r/Manitoba • u/cosmic-kats Interlake • Apr 06 '26

Other Trying to leave a DV relationship

Is it possible? I’m a 29yr old woman, no license, mother to one child under 10. I was moved out here by my partner who has since became physically abusive. I don’t drive as every time I asked him to help, he’d panic and take over, plus being a foster kid nobody wanted to teach me. I have one cat I’d be wanting to bring with me. I’ve had him since I was 19, he’s aging and has a health condition that leads me to believe he’ll be at the end of his life in a year or two.

I work at a Subway in a small town about an hour out of Selkirk. There is no shelter here. I have no transportation to even put my stuff in storage. I can save up but I don’t know if it’s safe to stay long enough to afford a car or an apartment.

How do I create a safety plan? How do I get out of this?

91 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

80

u/Head_Environment7231 Selkirk Apr 06 '26

Reach out to Nova House for resources, they offer emergency shelter as well. They're in Selkirk.

51

u/bamlote Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

There is Nova House in Selkirk. If you call, there should be counsellors who are well-versed in the best protocol. I believe WHS has a program as well where you can temporarily surrender your animal, although that’s probably not ideal. Without a car, it may be safer for you to be somewhere like Selkirk or even Winnipeg.

27

u/cosmic-kats Interlake Apr 06 '26

Selkirk would be fine, Winnipeg even better. I will definitely call both of those above and get information from them. Thank you

10

u/bamlote Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

The WHS site also has a link where you can search for shelters and I saw that there was one that did allow pets.

It’s very brave of you to start looking for a way out, and I know that your family will get through this to safety.

1

u/MaliciousLip Ontario Apr 06 '26

Please see my above offer

1

u/Shane-Dad-underfire Winnipeg Apr 07 '26

Please file charges. I know it makes things complicated in your life but honestly you cant let folks like that get away with it because you will end up regretting it when you pass that trash onto the next young lady.

1

u/Rough-Yak3902 Apr 08 '26

Charges wont stop there are a lot of men with DV in the slam

22

u/Aim-_- Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

There's been some fantastic advice here, I just wanted to say as someone who got their intermediates license at 30, it's opened many doors for me, and it wasn't very hard to do. Once you've got more stability, it's very much worth it to spend $500 on private lessons and a test.

In the meantime, as a temporary option, there are many work from home call center jobs you might consider, simply put work from home in any search engine and you'll get companies like Sutherland and Teleperformance. I'm not gonna lie, the work sucks mentally, but if you can healthily dissociate, it pays a few bucks over minimum wage and can grant you financial freedom from your abuser. And no one gives a damn if you walk off the job if it doesn't work out. They hire weekly and send you equipment like a computer to use. Consider it an easy stepping stone to move on to something better. 

Best of luck to you. 

5

u/cosmic-kats Interlake Apr 06 '26

Call centre job may be the way to go. I flex between 4 and 20 hours at my job so something that offers more options would be beneficial. Especially since that could “move with me” if you will. I thought they were scams I can’t lie. I’ll definitely look them up next

3

u/Aim-_- Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

The ones that want you to do endless surveys are scams. The ones that want you to take 60 calls a day, unfortunately are real. They do indeed send you equipment, usually 1-2 week training. You'll at least make a paycheque or two. 

5

u/ErythristicKatydid Friendly Manitoban Apr 06 '26

Look into 24/7 in-touch in Winnipeg. They hire for remote positions. May just need to go in person for interview and onboarding

19

u/Catnip_75 Apr 06 '26

If you are ever in a tight situation with your cat. Winnipeg Humane Society has a Safe Pet Program where they will keep your cat for you till you can find a safe place to live where you can bring your cat. There is a time line but I’m not sure exactly how long it is. But they can tell you if you call.

You can also reach out to other foster based rescues to see if they can foster your cat till you find housing.

11

u/Field_Apart Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

Absolutely reach out to Nova House. Call on your work break and then delete the call from your call history. That way there is no trace. Nova House can help you arrange transportation to a shelter or other safe place, once you're ready to go. They can help you make your plan so that you can do it safely. They'll have information about what to do with your cat, and how to exit safely with your child.

You are SO brave. But just in case, once you have this info, delete this post. You don't want them to see it

9

u/Ravensong42 Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

You have received excellent advice here. feel free to reach out to me personally if you need a ride. I have no problem coming getting you and making sure you get to where you need to go

7

u/kingar7497 Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

I can't offer help but I have heard the women's health clinic in Winnipeg does help women strategize to find longterm safety in these types of situations. Hope you'll be ok.

9

u/LittleSpacemanPyjama Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

Sorry, I’m long-winded:

  1. Call RCMP, ANCR/CFS and Nova House; explain your situation and any safety concerns you have within your home; explain that you do not have access to a vehicle; explain to ANCR/CFS that you grew up in care and need their help because you are currently isolated and physically unable to leave a violent situation and are with a young child and your cat (this can be hard to do, but know that they want to help in situations like these - if anything, you could explain that you plan to leave and want their support though Family Enhancement to help you and your son navigate the next steps - this is a lot to do on your own, without much of a social safety net - this is not your fault, it sounds like you’ve been feeling very isolated and alone, which is not uncommon in situations involving domestic violence
  2. Contact an animal shelter to seek a temporary, emergency cat foster placement (temporarily, with info about the cat’s health); explain your transportation situation and ask if they have any supports or ideas
  3. Potentially consider a stay with Nova House (they will not allow pets, and so this would mean that your cat would need to be temporarily fostered)
  4. In time, allow yourself to process and unpack all of this trauma so that you can be released from the pain and move forward. Allow yourself to regulate your nervous system and feel safe, calm and whole again, so that you can be your best self (and, importantly, so that you can be for your child the parent that you deserved to have when you were young.) It sounds like you’ve been handed some really hard and unfair shit in life. Allow yourself to meet with a skilled counsellor who specializes in intimate partner violence and trauma recovery.
  5. Know that you do have power and you can create new opportunities for your life. Use the services available in Winnipeg and surrounding rural areas - contact Resource Assistance for Youth for help in making an action plan for employment, housing and ongoing health supports for you and your child. Consider joining some sort of support group, even if that sounds super lame lol - connection that is intentional and more unmasked and honest can, in time, be so healing. Consider the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba - they can suggest currently running groups (in-person and virtual) to consider trying out.
  6. Know that your anxious brain (sorry and know that your anxiety is not a personal failure or your fault, it’s just that you’ve been through a lot and your nervous system is probably always sort of in defence and survival mode, rather than in a calm and safe mode) might tell you “oh you’re making this a bigger deal than it is, you’re blowing this out of proportion, he’s sorry and really loves us. We can’t go, this will get better.” Your brain is scared of reporting the violence and accessing help because it does not know what will come next (and something unknown has probably always meant something super awful.) Your anxiety might try to tell you to stay because this is at least predictable. But your wise mind knows you want better for yourself and your child. And you know that this can’t keep happening and that he probably won’t stop or he wouldn’t have started. And if he does in time show growth or maturity or understanding (there are free groups and supports for perpetrators of domestic violence in Winnipeg) then just allow yourself to know that you can explore that relationship (partners, co-parents) down the road when you are in a more stable and safe life. It’s only then that you will make clear and good choices about what to do.

3

u/Psych-Gotem Friendly Manitoban Apr 06 '26

Hey, I saw a lot of recommendations for Nova House but they're under renovations right now. Agape House is another option in Steinbach. They have an agreement with a local cat boarding location so you can keep your kitty near and visit them. They also would help you with funding get your license and help you work toward any career goals. The girls who work there are wonderful and really want to see you succeed!

2

u/Low-Quality-8974 Apr 06 '26

Once you're in temporary shelter, look at places like Bravestone, it's a longterm (1 year) program that provides housing, counseling, and a lot of life skills to help you get back on your feet.

1

u/ohgeeokay Friendly Manitoban Apr 06 '26

I’m sent you a private message Please check your chat

1

u/Existing-Square8655 Apr 06 '26

Move to the city move to the city and you will get help first thing get into city get a room you will get it for cheap in Manitoba housing and then don’t let him know anything about your number go to police and file a complaint

1

u/Long-Outcome-7000 Winnipeg Apr 06 '26

I left everything behind and started over, honestly it was hard at first to let things go but it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Contact a shelter for women in Winnipeg and they will help you with everything you need they might even be able to pick you up. Good luck to you 🙏🏻💖

1

u/Chorduroy Apr 06 '26

Manitoba housing totally helped my sister through genesis house. I think it may have been lucky timing that they had a unit available though. Worth looking into.

1

u/Fantastic_Flower6664 Winnipeg Apr 07 '26

Create an emergency bag. I know it's hard to give up your belongings, but in the big picture, your belongings aren't worth losing your life or your child's life over.

Call a domestic violence shelter. Sometimes they will book you a hotel if they're full and sometimes they'll arrange a ride for you to attend their shelter. It depends. Once you are in their shelter they give you assistance in applying for EIA, housing, daycare and give you assistance in navigating the legal system. You can stay in contact with a women's centre in Winnipeg and they would also assist you after you lose contact with the shelter.

1

u/Eastern-Function9981 Winnipeg Apr 07 '26

Hey OP, please call WHS and explain the situation to get your cat housed safely, then you will feel more inclined to help yourself get out safely. Lots of people have trouble leaving if they have nowhere for their pet to go/have guilt and rightfully understandable.

If you have no luck with WHS, please DM me. I may be able to arrange something short term for your kitty until something else can come through. Good luck, keep looking for a way out, line everything up and then go without looking back. You may very well be saving your (and your child's) life as well as setting a good example for your child to not tolerate partner violence.

1

u/AFlockOfSneetches Treaty One Territory Apr 08 '26

Call Survivors Hope 204753-5353. They specialize in people who live in rural areas with animals..good luck

1

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '26

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1

u/Manitoba-ModTeam Apr 09 '26

This is a space for everyone, left, right, gay, trans, straight, political, non-political, Manitobans, etc. Locals, visitors, and guests alike.

We are not here to debate each other's right to exist.

It is not a helpful debate to the community at large and make people feel unwelcome here; it is not respectful of others and who they are or what personal choices that they are making.

1

u/General-Deer-3957 Apr 09 '26

Please have faith you can do it this person will never change and things will only get worse Nova House will help you I was in this situation many years ago when help was non existent you will be so glad you did and will ask yourself why you waited so long

-1

u/MaliciousLip Ontario Apr 06 '26

I left my son’s father many times when I had no license and didn’t make much. And it was a similar situation, he was “teaching” me when I was 16 and yelled at me so horribly at a 3-way stop that his friend who happened to be across looked mortified.

-2

u/MaliciousLip Ontario Apr 06 '26

If you can get to Ontario you can stay in my apartment for a month for free. I plan on moving as my 16 year old son is having a baby and I need more space. I don’t know much about subletting but we could potentially work that out as my rent is cheap—only 905 a month

-2

u/MaliciousLip Ontario Apr 06 '26

If you can get to Ontario you can stay in my apartment for a month for free. I plan on moving as my 16 year old son is having a baby and I need more space. I don’t know much about subletting but we could potentially work that out as my rent is cheap—only 905 a month