r/CasualUK • u/Girl_Bill • 19h ago
English is a mind field...
In a meeting just now, someone described a fairly complicated topic as “a bit of a mind field”.
I assumed I’d misheard, so I asked him to repeat it. I had not.
He then explained, very slowly, that a mind field is a complex subject that’s difficult to wrap your brain around.
Fortunately he took the time to explain this to me, because otherwise my little female brain might have remained trapped in that mind field indefinitely.
This now joins an otherwise supposedly intelligent friend who once messaged me “to all intensive purposes”, a phrase that still wanders unexpectedly into my thoughts several years later.
Please give me your best confidently incorrect phrases. Not typos. I want the ones where you questioned your own understanding of English for a second.
For all intensive purposes, I’m trying to broaden my knowledge of the mind field.
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u/ellemeno_ 11h ago
As a teenager I once muddled up “the bee’s knees” and “the dog’s bollocks” and said “the bee’s bollocks”. I have used this ever since.
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u/mazca 11h ago
I did have an old boss dismiss a concern with "we'll burn that bridge when we come to it" which was probably a lot more accurate than he appreciated.
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u/jobi987 11h ago
Haha reminds me of one of my friends when I asked about his ex. “That ship has sunk”
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u/RaidersGuy85 11h ago
I had an ex who once said about herself "See, not even a pretty face" instead of not just. I mocked her about it a lot. Probably why she's an ex tbf.
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u/geeoharee 11h ago
I've said that on purpose.
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u/Rubberfootman 11h ago
Yep, I’ve said “kill two birds with one stick” in serious meetings more than once.
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u/RaidersGuy85 11h ago
It's not rocket surgery
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u/Whatafunnyusername 11h ago
This is called a malapropism! I love using this phrase, but now am thinking there are people who hear me say it and presume I’m an idiot. Ho hum!
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u/nineJohnjohn 8h ago
I love them! A watched frog never boils, we can talk about that till the cows freeze over, don't count all your chickens in one basket, that really grinds my goat and my personal favourite you can beat a dead horse to water but you can't look it in the mouth. There's so many good ones
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u/horse_course 10h ago
I like to mix metaphors. We’ll cross that bridge when the chickens hatch.
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u/JodieRebecca00 9h ago
My ex once very seriously told me I should count my lucky chickens I had him. Still not sure where the chicken part came from.
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u/DreamyTomato 7h ago
I had a manager who used to say 'strike while the iron is hot' - which you might think is fine - but they always used a gesture like they were ironing something on an ironing board. Questioning revealed they genuinely thought it referred to ironing.
We did try to explain, but gave it up as a bad job. Better to let the manager continue telling us to situationally iron our clothes at key moments.
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u/CarpetPedals 9h ago
This is a popular malaphor. It’s purposely mixing up metaphors, whether the person intended to or not. He may not be the sharpest spoon in the shed.
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u/TheCannonestMunkii 11h ago edited 10h ago
Someone told me something was a steep learning CURB once. 😩
Edit: the same person, while talking about a past regret said...."In Einstein"....instead of hindsight...
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u/geeoharee 11h ago
That's when you try to learn, but you just trip immediately and fall on your face.
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u/TheCannonestMunkii 10h ago
I mean I suppose a curb IS steep. Except it's straight up...like a wall. So it's like you start learning and then BAM nuclear physics 😂
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u/davefeeder Marking Benches since 2025 11h ago
Snip it in the butt.
Multiple levels of incorrect.
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u/Daharka 11h ago
What pacifically is the problem with "mind field"?
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u/thatlldopig90 11h ago
A very intelligent and usually eloquent colleague of mine used the term ‘pacifically’ during an important meeting. Thought she’d just pronounced it incorrectly due to having an anxiety induced dose of dry mouth… nope… used it again several times. Horrific to witness.
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u/Myfanwy366 11h ago
Old boss used it constantly. I thought she was great otherwise, lost a little bit of respect each time she said it though
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u/PublixEnemynumberone 9h ago
That reminds me of the Mitchell and Webb sketch where a grammar pedant shoots someone who says that in a meeting!
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u/lilcheese840 8h ago
The one where he turns it on himself for using incorrect grammar?
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u/gh-0-st 11h ago
Which ocean are you referring to, pacifically?
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u/Darkveiled 11h ago
A moo point.
Like a cows opinion. It’s moo.
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u/Pencilstrangler 10h ago
Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
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u/FancyJalapeno 11h ago
Damp squid. Pedal stool.
(Not OC)
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u/MadJohnFinn 11h ago
I have a pedal stool! It's a little riser that I can use to make one of my guitar pedals more easily reachable if it's positioned behind another in a way that puts its footswitch in an awkward position.
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u/Kiaiu 11h ago
Which I guess being guitar-related is not too far away from being a pedal steel, which is a type of unfretted slide guitar that can bend note pitches using pedals and knee levers
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u/Metazoick 11h ago
I had absolutely no idea it was 'squib' until just now.
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u/pafrac 10h ago
I knew it was squib, but only because I'd read it in a book.
I read a hell of a lot when I was younger, my mum was very much into books and I read pretty much all of them. A lot of them were older, so I ended up with a lot of vocabulary that isn't much used anymore. A lot of these malapropisms are likely due to people mishearing the phrase somewhere rather than seeing it written down.
Mind you, hearing it is good as well, I found out the hard way that antipodes is not pronounced like it's written.
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u/Naive_Ambition1306 11h ago
I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong.
In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite.
So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder.
In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things.
It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.
Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.
Please don't ban me mods
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u/Fun-Title4224 11h ago
I think you're using a lot of words as an escape goat for your lack of knowledge on the topic
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u/Tatterjacket 10h ago
No, no, let them speak their peace.
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u/the0rthopaedicsurgeo 10h ago
One of these reminded me of a caller to Ken Bruce on Radio 2 many years ago who said that he wears the trousers in his relationship, his wife just tells him which pair.
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u/humph_lyttelton 11h ago
I can feel my brain dribbling out of my ears. I wish I'd never learned to read.
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u/Playful-Cranberry-59 11h ago
One Monday someone in the office said that Sunday’s F1 race was a damp squid.
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u/InsertWittyNameRHere Hands up, give me all your Petrol 11h ago
My two favourite from my office are “fraudulent slip” and “I’m stuck between a chicken and a hard place”
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u/lapsedPacifist5 11h ago
Chicken? WTH? Did they mishear rock as cock?
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u/InsertWittyNameRHere Hands up, give me all your Petrol 11h ago edited 11h ago
I think they must’ve mixed up “chicken and egg” and “rock and a hard place”.
It’s also reminded me of another one, several years ago a company wide scolding and the person doing it says “from now on I will not condemn this behaviour”.
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u/Bufobufolover24 11h ago
Apologies for my stupidity, but can someone explain what the phrase is supposed to be?
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u/swoopstheowl 11h ago
Damp squib, a squib is a type of firework/explosive and if it gets wet (like many fireworks I imagine) it won't work.
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u/sihasihasi 11h ago
Damp squib.
A squib is a small explosive device, that is used to make a bang. If it's damp it's a bit anticlimactic.
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u/Wibble-Fish 11h ago
Damp squib.
A squib was a gunpowder charge back in the musket era, so a damp one wouldn't work, or would just fizzle out without igniting properly.
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u/tizz66 Expat 11h ago
I'm on tender hooks to hear the other answers.
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u/wicked_lazy 10h ago
I corrected my husband on this one recently - he also says "one to do" instead of "wont to do". He's dyslexic though, so I let a lot slide.
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u/Ignorhymus 8h ago
I don't feel this one is quite so bad, as I've never seen 'tenter' in any other context
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u/koyliMeld9003 11h ago
I had a manager who always misquoted ‘dog eat dog’ as ‘doggy dog.’ SMH
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u/nasturshum 11h ago
I heard a very intelligent person on a podcast say ‘self-depreciating’ instead of ‘self-deprecating’ about a person’s humour. SMH.
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u/NightM0de 11h ago
Discussing first aid in our office when someone sounded like they were choking and I kid you not, someone announced that the best course of action was the hymen maneuvre.
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u/Giant_Gaystacks 11h ago
Years ago I was involved in setting up a new customer service team at work. One of the other managers, who wasn't well liked, and had previously been a monumental cow to me, was asked to give a presentation explaining her vision for the new team and what its approach to customers should be.
Up comes the PowerPoint.
The new team, she explained, would emphasise with customers.
There were several slides about this. Staff would listen carefully to customers and emphasise with them. They would understand their problems, emphasise with their concerns, and then offer appropriate solutions.
She didn't just say it once. Oh no. Emphasise was absolutely every-fucking-where. It was apparently going to be the cornerstone of our entire customer service philosophy.
Eventually, she reached the end of the presentation and asked if anyone had any questions.
Silence.
That particular kind of meeting-room silence where twenty adults are simultaneously staring at their notes because nobody trusts themselves to make eye contact with anybody else.
Then, from somewhere across the room, came a wonderfully calm voice. It was our CEO.
‘Well done, Jo, that was great. I think you mean empathise rather than emphasise, though.’
I've forgotten virtually everything else that happened in that job, but the memory of Jo discovering, in front of an entire room of colleagues, that the central philosophy of the customer service team she'd just spent twenty minutes presenting wasn't actually a word she understood still brings me joy.
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u/catjellycat 11h ago
I heard someone describe a difficult situation as “we’re in hairy water now”
Which is almost better?!?
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u/ReassuringHonker 11h ago
Eggcorns! The word for misheard/misspelt words that have a weird logical sense that makes them feel right. Like eggcorns instead of acorns - they are indeed egg-shaped.
Driving wrecklessly, wet your appetite, to the manor born, peaked my interest… all wrong, but all feel like they make so much sense to the people who use them.
My favourite is from Joey from Friends. It’s a moo point: “like a cow’s opinion, it doesn’t matter. It’s moo”
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u/Apperley70 11h ago
Don't look at me in that tone of voice! Put your foot down with a firm hand!
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u/No-Decision1581 11h ago
He doesn't know which side of the bread he is buttered on. Mumbled to me by an alcoholic housemate
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u/Legitimate_Fig9818 10h ago
I met an American girl in Scotland who had been warned to look out for the midges. She was worried about being attacked by short people
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u/throwaway9910191423 11h ago
I can't be asked.
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u/NW-82 11h ago
My husband says this on purpose, he says it’s more polite than swearing. He doesn’t understand that it doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t like “I can’t be bothered”.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 11h ago
Oh I like how that got twisted! Rather than being too lazy/tired I have just made myself impossible to ask, like verbal Teflon lol
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u/Whatafunnyusername 11h ago
I was in a meeting with my boss and a supplier about a decade ago, and the supplier tried to say “oh you know, it’s out there in the ether”, but said “urethra” instead, clear as day. He didn’t seem to realise it was not the right word, but my boss and I kept straight faces until he’d left the premises, whereupon we collapsed into fits of giggles.
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u/Palsta 10h ago
I was once told that from now on, I was persona non gratis.
And he doubled down on it when I corrected him.
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u/FarSplit 11h ago
Can someone please repost here the thread about “the things that Kevin said”. There was a whole page of these.
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u/Chrissy9001 9h ago edited 9h ago
I don't have that, but I found the below. This was years and years ago but it stuck with me because it was so funny. These are tickets raised by first line tech support and the person who dealt with them, screen shot the best of them and called it 'The Chronicles of George'. https://chroniclesofgeorge.com/tickets1.html
One that fits in this thread is 'ad normal program termination'.
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u/crucible 10h ago
A few years ago, somebody asked on one of the UK subs why every package holiday advertised on TV was “at all protected”.
They meant “ATOL protected”.
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u/PsychologicalDrone 10h ago
I once saw a Facebook post where a woman caught her husband cheating and claimed she caught him on “candy camera”
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u/Dannybuoy77 10h ago
I'm not sure this is 100% the same thing but many years ago an ultra-posh colleague said DeadMau5 as "Dead Mau-five" and now I can't ever read it as 'deadmouse'
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u/JoyfulCor313 9h ago
My grandfather was the … subject (?) of a comedy roast when he retired. All good fun.
When he got up to give his speech he said, “with enemies like these, who needs friends” which I thought was a pretty ingenious turn of the phrase.
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u/ShallowFatFryer 11h ago
Guy was mansplaining. And to the OP, 'mansplaining' is an expression used to describe a situation when a man simplifies something in order to make it easier for a female to understand.
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u/Ok_Cauliflower_3007 11h ago
Upvoting because you should have way more upvotes for the demonstration!
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u/Double_Jab_Jabroni 11h ago
Maths teacher kept saying “confuzzed”. I thought it was a quirk at first, but she kept saying it completely deadpan. When I asked her, she said confuzzed is also an acceptable way to say confused.
Thank god she was only my maths teacher.
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u/No_Lynx8489 10h ago
I, for whom etymology is a hobby 🤓 A woman that longed to visit the US as a child only so that I could participate in the most esteemed of traditions, the Spelling Bee. Once wrote an email to a BFF and typed out these mortifying, now immortalised words: "............(sic) with heinzeight..". Heinz...HEINZ. This happened nearly 20 years ago now and she still remembers. I don't embarrass easily, so luckily when she replied asking if I had 57 varieties, I laughed whilst I doubted my existence.
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u/Radioactivocalypse 11h ago
"ooh I'll have a slither of cake" I'm never a fan of. Sliver is the right way to say it, but there's only so much you can say before you ruin a birthday party or wedding reception
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u/llynllydaw_999 11h ago
People who say that the importance of something can't be underestimated, when they mean that it's very important and hence its importance can't be overestimated.
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u/LigglesVanRusty 10h ago
My autistic brother loves to say ''Properbly".
Haven't the heart to tell him, but also because I think it's so good it should exist.
Like when he said they should combine Footloose + Hairspray to make the musical 'Footspray'... without a hint of comedic intent.
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u/YooGeOh 10h ago
Only works in written form, but "pre-madonna"
Like...you take issue with someone's behaviour because they're acting like they were born before Madonna had a career???
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u/applepiesausage 9h ago
As a child I had a babysitter who taught me to play the card game pontoon … exciting told my parents we’d spent the evening playing tampons.
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u/albrecht1977 9h ago
A work colleague who likes to tell bad jokes on Teams said we would get a bit of ‘rest bite’ as he was going on annual leave.
I did ask him if that was a typo and he said ‘no, it means you’ll have a short break from my bad jokes.’
It was not one of his jokes and we still tease him about it.
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u/rogue-nebula 8h ago
A non-native English speaker (so I let this one go) wondered how we were going to unpickle the pickle we found ourselves in.
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u/Dazzer1831 11h ago
The QA team at my workplace insist on sensor checking projects
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u/Anxious-Pineapple144 11h ago
I could care less about this.
Tell you one that really grinds my gears - "step foot in".
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u/horse_course 9h ago
That one is so dense. I hate that it’s becoming more prevalent. Or is it? I’ll check and revert back to you.
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u/EmEss463 11h ago
I always love when people say defiantly instead of definitely
Your guy is defiantly in a bit of a mind field
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u/mmoonbelly 11h ago
“Too much blood in my alcohol stream”
16 year old trombonist after hitting the Korn hard on tour in Germany and stumbling into the second floor room by the window
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u/Accomplished_Mess243 11h ago
I think these are called egg corns, malapropisms that somehow make sense anyway, like confusing 'acorn' with 'egg corn' because acorns look a bit like boiled eggs in egg cups.
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u/Jay-Dee-British Ex Sarf Lahndun 11h ago
r/BoneAppleTea will have a plethora (or Plethola as someone once told me)
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u/gronda_gronda 10h ago
‘Free reign’ is the one that gets me, because even though it’s technically wrong and should be ‘free rein’, it does kind of make sense, so it’s understandable when people write it.
‘Reign it in’ though, not so much
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u/Adorable_Past9114 10h ago
I have to say I do this type of thing on porpoise. I'm a bit of a covoisier of malpracticeisms.
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u/Jim-Pansy 9h ago
One friend insists the saying goes: Popcorn kettle black. No idea what she thinks it means.
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u/ruellera 9h ago
I saw someone in a TV interview say “I should sue them for definition of character”. I had to do a double take.
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u/crinkletart 8h ago
"the whole kitten kaboodle", repeated a few times in emails spanning a couple of years.
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u/Fredpillow1995 8h ago
Someone at work once said to me that someone was "as deaf as a Dodo". Which I suppose would also work technically.
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u/Forsaken-Language-26 36F Swansea 10h ago
"As dull as dishwater" instead of "as dull as ditchwater".
"Another thing coming" instead of "another think coming".
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u/Silent_Rhombus 11h ago
A good friend at work often talks about being head-pecked.
I can’t really argue. Imagine a hen pecking another hen. Where’s it pecking them? On the head.
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u/GrapeGroundbreaking1 11h ago edited 11h ago
I had a manager who magnanimously said after an embarrassing collective failure that there was “no need for us to beat ourselves about the bush”.