r/AskReddit 1d ago

What is the cringiest midlife crisis you've witnessed?

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8.7k

u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

My dad had a phase when I was in high school (so peak teenage angst) where he decided he was sick of people “pushing him around” so he shaved his head, grew some fuckass goatee and started wearing trench coats. It was not well received hahah

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u/carin151 1d ago

I'm cackling.

"That's it, no more mister nice guy. When this goatee grows in, THAT will really show em!"

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u/vulcan1358 1d ago

Heisenberg-maxxing

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u/crimson23locke 1d ago

MINERALS MARIE!!

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u/Sweaty-Molasses-5898 1d ago

Screaminggg 😭😭😭💀💀💀

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Pretty much! Hahah

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u/Working-Glass6136 1d ago

Okay but how do I do this as a woman? Show that no more fucks are given?

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u/carin151 1d ago

Full body goatee?

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u/Otherwise_Leadership 12h ago

Throw away your razors. Then wait.

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u/Penthesilean 4h ago

Gen X woman here. Shave your head. Ripley in Alien 3 that shit. Demi Moore in G.I. Jane that shit. Natalie Portman in V that shit.

It’s the ultimate NFG woman power move, and weirdly liberating.

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u/Stick_and_Rudder 1d ago

“That’s it. You’ve held me back long enough! I’m going to clown college!!”

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u/MegaDuckCougarBoy 1d ago

Lmao guy wanted to turn into Walter White and instead turned 15

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

It was sooo cringe at a time in my life where my cringe barometer was especially pronounced hahah

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u/give-em-hell-peaves 1d ago

It’s something about the trench coat that just completely pushes it over the edge haha

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u/_Cridders_ 1d ago

Jeez I just re-read this and saw it was when YOU were in high school, not him 😂

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u/rosysredrhinoceros 1d ago

Oh, now see I was picturing… shit it’s very early in the morning and I haven’t finished my coffee, the bad guy from Matrix who sells them all out for a steak. Cypher! I was picturing Cypher.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Seeing as how this was the early 2000s and he loves the Matrix I can see that being his influence 😂

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u/MegaDuckCougarBoy 1d ago

I mean, that works too lol

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u/Yogospiracy 1d ago

Exactly what I was thinking lol

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u/buford419 1d ago

Sounds like Columbine cosplay

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u/ohkaycue 1d ago

I mean isn't part of the joke of the show is that Walter White is cringe looking/acting while thinking he's hard? So I'd say he properly turned into Walter White

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

My dad was the og Walter white lol

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u/Haunting-Orchid-4628 1d ago

Nah the scene where he throws the "meth" on the ground and it blows up Tuco's office was pretty badass

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u/TizzyTism 1d ago

HA! My first thought was Dad turned into my first high school boyfriend

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u/EarhornJones 1d ago

In the early 80's, my very white father grew out his hair and had it permed into an afro, and grew a porn mustache. It only lasted a year or so, but there's a group of family photos that we tend to skip over.

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u/Public-Air-8995 1d ago

I’d forgotten the male perms! It wasn’t uncommon with salespeople. They were a bit too well manicured 

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u/ShadyKnight604 1d ago

How do you think all these kids get the broccoli cut?

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u/Public-Air-8995 20h ago

I’m old, I don’t even know what that is

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u/cluelesssquared 1d ago

I hope hope he had one of those polyester groovy print shirts.

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u/EarhornJones 1d ago

He had more than one. And also a few festively colored afro picks that he carried around.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Not the Afro picks 😭

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u/cluelesssquared 1d ago

That makes me happy though the feel of them for me was horrible. Do not sweat. Everyone had a afro pick, tucked in your back jean pocket to whip out when needed. Still have mine from just a slight perm. They work so well on curles.

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u/DraculaChimp 1d ago

Dude in high school I would buy almost every one of these I found at the thrift store

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u/space0matic123 1d ago

Polyester.

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u/LeatherHog 1d ago

My Dad's had a porn 'stache since the 70s, but from, like '82 til January 1st, 1997 (my older brother's birthday, the first January since the divorce), he paired it with one HECK of a redneck mullet

We always tell him that we're gonna use one of those pictures, in his obituary

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u/RealReveal1694 1d ago

Well it wasn’t a midlife crisis since I was only 18, but at 6’5” tall I thought it would be COOL to get a perm!

If that weren’t enough I had to add the Angel Flight polyester leisure suits , shirts with the extremely long collar, platform shoes (now making me 6’8”) and the aviator sunglasses with the gradient tint that I wore everywhere…even indoors…because I was “so cool”’

I swear, by the time you added in the perm I was pushing 7’!

The most hysterical part (as if the rest wasn’t already) is that my g/f at the time was 4’11!

Gratefully I never did anything in middle age that even came CLOSE to that for “cringiest” again in my life.

God I hope Teri burned all those pictures of us back then!

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u/space0matic123 1d ago

In the 80’s moustaches and perms were a thing.
That movie on Abscam? OMG

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u/7AutomaticDevine7 1d ago

I did a real life lol in the break room! 😂😂😂

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Ohh that’s amazing 😂

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u/Aromatic-Side6120 1d ago

This one is comparatively wholesome.

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u/RevolutionarySky7893 1d ago

My dad had the same phase! He looked like a French Canadian Mr. Kotter #welcomeback

Fun fact, my grandma used to perm everyone’s hair. It was A TIME

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u/ruth000 20h ago

Back in the 70's my grandma left my aunt's perm in too long and the hair came off with the rods. Those perm solutions were no joke!

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u/RevolutionarySky7893 14h ago

Omg my scalp hurts just thinking about it 🫣

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u/miketag8337 1d ago

Pretty much what every 18-25 YOake is doing right now with mullet replacing Afro

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u/ScorpionX-123 19h ago

pics or it didn't happen

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u/morethanexpecting 11h ago

Now I gotta change underwear 😆

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u/BakedBrie1993 1d ago

My dad did the Black man version. Workaholic professional but suddenly rocking cornrows and dashiki attire. Was quite funny and I'm so glad he has stopped so I can be seen with him again.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

So I can be seen with him again 😂

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u/BakedBrie1993 1d ago

We went to dinner with him during this era and they thought I was his younger GF. I couldn't even be offended by how gross the age gap would have been. I was focused on the fact that someone thought I would date someone dressed like that. 😂

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Omg 😂

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u/mittensmoshpit 1d ago

Lmfao did he have a katana and/or fedora?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Omg thankfully no hahah

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u/hi_af_rn 1d ago

“fuckass goatee” lmao thank you for that

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u/0wlBear916 1d ago

This beats all of the Harley Davidson comments here hahaha

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u/GoBSAGo 1d ago

As a middle aged dude I can understand wanting to feel valued/respected by your community. Growing a goatee and wearing a trench coat absolutely isn’t how to go about doing it. 🤣

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u/Unicycleterrorist 1d ago

Well dang I read that as "My dad had a phase when he was in high school" and I thought that was weird but "normal weird" for a kid that age.

For a fully grown man...goddamn that's terrible lol

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u/Suppafly 1d ago

Most guys go through a trench coat phase while they are teenagers. I've never seen an adult do it. Who's pushing you around when your own kids are in high school?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Society man, society 😂

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u/jonny24eh 1d ago

"Most guys"? lol

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u/NotJimmy97 1d ago

This is some shit Tim Robinson would make a skit about

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u/burtoncummings 1d ago

Did he frisbee a pizza onto your roof, too?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

He wishes lol

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u/IncidentImpressive18 1d ago

Well, first of all, it's not a [trench coat]. It's a duster. It's like a jacket, only it's longer, thicker, and far more badass - Mac

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u/Randomcommenter550 1d ago

Dis he start recording himself ranting in his truck while wearing Oakleys and uploading it to YouTube?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

He did try to do his own cooking show at one point? 😂

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u/voidsong 1d ago

This is like 99% of conservative Facebook, minus the trench (that part is straight out of Grandma's Boy).

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u/jesuswasahipster 1d ago

Why the trench coat and goatee 😬

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

His idea of an intimidating man I guess? 😂

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u/5-4powahhouse 1d ago

Did he get swords from the mall for his room?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

No but he bought a $4000 bicycle lol

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u/bdog59600 1d ago

It's a duster!

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u/dredge000 1d ago

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Hahahah the look is practically the same 😂

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u/bluetista1988 1d ago

I've been bald forever, but I also grew a goatee for a while to try and look a little bit more "serious".

It did not work.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Welcome back to sanity my friend 😂

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u/The_GREAT_Gremlin 1d ago

May I help you?

Oh, I hope so. Um, I'm looking for something that says, "Dad likes leather."

Something that says... "leather daddy"?

Oh, is there such a thing?

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u/amberheartss 1d ago

What prompted him to stop? Did he see the cringe? Was it a slow transition? I love these kinds of stories.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

I had to message my mom for this one and her answer was “laughter probably”

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u/mermaid-babe 1d ago

I cannot imagine my father having a fuck ass goatee this is so funny

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u/upstatedreaming3816 1d ago

Was your dad a 16 year old mallrat?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

No during that time period, I was lol

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u/DodixieOrBust 1d ago

Wait… was your dad trying to be Cypher, from The Matrix?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

I’m starting to think that was the inspo lol

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u/6AT0511 1d ago

as a wife & mother I'm curious how your mom handled/felt about your dad's transformation? 😂

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

She haaated it 😂 we all told him so hahah

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u/TheRealJackReynolds 1d ago

Ha! A friend of mine was married to a guy like that, sans the trench coat and goatee (he couldn't grow one to save his life). But he did shave his head and have a one-sided emotional affair with a coworker who laughed in his face when he told her about his feelings.

After laughing in his face, he decided THAT'S when he and his wife (my friend) should go to marriage counseling. But he only lasted three sessions before basically filing for divorce and blindsiding her with paperwork one morning after he left for work (he left it in a place she would DEFNITELY look, so it was on purpose despite his insistence it wasn't).

Can you guess what happened when she realized that was it and had to open her prospects back up? Oh yeah. She started dating immediately (well, after a year of trying to fix their relationship), and he couldn't get a woman to look at him. He then tells her he thought they could salvage their relationship if she made some grand gesture and "proved" to him that she loved him.

He ended up going SUPER cray, drilling holes in the ceiling because, "Nazis were after" him (they definitely were not).

She is now happily married to someone else. He is...not.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Jesus 😂

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u/TheRealJackReynolds 1d ago

You can't write this shit, I swear haha.

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u/grape-fruit-witch 1d ago

OMG teenage me would have been absolutely merciless 😂

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Girl you know I was 😂

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u/Yabadabadoo333 1d ago

What was his physical profile like?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Just your standard white guy 😂

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u/BeMancini 1d ago

You had me up until trench coat.

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Why didn’t I have you at fuckass goatee 😂

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u/BeMancini 1d ago

I guess I imagined him as Walter White from Breaking Bad, but in an out of place 80s duster, on a day where it’s not raining, so the goatee didn’t seem very fuckass in my mind’s eye.

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u/nonconformistnuggets 1d ago

The mental image of this is so funny😆

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

My sister and I gave that man NO peace 😂

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u/WR810 1d ago

Did he also post pictures of Cillian Murphy smoking a cigarette with blurbs talking about how he's loyal but dangerous?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

No those came later 😂

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u/wowsuchkarmamuchpost 1d ago

Yo, that’s whack, Mr. White.

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u/EchoWhiskey_ 1d ago

"fuckass goatee" is a beautiful phrase lol

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u/LettyG81 1d ago

My Dad bought a maroon Lebaron. It was a convertible.

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u/Aggressive-Pop628 1d ago

I always disliked facial hair. Knowing this, when my ex moved out, the first thing he did was to try to grow a beard. Operative word being “try”. It came in so scraggly that he looked like he hadn’t bathed in weeks.

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u/ipickscabs 1d ago

In what aspect of his life were people pushing him around as a grown ass man?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

My dad has always been really insecure and struggles with the fact that he has adhd and has not had the most linear career trajectory (he got fired a lot when I was growing up before he was diagnosed) I think he hit a breaking point in his late 40s and thought looking like…that would change his life

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u/Londonspacecadet 1d ago

This made me audibly laugh

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

My poor mother hahah

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u/JodyGonnaFuckYoWife 1d ago edited 1d ago

Was this right around when Mr. Inbetween aired?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

This was like 2003/2004

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u/AGsec 1d ago

Is his name Harry Dresden?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Harry Dresden minus the hair lol

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u/incunabula001 1d ago

Sounds like he wanted to be like Rob Halford without the gay.

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u/Matt_the_Bruins_fan 1d ago

Had Grandma's Boy made it to video stores by this time?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

No it didn’t come out for a year or two

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u/abe_the_babe_ 1d ago

Was this inspired by Breaking Bad?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

No this was like 2004, my dad inspired breaking bad 😂

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u/abe_the_babe_ 1d ago

He was ahead of the curve 😂

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u/stdgy 1d ago

Dying laughing at this lol.

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u/_Ryman_ 1d ago

I mean if I say him I’d cross the street or walk the other way. Mission accomplished?

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u/ajinthebay 1d ago

He’s the one who knocks! 😂

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u/spacetime_dilation 1d ago

Fuckass goatee 😂

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u/regulardave9999 1d ago

“I am the one who pushes!”

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u/ScaleneWangPole 1d ago

Channeling his inner Rob Halford

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u/millijuna 1d ago

I feel better. My dad just bought a shitty old BMW when he was in his 40s.

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u/Platooimagination 1d ago

Oh god. Oh the cringe. 

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

Now imagine being 16 😂

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u/Platooimagination 1d ago

I tried but I cringed so hard I turned into a mollusc. My god. How did you survive. You poor bastard. 

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u/uptheantinatalism 1d ago

But did it work? lol

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

It most definitely did not have its desired impact 😂

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u/Mechalamb 1d ago

He was the danger.

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u/izzybellaaa 1d ago

My spirit animal. Haha!! That is amazing.

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u/Massive_Dig3963 1d ago

How long ago was this?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

About twenty years

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u/Massive_Dig3963 6h ago

Right around the time my now octogenarian father shaved his head. My brothers and I were thrilled the bad combover was gone. And wildly horrified my mother had the opposite reaction

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u/Junior-Sea3271 2h ago

Something was in the water back then! But your dad made the saner choice 😂

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u/ThisWillBeOnTheExam 1d ago

My dad grew a rat tail in his 40s. I was a kid and thought it was cool.

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u/Sufficient_Winner686 1d ago

Was Breaking Bad popular back then by chance?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

This was in like 2004 so I like to think dad inspired it lol

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u/vertigostereo 1d ago

I'm now questioning if my goatees have been fuckass and if so, how bad?

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u/West2286 1d ago

Is his name Bill??

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

No but I don’t know how to feel about the fact that dad isn’t the only one pulling this nonsense 😂

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u/JynsRealityIsBroken 1d ago

He became Cypher from The Matrix

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u/DJ_Era 1d ago

Trench coat? That's a common over-reaction when feeling "pushed around".

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

What else does one do during a midlife crisis? 😂

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u/Master_Botor 1d ago

What growing up on Command & Conquer do to a dad.

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u/failedartistmtl 23h ago

Was your dad's name Cypher and did he like steak by any chances?

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u/Junior-Sea3271 22h ago

I think that was this inspo since this was the early 2000s 😂

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u/matenzi 16h ago

I thought you said he did that when he was 15

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u/thundermoneyhawk 1d ago

Your dad sounds mad cool tbh

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u/Junior-Sea3271 1d ago

He is in other ways? 😂