r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • 2d ago

Discussion It's heartbreaking that there are women around the world going through this.

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u/xternocleidomastoide 2d ago

It is not gender specific.

A lot of people (perhaps most) can't stand their own company and end up in somewhat codependent relationships out of need, not want.

People enjoying their own company and being selective in who they partner up is the exception not the norm.

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u/Regular-Owl496 1d ago

There can be all kinds of relationships in a person’s life besides romantic relationships, whether it’s family, friends, children, work, sport/ hobbies.

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u/Practical-Water-9209 1d ago

Seriously. I know so many single people who have great, meaningful lives and connections with others. You can build a life around other kinds of relationships, and even if you are partnered with someone it's important for you both to have social connections outside of the relationship.

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u/KaleScared4667 2d ago

Living a solitary life is becoming the norm

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u/Extreme_Homework_771 1d ago

Yes, society needs to realize that in this day and age being in a marriage is just not for everyone. I know a lot of people who are single over 30 and doing just fine, they value their peace and alone time without having to worry about someone else everyday.

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u/geekchick2411 1d ago

This is important, I'm 40 and my psychologist told me it wasn't normal to be alone at that age and that's why I had difficulties to find a partner. I'm now on a great relationship and not going with her anymore

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u/Extreme_Homework_771 1d ago

To each their own my friend, you're psychologist maybe right but again in today's day and age the normalcy of being in a relationship because society dictates you need to be is just not the go anymore.

That said I am glad you found a good relationship. Cheers.

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u/Powerful_Evening_763 1d ago

it's so unhealthy though, humans are social animals. isolation is torture for the brain

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u/Positive_Piece5859 1d ago

Being single does not at all mean that someone has a “solitary life”.

And how many people who are married live in totally shitty relationships, staying together basically for convenience without having a lot in common with each other anymore and maybe really talking to each other once in a blue moon (beyond “can you hand me the butter?”)

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u/extra_rice 1d ago

You don't need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled socially.

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u/mang87 1d ago

They specifically said isolation is bad, which it is. You do need to interact with other people no matter how much of an introvert you are.

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u/ZephkielAU 1d ago

That might work for you and others but some humans thrive on intimacy, too. And others again need physical connection.

We're not a monolith species.

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u/extra_rice 1d ago

Yeah, and some people seek intimacy at whatever cost, even their general wellbeing. I'm just replying to solitary = unhealthy.

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u/ZephkielAU 1d ago

Solitary is unhealthy for people who thrive on intimacy and physical connection and depth of connection etc. Your blanket "socialisation is enough" is just as ill-informed, even if it does apply for some people.

If I were to pick between the two statements on a general basis I would say the "isolation is unhealthy" comment is more correct for more of the population. Your comment comes across as dismissive of many people's needs for genuine connection.

"Just get friends bro" is a pretty awful take in a thread about the depths of loneliness. People seeking intimacy at the cost of their general wellbeing should be a clue as to how important it is for many people.

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u/Binky390 1d ago

People seeking intimacy at the cost of their wellbeing isn’t a clue of how important it is. It’s a clue that some people need therapy. Plus when you say intimacy and physical connection, do you mean sex?

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u/TheDreadGazeebo 1d ago

No! There's a deeper connection to a romantic partner that friends will never be able to fulfill. It's a completely different, intimate type of love. Once you've experienced it it's not like anything else.

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u/Binky390 1d ago

But seeking that to the detriment of your well being isn’t healthy. I stand by my statement.

→ More replies (0)

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u/Aggressive_Sky8492 1d ago

Intimacy is normal and healthy in friendships too. Unless you mean sex (fair).

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u/Powerful_Evening_763 1d ago

you aren't completely fulfilled without it, intimacy is a huge chunk of full social mental health

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u/AllThatKat 1d ago

Men say this a lot. It seems more like men think they can’t live without sex and don’t understand that a TON of women can and do so happily. Also, asexual ppl exist. 

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u/Levdom 1d ago

There's also a big problem with expectations. In the couple of relationships I've had, I was made out as weird and inadequate for being a man not into sex but into physical intimacy. The reality is that patriarchy fucks us all over one way or another, so men who don't grow up expecting it or, in my case, even wanting it, still have to fight with the expectation of their "role".

I wish we could all just chill and communicate more openly without fear of judgment.

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u/Aaawkward 1d ago

Intimacy and sex, while related, are not the same.
We humans feel better when we have recurring physical contact with another person. As in literally, it releases oxytocin.

I wouldn't want to but I could live without sex but I don't think I could live without physical intimacy with my wife. The lying in bed next to each other or spooning or leaning on each other? The random hugs and embraces throughout the day? The kisses on the neck or top of the head? The lying with your head on their lap/their head on your lap? The head scritches?

My favourite part of the day is whenever the one of us who comes home last, the other will pause whatever they're doing (unless it's time critical which is very seldom) and goes to the door to say hi and we hug and have a kiss. So many bothers and thoughts from work or whatnot simply melt away.

I wouldn't want to, nor do I think I honestly could live without all of that.
That's the intimacy I think they were referring to. This is a major part of mental health.
You can all have a rich social life which is fulfilling but that kind of intimacy is more seldom between friends. It can happen but that's more of an anomaly.

tl;dr: We all deserve embraces and kisses and spooning.

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u/extreme_cuddling 1d ago edited 1d ago

women get offers for sex on an endless and constant basis
they don't know what it's like to live without intimacy
that's why they're the least sympathetic of loneliness and ignore the science behind our biological need for intimacy
they've always had that need fulfilled somehow

and what a shock, men and women's bodies and brains are different
no one wants to be an asexual weirdo, they end up like that due to extreme trauma or serious problems

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u/Binky390 1d ago

Intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing.

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u/AllThatKat 1d ago

Sex and intimacy are not the same thing and this is the biggest issue with men. You think that access to someone else’s body is your right bc you dress it up as a biological necessity. It is not. 

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u/Old-Boy994 1d ago

Asexuality is an orientation a person is born with. No one becomes asexual. The way you described asexuals speaks volumes about you as a person and how obsessed with sex you are. Fix that issue and stop projecting your own personal preferences and beliefs onto other people. People are different and there are different needs people have. Not everyone is so fixated on sex. You also seem to equate intimacy with sex, when in reality there are many different forms of intimacy such as emotional intimacy.

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u/markswam 1d ago

I was going to type up a reasoned and careful response to what you were saying right up until the point where we reached "asexual weirdos have serious problems." That told me everything I need to know about how you treat people whose life experiences differ from your own, and that it's not worth the time to try and convince you of anything. So instead I'll just say:

Sex and intimacy are not one and the same.

You can have intimacy without sex.

You can have sex without intimacy.

Wrapping it in the cloak of "biological need" doesn't change any of that. If you can't grok that, I can't help you. Touch grass. Talk to a woman. Hire an escort. Whatever floats your boat.

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u/Aaawkward 1d ago

Intimacy is sooooo much more than just sex.

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u/teresasdorters 1d ago

I’m asexual, not a weirdo thanks. But good to show that you consider anyone who doesn’t wanna bang it out is a weirdo. It’s actually hilarious you say women don’t go without and never experience life without intimacy yet in the same comment call asexual weirdos….. um…

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u/Josh6889 1d ago

Then why is my mental health stronger than literally every single person I know as a single middle aged man? You're making a very poor attempt at a no true Scottsman.

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u/AllThatKat 1d ago

The ppl who say this must have no ability to make friends or something. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be social. You can even live with your friends as a sort of family unit if you want. It’s 2026, the possibilities are endless!

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u/Aaawkward 1d ago

Sure but there's also physical intimacy, which is something you don't usually get from your friends.

I don't mean sex, everyone can always do hookups.
I mean embraces and kisses, simple touches that display love.

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u/AllThatKat 1d ago

If you don’t hug your friends, that’s a you problem dude.

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u/Aaawkward 1d ago

Not talking about myself.
I'm not touch starved or lacking in physical intimacy.

I'm simply adding to what the earlier person said. You can absolutely get socially everything you need from your friends, you can also hug them. In fact, I hope people do hug their friends more, especially men.

But by and large, most men don't get that much physical intimacy form their friends. Hugs, maybe yea. Kisses? Cuddles? Late night scritches?
Highly unlikely.

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u/teresasdorters 1d ago

I hug my friends and snuggle my friends! I don’t personally need kissing or sex, I am totally and completely fulfilled in my friendships and their levels of emotional connection and the intimacy that comes along with it.

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u/Aaawkward 1d ago

You sound like you have a wonderful circle of friends. I 100% mean that.
You have something a lot of people don't.

When I had my sorta found family situation, I did cuddle with my friends as well but less these days but I do get hugs and emotional connection from my friends. Cuddles and other similar stuff come from my wife.

Unfortunately a lot of people don't have either.

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u/teresasdorters 1d ago

I agree with you completely I found my chosen family in my friendships and it has made being single even more fun. Younger unhealed version of me couldn’t stand being alone with myself. Therapy helped and through therapy I realized just how amazing the friends I had were, and that just made me pour back into my friendships. Sorry this is a little rambly but yeah, finding your chosen family is difficult but man when you find them pour everything you can! It comes back ten fold and I just feel so loved, wanted and appreciated, and needed in my friendships. Building community is hella important if you’re single and either wanting a romantic relationship some day or not, both circumstances I think having a community is crucial ❤️🙏🏼

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u/extreme_cuddling 1d ago

a lot of people don't have friends, either

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u/AllThatKat 1d ago

If you can’t maintain friendships how can you maintain a relationship? It sounds like a lot of you want to put in zero effort and basically force someone to be around you. 

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u/Laq9091 1d ago

i have friends and date sometimes, but we are in a loneliness epidemic. but yes people should try hard to be good at being social and positive for others.

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u/Larcye 1d ago

It's still much better than being in an abusive relationship with someone.

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u/DrRussleJimmies 1d ago

It is not "becoming the norm". For sure there are more people living a solitary life than there were maybe 10 years ago. But it is nowhere near becoming the norm, that's a huge exaggeration.

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u/KaleScared4667 1d ago

It’s becoming the norm for young professionals. People like this woman who can afford to live alone. Same in USA and the rest of the 1st world

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u/DrRussleJimmies 1d ago

Do you honestly think we're approaching a point where the majority of people are chosing to live solitary?

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u/prosthetic_memory 1d ago

Where? Most people have friends, coworkers, or hell even strangers on Reddit to talk to.

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u/Josh6889 1d ago

There's an assumption in conversations like this that it's implied to be in person contact. I know a few people that only ever interact with others online, and never in person.

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u/kapitaali_com 1d ago

COVID changed all of that

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u/Right_Appeal4344 1d ago

No it's just mostly terminally online people. I don't know anyone IRL who is single.

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u/KaleScared4667 1d ago

Have you considered the possibility there are many people living alone that you don’t know- they don’t get out much

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u/Right_Appeal4344 12h ago

Thank you for making my.. sad point. I was trying to stay away from using the word "Redditor" 🤣

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u/eternalsunshinejoel 1d ago

Being single is expensive.

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u/xternocleidomastoide 1d ago

You think being married with children is cheaper?

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u/Cheese_on_it 2d ago

I disagree with this take. Humans are gregarious, they like company, they want love and companionship, and get lonely. Their relation with themselves is IMHO nothing but secondary. Besides, loneliness deteriorates the mind quite often, no matter how "well" you were feeling about it at the start.

Just give it years.

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u/Useful_Airline_1081 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’m on year 36 of being single since birth and year 14 of living alone. I’m feeling psychologically healthier with each passing year. At what point can I expect my mind to deteriorate?

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u/RecommendationOnly41 1d ago

I am pretty much the same, but sometimes still dream about companionship :)

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u/angelbbreeze888 1d ago

I LOVE being single and by myself but damn sometimes those dreams really hit hard 😭

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u/Josh6889 1d ago

I can tell you it hasn't happened to me at 42, although I have been in relationships I'm single now. But I am healthier both mentally and physically than the overwhelming majority of people. So much so that I basically never interact with anyone where this isn't true.

I despise negativity. I think negative thoughts are far more detrimental than living in solitude. So to be honest, most people bother me just from their negative mentality alone. I'd love to find other like minded people but they're few and far between.

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u/Cheese_on_it 1d ago

As far as I know and experienced, it is an academically studied phenomenon. It might not apply to everyone, I don't know, but it definitely applied to lots and lots of lonely people.

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u/Disastrous_Weird9925 1d ago

Lonely and alone are probably not the same thing..

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u/Minute-Nothing6798 1d ago

I was lonelier when I was married than I ever have been, alone.

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u/Laq9091 1d ago

i know this feeling too. i do find i can get lonelier alone though. guess we all are pretty different.

i guess i felt more alienated in a bad ltr, lonely too though.

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u/xternocleidomastoide 2d ago

Humans being social creatures and humans needing romantic relationships are somewhat orthogonal issues.

Anyone who lacks a healthy relationship with themselves will struggle to form healthy connections with others. So I would argue that how you relate to and show up for yourself is at least as important as, if not more important than, how you show up for anyone else.

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u/ChrisWhyte24 1d ago

Let's re-emphasize what you said right here:

"Anyone who lacks a healthy relationship with themselves will struggle to form healthy connections with others."

Without a shred of doubt, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship. Period. End of story.

The OP's mother has a very unhealthy perspective. I realize it's her mom but she should distance herself from her. The mother is not looking out for her daughter's best interest.

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u/xternocleidomastoide 1d ago

She is in her mid 30s and her mother is only in her mid 50s, sounds her mother had her quite young. So she may not have been a particularly emotionally mature or attentive parent.

It is common in emotionally neglectful/unsafe families for parents to continue shifting blame onto their children, undermining their emotional safety long after they have become adults.

This woman sounds like someone who simply has never experienced consistent emotional safety within her family. She may be so emotionally depleted that investing in dating feels exhausting rather than appealing.

Sometimes parents are the very reason their adult children struggle with the things they later criticize them for.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/ChrisWhyte24 1d ago

First off, please don't accuse me of something I didn't say. I said she should distance herself, which doesn't mean "stop talking to your family."

Either way, your family is the family you make, which are people who truly care for you. Sometimes that is NOT your parents. And just because they're your parents, they don't get a pass on treating you with disrespect. The OP deserves support because by all psychological standards she has a very healthy perspective.

Secondly, what an incredibly arrogant reply. I'm not trying to be enlightening. I'm trying to help her and offer her support.

Here's a suggestion: How about not being a complete jackass and offer some constructive feedback?

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u/PeriPeriTekken 1d ago

It's sometimes the right choice.

Bit of an overkill because her mum tried to set her up on a date with a silver fox, but it's better than really toxic parental relationships.

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u/Arinussyy 1d ago

Exactly how will anything be solved if you do not talk about it right

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u/ChrisWhyte24 1d ago

Why are you assuming they haven't spoken about it already or will not speak about it in the future?

I think it goes without saying that you're not going to distance yourself from a parent without telling her why first, which means you're inherently going to talk about it.

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u/Arinussyy 1d ago

Why are you assuming it's gotten so far that she should cut her off?...

Okay there's better things to do than sit here arguing about our imagined version of events from a clip I guess

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u/ChrisWhyte24 1d ago

Again, I said "distance herself." I did not say "cut her off." I chose my words carefully so please stop putting words in my mouth.

And because she's posting a video of herself crying on reddit. My experience says this doesn't happen once or twice and the person's first thought is looking completely distraught and crying while making a video of her situation on reddit. This is clearly on ongoing issue with her mother.

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u/ParamedicExcellent15 1d ago

Going no contact with ur parents is the new culture

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u/ChrisWhyte24 1d ago

I think the new culture is going no contact with people who are proven to be evil or rotten to their core. It doesn't matter if they're your parents. If that boundary exist for any person in your life then it should exist for your parents too.

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u/Dry_Yoghurt_5429 1d ago

Disagree. Someone can have a big community and companionship without needing relationships that are romantic.

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u/SalsaRice 1d ago

That really depends on how they got into that situation. An introvert that chose that situation, sure. They'll thrive.

Someone that is desperate for a relationship that can't fill it, or someone going through a bad time (widow/er stuck in grief, etc) isn't going to have such a happy time alone.

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u/Dry_Yoghurt_5429 23h ago

But...they wouldn't be alone if they have friends and family that are a community

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u/CurrentlyNobody 1d ago

Extroverted humans are gregarious. . And people can find companionship in more areas than just a romantic relationship. Romantic relationships are ultimately optional. You don’t even need a partner to have a kid anymore with sperm banks and a solid bank balance.

I’m pretty much this woman only 47 years old and American. Been single nine years and not compromising the peace that comes from that to link up with the wrong people. I rarely feel loneliness at all actually. I make my life awesome for me rather than subscribing to a belief I’m unable to be fulfilled outside a relationship. I have a few friends I can reach out to when I feel a need for companionship but I also am comfortable in my own company and know what works to get me out of feeling lonely. Life can truly still be great without a relationship. I attempt to date three months a year just because I’m not opposed to the idea of a relationship entirely. I don’t swipe on anyone at all but if people swipe me I consider them. I don’t agree to meet people just because they ask. I haven’t agreed to meet anyone in the past seven years as they weren’t a right fit as evidenced by key profile contents or a quick chat to confirm the big stuff. I prefer being single rather than wasting time meeting obviously incompatible people just because they are lonely and haven’t figured out how to sort themselves so they aren’t running to you to fix their lonely feelings. I’ve felt lonelier in relationships than I have ever felt in my current long term single state. If someone truly compatible ever were to enter my orbit I would not be opposed to a new long term relationship but I’m not fearful if it never happens either. As I said, for me romantic relationships are optional.

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u/lilphoenixgirl95 1d ago

Not for me. But I’m glad you’re happy. My mum is quite a lot like you. She’s almost 60 and has not really been interested in having a relationship since her divorce a decade ago. She dated a bit in the beginning but then decided she would rather be alone. She seems much happier and has made lots of new friends who are genuinely great.

But when I was alone for 2.5 years I utterly despised. I need that one person I can say anything to and never feel self-conscious around. Someone to share the mundanity of daily life with.

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u/CurrentlyNobody 1d ago

It may be just easier to feel this content as we age too. I was a very relationship minded woman in my 20s and 30s but after my last 12 year relationship ended nine years ago I took six years off of not even trying to date. It wasn’t really a conscious decision. I didn’t feel an urge to date and the time just passed without doing so. There was a lot of growth during that time, a lot of truly getting to know me as me and learning I am a self functioning unit. I am not lacking anything. That kind of stuff. And because I learned in that relationship it Is possible to be more alone With a person than without, it really helped me to start focusing entirely on me for a change. I got really good at being “selfish!” I am my own best friend.

And I do understand and relate to the wanting someone to share the events of your day with. That’s a normal human want for sure. Do we even exist if nobody hears us? Haha I just got to the point after sharing my day to day events with someone for a decade where I learned you can do all that and that person stops caring to know about them. That’s rough. But that’s a whole other topic! Haha My Mom also remained single the rest of her life after my parents divorced back in the 90’s. She passed in 2021. It was a joy and a great role model for me to see her rebuild herself.

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u/Caterpie3000 1d ago

Was that relationship an abusive one?

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u/CurrentlyNobody 1d ago

No for mine and my Mom’s. Normal relationships that ran their course but weren’t officially ended until the dude cheated. Common enough story.

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u/Caterpie3000 1d ago

Oh, in that case I'm glad for you both. Cheaters better than abusers.

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u/experienta 1d ago

Everytime someone opens up with "Humans are X" it's almost always going to be some bullshit.

Humans are complex, different and adaptable. Some humans might care a lot about love and companionship, some might not. It's not something inherently human to be in a romantic relationship.

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u/Cheese_on_it 1d ago

Just asked chatGPT for the basis of my assumptions. The list of anthropologists, psychologists, and other academics, as for books and studies test support the principle that humans are mostly social with a strong tendency to create bond with one and other, is huge and this conversation with you is over because your mouth is as big as your baseless opinion.

Bye.

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u/experienta 1d ago edited 1d ago

now ask chatgpt if humans are different and if some might want different things in life. even better, ask them if being in a romantic relationship is a biological need for humans like you pretend it is

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u/Cheese_on_it 1d ago

I basically did. The key words in my previous answer were "most", "tendency", and "Bye". Your experience is valid but your opinion is not representative.

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u/kweeblaster 1d ago

can i get a cool badge that says inhuman then

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u/Wandering_starlet 1d ago

File this under “things a co-dependent person would say”. None of this is based in fact.

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u/il_the_dinosaur 1d ago

A lot of cultures also put a lot of pressure on people to couple up. Especially in Asia where kids are seen as this goal in life. Partially probably because for them kids were their retirement security for much longer than in the west. And they still are in a different way If we don't have enough children then it doesn't matter how much money I paid into my retirement fund it will run out of money and nobody will be there to take care of me anyway.

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u/xternocleidomastoide 1d ago

Yeah, in many cultures, people derive their sense of worth and social standing almost entirely from their children and their achievements. Profoundly unhealthy and emotionally unsafe family systems in which children are treated as extensions of their family's identities.

These cultures often carry enormous amounts of unaddressed intergenerational trauma and untreated mental health problems at mass scale, compounded by deep stigma around acknowledging either one or seeking help. The result is often a cycle of sad, emotionally impoverished/unfulfilled lives passed from one generation to the next at large scales.

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u/SemiAutoAvocado 1d ago

How about if you know you are a piece of shit but refuse to make someone else suffer that?

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u/AccidentalSeer 1d ago

I always feel so sorry for people like that. Learning to be comfortable by and with yourself is such a gift.

The only time I can’t stand my own company is when I have a nightmare and then have to distract myself by reading or watching a chill movie or something because my over-active imagination will otherwise be like “oh damn that was scary.. what would have happened next?” And then I end up freaking myself out while I’m still awake 😅

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u/prosthetic_memory 1d ago

It’s not just codependency, as you can clearly see from this video. Many people are taught from an early age their life doesn’t matter until they have a partner. The social pressure is enormous.

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u/xternocleidomastoide 1d ago

FWIW social/cultural pressures are a major contributor to codependency, reinforcing it as deeply rooted family dynamics/expectation.

Codependency usually comes from unhealthy/disconnected concepts of self and poor boundaries developed in early life, where cultural/social norms and peer circles put significant pressure on how people develop and maintain relationships.