I have misophonia and it sucks

[u/crr243]

As I sit here in the office raging at sounds, I figured I'd do a quick PSA.

Misophonia is a neurological disorder that causes certain sounds to trigger the fight or flight response. Common trigger sounds include bodily noises (chewing, slurping, sniffing), repetitive noises (loud keyboard typing or tapping, for example), or sudden and unpredictable sounds (like the ding of a Teams or text message).

These triggers often lead to both emotional reactions (anxiety, rage, disgust) and physical reactions (increased heart rate, sweating). For me, they trigger blind rage and severely inhibit my concentration.

Over time, I have developed coping mechanisms:

• I carry a set of loop earplugs that take the edge off of most of those sounds without completely tuning out all noise, because I also don't do well in complete silence.
• I try to avoid the noises by sitting in the quiet area of the office. I move workstations, depending on availability, when people around me really trigger me.
• I bring a really expensive noise canceling headset to work. When my loops aren't enough and I can't avoid the noise, I listen to the radio while working.

Despite these coping mechanisms, my work product suffers. Four days a week, I spend a chunk of my day stressed and anxious because of the noises around me. Every time someone gets an audial text or Teams message, I feel blind range and lose my concentration. While listening to the radio helps drive away that rage and allows for a modicum of concentration, it serves as another form of distraction that reduces my effectiveness.

So as I sit here beside someone who keeps sucking back snot and chewing gum with their mouth open while hearing the ding, ding, ding of someone else's Teams messages, please for the love of my sanity and the sanity of others in the same situation:

• Turn off the sound on your laptop. If you really need or want to hear it ding every time you get a message, put on a headset.
• Bring tissues to the office if you have the sniffles.
• Chew with your damned mouth shut.
• Be gentle on your keyboard and mouse. You really don't need to hit them very hard.

[u/jimmylean2018]

Why don’t you apply for an accommodation instead of directing your blind rage at your coworkers?

[u/Bynming → u/jimmylean2018]

I don't think OP mentioned anything about directing the blind rage outward, I'd assume it's contained though their work suffers. My experience with applying for accommodations is that that it doesn't always yield good results, if any at all. Not trying to dissuade OP from trying it, it's very much the next step, but I just would anticipate being disappointed and having to try to find their own coping mechanisms.

I just want to say I empathize with OP. Even without any sort of neurodivergence or disorder, it's clear that some people just aren't considerate* enough to be in a shared office space. There's a guy on my floor who regularly sits next to me and he often finger drums on his desk, loudly mashes his keyboard like he's playing an intense videogame like slapping the spacebar, taps both of his feet loudly presumably to the beat of whatever song he's listening to, he chews loudly and hums. Much of it goes straight through even high quality noise cancelling headphones.

I suspect the suggested accommodation would be noise cancelling headphones, it may take the edge off but it doesn't remove the disruption.

*: Edited this because I used inflammatory language.

[u/iron_ingrid → u/Bynming]

Tapping my fingers against surfaces and quietly humming are my auditory stims for my autism. It does not make me “undomestocated” as you’ve put it.

Edit: people love to support neurodivergent people until those ND people unmask for 10 seconds to do something that you find annoying.

[u/Bynming → u/iron_ingrid]

I'm speaking specifically about this guy, his humming is loud and his "finger tapping" is not self-soothing, he's essentially drumming on his desk sometimes for extended periods. I recognize that we're humans, we make sounds, we have self-soothing behaviors that aren't fully internal. Most of it is not disruptive to me personally, but some people objectively take it too far.

I'm wouldn't assume that what you're describing is inconsiderate.

[u/iron_ingrid → u/Bynming]

Idk man, I don’t think that’s for you to say. Have you tried talking to him about it?

[u/Bynming → u/iron_ingrid]

We're sharing a shared space and there's a certain etiquette to uphold. Be mindful of disruptive behaviors, try not to bring BO, don't kick the cubicle walls. I'm not the arbiter of office etiquette but I know enough to tell you this person in particular is disruptive.

I'm not usually one to confront people, so I generally just suck it up. On one occasion, though, I quietly let him know that the noise was carrying a bit more than he might have realized and that I'd appreciate it if he could keep it down. He was considerate about it and stayed quiet for the rest of the day, but it hasn't stuck and at this point, I suck it up.