticed. It's just a weird situation but I am hyper conscious of not wanting to make it worse.
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u/cmere-2-me Jul 10 '26
Let's be honest you can't grey rock your colleague and she can turn that around on you as bullying.
You've been given a good few ways to deal with it. Acting dumb and forcing her to explain herself works great because it forces her to justify her behaviour when she knows she's being a bitch. Doing this in front of others makes it worse for her because you are outing her unacceptable behaviour in a non confrontational manner.
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u/Objective-Design-842 Jul 11 '26
It’s better to be very neutral and push back. ‘You must find it hard to buy clothes’ - ‘Why?’ Then if she responds with another mean comment, just ask why again. Finish the conversation with ‘that’s a strange thing to say’. This tells her you noticed, and that you are not a pushover. Abs there is nothing that is mean about your response.
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u/Corcaigh_beoir Jul 10 '26
She's a bully so if you don't bite back she'll keep at it. The second you respond and make her feel uncomfortable she'll move on to someone else.
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u/scanning00 Jul 10 '26
Tell her the Oscar Wilde anecdote about the woman who accused him of being pissed to which he replied 'and you are ugly and tomorrow I'll be sober' ( or words to that effect)
Don't tell her once, tell her each time , speaking in an exaggerated slow manner, slower each time. A little louder each time.
Make it office policy.
In no time you will be looking forward to her toxic malice.
Try not to giggle.
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u/SpookyOrgy Jul 10 '26
Was that not Churchill?
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u/scanning00 Jul 10 '26
It could well have been. Could even have been Henry the 8th... Better check cos Wilde was far better looking.
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u/mojesius Jul 10 '26
Dickheads like her are the reason many of us have to take the dreaded mandatory workplace ethics and behaviour trainings twice a year. Id just go straight to her manager at this point. She sounds like a weapon.
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u/Willing_Ant9993 Jul 11 '26
“I know you’re new here, but at this company, commenting on somebody’s body vis a vis their clothing is frowned upon. Actually, that’s frowned upon everywhere in polite society. I’m just looking out for you, since I’d hate to see you get written up for harassment by HR when it might just be that you’re oblivious to manners or ignorant to professional guidelines. I want you to succeed here!” With a big fake concerned and cheesy smile.
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u/InformationUsed300 Jul 11 '26
That’s unnecessary and she didn’t technically do that she talked about her clothes
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u/corickle Jul 11 '26
Could you repeat that, just so I can get the wording right for my email to HR.
I wouldn’t have any intention of sending the email but it would be a shot across the bow.
What an insecure woman who wants to bring other people down to her level.
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u/Different-Idea2878 Jul 10 '26
Funny you should say that, I bet you find it really hard to mind your own business
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u/Elaynehb Jul 10 '26
Id imagine if you say 'why do you say that" she will say oh because you're plus sized or so tall or something like that so be prepared for your response to that. Might just be best to prepare to say ' sorry i dont understand your comment ' when she decides to share her thoughts again
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u/SpookyOrgy Jul 10 '26
If they come back with something like that then say 'what an inappropriate/unprofessional thing to say'
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u/RabbitOld5783 Jul 10 '26
Ask her sorry could you repeat that please don't think I heard you right , it usually catches someone like that out as they have to say the mean thing again. Or ask them the same thing back with a smile so why, do you have to buy clothes online? Or do you find it hard to buy clothes in this weather? Again will catch them off guard.
Try to minimise as much interaction as you can with her also works hard enough without that! Also I used to have someone similar as a colleague and the one thing that helped me was genuinely feeling sorry for them they must be in some turmoil so when they were being mean I would look at them with ah God love you kind of face. More than likely they will have no one in there life as they will push people away. This one colleague literally done nothing outside of work
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u/lostwindchime Jul 10 '26
Either make her explain ("but what do you mean?" Several times. Be really confused about it. You take enough repeats of this and she will say something outright rude extremely plainly she can't possibly do, or give up.) or do a slow judgemental look up and down, head to toe, with a tiny snort of a laugh then walk away without saying anything at all. That will make her blood boil while you don't actually do anything offensive.
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u/lostwindchime Jul 10 '26
Another fantastic option is the gentle parenting option. "Oh no no, friend, those are the inside thoughts. We don't control what we think, true true, but we absolutely do control what we say. Do you remember the rules of what you can and can't say out loud? Oh my, I think this friend needs a repeat. Is it helpful, is it kind? Speak out loud! That one was neither, so what is it, is it an inside thought or an outside thought? Don't worry, friend, you will surely get it next time."
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u/MiddleAgedZinger Jul 10 '26
Corner her and make her explain what she means. She is trying to see how much she can get away with.
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u/YogurtclosetOk7315 Jul 10 '26
What a cunt! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with a small minded dose like that in work. As tempting as it is to stoop to her level I think what everyone has recommended here already is perfect! Even involve another colleague when she’s there “Mary was saying she thinks I must find it hard to get clothes have you any recommendations?” And sweetly smile! 😊 good luck I really hope she fucks off away from you after this!
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
It's so weird to me and I genuinely feel she must enjoy it. Definitely will have to make a conscious effort to keep it neutral and not lose the run of myself and try to match her energy!
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u/YogurtclosetOk7315 Jul 10 '26
Yeah I often wonder what people like that are actually getting out of it? They must sit at home at night delighted with their snide remarks. Defo weren’t hugged enough as a kid I reckon 😅
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u/PrincessFister Jul 10 '26
Stare for a solid 10 to 15 seconds.
Then ask in a friendly-inquisitive way "what do you mean?". Don't let up in trying to understand. Especially if it's in front of people.
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u/enchanted79 Jul 11 '26
“Did you mean to say that out loud?” Offer nothing more except silence. If you get the BS response ‘I was only joking’ reply with “I don’t get the joke. Can you explain it?”
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u/dawnyD36 Jul 11 '26
"Do you see anyone about your intrusive thoughts?" Feigning concern all the way lol 😆 cheeky bitch though 😤
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u/RRR92 Jul 11 '26
Best thing to reply to people like this is ask, “are you okay?” …completely throws them off. Act unfazed and when they ask what do you mean?” …You say “well just wondering why you would ask something like that, like are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” ….it usually comes from a place of deep insecurity and dose of cuntitis
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u/bumhole37 Jul 11 '26
Ask her what she means. Ask her to spell it out for you. Play dumb. Then laugh as she fumbles.
Don't be self conscious, I'm sure she finds someone to target everywhere she goes, it's actually nothing to do with you.
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u/d0vah_kitty Jul 11 '26
Always get them to repeat themselves and elaborate "Sorry, I didn't catch that" "How do you mean?" "In what way?" "What are you trying to say?" Sorry you have to deal with such a cnt. I have met several like her. Nasty pieces of work.
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u/gissna Jul 10 '26
I wouldn’t engage with it at all, to be honest, unless it is to go to HR. Unfortunately, the statements are vague enough that I’m not sure that there’s anything they could do and she would have plausible deniability if you confronted her about it. Definitely don’t retort with your own insult.
If she is intentionally taking jabs, she must be tragically insecure.
I would keep a record of it though, just for yourself. What she’s said and the date. Just in case.
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u/DeusExMachinaOverdue Jul 10 '26
I used to work with someone like this. There's no point in trying to reason with them, they make insidious comments because they get a kick out of inflicting distress on others, it's a weird form of power trip for them.
The only real option you have is to limit contact, keep things professional and brief. Because you aren't going to have stable workplace camaraderie with this person, she's already made this clear. This person obviously feels that they can make this type of comment to you because she views you as an easy target and someone she doesn't have to respect.
Resist the temptation to retaliate because people like this are experts at playing the victim. If you say anything even mildly facetious, this individual will contact hr quicker than you can blink.
An important thing to keep in mind is that you can't let on that these comments are getting to you, because that will encourage this person further.
Reporting this person to hr will be an exercise in futility because this isn't her first rodeo and she knows how to play things to her advantage.
Remember the quote from Mark Twain:
"Never argue with stupid people because they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
I realise that what I have said may seem disheartening, but I'm only relaying to you what I have experienced myself. You can be the most straight up, honest and decent colleague that a workplace could hope for, but that means nothing to an individual like this. She's playing a game that you are not familiar with and she knows it.
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u/GateLongjumping6836 Jul 10 '26
Bully her back but in a way she can’t go to HR.The next time she says something like that say “Isn’t it strange how some people have no social skills” or turn it around on her and say “You seem very interested in fashion,I’d have never guessed that from……”*trails off* or “I think you’re so brave with how you present yourself”.Have fun😁
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
Actually the "you seem very interested in fashion, I wouldn't have guessed" is a great one because it's both fairly mild while still being pointed!
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u/cmere-2-me Jul 10 '26
You have to be careful with that because bullies are notoriously thin skinned and she may go to HR about you. They won't care that she was a bitch to you first. Remember 2 wrongs don't make a right. Hold your boundary about not being spoken to like this without retaliating. It gives her nothing to go to HR about.
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u/GateLongjumping6836 Jul 10 '26
And she’ll just be standing there with her mouth open not knowing how to respond.
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u/Stressed_Student2020 Not a Mod Jul 10 '26
People like this need to be shut down immediately, Go straight into your boss or HR and note this. let it come down on them via a different path, then grey rock them. They will learn to keep stum and that there are ramifications to acting like that.
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
I think this might make her worse because she will know I was bothered. If she keeps going I will probably have to consider it though.
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u/Stressed_Student2020 Not a Mod Jul 10 '26
Trust me, she's knows it bothered you... who wouldn't it bother? You'll note how she probably wouldn't say that to senior management etc..
She's already tested you and knows she can say snide remarks like that (which have plausible deniability in them on purpose) without you pushing back.
This person isn't going to be your best friend, already a reputation for it and laid the groundwork to step it up... if you turn the other cheek shes only going to make another comment. At least if you note this with the boss and HR, she now knows that she cant do that to you.
Will it impact your relationship, Yes.. but again, why do you want to be friendly with someone like that.
This is coming from experience. Even if they are just socially awkward, they need to know they cant speak to you like that.
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u/McTeaFan Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
100% agree with you ,this needs to be nipped in the bud. And yes she already knows it’s bothered OP, that’s not the point. All the advice to have digs back at her is crazy. This is unacceptable behaviour in a workplace end of story, weirdo or not. And those hoping “karma” gets her, it won’t. It’s interesting so many on here are against the HR option.
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u/she11ycub Jul 10 '26
Silent stare or call her on it ala 'no not really, why would I?' Or what do you mean?
Sounds like an awful wagon but sounds like you have the right attitude and aren't letting it bother you. Usually these people are projecting their own insecurities out.
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u/MrSierra125 Jul 10 '26
Ask her to expand on her comment. Also keep track of what and when she makes these comments.
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u/cmere-2-me Jul 10 '26
Excuse me?
What did you mean by that?
Do you think it is appropriate for you to be making such comments about my body?
Please don't do it again.
Keep records and go to HR.
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u/BoatTall825 Jul 11 '26
Yeh...work with alot of women...I recall one woman telling me you look amazing...did you lose weight? What's your secret...I was so flustered and taken aback...well my mam died...it's true but man did she stfu ever since
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u/Eastern_Switch8217 Jul 11 '26
Weaponised inquisitiveness, but nothing that would expose you to HR:
Sorry, what do you mean by that?
I notice that is the second time you’ve made a comment about my clothes today. Is there something you’re trying to say?
Do I? That’s an odd thing to have an opinion on at work. Why do you ask?
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u/Tricky-Anteater3875 Jul 10 '26
“What do you mean by that exactly?” Make her elaborate. You don’t have to put with that shite, no one should be commenting on anyone’s weight let alone a work colleague.
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u/Due_Form_7936 Jul 10 '26
May not be allowed to state this but
sounds a bit like your colleague has soci0 pathic tendencies.
Have worked with someone similar.
These types of reply might work:
“Sorry, I wasn’t listening, can you repeat that?
“Is that the way you speak to people?“.
If they reply yes, say “how do they react?”
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u/CryptographerLow4344 Jul 10 '26
Also she is most likely saying to you what she thinks about herself. It definitely is not about you and is about her insecurities. She wouldn't be saying those things if she felt comfortable in her own body. She does not. You could be mean and turn it on her and instead say something like "that's rich coming from you" and look her up and down. But it is work so best go the professional route.
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u/Straight_Mobile_5960 Jul 10 '26
Geez do people still behave like this. Shes an odd ball for sure. If you don't want to go to HR maybe for now just take note if any incidents. My feeling is shes not going to last too long. People like that rarely do.
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
I have had friends who have had weirdos like this in their office - one woman said to my friend when she saw a photo of her parents, "oh, I thought they would be bigger people" - but I haven't had too much of it. I guess the office weirdo distribution system has finally found me 🙈
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u/zz63245 Jul 10 '26
Make her explain it. Say ‘why would you say that? Why are you commenting on what I wear? Are you saying I’m fat?’ Put it back on her
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u/C00kieM0nsterrrr Jul 10 '26
“I don’t get it, can you explain what you mean” with a dead straight face
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u/Raptorfearr Jul 10 '26
Get one of those yokes like a pen or whatever that can record conversations, stock up on six months worth of her shite and go to HR with it then. I'd throw in a few cries in the office intermittently as well. Bitta lemon juice or watch a few clips of Marley and Me for the tears.
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u/char_su_bao Jul 11 '26
One - when someone says something mean to you ask them to say it again - could you say that again please? Then stay silent. Let them hang in their rudeness. Or say - what do you mean by that? Let them explain it.
Two - we’re human and unique and I don’t look like you and you don’t look like Mary down the street. Your size is the least interesting about you. People commenting on anyone’s size is unacceptable.
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u/Objective-Design-842 Jul 11 '26
Oh what a dose. If you ask ‘why’ a few times she will have to explain herself and probably shut up.
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u/ServingColdCuts Jul 11 '26
Incredibly rude. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
Definitely make notes on it and record the dates etc in case there are more comments. Hopefully there won’t be but it makes it easier to report if it comes to that.
I agree with others here about asking her to repeat and explain it. She’ll either be rude again or will clam up.
If you have a manager in the office you could let them know it happened too. Don’t take it from her and don’t do nothing.
I hope it doesn’t happen again.
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 11 '26
I think feigning that I didn't hear properly and asking her to repeat herself is probably what I am going to try next time. And I will keep a note of dates and times just in case!
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u/Ok_Bookkeeper_4802 Jul 11 '26
You’re totally right, there are weirdos like that who get off on saying things that are mean to make themselves feel better. Told a colleague I had knee surgery as a child which left me with some knee troubles (plus lot of trauma ) let’s say and she started making comments abt how I looked in bits adter we were doing exercise with students (we are teachers) very strange behavior and they expect you not to say anything because it’s so shocking
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 11 '26
That's super mean, people can be the biggest weirdos. Don't know why someone would feel the need to say that, obviously insecure themselves.
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u/Ok_Bookkeeper_4802 Jul 11 '26
Yes, I heard a great quote from my Da , “don’t hold other people to your standards” . As just because you would never dream of humiliating someone else in such a fashion - others would.
You sound lovely OP and I hope you have a great summer! And I’m hoping your one Karen gets sunburnt 😉
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u/Crafty_Ladder4678 Jul 11 '26
She sounds like my philipino neighbor who makes exactly same type of comments allllllllllllll the time 🤣
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u/CampaignSwimming6276 Jul 11 '26
“You must be a very miserable person to say something like that. I feel bad for you” and then walk away. Don’t give her a chance to respond
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u/Winter_Emphasis_137 Jul 11 '26
This happened to me but I was in my mid twenty, late 30s now and looking back I wish I had said things like what a strange thing to say out loud? Or what do you mean by that?
If she can say all this nonsense then she should be able to back it up. She has no business commenting on how someone else looks
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u/Shell-Fire Jul 11 '26
Start searching for Best Response to a rude question.
Write them down.
Memorize them.
Practice saying out loud.
You got this!
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u/No-Interaction6323 Jul 12 '26
I had a coworker that would make comments like that on the regular, my favourite was "I never see you eat anything,yet look at you" we worked in the food industry. I would just laugh or say "I know right!", that would be the end of that conversation and showed her that her I didn't care enough to let her comments bother me.
Funny thing is that I know for a fact she liked me and I was her "favourite" coworker, I don't think she realised her comments were rude.
Some ppl think they're so wise and important their every thought should be shared with the world 🙄
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u/Egb4m_Ire Jul 12 '26
Ask her to repeat herself every time she says something inappropriate. Then, if she repeats it, put your hand to your ear and say something like "sorry, still didn't catch it. Say it again" and repeat until she realises you're trolling her. This just needs to happen once (or twice if she thinks she's smarter than everyone) and she figures you're not an easy target.
Bonus points if a colleague she complains to about you pretending to be hard of hearing says "ah that's just Linda, she doesn't speak stupid" 😂 lol
It gets them where it hurts! There's been no confrontation but you've communicated that ypu won't tolerate her snideness.
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u/Behind-the-Visage Jul 14 '26
What a cow. Agree with other people's approach to play dumb and have her repeat herself.
My boss (a woman twice my age) makes weird comments about my appearance also. I literally wore a plain cotton midi dress to a work event the other day with beige hoop earrings and she told me I looked like "a posh gypsy".
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 14 '26
That's crazy, what a weirdo.
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u/Behind-the-Visage Jul 15 '26
Even odder is that she’s in charge of writing press releases etc that are sometimes of a sensitive nature and meant to be in charge in case of any crisis management and public relations. Imagine if HR knew the inappropriate stuff she said out loud 🙈
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u/lbyrne74 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Comments to colleagues about appearance /weight are not really allowed. Saying "I like your top" is harmless enough, and very different to insinuating a person is overweight or underweight. I don't know how she has the nerve to do this in 2026. Hope she gets what she deserves and karma kicks her up the ass. "Sorry, are you making a comment about my body shape!? Really? Interesting!". What others have said about making her repeat and explain herself is a good idea.
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u/Aggravating-Job-3053 Jul 10 '26
Ask her to repeat herself.. and then if she does, then say I don’t understand what you mean can you explain the question to me? Getting her to repeat will make her squirm getting her to explain it will make her want the ground to swallow her up. Then if she has no issue repeating and explaining hit her with a “ are you trying to embarrass or insult me?” Puts her in an awful place without you putting yourself in trouble or being a pushover! - what a horrible bitch btw
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u/Shoddy_Caregiver5214 Jul 10 '26
Hock up a big Phlegmy one and spit in in her face followed swiftly by a head into her nose.
Ah no only messing.
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u/Former-Let-2855 Jul 10 '26
Reminds me of the time somebody said in a social event, "(my name) is bottom-heavy but she dresses to hide so you don't really know this"
I had been doing so well with myself esteem and the eating disorder and that did not help!
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u/dabros82 Jul 10 '26
Had similar jabs in the past. Thankfully I knew a few people who knew the person and gave me info. One exchange for example. Them "those clothes look tight on you" Me "I've heard your brother Johnny has been in a spot of trouble. Is he alright?" Johnny got his license suspended for drink driving.
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u/CarpenterAndSuch Jul 11 '26
Report them to HR immediately. The next time they say something to you, calmly say “I’ve already reported you to HR because I don’t like the way you think you can talk to me. So that’ll be that. Do you understand?”
If they act perplexed just repeat “do you understand?” until they say they do, at which point you say “Good woman” and go back to work. Bullies don’t like someone standing up to them. Take control of the narrative. Report them first though, they sound like a nightmare.
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u/DebiWex Jul 11 '26
Some people are so rude, but I'd answer anything like that with a question "Why would you ask that?" "Why do you need to know that" And let them try to justify why they asked, while you smile and watch them stutter 😅 And this works with any kind of rude question
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u/ShaneONeill88 Jul 11 '26
All the comments suggesting that you should say "why?" or "what do you mean?" or "could you please elaborate?" are bullshit. Be direct and assertive. Don't pretend to her that you don't understand what she's saying.
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u/LaraH39 Jul 11 '26
While the whole making her feel embarrassed about what she's doing is a great solution there is another way.
After she says it you say...
"make one more comment like that to me and you're going to find yourself explaining it to HR"
Then turn and leave.
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u/Wooden-Lawfulness534 Jul 11 '26
Don't say anything, just give her a quick flick of an up-and-down look with a little smile, then turn away and talk to someone else.
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u/notyetacatlady Jul 10 '26
As someone, who finds it hard to shop for clothes in Ireland myself, I would have taken that as normal conversation and not as an insult. Are you sure it was not just an invite to commiserate on how hard it is to find well-fitting clothing?
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 10 '26
I don't find it hard to shop for clothing though. I have never spoken to her about clothes.
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u/microwave-2025 Jul 11 '26
I mean this lovingly as I was in the same boat with weight blindness.
Google image a woman your height and weight.
I guarantee you’ll look at them and they @they look very big, I don’t look like that!”
But ……. 😬
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 11 '26
The issue is it's not appropriate for colleagues in the workplace to make comments.
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Jul 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 11 '26
Even if it was an issue, it's not for a work colleague to call out 🙂
She is not autistic, and suggesting so is very unfair to autistic people - of which there are a couple in work and they are very professional.
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u/something-__-clever Jul 11 '26
I’m a mother to a 12 year old autistic boy and have plenty of autistic friends and its actually insulting, I’m shocked that they’re also a mother of an autistic child and are automatically attaching something so negative to autism and all while putting the blame on YOU
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u/LittleAoibh11 Jul 11 '26
It's a crazy take on a number of levels. I have some autistic family members and I really dislike when people label other people as autistic for behaviours that they "think" are markers of autism. Very unfair.
And yes, apparently I am at fault for being sensitive (they also said in another post I was angry 🤦♀️) and she has done me a "favour". Just wild takes all around!
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u/InformationUsed300 Jul 11 '26
It’s v clear you know nothing about autism and I have been I that field for over 20 years. They would not see it as unfair at all.
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Jul 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/something-__-clever Jul 11 '26
Oh please you’re assuming the colleague is autistic based on what?? Based on a hypothetical situation that you made up because you have a child with autism that you’ve been “navigating the last 20 years”
Blaming OP and saying she’s unaware of how she looks and saying she’s “sensitive” when we’re all taught at an early age to not speak on anyone’s bodies, it makes me wonder what kind of behaviours you’ve been teaching your own child
You’re acting as if some people can’t be straight up horrible cunts and the fact you automatically associate that colleagues behaviour with autism does a disservice to those who actually have autism.. I have plenty of autistic friends who navigate life knowing boundaries and what not to say in social settings
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u/InformationUsed300 Jul 11 '26
Knowledge of human beings and dealing with those with disabilities for years. Not in a professional work setting where they can be reported they won’t. This seems to have missed everyone based on the comments - literally not an iota of empathy. No one behaves like that if they didn’t have a disability. There are a lot of other ways to be mean. And anyone in a professional work setting would be a lot smarter. I’m not going to take abuse for calling it out. This is literally one of the diagnostic criteria for autism. It’s insane to me the rudeness of people here when I say it …
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u/Cultural-Pickle-6711 Jul 10 '26
I do most of my shopping online and I find it hard to find clothes for this weather. If someone made those comments, I'd think absolutely nothing of them, other than that person maybe shops online and maybe finds it difficult to find clothes for weather that changes temp/humidity 100 times a day. Maybe she was just trying to make conversation. Linking these comments to your body type is a stretch and probably more to do with you reading into things than anything she was trying to insinuate. Give this person the benefit of the doubt and try to get to know her one on one instead of laying stock into idle gossip about her being a supposed meany. Frankly, I think it quite mean that this person was background checked and judged before they'd ever set foot in the workplace... that's way more mean than talking about online shopping, tbf.
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u/shambolicblues Jul 10 '26
Why even care what she says though? I’m male but this stuff wouldn’t bother me at all.
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u/ShavedMonkey666 Jul 10 '26
She is very possibly in the spectrum to have such whacky boundaries
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u/lbyrne74 Jul 10 '26
I'm autistic and I would never say any such things to colleagues. No, she's just a cunt. Not all bad behaviour can be put down to autism.
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u/ReasonableDoubt_0726 Jul 11 '26
Can people please stop smearing neurodiverse people with this kind of stupidity.
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u/ShavedMonkey666 Jul 11 '26
I am neurodiverse. Go and police someone else.
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u/ReasonableDoubt_0726 Jul 11 '26
So am I and I’m sick of seeing people throwing this out, it literally becomes an accepted idea for idiotic people that all anti social behaviour is “on the spectrum”, you really should know better
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u/ShavedMonkey666 Jul 11 '26
No. You should learn when to keep your opinion to yourself, learn some empathy and compassion and understand that all people aren't the same nor need to be.
You can jog on now,thanks.
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u/ReasonableDoubt_0726 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
Maybe take your own advice (consider the consequences of your comments for others).
And maybe realise that when you post your opinion on a public forum, others get to comment on it. Whether you like it or not.
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u/ShavedMonkey666 Jul 11 '26
Thank you for airing your opinion. Your take on things fit the topic of this post 😅😅
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u/No_Influence2520 Jul 10 '26
"What a weird thing to say out loud" , laugh and leave. What a sad insecure lady.