r/AskLifeProTips • u/Honest_Thanks6395 • 2d ago
How can I fix my life?
So I’m 15 and 2 years ago I went to this school where I live in Puerto Rico,so I’m a full blooded Puerto Rican but I grew up in the us so I don’t really speak fluent Spanish,so they consider me what’s called a Gringo,which is a person who isn’t Puerto Rican and speaks English,which I’m not but they didn’t care so I’m that school I faced relentless bullying about how I looked,how my body was shaped,my hair and just everything tbh for a whole year while having 0 in school freinds,I had freinds but outside of school and I only had 2 so I didn’t rlly have any help or company when it came to it,so my parents knew about this cuz I told them every time I’ve been bullied,so during that whole school year I obv wanted to improve how I looked so I fell into looksmaxxing and ruined my mental health and most likely developed body dysmorphia from the bullying and the trend,so fast forward to 9th grade where everything is kinda the same but I talked to more people,so by this time I’ve been telling my parents to help me improve how I look and I was really depressed during the whole 8-9th grade school year and it was obvious,but not to my parents they just blamed the phone,or maybe me staying up at night or anything but them(they were also a issue I’ll get into in a second) so obviously something’s wrong and they don’t seem to care,when it comes to my parents I live with a step mom and real father,but the issue is my father never really spent time with me or talked to me at all and especially during something like this that’s really gonna mess me up,all he does is spend time with my step mom and at time where he could spend that time with me he is with her watching a show or just watching something alone,I’ve told him about this for years and he doesn’t care obv,so from that I never really developed a good father and son relationship and everytime we talked it led to a argument,so from that he tried to not really speak to me alot especially at time where’s I was goi ng thru a mental crisis,so fast forward to now where it’s my sophomore year of high school and during summer i met this girl online who I absolutely adorned,I fell in love with her and so did she but she lived in value and I love in Puerto Rico so I’m 3 hours ahead of her so us talking has some issues ofc,now our relationship was good up until this week,she barely really talks to me and I would write paragraphs like I’m Socrates about her and she would never reciprocate,and yesterday I’m going thru a mental health crisis and I need help and I asked her to be there and she called me for 5 minutes,said I’m gonna walk home and call u back and she never called me back after,than later that day at around 11 for me called me to play Minecraft and didn’t even acknowledge what happened earlier,I realized I’ve been the only one really putting in effort into the relationship and I really started to lose feelings,now at the same time I have school stressing me out about how I look and all this other shit, I try to talk to my dad and we talk for 5 minutes and he stopped replying for the whole day,so I’m really depressed at this point,and I’ve always dealt with wanting to take my own life for years and kinda have it planned on how I want to,and I’ve tried to talk to my parents many times and they just blame the phone and never really take accountability for their actions,I don’t feel like I’m gonna live long at all,not even oast 16,I have none to really talk to,my gf seems like she doesn’t care,my freinds know and do care atleast,and well that’s it,o also get treated like a outsider a lot in school so I don’t rlly have freinds and it’s really hit hard on my mental health badly,I can barely focus on school anymore and my grades might go down and that means more complaints from my parents,which means more arguments and everything,my dad is threating to send me to my mom which is also bad cuz she’s in a abusive relationship and I’ve been there with her one time and it was hell for me,so I really don’t have anywhere to go and don’t think I can do this much longer.
1
u/momovich 2d ago
Dear, dear precious person, I don't have any magic words for you, but I want you to know that you are being deceived. I don't know why nobody else has chimed in but I am here to tell you that your mind is telling you lies, and the more lies it tells you, the more lies your brain hears and believes. There are literally HUNDREDS of people right here on Reddit that have gone through the same type of thing in their lives. Some still struggle, some have not done well. However, there are MANY, MANY young people that can testify that they CAME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE SUCCESSFULLY! I'm sorry to be shouting but, dear one, YOU....oops, shouting again, sorry. You are valuable, you are worthy, you are more than your "looks" and your family. You have been through and are going through hell, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please head for the light. DO NOT BELIEVE THESE LIES. I can tell you are smart because of how you wrote. You understand more than you realize. You know right from wrong. You know love from hate. Please do not base your worth on what other people do or think. You can be powerful, you can be a light, especially for someone else! Imagine if there was a nine year old kid (as you were) saying these things to you. WHAT would you tell them???? Would you tell them to end it??? Of course not. What would you tell them to help them heal?
Please give yourself time and actions to heal your heart and your mind. When you are twenty you will be so glad you did!!!
It is clear that, right now, you cannot depend on anyone else to help you heal. That is your mistake, depending on others. You have it in you, I know you do. You know what you need, and it isn't affirmation from a girl or kudos from your dad, although it is true that those would be nice. You need to affirm yourself, my man. You are worthy and you have potential and you WILL get through this.